Private Two Organas take a walk

[Rianna Organa]

Was that Alicio giving her a sarcastic sure??? The elder Organa could not help but laugh.

"It is a cynical view I now. It could be I have become unaccustomed to politicians of other worlds and their ways of trying to be entertaining. Or I'm just a cranky old girl. Well, if it is gossip, they crave then let them get it from Holly Starstorm on the evening news. But I understand" She looked at the wall once more, "that it is a necessary thing."

When she inquired about Coruscant she could see the politican come out in him, hands behind his back, the well positioned pauses in his speech. Yes, he was learning quite well here on Coruscant. Diplomacy. This for some reason pleased her greatly.

Then being ever so dutiful as he could be he asked after her, "I am fine. I am currently thinking of Dagobah if I can get there. I want to see if I can entice a Jubba bird." There was something more wasn't there, not with her but him.

"The thing that has given you a night" She looked at his face, "something I can help with? Do I need to make someone think they are a sleen?"

tag: Alicio Organa

 

[Alicio Organa]

"Now, Rianna, I listen to HNN, too, you know." The Count released a restrained chuckle into the air. He didn't blame her for tiring of the public stage. "I enjoy Holly's interviews. I find them thought-provoking."

Alicio casted his fellow Organa a curious look, having never heard her speak about Dagobah before. He knew of the planet- it was rather important in their family history. But in the stories he'd heard, the swamp world wasn't exactly a picturesque vacation destination. "I suppose if you wish to escape the gossip, traveling to Dagobah is a good way to do that."

But, inevitably, Rianna turned her attention to what was troubling him. Alicio felt his dark mood return, a deep well of confusion, and hurt, pooling in his heart. "I don't think you can help, Rianna. Tonight, I was the sleen." Despite his half-joking tone, Alicio took a subconscious step away from Rianna.

"There was a misunderstanding... Or maybe I'm just a terrible communicator... Or... both." Alicio twisted his lip. "Are you sure you want to hear it?"

- Rianna Organa -

 

[Rianna Organa]

Dagobah was a destiny, "It's a place I feel I must go. I went once during my training and promised to return because the plant life is so fascinating, there are actually plants that grow there that can swallow someone whole. Not that I want one that large in the Greenhouse, but a Jubba bird to talk with Orchids might have a positive effect. Yes, it also gets me away from things for a bit."

To be alone she needed it yes, but the truth she spent a lot of time already alone.

What he said next gave her some pause she looked at his face failing to note his aura or read anything through the force. It was the expression on his face that told her, "You were the sleen Alicio." She whispered.

She knew he was young and still figuring some things out, like Maeve and Drahl. "Mistakes happen, but yes dear boy tell me about it."

In her heart she knew talking could help or hurt. The last thing she wanted was to rub salt to a wound, but the lines grew deeper in his face when he was troubled. If she could help, or just provide an ear. Maybe that would help too.

Alicio Organa

 

[Alicio Organa]

Alicio secretly wished Rianna had let it be.

The Count crossed his arms in front of his chest, his mood chilling considerably. "One moment... Let me think of where to start..."

A second or two passed of trying to organize tangled, uncomfortable thoughts, and Alicio stared at Rianna, a new, unfamiliar cold in in his eyes. "I... hurt Inanna." The senator bit his lip.

"Before we all met on Aldera, Inanna and I went on a date. I... it didn't go well. I hurt her then, too, I think." He hugged himself a bit tighter. "She thought I agreed to go out with her because I was pitying her. She got upset with me, and we left on poor terms." Some of that night was a haze now, flash-burned away by the heat of Inanna's scorn. "Our meeting on Aldera was... difficult... for me. I'm sorry if I seemed awkward."

"Then, after Aldera, I took Amani Serys to a festival in Sanctuary City. And... we started dating." The name, which had given him so many smiles these past few weeks, felt heavy on his lips. Like he wasn't worthy to speak it. "She's extraordinary, Rianna. Really, really extraordinary. I think... I'm the happiest I've ever been. Or... have been... the happiest."

"But I never told Inanna. I thought that, after how poorly our date went, she also thought we were done. But, she didn't." Alicio took another step away from Rianna. "So... she confronted us... me... at the party."

"Amani said that it wouldn't change anything, but..." His face was fragile. What would Rianna think of him now? "... Maybe it should. I hurt Inanna. I don't deserve..." Love? Happiness? He trailed off, unsure.

"So, yes. I'm the sleen."

- Rianna Organa -

 

[Rianna Organa]

The words poured out and she listened. She could have let it go but she was also a nosey old lady. She nodded understanding she didn't have a story that went with this and if she had one it probably would not help right now.

She looked at his face she could hear it in his words that he was already tormenting himself over it. He didn't need another anecdote, but neither did he need to be scolded.

"As we move through life we will make mistakes for a reason that sometimes you don't know until later. I don't think you were a sleen, I think you are young and learning. Tonight things came to their meeting point. I can only assume that all things are now settled and in the open. There's nothing to stop you, Amani has already said nothing changes. Then you must accept that and not let doubt or guilt steal your joy Alicio. Life is too short to not be happy"

The elder Organa knew very well just how short life could be. Every creature and being throughout the galaxy made choices every day some good some bad. Her spirit hurt for him knowing how well he accepted responsibility, absorbing the blame like a sponge, and repelling the good like oil. Life had so much for him yet, his journey was truly just beginning.

Rianna stepped around lowering her had to hopefully meet Alicio's gaze, "It is painful knowing we have the capability of hurting someone, but we also have the capability to ask forgiveness of others and of ourselves. Forgive yourself for this and bring Amani Serys to the Greenhouse, plant some flowers"

She tried looking into his eyes, "Ok?"

Alicio Organa

 

[Alicio Organa]

"How can I be happy, knowing that I've made Inanna unhappy?" He'd listened to Rianna's wisdom, and recognized it as wisdom, but he couldn't forgive himself that easily. "That's not fair. She shouldn't be punished because I didn't think to send a message."

If there were a way to take all that hurt shared between them, and bear it himself, he would in a heartbeat.

The talk of the Greenhouse calmed him a little. It was where he had first met Rianna, when he had been in a similar state of distress. Back then, she'd managed to relax him, refocus his errant mind. But back then, he had been plagued by a nebulous fear of the future. Now, there was a little more nuance, and Alicio was trapped in it.

"I would like to, Rianna," he said softly, daring to entertain the thought. "Amani likes gardening."

"Um... I know I should know better, but... How do you... forgive yourself?" He found Rianna's eyes, hopeless.

- Rianna Organa -

 

[Rianna Organa]

Oh she looked down, "It " She looked at him she could tell him all the medical terms, the list of things to do and not do. But then she would sound like a doctor instead of his cousin. She sighed slightly. Tell him the truth

Forgiveness was in the soul and took time to surface.

"There's a list of things they tell you to do and recognize but it won't take away that feeling within yourself. That horrid dull ache of knowing you hurt someone or replaying what happen over and over in your mind won't help either the only thing it does is remind you of what you will see as failure." How many times had she failed at something not everything she did was a success. The battle against Kassandra and the loss of her child. If Rianna had walked away from the Sith...and if the Sith had not insisted. Oh, see it was still there even though Rianna had moved past it, it served as a reminder of who and what she did not want to be.

"Forgiveness comes with time you can't take away Inanna's hurt as much as you would like. You have to use it to remember who you don't want to be, and as you move forward from this day remember you are in control of yourself no one else is so don't repeat what caused the hurt. In time you'll be able to say I'm not that way anymore I didn't mean it to be that way. I recognize what happen, my part in it but I've grown beyond it I can forgive myself for that act."

It probably wasn't the best explanation for him but it was an honest one.

Alicio Organa

 

[Alicio Organa]

Alicio's eyes yearned for an easy answer.

He knew there wasn't one. There was no such thing as a cure-all, when it came to feelings like this. The mistakes he made, the actions he took that hurt people he cared about, he couldn't take back. So those feelings would linger. Maybe they would never leave him, adding another weight his shoulders had to bear.

Alicio didn't seem satisfied by Rianna's answer. He likely wasn't supposed to be. Live and learn was far easier said than done for the Count. He was a problem-solver; leaving a problem unsolved was challenging.

But he knew what she said was right. It would take time, and introspection, and change. "Okay," he mumbled, twisting his lip into a half-grin, half-pained expression. "Okay. I'll... give it time.."

"Tia, have you ever... done something you regret?"

- Rianna Organa -

 

[Rianna Organa]

She swallowed hard was he reading her mind now.

"Yes Alicio." She shifted her position it was an uncomfortable feeling even now. "Jedi are always supposed to rid the galaxy of the Sith. And as a young Jedi I wanted to be sure to follow all the rules. It is ingrained within us, and I as a healer really should of had more conflict over the taking of life. There was a Sith named Kassandra. I was on a mission to Mustafar and she was there."

She frowned slightly she could still see the rooms of the factory clearly in her mind, "I could feel life within her, she was pregnant. But oh she and I wanted to keep to that ingrained thought of Jedi vs Sith. So we drew our blades and began to defend our codes, it was a vigorous fight"

Too much for one little body even though well protected. "I should have walked away. I should have kept to my healer's oath do no harm. I should have. But I didn't. She lost the baby right in front me, we could both feel the life spark drift away." Rianna cleared her throat and then looked down to the floor.

"What kind of healer does that? What kind of Jedi doesn't walk away to let life live? I struggled with forever, even now I have days where it sneaks on me reminding me. When it reminds me I remind myself I am not like that anymore. I respect life on the battlefield I have healed enemy and friends alike. No one dies alone. No one suffers. "

There was no smile as she told this story, "I do what I think is right now. Treat those who need it. When I sense new life, I back away from fight as I remember the consequences not only to the child but my own mind. It takes time Alicio, it will torment you, but do better one mistake doesn't make you a monster. Makes you human. Made me realize I had choices I needed to make better ones"

She wondered if Kass was alive, and if she remembered that day.

Alicio Organa

 

[Alicio Organa]

Alicio observed Rianna in quiet contemplation as she spoke. His face didn't betray any emotion, aside from sympathy and understanding. The story was... grim. Very grim. The kind of life experience that would have scarred Alicio for life.

Yet, here Rianna stood. Still healing. Still fighting. She lived and learned, even as the regret continued to plague her.

"When you put things into perspective like that," the Count said, flicking his eyes to the ground, "my regrets seem small."

"Thank you for sharing," he offered, reaching out to squeeze her hand comfortingly. "And... in case you need to hear it, you're right that you aren't a monster. I'm... truly, truly blessed to have you in my life."

- Rianna Organa -

 

[Rianna Organa]

She smiled at him grateful for the gesture the first time he had reached for her hand in times past she had always reached out to touch him, to reassure him, comfort him, but now was his turn. A sign that their family bond was growing stronger.

"Thank you you have become quite the blessing of the goddess for me." She swallowed hard feeling that day wash over her again, she wanted it to it was that regret that feeling of revulsion of what she had done that had pushed her down the healer's path even deeper.

"That day it felt like I someone had torn my existence in half showing what I thought was lack of judgement. In my mind I was unworthy to follow my path, but I overcame it in time." She leaned a little closer, "You will too, I promise." She knew he would not that she had seen it coming only that he had a determination to move forward, so he would succeed.

"Well now..." She nodded slightly, "I think it's past my bedtime. I'm going to head back to the Embassy to sleep tonight" Dagobah was calling and she needed to plan.

"What about you headed back to the celebration?"

Alicio Organa

 

[Alicio Organa]

"You will too, I promise."

Alicio revealed a small smile in return, hoping that would be true.

Then, believing it will be. Given time.

"Good night, Tia," he offered, adjusting his half-cape, and glancing back towards the sounds of merriment. Maybe he should go back in. "I'll... go see if I can enjoy myself."

With the subtlest of bows, Alicio turned on his heel, back towards the celebration, with a new lesson to learn.

Moving on isn't forgetting. It's simply healing.

- Rianna Organa -