What follows is the IC journal by Darren Onyx. Here's some music to listen to if you want some emotion.
Darren Onyx is just a name. The name some know, some don't. Some love, some hate. A name can be much more if you have the will, the drive to make it something more. The legacy you leave behind shapes the galaxy, the future of every individual that follows. Even those you never come across may know of you, may come across similar teachings or concepts and may learn from them; the same way you came across someone who taught you, they learned from someone too you know?
It is from many teachers that I had before I had the knowledge I have today. Many years of training, many years of work, and many years of fighting. I've pondered for a long while, what was the fighting for? What was I trying to achieve? My own legacy? My own mark on galactic history? Maybe it was so that a hundred years from now people worship the ideas I left behind and they teach it to their students as I was taught the teachings of my ancestor.
The truth is I don't know what it was all for. Every time I thought this question to myself I was left speechless. I was, rather am, unable to even understand why I fight. Why I continue to fight.
The Force works in mysterious ways. It surrounds us, it penetrates us, it is what binds the galaxy together. It guides us through everything, through the right and wrong choices we make. It guides us through the hardships we endure. It guides us from the moment we are born until the very last breath we draw. You don't need to be a Jedi or Sith to change the galaxy, or to hear the call of the Force. We all hear it, I think, deep down inside. We all know it is there. We all hear it faintly guiding us, and sometimes we choose to follow it while sometimes we choose to ignore it. And every-so-often we get the chance to do something great- something that'll change the galaxy.
And here we are back in this endless loop of changing the galaxy. And again we ponder why we are changing it, why we are fighting and continuing to change it.
I was once a rebellious kid on Coruscant who hated politicians, who spoke out against the corruption within the Republic. I didn't know I'd end up down the path I went; the path that lead to countless crimes I would commit. All so I could "build my own legacy" I used to say to myself at night. And forever, it seemed, I didn't mind what I was doing. I didn't care I was ruining lives, splitting up families, fighting in wars, raging in conflicts. I never minded any of it. Truth be told part of me still doesn't.
I never minded the darkness that swelled over me from the day I touched that infernal well inside the tomb on Korriban in the earliest days of my apprenticeship under the, then, Sith Empire. I didn't know my relationships with the likes of Ashin Varanin or Darren Shaw would lead me to dark places, both physically and mentally. I never knew I'd fight nearly everyday since then for the dark agenda of the Sith.
But at a point you begin to reflect and think about what you're doing. You might not at the time, what with blaster bolts whizzing by being the primary distraction. Or the fact that I had to reflect a lightsaber away from my neck and back towards my attacker who was wielding it. But during those brief moments of peace, if you can even call it that, are moments one begins to think about what they are doing. And during those moments I could see the darkness I was growing inside of me.
I don't know why one such moment washed over my mind during the final battle against Omni on Coruscant; when I saw that young Jedi padawan in the ruined temple. Defenseless, without hope. During that singular moment of clarity I saved that young Jedi, and a light inside me sparked to life. If only I held on a bit longer...
It wasn't long after that day I was killed. A bounty placed on my head for selling Sith secrets to the Jedi Order, a deed I do not regret to this day. While it may not have made up for the crimes I committed, it was enough for me to trick myself into thinking I still had some good in me. That good didn't matter because I was killed. On Coruscant no less, the planet I saved that young child on. The planet I was born. The planet where my mother, to this day, resides.
Velok brought me back. For reasons I still do not fully understand. Maybe he understood my need, my hunger for revenge. And that hunger, the craving that turns good men cruel, is what kept me from truly joining the light. For that hunger is what I awoke with and I fought every day since then trying to ensure the tyranny of the Sith would end.
Truly it is a fight I have always fought since then. I even betrayed my closest ally Darren Shaw, my brother in this galaxy of chaos. The injuries sustained from that fight, the final time I would ever see him, resulted in what I am now- a cybernetic monster. The technology in my body is the only reason I'm still alive. So much of me is machine, my connection to the Force is weak because of it.
And since then I've been a shell of my former self. I'm unable to do mostly anything. I find it hard to travel from system to system. I avoid fights. I'm weak. And I am dying. My cybernetic implants are failing. And I am doing nothing to stop them from failing. Why would I? Death itself is inescapable. Death is probably angry at me from escaping his cold grasp one too many times already, why should I continue to avoid him to deny him the pleasure?
And now what do I have to reflect upon? My ancestor, Lord Revan, believed that there was a balance to be found within the Force. A true balance that only a master of both light and dark could achieve. A balance he fought for every moment he could until his death. And for thousands of years, many have followed his teachings. I am his last living descendant. I have no children. The line of Revan ends with me and me alone. Even if I wasn't born, if my father was the last of his line and he faded away from life, the legacy Revan built would keep him alive in spirit.
But what do I have to show for my legacy? Do I even have a legacy? Am I worthy of one? I suppose I'll never know that answer. Revan died thousands of years ago and never saw the impact he made. He never saw the devout followers that grew around his teachings. And as such I will not see if anyone follows in mine. I've had many apprentices, I've trained many young Jedi and Sith in many abilities and forms. And I'll never know if they'll pass on the knowledge I've given them to anyone else.
My name is Darren Onyx. I was born on Coruscant. My mother is Milu Onyx and my deceased father is James Onyx. I am a master of both the light and dark. I died once. I was reborn and wasted away my time by chasing a goal I could never achieve. I wish I could've known then, when Velok brought me back, that I couldn't destroy the Sith. There must always be a balance in the Force. Where there is light, there is a darkness. Where there is truth, there is deceit. Where there is love, there is hate. Where there is the Jedi, there is the Sith.
I learned too late.
I leave behind this, my final journal, in the hopes someone may learn from my mistakes. To learn that there is no end to this chaos. To learn that there is only one truth: the Force will guide you and it is up to you to find the balance. Following the singular path of light or dark is a fools gambit, it will lead to nothing but a life where you learned nothing. But following the balance you will learn something; you'll learn the true value of life.
For to anyone who finds this.... May the Force be with You.