03: Open: Y/N?
Personal Report 02

It's been a year and a handful of days since I made my last entry. I suppose I've been a bit lax in keeping up with my logs, but you'll have to forgive me, it's been a difficult year.
I was not a good person, I understand that now. My father was a very flawed man; the product of his upbringing and his very nature. A childhood spent among the Sith twisted his loving heart, and even after finding redemption in both myself and my late sister, he could not resist his base nature.
I now realize that I have that very same nature. I am my father's son. Caida was the kind one, loving one, the one that truly cared for those around her. I only ever showed compassion because it was expected of me, not because it was something I genuinely felt in my heart. My sister was everything I am not. She was the Jedi the galaxy needed. She was the one our ancestors would have chosen to wield the family lightsaber. She was my mother's daughter, but they're both gone. I am the only Grayson left.
Sometimes I wonder if things would have turned out differently, had my mother lived. I doubt my father would have ever returned to the war. I doubt Caida would have been murdered by Sith brutes. My family sacrificed everything, and we have nothing to show for it.
My visit to Mandalore was discouraging. I was foolish, didn't do my research properly before I arrived. I felt like an idiot standing in front of that woman asking her to avoid spilling Jedi blood, just as a raid on her people was being conducted by my own without my knowledge.
I understand why they did it, I even sympathize. My padawan was murdered when the Mandalorians turned on us at Dagobah, and for a time, I was lost. It seems no one can be near me longer than a handful of months before the galaxy conspires to have them killed.
I don't know why I am writing this. All I know is I am alone, I am in over my head, and I am scared, and no one can ever know. I must maintain my composure if I want to help my people.
How do I make them understand? There have been atrocities committed on all sides. We must let go of the past, forgive one another as the Force has been asking of us for years, and end the bloodshed. What must I do to make them see that the true enemy, the enemy that has always stood in the shadows playing the board, has been playing them all?
I have come to the painful understanding that I and my allies are alone. There is no one coming to help us. We must prove to our demoralized allies that there is still hope, and if that means we do it without support, then so be it.
I am not Caida Grayson, but I will follow her example. I will continue to be the best possible Jedi I can in every aspect of life, because I know just as she did that at the end of all this struggling, we will finally know peace.