Private Wounds of Words

[Eina L'lerim-Vandiir]

Lady Eina L'lerim-Vandiir
The First and the Light of Ashla
Heiress and Princess of the Eternal Empire and Terraris; Angelic mascot and representative of the Ashlan Crusade
Eternal Empire's Ambassador to the Ashlan Crusade; Matriarch of the Valkyrja; Leader of Sanctuary and the Fjölkyngi Smiđr Guild​

Location: Garden of the Fallen, Sanctuary, Netherworld
Objective: Find the inner peace
Equipment: Empyrean gland | OPBC-01m || Current appearance / form
Writing With:: Geiseric

[ Dawn ]
<"High Nelvaanian"> | ~ telepathic communication ~ | << comm. channel >> ​

Eina was still having harder days when the effects of her injuries were still stronger and she lost all confidence and sometimes even had attacks as well. It wasn’t very typical anymore, but it happened sometimes. It was almost healed entirely. But something still consumed her soul. That conversation with Isla Draellix-Kobitana when the woman first visited her, after Ession was theirs again. When she asked about marriage, the children. Eina was embarrassed, she didn't understand then. I mean, yes, she did.

Eina saw the families at Realspace and in the Netherworld. She knew that all mortals wanted this to have a family, children. This is why they lived; this was the most important to them. That's why it hurt her so much. The Valkyrja species was neuter, they were not able to reproduce. Although Eina was different, she was created differently, she did not know if she was capable of what mortals or others could do, with a much more perfect shape-shifting than her kind. It had been digesting her ever since that she might never be able to give Gei what the man could crave. If not now, then later.

Although, Eina made the ring for him to share her life force, that is, the man did not grow old, but almost everyone had a family by his age. It hurt Eina. She had been hiding this since the conversation, not knowing how to tell him, how to ask, to mention the topic. She never found the right time. She just kept it a secret; and even that was infinitely bad, she never hide anything from anyone, this was not her. And yet she hid this very important thing from him, who was most important to her. And because of the dyad, it was especially difficult.

Today was another hard day, sitting wordless on one of the benches in the Garden of the Fallen; in the place where she was in her mind at the time of her captivity, when the prison was able to take on the outside of her home. Maybe she chose this place precisely because she knew Gei loved this place the most in town. What she really understood, the silver trees were beautiful and the Nexus was the strongest here too.

She thought she was alone today, not even watching the Force, just immersed in her thoughts. Eina couldn't meditate either, she just sat on a bench, managing her wings to keep them out of the way and tried to not sit on them. Although the weather here was pleasant and it wasn't too cold, the snow was felt, the Northern light in the sky was still playing there. Other times it always makes Eina feel better, but now she can't smile. It hurt, she felt bad. She held out her hand, the snowflakes falling on her and not melting.

She looked ahead sadly, her blue eyes now not gleaming with good mood and joy, her lips not showing a kind smile or a smirk like her father's. The Valkyrja was now surrounded by grief and she wanted to cry. It was also a moment when she hated they were being born of two worlds. She wanted to be a mortal, a mortal to grow old with the man she loves, to give him what all mortals want…

A real family…

 

[Geiseric]

| Eina L'lerim-Vandiir |​

Geiseric meandered his way towards the outskirts of the city. The biting cold did not trouble him like it had the first time he'd come to the Sanctuary. Nor did the people. Those who had once looked upon him with a bedeviled eye now treated him almost as one of their own. Eina had even taking to calling him Lord Geiseric of Sanctuary, though the name didn't carry any weight with the crusader. He'd been offered Lordship on two sides of the galaxy and rejected all offers. His duty was not to any office or title, and there were much better men for those jobs anyway. Geiseric's duty was on the battlefield.

He missed the battlefield, well and truly. Though the Sanctuary had become like a second home to him, in fact the most permanent home he'd had in years, he still longed for the rush of battle. The time he had been spending with his woman had been rewarding and rejuvenating all the same, and he couldn't blame her for keeping him from the front lines. She'd had her own battles to contend with, between the crusade and whatever infernal dealings her mother's empire was involved in. Still he felt it was almost time for him to return to his real duties. If he didn't then he knew he may not have a chance at another time of respite. The Maw had to be crushed and scattered beneath Jedi boots, and soon, to warrant any more time away.

When he reached the Garden of the Fallen he followed Eina's aura to find her sitting alone. He sensed her radiate glow through the Force that something was a miss, corroborated by the look of longing on her unusually stiff face. This place meant a lot to both of them, though he always figured her memories of it were less nice than his.

Geiseric took his seat next to her and place a hand on her back, rubbing her shoulder-blade where her wings met her torso.

"This look is unbecoming of you dear. I hope I haven't offended you by deciding to leave. I just... you know what's going on out there. Unfortunately the Bogan deserves my attention too."

 

[Eina L'lerim-Vandiir]

Lady Eina L'lerim-Vandiir
The First and the Light of Ashla
Heiress and Princess of the Eternal Empire and Terraris; Angelic mascot and representative of the Ashlan Crusade
Eternal Empire's Ambassador to the Ashlan Crusade; Matriarch of the Valkyrja; Leader of Sanctuary and the Fjölkyngi Smiđr Guild​

Location: Garden of the Fallen, Sanctuary, Netherworld
Objective: Find the inner peace
Equipment: Empyrean gland | OPBC-01m || Current appearance / form
Writing With:: Geiseric

[ Dawn ]
<"High Nelvaanian"> | ~ telepathic communication ~ | << comm. channel >> ​

Eina was so busy with her own thoughts that she didn't even feel Geiseric approaching. She just shuddered at the touch and would have moved to attack, but the touch and feeling were familiar. It was then that she realized that she was no longer alone. The Valkyrja looked at her beloved crusader and tried to smile; but she was unable to do so. She loved that if the man touches her, they could hold each other's hands, if they could cuddle. So, she was happy to the touch. Yet the whole situation and everything caused pain to her. She shook her head gently.

"No, we both knew it would happen if I recovered. And I also offered to stay with you in Realspace after Ession. You're not leaving me, just this place. We expected to have to wander between the two worlds if we wanted to be together and we need to live in both places. And I promised on Ession that I would support you in everything and I would fight Bogan with you." she said gently.

No, it didn't offend or hurt her that the crusader wanted to leave. No matter how well he fit in, this wasn't his real home. Just as Eina was not in his world. As she looked at the crusader, she felt the spiritual, the mental pain again. She tried to closed them from him as best she could because she didn't want to hurt him. She felt that perhaps this was the best moment; maybe the only moment she can say that. It doesn't matter how much it hurts.

"I… I thought a lot about what Lady Isla told me, that is, she asked me a few days after you saved me. Maybe it would be best if I didn't go with you and you wouldn't come back anymore." each word caused her tremendous pain, and two tears rolled down her face. "You can never be really happy with me; I always only cause grief for you …"

She clenched both hands into fists and put them on her thighs, lowering her head, Eina's long red hair falling forward and covering her face. It hurt, it hurt a lot, more than when she asked him to kill her if he couldn’t destroy the parasite.

"I want you to be happy to have everything. But I’m not a mortal… and… and I can probably never give you what you possibly want. What all living beings want and crave… you need a mortal companion, a mortal partner like you, not me. Because no matter how much I want to be like you, I can't…" she couldn't look at him, couldn't lift her head, just the tears fell on her fisted hands.

Never, nothing has hurt as much as these words…

 

[Geiseric]

| Eina L'lerim-Vandiir |​

And I promised on Ession that I would support you in everything and I would fight Bogan with you." she said gently.

"At that is more than I could ask for." he reassured her. Although he was trying to console her, he felt something stirring within her. "Please tell me what the matter is."

She continued to stare at the ground.

"I… I thought a lot about what Lady Isla told me, that is, she asked me a few days after you saved me. Maybe it would be best if I didn't go with you and you wouldn't come back anymore." each word caused her tremendous pain, and two tears rolled down her face. "You can never be really happy with me; I always only cause grief for you …"

Geiseric shifted uncomfortably hearing those words.

"I don't know what the Grand Admiral has been putting in your head, but I'm... shocked. You know that's not true. It's the darkside that causes me grief."

"I want you to be happy to have everything. But I’m not a mortal… and… and I can probably never give you what you possibly want. What all living beings want and crave… you need a mortal companion, a mortal partner like you, not me. Because no matter how much I want to be like you, I can't…"

"Do you really believe that?" his heart sank at the realization she probably did. "Truth be told I didn't want any of this. Before you came along I was perfectly fine. Or I thought I was. But you... you brought me closer to the Light. What more could you want to give me?"

 

[Eina L'lerim-Vandiir]

Lady Eina L'lerim-Vandiir
The First and the Light of Ashla
Heiress and Princess of the Eternal Empire and Terraris; Angelic mascot and representative of the Ashlan Crusade
Eternal Empire's Ambassador to the Ashlan Crusade; Matriarch of the Valkyrja; Leader of Sanctuary and the Fjölkyngi Smiđr Guild​

Location: Garden of the Fallen, Sanctuary, Netherworld
Objective: Find the inner peace
Equipment: Empyrean gland | OPBC-01m || Current appearance / form
Writing With:: Geiseric

[ Dawn ]
<"High Nelvaanian"> | ~ telepathic communication ~ | << comm. channel >> ​

Eina recognized that this was a situation like the ball was; she didn't want again what happened then. They both just suffered and a lot of trouble happened because of the Bogan. She had never been in a situation like this before, it was different now than at the ball. They knew each other much better now, but even so, she didn't know what to say and how. Or what feelings she need to choose to the communication

"You may not have thought about it yet…" she said sadly.

It was also a thing that may have stemmed from her inexperience. She saw that most people wanted that, so she assumed the man craved it too, or he will in the future. Although she knew her father never wanted a child, and there are others, however, most of them do not live in a monogamous relationship. And she was still unable to look at Gei.

"The real question is what I want to give. But I can't do it…" she replied.

After that, she forced herself to watch the man. Her face and eyes also reflected the pain, which was also felt through the Force. Her eyes were teary and her cheek was already flushed due to the tears.

"I want to give you a real family. That you no longer feel that you are alone in the galaxy, that you know you belong somewhere where they love you and are always waiting to go home. To complete your life to pass on your legacy…" she said hoarsely.

She looked at the ground again for a moment.

"Lady Isla asked about our future marriage… and… children. About our children. I know, I've seen most people strive for this, family, children… I… I don't think I can ever give you a child, because I am Valkyrja." she said very hardly in the end.

 

[Geiseric]

| Eina L'lerim-Vandiir |​

Geiseric sat calmly and listened to what troubled her so. The words were clearly hard for her to let go of, to place into the open between them.

"I want to give you a real family. That you no longer feel that you are alone in the galaxy, that you know you belong somewhere where they love you and are always waiting to go home. To complete your life to pass on your legacy…" she said hoarsely.

She looked at the ground again for a moment.

"Lady Isla asked about our future marriage… and… children. About our children. I know, I've seen most people strive for this, family, children… I… I don't think I can ever give you a child, because I am Valkyrja." she said very hardly in the end.

Geiseric remained quiet for another few moments after Eina said her piece. Of all the emotions that could come to light, chief among them was confusion, then worry. How had he not known Eina felt that way? What could he say?

"All of this, came from Isla? or... have you felt this way a long time?" he was floored by her revelation. She would be able to feel that, and he worried just how she would interpret that feeling. He knew what he wanted to say to her, but he needed to know more first. This was not a light conversation to be having, and like every problem that seemed to arise these days it required a tact he did not possess.

 

[Eina L'lerim-Vandiir]

Lady Eina L'lerim-Vandiir
The First and the Light of Ashla
Heiress and Princess of the Eternal Empire and Terraris; Angelic mascot and representative of the Ashlan Crusade
Eternal Empire's Ambassador to the Ashlan Crusade; Matriarch of the Valkyrja; Leader of Sanctuary and the Fjölkyngi Smiđr Guild​

Location: Garden of the Fallen, Sanctuary, Netherworld
Objective: Find the inner peace
Equipment: Empyrean gland | OPBC-01m || Current appearance / form
Writing With:: Geiseric

[ Dawn ]
<"High Nelvaanian"> | ~ telepathic communication ~ | << comm. channel >> ​

Eina didn't know what to say about it for a few moments. This question was much more complex than it first sounded. Mainly because she didn’t want to lie to the man, she never wanted to hurt him in any way. She didn't know how much her answer would hurt him or not.

"You know, I've never felt anything like this before, I've never been attracted to anyone. This issue has never interested me. Like you, I was fine before I met you. I thought I was fine. I had a duty, I dealt with the new Valkyrja, I healed, I fought, I protected others. My life was complete and full. But you came and showed me a world I didn’t know. In its present's light, the old seems empty and bleak. I feel myself whole only with you…" she said.

She paused for a moment before continuing.

"Isla… until she asked, I didn't think about it. However, the realisation hit me so strongly that I am not capable of what normal living persons do. I want you to be happy… When I asked families, they all said they really became happy with their child. And… I can't give that to you. And…"

Here came perhaps her greatest fear, which she also heard when she asked others about this topic. Maybe that’s why she said what she asked, because she was strong for that now and maybe she wouldn’t have been able to say that another time. Still, she sent away the man first, but her next words refuted the former statement.

"I don't want to lose you because I'm not capable of it…"

 

[Geiseric]

| Eina L'lerim-Vandiir |​

"I don't want to lose you because I'm not capable of it…"

"You wont. Not because of this. These things you speak of... they were never on my mind to begin with. Before we met we both had duties. We still have those duties. How have things changed? You still speak for the dead, care for them. I still give my blade in defense of the light. That is all we have been and all we are. There are Jedi who have loved, like us. There are Jedi who have loved with children and without. What makes me happy... truly happy..." he paused, thinking his next words carefully, trying his absolute hardest not to slip up as the monologue poured from his mouth. "...is the work we do. Our divine purpose, the reason Ashla made us as we are and brought us together, is to make this galaxy a better place. For everyone, not just a successor of our own."

 

[Eina L'lerim-Vandiir]

Lady Eina L'lerim-Vandiir
The First and the Light of Ashla
Heiress and Princess of the Eternal Empire and Terraris; Angelic mascot and representative of the Ashlan Crusade
Eternal Empire's Ambassador to the Ashlan Crusade; Matriarch of the Valkyrja; Leader of Sanctuary and the Fjölkyngi Smiđr Guild​

Location: Garden of the Fallen, Sanctuary, Netherworld
Objective: Find the inner peace
Equipment: Empyrean gland | OPBC-01m || Current appearance / form
Writing With:: Geiseric

[ Dawn ]
<"High Nelvaanian"> | ~ telepathic communication ~ | << comm. channel >> ​

Eina was infinitely relieved when Gei said he didn't want to leave because of it. The uncomfortable feeling still left in her, but it hurt less. And there was something she thought a little differently than the man. Although it may be the same way, only Gei didn't say it out loud. She couldn't know. In any case, she felt she had to tell.

"I think I became more because of you than I was earlier. You give me strength; you made me stronger, better. With you and with your help it is much easier to do what I used to do. To fight the Bogan, to help others, to spread Ashla's light, to heal others, the living and the spirits, the souls." she answered.

She listened intently to what the man said. She felt the same way, she was always happy to help others. This was her life, that's why she lived. And it was especially good to be able to do all this on Gei's side, it was also her greatest happiness. A sincere and happy smile appeared on her lips at the thought.

"I think the same way, especially if we can do it together." she said softly.

Then, for a few moments, Eina paused in confusion and bit her lower lip. Gei had seen this several times from her, doing it when she was deeply embarrassed. She finally looked up and looked deep into the crusader's eyes.

"Someone said I had to ask this because of my rank…" she blushed very deeply, almost so much that it now appeared blue on her snow-white face and not red. "Lord Geiseric of Sanctuary, would you honour me to fight the Bogan side by side for the rest of our lives? And with Ashla's blessing, would you stay my beloved crusader for a very long time... hopefully in the rest of our lives?"

 

[Geiseric]

| Eina L'lerim-Vandiir |
​

"I am no Lord, you know that. But you do me a great honor all the same, my lady."

Geiseric raised from his seat and stepped in front of Eina. He lowered himself to a knee, bowed his head, and crossed his chest with his arm, a balled fist over his heart. A pledge, a reaffirmation, of loyalty.

"If you would have me by your side on our righteous mission, I could face down Darth Solipsis himself. I cannot promise things between us will be easy. The war may call us to separate at times, but we will always be one in the Force. So long as we live, by Ashla, the Sith should fear us."

Geiseric stood and look Eina in the eyes. She would know he meant every word of it.

 

[Eina L'lerim-Vandiir]

Lady Eina L'lerim-Vandiir
The First and the Light of Ashla
Heiress and Princess of the Eternal Empire and Terraris; Angelic mascot and representative of the Ashlan Crusade
Eternal Empire's Ambassador to the Ashlan Crusade; Matriarch of the Valkyrja; Leader of Sanctuary and the Fjölkyngi Smiđr Guild​

Location: Garden of the Fallen, Sanctuary, Netherworld
Objective: Find the inner peace
Equipment: Empyrean gland | OPBC-01m || Current appearance / form
Writing With:: Geiseric

[ Dawn ]
<"High Nelvaanian"> | ~ telepathic communication ~ | << comm. channel >> ​

Eina didn't have a chance to respond to Gei's words yet because the man got up from his seat and knelt in front of her. She expected a short, "with pleasure", or "yes, I want it" answer, as the crusader was the one of the two who spoke less. Had she had a heart, it would have beaten more fiercely due to the oath that Gei told to her. Yes, she knew what the words meant. It wasn't the first oath the man had said, and Eina wanted to say one to confirm her words.

They always seemed to confirm the turning points in their relationship with such an oath. The first was just a promise in her mind. But on Ession, when she was free and they could really be together, it was already an oath, a swear like it is now…

"I will never let this happen again so long as Ashla's light is upon me, my love. I swear to you on the graves of all those I have lost before."

"And I swear I’ll be by your side all the time, I'll support and help you with everything for as long as you need me or want this. I will help you fight Bogan, I will help save your world and everyone from the Sith rule, and I promise I won't be your burden again… my beloved crusader… no, my beloved Gei!"

She got up from the bench and stepped in front of Gei, taking one of the man's hands and weaving her fingers between the man's. And she placed her other hand over the man's heart and looked deep into his eyes.

"Yes, you are a Lord. Not by your birthright, but by your actions. You are nobler and more illustrious than anyone who has received this title by birth right. If anyone claims otherwise, they are lying. I know your soul and your heart, maybe better than anyone else in the two worlds. And yes, you are a Lord, this can never be taken from you by anyone. My radiance is the best example of it, because without you I never would be able to walk the path of Ashla, ever." she said softly.

She also meant what she said. For her, indeed, Geiseric was the noblest person in the galaxy, not those who invoked it by their birth right because they inherited the title. She took her hand off the man's chest and gently stroked his face.

"Yes, I would have you by my side on our righteous mission. I never expected it would be easy, but I trust that like everything, we will be able to discuss it. You are not only the chosen of my heart and soul, but also my best friend and soulmate. You can count on me anytime, even if you want me only as a friend in that situation. So long as we live, by Ashla, we can help, save and heal a lot of people and worlds from the Bogan's followers and their corruption." she gave her own response to the man's oath; she deliberately chose not to fight in her words, for she did not like to fight the living, she fought enough here in the Netherworld, Eina wanted to help in the Realspace in other ways, and only in the last case did she grab a weapon.