Private Where the Lost May Rest

[Taiia Mataan]

//: Allyson Locke //:​

Taiia stared at Allyson for a long moment.

The surprise that crossed her face had little to do with the revelation itself, shocking as it was. It came from something far rarer: Allyson had simply told her no deflection, no half-truth, and no attempt to steer the conversation elsewhere. For years, Taiia had learned to read the spaces between Allyson's words, the things left unsaid and truths hidden behind a crooked smile and a quick change of subject. Now, for perhaps the first time, Allyson was placing something painful in her hands and trusting her not to break it.

She did not answer immediately. She simply listened, her hands resting gently against Allyson's cheeks as she allowed her to say as much as she was willing. "You volunteered," she repeated quietly as her thumb brushed gently across Allyson's cheek.

"That is what concerns me."

When Allyson spoke of the Force betraying her, sadness touched Taiia's expression, but she let the statement pass without challenge. There would be time enough for conversations about the Force another day. Right now, she was far more interested in the truths Allyson was finally choosing to share. When Allyson remarked that the Force had done one good thing by guiding her to Taiia, a faint smile touched the Eldorai's lips despite herself.

"And for that, I will always be grateful."

One of her hands slipped from Allyson's cheek to her neck, her thumb moving slowly along her jawline in a familiar gesture meant to steady rather than persuade. When Allyson admitted she did not yet know how to navigate the rest of the story, Taiia nodded softly.

"In your own time, then. One thing I will never do again is push you to speak before you're ready. Fortunately, I learned that lesson long ago." In Taiia's youth, she had made mistakes with Allyson. She knew that well; to some degree, she knew that had pushed Allyson away. That was another conversation they should have, but not today. The smile that appeared on Allyson's lips drew one from Taiia in return, and for a moment the weight of everything else seemed lighter. Then Allyson pushed her gently back against the mattress. Taiia's brows lifted slightly in amusement as her wrists were captured in Allyson's hands, but the amusement faded when she saw the struggle written plainly across her face. The tension in her grip. The conflict behind her eyes.

"Allyson, you don't have to—" she never had a chance to finish the sentence, as a final revelation came.

It was my Master... the Emperor of the Sith.

Silence settled between them; Taiia simply looked at her; there was no anger in her eyes. Only deep, immediate concern. Her gaze searched Allyson's face as she tried to reconcile the words with the woman before her.

"Your Master?"

The question was quiet, thoughtful rather than shocked, though that was there too. Something about that troubled her more than the title itself. Her hand shifted slightly within Allyson's grasp, her fingers brushing lightly against the back of her wrist.

"Min Larel..."

The words came softly.

"What happened to you? What brought you to such a place, that the Emperor seemed like the only option?"

Taiia held her gaze steadily. She had known Sith. Served beside them, fought beside them, trusted some of them. She understood power, ambition, and the strange paths people walked through the galaxy better than most. This was different than that; this was something written into Allyson's skin. Something that had left scars and pain powerful enough to echo across the bond between them. More than the Emperor himself, more than the brand, more than the implications of either, that was what troubled Taiia most. Somewhere along the way, the woman she loved had suffered enough to look into that abyss and step forward willingly.

​

 

[Allyson Locke]

//: Taiia Mataan //:

Allyson winced, hearing Taiia repeat the words she had just said. There was concern more than curiosity. Allyson had hoped for the latter. She didn't move, her breathing the only sound she made as Taiia tried to understand what had just happened. It was often that Allyson found herself wondering the same thing… where in her life did she shift and end up on this path?

Instinctively, she blamed the moment she decided she couldn't be married anymore. If she had only retired — ignored the mask and the bow that Taeli Raaf had sent her. Like the woman pointed out, if she truly was retired, the presents wouldn't have drawn her out as they did. Both of them knew it was all Taeli needed to do, items that would give the Corellian an excuse to return.

Her eyes shut tightly. So tight that the tears that lingered on the edge of her eyes didn't fall. She had cried enough yesterday and last night — she could spare a few moments now to not do so. The what-ifs started to filter into her mind, wondering how much better her life might have been if she had just settled. If she were the one who built the academy with Taiia, helped raise a family, and had been the silent, stoic partner.

But no, Allyson Locke was chaotic, impulsive, and had an itch in her heel.

Maybe leaving was the right thing to do.

Gentleness and concern bled from Taiia's words. It only indicated how truly terrible her choices had been. Allyson didn't answer right away, but she wasn't thinking of a way to talk her way out of explaining herself.

Instead, she was trying to figure out how to put into words what had happened to her while they had been separated.

Her breath rattled as she exhaled softly. Dark hair covered most of her face as she did her best not to tightly grasp the Eldorai's wrists.
Still, her voice was quiet as if this secret was only meant for them…

"I had nowhere else to go…" She paused, weighing whether she should continue — but she was already this far…

"The war with the Sith Order was a quiet, but losing war. No one knew what to do. The Jedi weren't prepared — we had no intelligence."

Allyson left out the fact that she was a pariah in the Order. She danced too close to the darkness for them, a gritty relic and harsh reminder of the past.

"I took it upon myself to be that intelligence…" Allyson tried to think of anyone she told this story to, but no one really knew the truth, and if they did… they didn't believe it.

In reality, the Corellian Spy kept the truth close to her heart… as if it would be used against her.

"I went to assassinate one of the Dark Councilors, but he was already fighting the Grandmaster and the Shield of the Jedi. I needed to make it seem like I had no sides… but that was my mistake."

Her grip tightened, but loosened, remembering to be gentle, that this was what she needed to be doing.

"We fought, and at the end, the Shield moved to strike me from behind. I was able to defect and counter… but his intent, all of it, was out on display. I didn't belong in the Jedi Order, to them I wasn't a Jedi anymore…"

A single tear fell, landing on Taiia's cheek as it rolled off. A twinge of gold shimmered in the single droplet.

"I had nowhere to go, but I was offered a chance… a place to belong if I wanted it. The Emperor was kind; he offered protection in exchange for my efforts. There was never any pressure or anything forced… he treated me better than the Jedi and the SIA…"

Her head hung, knowing she should have returned to Taiia sooner… but at the time it seemed to be all she had left.

"So I chose to follow, willingly…"

 

[Taiia Mataan]

//: Allyson Locke //:​

Taiia listened without interrupting, her eyes never leaving Allyson as the story finally emerged. She watched as Allyson spoke of the war and of the sith and the emperor; she heard all of it, but those green eyes peered deeper; she was listening to the woman beneath them.

The exhaustion.

The loneliness.

The slow unraveling of belonging.

When Allyson spoke of the Jedi turning away from her, of becoming something that no longer fit within the Order's understanding of what a Jedi should be, sadness settled quietly in Taiia's chest. She had seen institutions do that before and seen people fall into the spaces between certainty and dogma until they no longer had a place to stand; then came the words that seemed to pull everything else into focus.

"I had nowhere else to go."

For a moment, Taiia simply stared at her. The words struck harder than anything that had come before them. Not the Emperor or the brand, not even the years spent among the Sith; those four simple words. Something tightened painfully in her chest, and for the briefest moment she closed her eyes. All those years she had woken from sleep with fear clawing through her heart because something terrible had happened somewhere beyond her reach. All those moments she had stood beside the rivers or looked toward distant stars and wondered if Allyson was safe.

What she had never fully understood was just how alone she must have felt. When Taiia opened her eyes again, they were wet with tears she made no effort to hide. Slowly, carefully, she slipped free of Allyson's grasp; it was not an escape, far from it. The moment her wrists were free, her hands rose immediately to Allyson's face, cradling her cheeks with a tenderness that bordered on heartbreak.

"Min Larel..."

Her voice trembled slightly, only slightly but enough for Allyson to hear it. "You are telling me about the Emperor, about the Jedi and about a war that was already consuming everything it touched." Her thumbs brushed gently beneath damp eyes. "But all I can think about is how alone you must have felt." There was no accusation in the words, no hidden resentment, only sorrow. Taiia's gaze searched her face as though trying to understand how much pain had been required to bring her to that crossroads.

"I understand why you accepted his offer." The words came without hesitation or judgment. "A person can only carry so much before they begin reaching for anything that feels solid beneath their feet." Her hands remained against Allyson's face, steady and warm. "What saddens me is not that you chose him." A tear slipped free then, tracing quietly down her cheek. "I think I would have understood that choice even then. It is realizing how much you must have been carrying when you did." For a moment she simply looked at her, seeing not the spy, not the Sith, not the Jedi, not the woman who had disappeared for decades, but the exhausted soul beneath all of it and the woman she loved.

"I wish I had understood," she admitted quietly. "Not that I think I could have made a difference." Her voice softened further. "I just wish I had known." The confession lingered between them. The realization that Allyson had suffered so deeply, and for so long, without believing she could share the weight of it with anyone. Leaning forward, Taiia pressed a gentle kiss against Allyson's forehead before resting her own there afterward. Her hands slid from Allyson's face and wrapped gently around her, pulling her close, firm enough to let her know she was safe and where she belonged, but not trapping her, never that.

"I am glad someone showed you kindness when you needed it," she said quietly. "I am grateful you survived. I am grateful you found something to hold onto when everything else seemed to be falling apart around you." Her eyes closed briefly. "I am grateful that you are opening up to me. You do not have to convince me that you made the best choice you could with what you had. I already believe you."

"I only wish you had not been forced to carry it alone."

​

 

[Allyson Locke]

//: Taiia Mataan //:

Allyson loosened her grip, feeling Taiia wanting to move. Maybe it was what she wanted too, to feel the comfort that came with the woman's hands upon her face. The gentleness and the soothing feeling that came from just her touch. Allyson melted into it, wanting to let all the weight fall off of her and let Taiia be there to catch her. For so long, she walked the edge, bearing down to combat the wind that threatened to push her.

There were moments, ones that she felt there was no end to the pain. She thought about how much easier it would have been to let it go. To allow herself to die and wither with time. No one would have to know it happened; some would feel it, but no one would mourn the spy. Or so she thought and liked to tell herself.

Eyes watched Taiia as she refused to hide her tears. Allyson felt the ache in her chest grow and burrow deep. She would never forget this, and she would never want to put Taiia through it again. Too often Allyson found herself upset, annoyed that anything she did caused Taiia pain… even when she wasn't trying to.

Allyson had never deserved the Eldorai's gentleness.

"I just wish I had known."

The small confession weighed against Allyson's heart. Taiia living in the dark, never knowing what was happening with Allyson, was exactly the plan. There was never a day that Allyson didn't regret her choices. Still, it was carefully constructed to keep Taiia away from them.

"Taiia…" she whispered as the woman placed a kiss on her forehead. They remained close, and Allyson didn't fight the closeness. She had stopped doing that the moment she walked in the door.

In reality, she craved it.

She wanted to feel the woman's warmth and tenderness, and to inhale every aspect of her. While her mind might have forgotten what it felt like to be loved, her body didn't. With every touch and caress, Allyson melted.

"I only stayed because of you." Her words were quiet, but truthful. Even evenings when she crawled out barely breathing. She found herself walking the fields of Odessen, desperately wanting that if it was her last moment, she could just see the woman she walked away from.

Fear that Taiia would feel her death and do something dangerous kept the Corellian alive. Maybe even the hope that one day she could fix what she ruined.

"I chose to carry the burden of my life alone… I walked out on you, thinking it was for the better. I never wanted you to… have to carry this with me. I love you too much…"

Allyson leaned into the closeness, her eyes closing, wanting to just feel, to breathe in her wife. Fear that this would be the only time she would have this again lingered in the back of her mind; she wanted to hold on.

"You have always been my reason to hold on… then and now… You are always my reason." She brushed her lips gently against the woman she loved more than anything. Hands cradled her face gently now, a thumb trying to wipe away the tears that stained her face.

"I don't want to be alone anymore…" she whispered as she brushed the tip of her nose against Taiia's, keeping them close, not wanting to let an inch of space between them.

"Can I come home?" her voice low, almost scared of the answer. "Will you marry me again… here, with you, is where I belong… where I've always belonged."

"I'm sorry it took me so long to realize that…"

 

[Taiia Mataan]

//: Allyson Locke //:​

Taiia watched her relax the moment her hands gently touched her face, the weight on her just falling off. The moment she slid her arms around her, she felt her press in, trying to get as close as she could. Taiia pulled her tighter, resting her head against the corellian for a moment, just holding her tight, letting her relax against her. She heard her whisper her name.

"I only stayed because of you."

It was so quiet most would have overlooked it, but the words and the implication were clear; one hand went up to the back of Allyson's head, running gently through her hair. It broke her heart even more, knowing how great the pain was that she wanted to die but didn't for her sake. For a moment, Taiia simply held her. All those years she had spent wondering if Allyson was alive somewhere beyond her reach, all those nights she had woken with fear already settled in her chest, and now she was learning that the woman she loved had survived because of her. The realization hurt in a way she had not expected.

"I chose to carry the burden of my life alone… I walked out on you, thinking it was for the better. I never wanted you to… have to carry this with me. I love you too much…"

A ragged breath escaped her, and she closed her eyes. Tears stung at them again, not because Allyson had left or because of the years between them, but because she could finally see how much pain had been hidden beneath every visit, every glimpse at the edge of the valley, every time she had felt Allyson's presence and convinced herself she must be imagining it. "My beautiful stubborn Corellian, we are not meant to bear the galaxy alone. None of us are that strong." She drew her hand around and stroked her cheek gently, staring into her eyes stained with tears. "Even the strongest person needs a place of safety, to heal their heart and soul. That is what you have been denying yourself."

"You watched me raise children. You stood at the edge of this and watched a life you wanted." Taiia's voice nearly broke there. Only now did she fully understand what those visits must have been. Allyson had not simply come to see if she was safe. She had stood outside a life they once dreamed about together and convinced herself she no longer belonged in it. "You carried my memory through wars, through betrayal, through loneliness so profound that you followed an Emperor because at least he offered you somewhere safe."

"And somehow, after all of that, you still believe you are the selfish one." Her hands rose to cradle Allyson's face once more, as though she needed the contact to keep herself grounded. "Oh, Allyson..." The name left her almost as a whisper. "You were hurt. You were alone. And no matter how far you ran, you were loved. No matter how many times you convinced yourself you were protecting me by leaving. I never needed protection from loving you. You keep asking why I still want you. The answer has never changed. Because every version of my future that ever mattered to me had you in it."

For a moment, Taiia simply stared at her. Of everything Allyson had said, of every confession and every wound she had finally laid bare, somehow that question undid her more than any of the rest. Thirty years of longing, grief, hope, and love seemed to collide all at once.

"You asked if you could come home."

The answer came before she even realized.

"Yes."

Her voice broke on the word.

Fresh tears slipped free as she shook her head softly, almost unable to believe she was hearing the question at all.

"Min Larel, we may have been separated, but I never stopped being your wife."

​

 

[Allyson Locke]

//: Taiia Mataan //:

Allyson didn't know what to do at this point. Everything she said kept making Taiia cry. She felt her chest tighten, trying to understand the fluctuation of emotions that she felt through their connection. Why was everything making her cry? Again, Allyson tried to kiss away the tears that continued to fall from Taiia's eyes. She wanted her to be happy, to finally know what Allyson had always struggled to say.

Every touch drew Allyson's attention as she nodded along gently. Understanding the words that Taiia was telling her, they were no different than the words she had told her before. Except, back then, Allyson was too stubborn to believe them… to understand them as love.

For the Corellian, love was sacrifice… to walk away so someone could have the life of peace. She had been conditioned to not want beyond her means, which kept her and the mission safe. Taiia wasn't part of the essentials; she was an attachment that made Allyson want to stop and live.

She wanted to be a normal person, but it wasn't part of the conditioning, part of the training. There was nowhere that was supposed to be home; she was a deniable asset. But with Taiia, even back then, Allyson remembered what it was like to be someone beyond duty.

Taiia's words reminded her of everything and validated it. Too many nights beyond enemy lines, deep in trenches, Allyson would close her eyes. Remembering the warmth of Naboo, the home they had built there. Too often, those dreams felt real, and when she woke up, she was faced with the reality of her choices.

Every morning and every night, Allyson remembered, wanting to reach out, but knowing… telling herself she couldn't.

"Min Larel, don't pity me, please." She placed her hand over Taiia's, turning her head to gently kiss the woman's palm. "I felt your love the entire time we were separated, it's why I kept going. I always held onto the hope that maybe I could come back to you…"

She smiled softly, "I wasn't always counting on it, but the times I watched, when I was at my lowest, I often told myself that you, the children you raised… You all were waiting for me to come home."

Another single tear fell, colliding with Taiia's hand. The moment Taiia gave her the permission she had been wanting this entire time, she couldn't help it. Everything was falling back into place, and Allyson felt she could finally breathe.

Though something stuck out and confused the Corellian. In her mind, they were divorced, separated. This would have allowed Taiia to live her life and move on from the rut that loving Allyson would have put her in.

She paused, her eyes staring at the distance, letting the last thirty years pay back in her mind. Missions, women, drunken benders, where she really didn't remember much after. Her face went pale; the Corellian often prided herself on never truly being unfaithful to any one of her partners.

It was then that she realized…

And panic settled in.

"Taiia… I…" her eyes avoiding the Eldorai's gaze as she pulled away slightly, her stomach twisting.

"Taiia, I slept with other women, I didn't know we were still married, I thought… Oh no…"

The one thing she never wanted to do to Taiia, her greatest fear, that she would do it, finally all crashed down on her.

Allyson wanted to scream.

"Please forgive me, Taiia, I'm so sorry. I love you, they didn't mean anything to me... Taiia please."

 

[Taiia Mataan]

//: Allyson Locke //:​

Taiia's expression softened immediately when Allyson asked her not to pity her. Her hands remained where they were, one resting against her cheek and the other wrapped gently around hers. For a moment she simply looked at her, studying the woman she had spent so many years missing. "I do not pity you, Min Larel." The answer came quietly, but without hesitation, "What happened to you breaks my heart. That is not the same thing." Her thumb brushed softly across Allyson's skin as she held her gaze.

The smile lingered only briefly before softening again. When Allyson spoke of feeling her love all those years, something tightened visibly in Taiia's chest. She lowered her gaze for a moment, blinking away the fresh tears threatening to form all over again.

"You felt it?"

The question came quietly, not because she doubted Allyson, but because hearing those words healed something in her heart. For thirty years she had loved someone who was not there. Thirty years of reaching into an empty place and refusing to let go of what remained. She had never expected anything in return from it, never expected Allyson to know. The realization that she had known all along left her strangely breathless. "Then perhaps I was louder than I thought."

Her eyes lifted again, shimmering with emotion. When Allyson spoke of believing Taiia and the children were waiting for her to come home, the smile faded into something softer. "You know..." she said quietly, squeezing her hand. "I think some part of me always was. I told myself otherwise many times. I told myself I had to let go. I told myself I had to move on. But every time I felt you near, every time the bond stirred..." Her shoulders lifted in a small helpless motion. "I looked."

Then she watched Allyson's expression change; at first, she thought little of it. The Corellian had spent the better part of the morning navigating thirty years of grief, love, and regret. But confusion became realization, realization became horror, and by the time Allyson reached the part about sleeping with other women, Taiia was staring at her in complete bewilderment. For several seconds, she simply tried to understand what Allyson was apologizing for, then understanding finally arrived; the absurdity of it struck her all at once. A gentle laugh escaped before she could stop it.

"Allyson..." Fresh tears still clung to her lashes as she shook her head. Both hands rose to cradle the Corellian's face once more. "Min Larel, I had a husband." Taiia stared at her for another second before another soft laugh escaped her again, fond and helpless all at once; she noted the panic didn't immediately lessen. "Oh whills, you are serious."

Her forehead rested gently against Allyson's. "I am not angry. I am not hurt. And I am certainly not surprised that the first thing you do after asking to come home is immediately find a new reason to panic." The smile that followed was warm and impossibly affectionate. "We had both built lives of our own." Her thumbs brushed gently across Allyson's cheeks, wiping away tears as they fell.

"I am simply happy you came home."

​

 

[Allyson Locke]

//: Taiia Mataan //:

It didn't occur to Allyson at all that Taiia had a husband, children, and a life that didn't belong with her. Her focus had been on how unfaithful she had been. Taiia had waited in her eyes and had the right to move on when she did. Allyson, on the other hand, left… she threw this away.

"I'm lucky that you're patient." She smiled softly, understanding what the Eldorai was pointing out.

They both had created lives that didn't involve the other. Allyson had assumed it was a sense of survival. Still, she knew life had to go on, even without someone you cared about. Her chest tightened, but soon relaxed as Taiia reassured her. Their relationship was funny like that; Taiia was always grounding the Corellian, bringing her back from the depths of her mind.

Allyson wondered what she had done for Taiia, hoping that, in some sense, she had brought something to the relationship that benefited the woman.

"Mm, I just don't want to ruin things again." She wrinkled her nose with a grin. "I just got home, I need to keep my wife happy."

Taiia's reassurance allowed Allyson to relax and enjoy this moment of peace. It was a foreign feeling, but one that Allyson could get used to. One that she didn't realize she longed for. Silence fell between them, letting just this be something. Like Taiia, Allyson was happy she was home. Everything about it made her feel whole, even if her life had been cut into so many pieces from herself.

"I did feel you." Allyson reiterated, "It was always when I needed it the most. I don't know if you knew I needed it, but I did. It was a reminder that someone out there cared about me."

Too much of her life had been spent running, and realizing that, as an asset, that's all she was. Allyson had been drilled, broken, and remade to know that her life meant very little. It wasn't until Taiia that she realized someone would remember her.

And Taiia did… this entire time.

"I remember, on some of my worst nights…" she started, her eyes looking away as if the memory was playing vividly in front of her.

"I'd close my eyes, and I felt like I could see you, feel you breathing… Sometimes I'd hear you whisper my name." Allyson smiled sadly, "Then I'd open my eyes, and you'd not be there."

She sighed softly, her gaze finally settling on Taiia again. "Even now, I feel like I'm waiting to wake up — that last night and now is just too good to be true."

Allyson leaned close again, letting her lips caress her wife's. "I hope that if this isn't real, I am dying and the Force has granted me my last moments with you." She let her words hang for a breath, then she huffed — trying to play it off quietly.

Though if this were the case, her words were honest.

"Did you ever make it to Zakuul?" Allyson mused, remembering their first date, "You've made a home on Odessen, you've seen Coruscant, that just leaves Zakuul."

They were the planets that Taiia had hoped to see outside of a mission. Quietly, Allyson often played that memory back in her mind, one of the few she could recall. Even with the mess her mental state often was… she always remembered Taiia. The woman was woven deep in her heart and her soul, etched for eternity.

"If you haven't… we should go." Tilting her head, she remained smiling.

"I want to see the galaxy with you…" Her smile curled mischievously, "Mostly so I can hear you geek out about these places…"

 

[Taiia Mataan]

//: Allyson Locke //:​

"I'm lucky that you're patient. Mm, I just don't want to ruin things again."

A warm smile touched Taiia's lips. Without a word, she leaned forward and kissed Allyson, letting it linger for several moments before finally pulling away. "Don't worry about what might happen. Just focus on what's right in front of you." At the grin that appeared on Allyson's face, Taiia's own smile widened. For once, they were talking without having to navigate everything that had happened between them. They could simply be themselves again, and that felt right. A soft hum escaped her when Allyson mentioned keeping her wife happy.

"So far, that seems like a sound strategy."

As Allyson spoke about her worst nights, Taiia's thumbs continued to brush gently along her cheeks. There was something in the way she spoke, in that sad little smile, that made Taiia's chest ache. One hand slipped from Allyson's cheek to rest over the Corellian's heart. "I wasn't there, that's true. But you've always carried a part of me right here." When Allyson admitted she was still afraid she might wake up and discover this was all a dream, Taiia's expression softened even further. "Min Larel, I promise you are wide awake, and I am as real as I've ever been. I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere."

"I hope that if this isn't real, then I'm dying and the Force has granted me my last moments with you."

As Allyson leaned in and brushed her lips against hers, a gentle sigh escaped Taiia. Green eyes met the Corellian's, warmth and affection plain to see. A quiet laugh followed as her fingers returned to Allyson's cheek. "If you die while I'm still alive, I'm going into the Nether and dragging you right back out." The words were teasing, but there was enough sincerity behind them to make it clear she meant every one.

Then Allyson caught her completely off guard by mentioning Zakuul. Taiia blinked, momentarily thrown by the sudden shift in topic, before remembering a conversation they'd had long ago. A broad smile spread across her face. "To be fair, Coruscant was on fire the last time I was there. There wasn't exactly much opportunity for sightseeing; I was busy trying to find you." Her hand continued its gentle caress as she spoke. "And no, I haven't been to Zakuul yet." She listened as Allyson continued, suggesting they should go together.

"Well, you're not going to get any argument from me. I've spent far too much time on Odessen and not nearly enough doing anything remotely fun." Then she noticed that familiar mischievous smile, sharpened by a healthy dose of Corellian charm. "I'm afraid some of my geekiness may have faded with age," she said with a grin, "but for you, I'll see if I can find what's left of it."

​

 

[Allyson Locke]

//: Taiia Mataan //:

Allyson enjoyed the gentleness of her wife's touch as the woman spoke, reassuring her once more. She couldn't help it; every bit of her being needed to be close to her. Too often Allyson wondered how many times she was going to survive each of the visits, when would be the one where she knocks on the door? A part of her wanted to go back in time, scold her past self for constantly walking away.

She could have had this so much sooner…

"Mm, I know." She commented, leaning forward and nuzzling against Taiia's ear and neck. The woman was still warm from sleep and as perfect as she had been their first time together.

"You're here… and I'm here. I'm not going anywhere." Allyson smiled and gently kissed the small space just under Taiia's ear.

She knew she had said these words before, many times. When she did back then, the Corellian wondered if she was reassuring Taiia or trying to prove to herself that she wasn't going to run. But when she said it now, she meant it — it was neither to reassure her lover nor to convince herself.

It was just a fact, something said as a reminder.

"I'll do my best to not find myself in the Nether, I heard a round trip ticket is quite expensive." She teased, but it was comforting knowing that even if the worst happened, Allyson wouldn't be lost for long. Though the other end… she wasn't capable of fetching Taiia from death. The thought lingered in the back of her mind, she wondered how far she would go…

Already with the choices she made, Allyson knew that answer. She would do anything and everything to get Taiia back. If she couldn't get her back, she would simply join her. It was an easy choice.

Allyson couldn't help but laugh softly as she watched the shift in emotions as Taiia finally smiled at the mention of Zakuul. She laughed again at the mention of Coruscant being on fire the last time she had gone.

"It's not any better, I feel like Coruscant is perpetually on fire since the last time you visited… but there are nice pockets." She mused, "I wouldn't mind going back to Naboo, if you were up for it."

Naboo was home at one point; she remembered the home they shared. After Allyson left, she hadn't found herself on Naboo since — memories were too strong… too painful to endure. But, now that's all she wanted… the life they were meant to have.

"We could go to Zakuul as soon as you want…" She stayed close, her lips now trailing along the corner of Taiia's lips, to her jaw, then down her neck. Allyson sighed softly, letting the warmth of her breath caress the shell of her wife's pointed ear.

"We could renew our vows there… spend the days exploring the ruins… each other… everything."

Her mind trailed further to the conversations they would share in the dark, before falling asleep. Family, love, and sharing their life together. Allyson kept the thought to herself as she pushed Taiia back onto the soft mattress.

Her thoughts betrayed her as a hand rested gently at her wife's hip, her thumb caressing absentmindedly.

"How does that sound? Just the two of us again…"

 

[Taiia Mataan]

//: Allyson Locke //:​

Taiia closed her eyes as Allyson settled closer, feeling the familiar warmth of her against her skin. It was still strange how easily she could lose herself in the simple reality of her presence. For so many years she had lived with memories. Now she had Allyson. The difference was impossible to describe. A soft smile touched her lips as Allyson promised she was not going anywhere. She had heard similar promises before, but this time felt different. Perhaps because neither of them had anything left to hide from one another.

When the gentle kiss settled beneath her ear, Taiia let out a quiet breath and leaned slightly into the touch; it was almost embarrassing in its simplicity. Yet after everything they had survived, after all the tears and confessions, all she wanted in that moment was to remain exactly where she was. The mention of Coruscant, though, earned a soft laugh.

"I am beginning to suspect Coruscant simply enjoys being on fire."

There was warmth in her voice as she said it, though her attention was already drifting elsewhere as Allyson continued; the mention of renewing their vows caught her completely by surprise. It was the casual way Allyson said it. As though a future together was no longer some fragile hope but something achievable. Taiia found herself smiling as her fingers slipped into Allyson's hair, holding her gently as she looked up at her.

"I cannot think of a better reason to visit Zakuul."

The warmth in her expression softened further as Allyson spoke about spending days exploring, sharing their lives, and simply being together. For so long every conversation between them had somehow circled back to loss. To things left unsaid. To years neither of them could reclaim. Now Allyson was speaking as though the future belonged to them again. As Allyson pushed her gently back onto the mattress, Taiia allowed herself to be guided her hand settling over Allyson's where it rested against her hip.

"Just the two of us." Thirty years ago she would have answered immediately; back then, the idea had seemed so obvious she never would have questioned it. Now it felt like a gift, of a future she had stopped allowing herself to imagine but one she wanted very much. "That sounds perfect."

The answer came softly, then a glimmer of amusement appeared in her eyes. "Although after thirty years apart, I should probably warn you that I intend to be completely unreasonable about how much time I spend with you." Her fingers intertwined with Allyson's. "You may find it very difficult to escape me." The smile that followed was warm, playful, and entirely content.

​

 

[Allyson Locke]

//: Taiia Mataan //:

As Taiia settled against the bed, Allyson's kisses didn't stop. Each of the woman's responses were answered with another kiss, a heated breath against skin. Allyson listened, her mind struggling to focus on what Taiia was saying. At the same time, the woman slipped her fingers into the Corellian's hair. The gentleness of it all brought a smile to the Shadow's face, true happiness.

The thought of just the two of them was a dream that Allyson had held onto. It was the thing that kept her going when she wanted to let it all go. Taiia had been the anchor that kept the Corellian grounded, to this life, to wherever she was.

Each caress of skin against skin brought her to life, reminding her that this was real and not one of her daydreams. Taiia was here, Taiia wanted her, there was love here that she couldn't deny. Her life finally felt like she was on the right path; what spell the woman had cast upon her was unknown, but Allyson wouldn't want it any other way.

Looking up, Allyson lifted herself slightly to meet Taiia's gaze. She raised an eyebrow at her playful warning.

"Escape?" she asked with a breathless laugh. "I've outrun some of the best…"

Allyson leaned forward, kissing the corner of Taiia's lips. Her little crooked smile spread across her face as she whispered into her wife's ear.

"But... You're the one I've spent years trying to find my way back to…"

Escaping was never a thought in her mind. She knew what escape was… how it felt — the emptiness. Never again. Despite knowing she would need to leave this sanctuary that Taiia provided, she would return again and again.

Taiia's fingers remained tangled in her hair, and Allyson found herself leaning further into the touch without thinking. It was such a simple thing, yet after a lifetime spent surviving, fighting, and carrying the weight of countless mistakes, the gentleness of Taiia's hand felt more precious than any victory.

Allyson closed her eyes. She memorized all of it, everything that made Taiia.

The warmth of her skin.

The softness of her breath.

The familiar scent that time had never managed to erase from the Corellian's memory.

Her thoughts drifted. How many nights had Allyson imagined this?

How many lonely worlds had she stood upon, staring into unfamiliar skies while thinking about the woman before her?

Far too many…

A soft sigh of contentment escaped her as she let herself relax, living in the moment she was so lucky to have. Allyson opened her eyes, letting her face hover over Taiia's.

"I love you…"

She knew she had said it many times before, but with Taiia, there was a weight to it, something she had never felt before. Gently, Allyson caressed her fingers against Taiia's face, through her hair, as kisses scattered against the length of her neck, the hollow of her collarbone.

Each kiss carried quiet devotion, a reminder that this was real and Allyson had no intention of letting go.

The morning light threatened to press into the room, a reminder that there was more than the four walls of the bedroom. Allyson's hands moved, mapping once more the woman she had loved for most of her life. Every discovery was met with her lips: the curve of a shoulder, the tender dip beneath the ribs, scars that showed a life Allyson had missed out on.

She accepted them, memorized them, each moment whispering a promise that she would never leave — never miss another moment of life between them.

Each moment was devastatingly slow, and she cherished it for that very reason. Nothing was rushed. Allyson wanted every reaction, every fleeting expression, every soft sound. She cataloged it all, committing every shift and every utterance of her name, their love to memory.

 

[Taiia Mataan]

//: Allyson Locke //:​

Taiia's smile softened as Allyson laughed at the idea of escaping her. She felt the kiss at the corner of her lips, felt the warmth of her breath against her ear, and then came the words that somehow still managed to catch her off guard. For a moment she simply looked at her. Even now, after everything they had said to one another, Allyson still had a way of reaching straight through every defense she possessed and settling somewhere deep inside her heart.

Her fingers remained tangled in dark hair. "And you found me." The words came softly, carrying no sadness, no grief for the years they had lost only a quiet certainty. A smile touched her lips as she brushed her thumb gently through Allyson's hair. "You always do."

She wasn't entirely sure when Allyson's gaze had become more distracting than her touch, but somewhere over the years it had happened. The way she looked at her now made her feel warm in a way that had very little to do with the morning sunlight creeping through the room. It was impossible not to notice the way Allyson studied her, the way her hands lingered, the way she seemed determined to memorize every detail all over again. Taiia found herself becoming just slightly self-conscious beneath the attention. Not enough to pull away. Just enough that a faint flush touched her cheeks. "Min Larel." The words carried a hint of amusement. "You are staring." Which, of course, only made it worse. A quiet laugh escaped her as she shook her head, though her hand never left Allyson's hair.

When Allyson told her she loved her, the answer came immediately. "I know." Her smile widened. "And I love you." There was no hesitation. For a little while she simply enjoyed the closeness the warmth of Allyson's body against hers, the gentle touch of wandering fingers, the simple comfort of not having to wonder where she was or when she might disappear again. The feeling was still new enough to seem almost unreal. As Allyson's hands traced old scars, Taiia's expression softened. She knew what Allyson was seeing not just the marks left behind, but the years she had missed, the life that had continued moving forward while they were apart. Yet there was no sadness in the moment. Not anymore. Only understanding, only acceptance, only the quiet certainty that they were here now.

Her hand slipped from Allyson's hair to her cheek, drawing her attention back upward. "You know," she murmured, a playful glimmer appearing in her eyes, "for someone who claims to have outrun some of the best, you seem remarkably content being caught." The smile that followed was warm and entirely affectionate.

​

 

[Allyson Locke]

//: Taiia Mataan //:

Allyson could lose herself endlessly with Taiia. Old memories resurfacing, familiarity and nostalgia playing their parts. Allyson belonged here, and every gasp, kiss, and declaration only proved that to her. Her mind was focused on one goal as she continued to map every inch that made her wife hers. Taiia had noticed the way she stared, how the entirety of the Corellian's attention was on her.

Seeing the faint blush and the coyness in her voice as she mentioned it made Allyson smile.

Even after all these years, Taiia was still Taiia. She was still the shy girl who didn't know what to do with the mischievous Corellian she found herself with. Allyson wondered how things would have been different if they hadn't met when they did. If she didn't choose to focus on what her heart wanted?

Taiia was an anomaly to Allyson.

She had been good at keeping her composure, unlike other women… Taiia didn't fawn over the Corellian. Maybe it was why Allyson wanted her more; she wanted to figure her out. She was good at keeping the wind from taking Allyson, but not for long.

Before her mind spiraled, Taiia had moved her hand from Allyson's hair, the gentle touch guiding the woman's attention back up. Their gaze met, and Allyson returned the smile as she kissed her way back up to the woman's face. Hovering over her, she looked down and laughed breathlessly.

"Only if I'm caught by you, but wanting to stay and being caught are two different things, Min Laurel," Allyson smirked and doted gentle kisses against the woman's face.

She paused, letting herself stare for another moment. A hand moved, gently brushing aside stray strands of red hair from the woman's face. The same hand cupped her wife's face gently, letting her thumb caress her lips.

"And of course I stare, I can't help it… I've thought of your face every moment I could — so to be able to see you, I want to cherish it."

Before Taiia could respond or refute. Allyson kissed her, letting it seal everything she had confessed to this point. She wanted Taiia to see everything, to know everything that Allyson had kept hidden for years.

She knew it wasn't going to be easy, nor would it be the same. But she wanted to try.

Taiia deserved it; she could have had anyone, and yet she chose Allyson again and again.

Pulling away, Allyson reluctantly climbed off her wife and sat at the edge of the bed. Her hands fumbling and feeling around as she looked for her lost articles of clothing. Frowning, she stood and looked around after pulling on her shirt.

"Why do I always lose my pants around you?" She looked at the foot of the bed and sighed.

"Have you seen them?"

 

[Taiia Mataan]

//: Allyson Locke //:​

Taiia smiled into the kiss, lingering there for a moment after Allyson pulled away. There was something wonderfully unfair about the way the Corellian could still leave her completely unprepared every time she thought she had recovered; Allyson would say something that reached straight through her defenses and left her searching for words. The comment about staring earned another faint flush to her cheeks. "Min Laurel," she murmured, though there was very little conviction behind the protest. As if she could fault Allyson for staring after thirty years apart.

Her hand lingered against Allyson's cheek as she looked up at her. The devotion in the Corellian's eyes was impossible to miss. There had been a time when Taiia would have tried to look away from it, embarrassed by the attention. Now she found herself simply holding her gaze. "You make it very difficult not to stare back." The admission came quietly, a small smile tugging at her lips as her thumb brushed gently across Allyson's skin. "And I think you know exactly what you are doing." There was no accusation in the words, only affection.

For a moment she simply enjoyed the closeness, the warmth of her, the familiarity of her touch, the simple fact that Allyson was here and no longer a memory she carried alone. After thirty years of wondering, imagining, and hoping, she was finally able to reach out and find her. Then Allyson reluctantly climbed from the bed and immediately began searching for her missing clothes. The transition was so abrupt that Taiia couldn't help the laugh that escaped her. For a moment she simply watched, amusement growing with every passing second as the Corellian searched with all the determination of someone trying to solve a galactic mystery rather than locate a single article of clothing.

When Allyson finally asked if she had seen her pants, Taiia's expression became thoughtfully innocent. "Hmm." She slipped from the bed and crossed toward the wardrobe, entirely unhurried, morning light spilling through the room as she opened the closet and began sorting through clothes. "I seem to recall seeing them." A pause followed. "Briefly." The amusement in her voice made it abundantly clear she was enjoying herself.

Without even turning around, she lifted a hand. Somewhere near the foot of the bed, the missing pants stirred before lifting into the air, sailing cleanly across the room propelled by the Force until they landed squarely in Allyson's waiting hands. Taiia glanced back over her shoulder just in time to catch whatever expression crossed the Corellian's face and smiled. "There." The word came easily, warm with quiet satisfaction.

The smile softened as she turned back toward the wardrobe. For a moment the years between them felt impossibly distant, familiarity settling over the room with all the comfort of coming home. "Some things never change." There was something warmer beneath the amusement this time. "I missed that." The admission slipped out easily, and she made no effort to take it back.

​

 

[Allyson Locke]

//: Taiia Mataan //:

It was hard not to stare as Taiia slipped from the bed and began helping her look. Allyson shifted the blankets on the mattress as her mind began to wonder how long she could monopolize the woman's time in this room. Taiia didn't seem to be in any hurry to leave, and there was no one shouting for the Headmistress.

Maybe Allyson's timing had been more perfect than she had thought.

A grin swept across her face as she began to carefully plan out how to drag Taiia back — but fate had other plans. Her pants flicked towards her and landed against her face, then into her hands. The sound of the belt jingled as she adjusted it, pulling the pant legs out of the inside-out.

She looked down at them, feeling the ribbing of the stripes she wore so proudly. An award usually given posthumously to a heroic Corellian who went above and beyond in the face of certain death. Back then, they were meant for Corellians, but she had seen them on others — for simple acts of duty. Allyson wrinkled her nose, thinking about how she earned hers; she wondered who would have received them for her if she had died.

Pausing, she noticed a bit of the stripe lifting from the edge of her pants. Frowning, she knew it wouldn't be long till they fully came undone. She wasn't handy with a needle, and the last person that had repaired them… had been Taiia.

Walking over, Allyson offered her old tattered pants to the woman who had found them.

"You know I can't sew…" She murmured, almost embarrassed about the request.

Waking up, their banter, and the morning's closeness felt as if this had been their entire lives. It felt natural, familiar, and Taiia had mentioned she missed this. The nostalgia of what their lives had been when the galaxy took a moment's peace.

Allyson waited for Taiia to face her, to see what she was showing her on the old pants.

"Could you?" Allyson paused, "Just like you've done before?"

She had missed this too. The comforts of home and feeling safe, even at the cost of what Allyson had sacrificed.

The answer was always yes; she would do it again.

"Is it okay if I stay, just a little longer?" ​