Whose Bun Is It?

[Kurt Meyer]

The Messa
[member="Kaileann Vera"]

Kurt sat quietly on the sofa in the cargo hold of The Messa, his eyes cast at the floor, staring intently at his feet as though they were the most interesting thing in the entire galaxy. His hands were knotted into one another, fingers latched into place as though if he were to release them they might just go out and punch the nearest bulk head. No small amount of despair filled his heart, no small amount of rage accompanied it.

He had no one to blame of course.

No one but himself.

He didn't resent Jamie, he didn't resent Kaile, he just...he just resented himself. Every time he caught his reflection he couldn't help but feel a little bit of disgust, couldn't help but sneer and just...break down a little bit. He frowned slightly, feeling the thrum of The Messa's hyperdrive beneath his feet. That steady calm, generation of energy should have been calming, it should have been good, but instead...instead he felt broken.

It had been a few days since Jamie had left him. He'd stayed in the hospital for three days after, with some of the nurses scolding him and others talking to him about what had happened. The Trandoshan orderly that had subdued him had been rather kind about the whole thing, even giving Kurt some advice about how his species raised children communally. It had been meant to be helpful, but Kurt had eventually told him he doubted that would work in this situation.

"Poodoo." He said quietly.

There was no one to blame here, no one to be mad at but himself. He wanted desperately to find an out, to find some quick and easy answer, but he knew there wasn't one, he knew that there was nothing he could do. He loved Jamie, but Kaile was family, he couldn't leave her behind and if this kid was his...then...his hands clasped over his face.

What was he supposed to do?

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Kurt Meyer"]

Kaile had no idea what to do.

Since Kurt came back, he had been a quiet, introverted shadow of himself. He'd already been a wreck of nerves the weeks coming up to meeting Jamie. He had eaten less, lost a kilo or two, and stressed as all heck. It made Kaile feel terrible. Guilt bloomed between them, and there was no simply washing it away.

Time and time again she had suggested that perhaps he should just drop her off on Sullust only to be told a firm no. That this was her home, and she was family.

The thing was that Kaile was able to read every wretched emotion that went shifting across Kurt's face and body when he said it.

Now that he was back, Kaile feared the worst. She was terribly curious and drowning in a well of conflicting emotions. At times the Lorrdian felt joy, at others guilt, and then terrible fear. Kurt was her best friend, and she hated seeing him like this.

He didn't smile; he didn't quip jokes like he used to. He was just a pale shadow of himself and Kaile didn't want that for him. She wanted him to be happy.

With a cup of tea in hand, Kaile quietly peeked out from the galley. Her hair was a lopsided mess, skin a little pale, and she was wearing a long sleeping t-shirt that hung to mid-thigh.

Biting her lower lip, she eyeballed the second cup of tea she had in her hands. She'd made it for Kurt, unsure if he'd want some -- or even if he would want to see or talk to her.

Building up courage, Kaile took in a deep breath.

"Kurt?" her quiet, mouselike inquiry went floating over to the despairing and numb pilot.

"Want some tea?"

 

[Kurt Meyer]

[member="Kaileann Vera"]

"Uhh." Kurt didn't really say anything so much as he just made a noise in his throat.

The situation that had been thrust upon him seemed entirely and completely impossible. Things had fallen apart with Jamie, he and Kaile were...well they were awkward at best, and he himself was starting to question whether or not he was the worst person in the galaxy. A part of him already thought so, after all he'd destroyed one woman's love for him and by his current attitude was working on the second. Pretty soon Kaile would hate him too, and then he would have nothing.

He wanted to smash his head into the coffee table.

"Tea is fine." He answered quietly. "With a bit of honey."

Honey was expensive, really a treat for both he and Kaile, but at the current moment money seemed to matter less and less. Pelagon, luckily for him, had a national healthcare system and thus his stay in the hospital had cost him nothing but a slap on the wrist, but still he and Kaile weren't really well off.

Besides that though...he deserved the honey.

Just this once.

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Kurt Meyer"]

"Honey." Kaile perked up. "I can do that!" it wasn't that the Lorrdian was excited about using honey, although she really did enjoy the expensive sweet. It was because it was something out of Kurt. A phrase. Anything than the quiet.

Turning back into the galley, the strawberry blonde quickly went padding over back to the counter. She set both mugs down, moving to tippy toes to unlock the cabinet that had the honey stored. A small click and a slide of the door and her hand went searching for the small jar.

"Do you want some toast?" her voice called out. He had to eat something. Had to keep eating. Kurt hadn't had much of an appetite at all and that made Kaile worried. Concern manifested itself in biting her lower lip.

She decided to toast a few slices anyways just in case.

 

[Kurt Meyer]

[member="Kaileann Vera"]

”No.” Kurt said quietly. He still wasn't really hungry. He'd had a protein bar, some water...not much else but the pit in his stomach was still more than enough to throw off any thought of food or sustenance. For now tea would have to do...eating anything else made him want to throw up simply because of the nerves that carried through his body.

He couldn't help it.

The Courier knew that he had screwed up, and what was worse was there was no real way of fixing it. He and Jamie had argued...or more like Jamie had yelled and he'd tried to show his point of view, but in the end she had been right about more than a few things. She had been right that he wouldn't let Kaile go on her own, she had been right that he couldn't abandon her.

He didn't love her, not in the way he loved Jamie, but she was family. Even if the child wasn't his, it didn't matter so much. There was no way he would leave Kaile or kick her out of The Messa. There wasn't a single chance that would happen. Despite having been a scoundrel, despite having tossed women aside for...well most of his life, Kurt couldn't abandon any pregnant woman by the side of the road, least of all his best friend.

His parents had raised him better.

”I'm not very hungry.” He told her. ”Maybe later.”

Probably not.

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Kurt Meyer"]

Okay, so no toast.

Kaile bit her lip even harder. The worry and the stress had also affected Kaile. She should be looking after herself more but even then, there were dark circles under her eyes and she also lost a kilo or so. It was a jumbled cocktail of nerves, hormones, emotions going this way and that and then more stress.

"Sure?" her voice broke. A half quiver. All the while Kaile stared at the toaster as if it were her only vital lifelink to the 'verse. Why now of all times? Here? It only confused her more. Thoughts revolved around Kurt. On what had occurred with Jamie. On how he was doing. She worried over his well being and health and he just --

Ding! Two slices of toast popped up.

Kaile carefully stirred the honey into the tea.

"I could spread some honey on the toast!" she tried once more.

 

[Kurt Meyer]

[member="Kaileann Vera"]

"No." Kurt repeated. "I'm not hungry."

He really wasn't.

Thirsty though.

Kurt had found out early on that he could avoid eating, but drinking? Not really. He had thought about some stiff whisky or perhaps some Zeltron Cocktails...but he didn't want to. Oddly enough in the time that he was most profoundly sad he didn't even want to go near alcohol. Perhaps it was because he figured it would only make things worse, or perhaps it was because the stuff was even more expensive than honey...well the goodstuff anyway. He frowned.

He sighed. "Just the tea."

Kurt said as he offered her a smile. It was a pretty weak smile admittedly, but it was a smile nonetheless. At the moment it was really all he could manage though. There was a depression that clung to him which...well it was kind of obvious why.

Who could blame him? He knew that Kaile wouldn't.

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Kurt Meyer"]

And the worrying increased.

"Alright." Kaile managed to crack out, her voice dropping an octave. Taking one slice of the toast, she stuffed it between her lips, using it as a makeshift hold while she took both mugs in hand.

A quiet padding of feet and the Lorrdian ambled her way from the galley over towards the small lounge area they had. One messy haired and semi frumpy Kaile gave a weak, toast filled smile as she extended the mug of tea over to Kurt.

"Hereyougo." the toast made it difficult to speak clearly, but the intent was there. Quietly, she sank onto the corner of the couch, tucking in her bare right leg under her bottom.

The worried expression never left her. As did this ambiance of guilt that seemed to radiate from her.

 

[Kurt Meyer]

[member="Kaileann Vera"]

"Thanks." He said quietly as she plopped herself down on the couch. For a moment Kurt stayed quiet, not even really touching the drink. He knew that it would be too hot to taste immediately anyway, and thus it was better to keep it away lest he burn his mouth like an idiot. Kurt was at a loss really, unsure of what...well what to do next. His lips thinned, eyes darting all around the cargo room as if one of the walls around him would have an answer.

When he found none he simply looked down at his tea.

It was said that certain Zeltron Courtesans were trained in the art of 'reading' tea leaves, apparently allowing them to tell someones future. Kurt thought that was likely complete bullshit, but in that moment he could have done with a bit of good fortune telling. A sigh escaped his lips, and slowly he looked over at Kaile.

"She won't ever see me again unless..." He said quietly. "Unless it's not my kid."

He frowned. "I can understand why...I think it's too much for her."

Kurt gave no indication, none at all that he was mad or sad at Kaile, something she would read easily from his body language.

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Kurt Meyer"]

Well.

Kaile's expression froze. A second later it seemed to go through a medley of conflicting emotions and subtle nuances of confusion, panic, guilt, and well everything in between. Knuckles went white as she clung to her mug, using both hands to keep them wrapped around the cup of tea or else they would flop around like a fish out of the water.

Her large, chocolate brow eyes seemed to scrunch together, only to look down at the steaming cup of tea.

"I'm sorreh," Kaile said again. Now she felt worse. In the back of her mind, she was already thinking of the same options she had, what she could do. The Lorrdian could read how much he cared for Jamie, even if Kaile herself hadn't met her at all before.

Things just seemed to go from bad to worse when she is here.

 

[Kurt Meyer]

[member="Kaileann Vera"]

He shrugged. It probably wasn't the response that Kaile had been looking for, hell it wasn't even the response that Kurt wanted to give, but it was really the only thing that he could do at this point. A part of him wanted to just step into The Messa's airlock and walk away for a while, but he knew that...well it wasn't really an option.

"Not your fault." He was sure that Kaile had bent reality in such a way that to her it was, but Kurt knew otherwise.

To him, well to him this was all his fault. A part of him thought that perhaps no one was to blame, but well he had to face the reality of the situation. His actions had consequences, and although those actions had been taken before he'd even met Jamie...things were just now coming to haunt him. He thought that perhaps Jamie understood that, that she might even forgive him, but the thought of him having a child with the woman that he shared a home with...well that was what was too much for her.

She had said as much when she left.

"We'll figure it out." He said almost silently, then added even more quietly. "I'll get her back."

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Kurt Meyer"]

Kaile's lower lip trembled. Eyes immediately falling to her tea. She couldn't help it, even after Kurt's almost desperate quiet whisper of 'I'll get her back.'

She felt horrible. At the root of everything wrong that had happened so far. Maybe it was the pregnancy and the hormones. Or perhaps it was the overwhelming rollercoaster of emotions and the situation that had spiraled out of control. Whatever it may be, it made Kaile feel so small and completely at fault for it. She loved Kurt. Wanted the best for him. Maybe it would be best if she simply went back to command. Even if it turned out that Kurt wasn't...

Kaile heavily doubted that being here with Kurt would ever really sit right with Jamie. Not after everything. Maybe it was the coward's way, but she couldn't think of another way that would be best for Kurt.

"Yeah..." she added in her own hoarse whisper. Vision blurred, and she gave a weak nod. Carefully, she uncrossed the leg underneath her bottom and got up.

"You will."

With that, Kaile turned away to quietly leave to her room.

 

[Kurt Meyer]

[member="Kaileann Vera"]

"Who is he?" Kurt asked before Kaile could get too far away.

They hadn't talked much at all about the other person, the other guy whose baby it might be. They hadn't talked much at all in fact, but a part of Kurt was curious, not only that, but he was worried. He would never judge Kaile of course, never in a million years. He had been a thousand times worse than her when he hadn't been with Jamie, but he cared about her, and that meant he at least had to ask the quesiton.

Was he nice? A good guy? Some random guy at a bar?

He wanted to know, and in truth, a part of him though that he might have deserved to know.

Perhaps she wouldn't answer him, but with how things were...it might have been good to talk about. "Is he a good person?"

It was clear that Kurt cared, his body language showing that he wasn't just asking for selfish reasons.

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Kurt Meyer"]

Kaile froze.

It was the first time that Kurt had ever really asked about Asmus. Sharing and being, well, open about things wasn't really Kurt's deal. Don't ask, don't tell. Getting anything out of Kurt was like pulling teeth and Kaile had long ago accepted this fact. She hadn't minded it at all actually. They had both just kept things to themselves and only enjoyed each others' company.

It was only after Kurt spent more and more time with Jamie that Kaile noticed how he'd squirrel himself even more away in his room. Any communication is it comm calls or holo-calls were done in his room. The only time Kaile had ever bothered asking was back when Kurt had first collected her from Corellia, and that had only been because of how she'd noticed Kurt's body language when he spoke about her. It wasn't soon after that their sleeping habits faded into, well nonexistant.

Tapping gently at her mug, Kaile stood still. She was quiet, and she'd yet to turn around to look at him. Kurt himself had only really given a sparse amount of information about Jamie, but what went unsaid told her the most.

Who is he? Is he a good person?

Pretty big questions. Questions, that.. well, as the Lorrdian thought back on Asmus, that she wasn't sure she wanted to dwell about.

Do four days give an indication of just what sort of person a man could be? Did those four days define Asmus Janes in his entirety?

Flashbacks to murmured jokes and dark hair that would flop over Asmus' grinning face.

"Aye." Kaile finally admitted.

A pause.

"He made me laugh." in a time where she had felt completely and utterly wretched.

It had been enough.

With that, Kaile continued down to her small room.

 

[Kurt Meyer]

[member="Kaileann Vera"]

That was really enough answer for Kurt, a very telling answer.

The very idea that Kaile smiled during that time, that she managed to work up enough happiness...well it told Kurt probably more than anything else she could have said. The Courier couldn't read people as well as Kaile couldn't he wasn't a great spy, and he certainly wasn't a Master of telling what people wanted, but he knew Kaile. He knew her well enough to know what words like that meant. He frowned for a moment, looking down at his mug and placing it back on the table.

She liked him...or was fond of him at least.

His lips settled into a frown as he realized the implications of that.

Did he even know about the Kid? Did he want to? Did Kaile tell him? He frowned for a moment, drumming his knuckles on the side of the table as he tried to figure out what the hell this actually all meant. He thought for a moment, wondering if Kaile felt like he did...if she wanted to be with this man but couldn't be. His lips thinned, his head perking up slightly as he looked at the ladder of the Messa. He needed to fly, he needed to do something.

Slowly Kurt climbed into the cockpit, putting himself into the chair and beginning to strap himself him. For a second he hesitated, then reached over to the small button in front of him. [I'm gonna fly a bit, I'll keep us steady]

He needed to clear his head.

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Kurt Meyer"]

Kurt had his ways of dealing with things. Same with Kaile. Things were still quiet awkward, and now a days Kurt was more prone to go flying off on the Coil while he left Kaile to the Messa. The more that happened, the more the Lorrdian convinced herself that there was little she could do to fix it really.

She wanted Kurt to be happy. It wouldn't be long before she'd be able to take a test to determine who was the father. From then she could continue on with her plan.

Sitting quietly in her room, Kaile let her finger pass over Bobo's knobbly head. Hair a mess in a topknot and wearing a baggy t-shirt and sweats, the espion stared at the screen of her data terminal. She would have to notify the Big Guy.

It wasn't a conversation Kaile was too keen on doing.

 

[Kurt Meyer]

[member="Kaileann Vera"]

Flying was always something that helped him.

There was something...well calming to it. Perhaps because it allowed him to focus on what was going on rather than what needed to be done. To him it was like a natural instinct, like walking or looking at something. The calming effect had served him well for years, though during his time in the Navy flights always had to be scheduled. It was part of why things had gone down hill for him. Instead of flying he'd had to resort to...other things to relieve his stress.

He shrugged as he switched the Vessel into gear.

The Messa was a beautiful ship. Designed by Vanir and upgraded by him and Kaile the vessel had fast become one of the most modified craft in the entire galaxy. She was fast, sleek, and could turn on a credit chit. Kurt often wondered if he could have won a race with the vessel, though with the hot tub now in it he thought his chances might have been lowered.

A shrug rolled over his shoulders.

Slowly he began to swoop around within the craft, flying it almost lazily until a decision came to him.

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Kurt Meyer"]

The comm call wouldn't be long. It was just filled with more trepidation than most. It was short really. She was set to return to check in with SIS and get a full medical screening.

Not too bad. Had been rather direct and to the point.

Swallowing hard, Kaile slowly shut her data terminal. Bobo gave her a slight bop with his head by her arm. She offered a wan smile.

"We'll be fine, Bobo."

At least that was what she was telling herself.

 

[Kurt Meyer]

[member="Kaileann Vera"]

After a bit of flying, Kurt had an idea. He wasn't sure how Kaile would feel about it...but it was the best thing that he could think of, the only thing really. So after he finished putting the auto-pilot back on Kurt slowly wandered back down into the Cargo-hold.

He clambered towards Kaile's door, slowly reaching out and knocking. "Kaile."

He waited a second.

"Kaile." He knocked again, not sure if she was asleep but kind of eager to share his idea. "I had an idea..."

Desperate time called for desperate measures. "What if we head home...To Tatooine? Arceneau Trade has a Medical center there, Mom and Dad would be glad to put us up, fresh air would do us some good."

Plus they wouldn't have to worry about burning fuel and food.

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Kurt Meyer"]

He startled her.

It was more him saying more than three words in a sentence than him actually knocking at her door. Kurt had been rather clammed up since it all went down hill, and while Kaile couldn't fault him, it had stung a bit.

Bobo poked his head off of the Lorrdian's lap, scurrying up to climb along her arm and finding his perch at her shoulder. Which was great cause just about that time Kaile felt a bit stunned. Well, more stunned than usual.

Go to Tatooine? A grimace crept over her features. The last time she'd been there...

Well, it hadn't been a great time at all. Not with the way she left. Not to mention how things were looking now...

"I.." he'd hear her start only to clear her throat after.

"I don't think that's a good idea." she finally said.

"'sides... I need to report to Sullust now." certainly would be better than having to face Kurt's parents. That was a terrible idea.