Work In Progress Trixei, the Evil Void Force Witch

[TJ The Star Warrior]

OUT OF CHARACTER INFORMATION


Intent: A villainess for TJ and Venessa-Void


Image Credit: N/A


Role: She is a (multiple) great grandmother of Venessa-Void Kenobi's on her mother's side


Permissions: N/A


Links: The Void Force Witch (RP)


PHYSICAL INFORMATION


Age: Older than the first Jedi, best guess she is 7K


Force Sensitivity: Master


Species: Human


Appearance: She is at the moment a spirit in a book, but normally she wears robes and looks just like Venessa-Void Kenobi


SOCIAL INFORMATION


Name: Mistress Trixie Vodia, The Void Force Witch


Loyalties: She trusts no one, not even blood. She trusted someone, once, her husband/loyal follower. He tried protecting her but got killed


Wealth: Lost to time

Notable Possessions: Void Force book

Skills: Swapping people's minds, spiritual possession of inanimate objects (This case her book) , manipulation, Spell of Interpretation


Languages: They know all common languages


Personality: Evil, as in kill those who disagree with her evil. Murder her own family evil. Be a ruler and kill your followers evil... You get the idea. She feels no sympathy for anyone



COMBAT INFORMATION


Weapon of Choice: The Force


Combat Function: They face it head on, causing casualties, both living and nonliving


Force Abilities (Force Users Only): Mind tricks, force choke, mind control, possession


Strengths:
Smart
Can posses inanimate objects to live forever
Quick on her feet


Weaknesses:
No experience with technology and droids
The inanimate objects can be destroyed, killing her.
Her body looks dead when she's possessing something
Not a quick learner
If she were to have a run in with a Void Stone or Ysalamiri as the book it could possibly kill her

HISTORICAL INFORMATION
Born to parents who were abusive. Bullied for most of her life, until she found The Void Force book and learned she could control the force. She murdered her parents in cold blood, and forced those who bullied her into submission. When the first Jedis heard of this they hunted her down, but she possessed the book and they found her lifeless body. Her child was taken to the temple. Many years later, the book was found and taken to a Jedi temple on Tatatonie. Even as the book Trixie was able to manipulate everyone to leave. Even more years later, a expedition of the temple was under way, and Venessa-Void Kenobi, a decendent of Trixie, was looking for the book with the help of TJ, The Star Warrior. When TJ and Venessa-Void found the book and Venessa-Void touched it, there was a explosion which didn't destroy the temple, instead Trixie swapped TJ and Venessa-Void's minds and then took control of TJ, in Venessa-Void's body, and disappeared. After so long of not having a body, she finally had one and now she was going to cause destruction

 

[Darth Strosius]

TJ The Star Warrior

Alright this is an interesting sub that you have here, but there are a couple of holdups that need to be addressed.

First off, for Age we do like to have some sort of number to rely on, even if it's just a guess.

Second the Personality is very lacking. In what way is she evil? What does she do and what doesn't she do? Is she a wild marauder or a composed schemer? I find it best when describing a character's personality to run them through some scenarios and try to think of what and why they would so something.

Also, this isn't a requirement but more a suggestion, it would be good if you linked the thread that this NPC makes her first appearance in, as well as the character page for Vanessa. Not a requirement but it does provide easy context.

 

[TJ The Star Warrior]

TJ The Star Warrior

Alright this is an interesting sub that you have here, but there are a couple of holdups that need to be addressed.

First off, for Age we do like to have some sort of number to rely on, even if it's just a guess.

Second the Personality is very lacking. In what way is she evil? What does she do and what doesn't she do? Is she a wild marauder or a composed schemer? I find it best when describing a character's personality to run them through some scenarios and try to think of what and why they would so something.

Also, this isn't a requirement but more a suggestion, it would be good if you linked the thread that this NPC makes her first appearance in, as well as the character page for Vanessa. Not a requirement but it does provide easy context.

I'll get to work on it

 

[TJ The Star Warrior]

TJ The Star Warrior

Alright this is an interesting sub that you have here, but there are a couple of holdups that need to be addressed.

First off, for Age we do like to have some sort of number to rely on, even if it's just a guess.

Second the Personality is very lacking. In what way is she evil? What does she do and what doesn't she do? Is she a wild marauder or a composed schemer? I find it best when describing a character's personality to run them through some scenarios and try to think of what and why they would so something.

Also, this isn't a requirement but more a suggestion, it would be good if you linked the thread that this NPC makes her first appearance in, as well as the character page for Vanessa. Not a requirement but it does provide easy context.

Better

 

[Srina Talon]

Darth Strosius | TJ The Star Warrior

I'm going to pop in and try and help out here a little bit. All of your submissions have really neat concepts, but, they don't seem to be fleshed out. The missing detail and information makes it difficult to understand what you're going for.

1.) Age: "Older than the first Jedi, best guess 9999999999 years old" isn't going to work. I know you were making your best guess but you need to be reasonable with this in respect to the Star Wars Universe and the Codex Rules. No Character or Species may be Immortal - Either explicitly or implicitly stated. At that number? The character might as well be. History doesn't even go back that far.

Choose a number that is MUCH lower and that makes sense. The template literally states under age: Keep it sensible.

2.) Appearance: Describe the NPC. No one knows what Venessa-Void Kenobi looks like because she isn't linked in this submission despite being a huge part of it. I would suggest linking her character sheet AND adding some information for the Force Witch. Is she tall? Short? Eye color? Does she have a horn? We have no idea.

3.) Notable Possession: Void Force book - What is this? And how can she own it if she's a spirit and therefore incapable of retaining material items? Is this just a regular book or is it something special or imbued/alchemized? If it has no special abilities it's fine as is but we need to know what it is.

4.) Languages: What do you mean by common languages? More than Galactic Basic? Do you mean every common language ever? In Star Wars there are a ton of them. If you're looking for a loophole to allow the character to understand many languages I suggest adding the Dathomiri "Spell of Interpretation" to her skill list to explain it.

5.) Weapon of Choice: It's clever to say her "wits" but that's not really her weapon of choice. It's the Force. She may be smart, but, everything she does in an aggressive fashion requires her Force Abilities.

6.) Combat Function: That's a good start, but, we need more. What would a fight look like? What abilities would the character use to win? What should someone else on the site expect when fighting this character?

7.) Force Abilities: Possession (as it is listed in strengths) should also be listed among the Force Abilities. That's not a naturally occurring trait for a human.

8.) Weaknesses: What happens when she (or the book) comes into contact with a Void Stone or Ysalamiri? They can essentially reduce the Force to a point where it can't be used. Does the spirit get hurt? Weaken? Die? How does she keep possessing someone if this happens?

9.) History: This is still really bare for such a powerful character. Flesh it out, some. Is she still a spirit or does she regularly have a body she possesses? I know they're on TJ now but is that the norm?

---

I know this looks like a lot of information but please take your time and read it over. If you start developing your submissions more they won't get held up so often during judgments. Each one of them has the same sort of issue. We need more information and we also need to make sure that it makes sense with Star Wars/Chaos history.

Review this when you have a moment and when you've updated it give me a tag and let me know so I can come and review it again.

 

[TJ The Star Warrior]

Darth Strosius | TJ The Star Warrior

I'm going to pop in and try and help out here a little bit. All of your submissions have really neat concepts, but, they don't seem to be fleshed out. The missing detail and information makes it difficult to understand what you're going for.

1.) Age: "Older than the first Jedi, best guess 9999999999 years old" isn't going to work. I know you were making your best guess but you need to be reasonable with this in respect to the Star Wars Universe and the Codex Rules. No Character or Species may be Immortal - Either explicitly or implicitly stated. At that number? The character might as well be. History doesn't even go back that far.

Choose a number that is MUCH lower and that makes sense. The template literally states under age: Keep it sensible.

2.) Appearance: Describe the NPC. No one knows what Venessa-Void Kenobi looks like because she isn't linked in this submission despite being a huge part of it. I would suggest linking her character sheet AND adding some information for the Force Witch. Is she tall? Short? Eye color? Does she have a horn? We have no idea.

3.) Notable Possession: Void Force book - What is this? And how can she own it if she's a spirit and therefore incapable of retaining material items? Is this just a regular book or is it something special or imbued/alchemized? If it has no special abilities it's fine as is but we need to know what it is.

4.) Languages: What do you mean by common languages? More than Galactic Basic? Do you mean every common language ever? In Star Wars there are a ton of them. If you're looking for a loophole to allow the character to understand many languages I suggest adding the Dathomiri "Spell of Interpretation" to her skill list to explain it.

5.) Weapon of Choice: It's clever to say her "wits" but that's not really her weapon of choice. It's the Force. She may be smart, but, everything she does in an aggressive fashion requires her Force Abilities.

6.) Combat Function: That's a good start, but, we need more. What would a fight look like? What abilities would the character use to win? What should someone else on the site expect when fighting this character?

7.) Force Abilities: Possession (as it is listed in strengths) should also be listed among the Force Abilities. That's not a naturally occurring trait for a human.

8.) Weaknesses: What happens when she (or the book) comes into contact with a Void Stone or Ysalamiri? They can essentially reduce the Force to a point where it can't be used. Does the spirit get hurt? Weaken? Die? How does she keep possessing someone if this happens?

9.) History: This is still really bare for such a powerful character. Flesh it out, some. Is she still a spirit or does she regularly have a body she possesses? I know they're on TJ now but is that the norm?

---

I know this looks like a lot of information but please take your time and read it over. If you start developing your submissions more they won't get held up so often during judgments. Each one of them has the same sort of issue. We need more information and we also need to make sure that it makes sense with Star Wars/Chaos history.

Review this when you have a moment and when you've updated it give me a tag and let me know so I can come and review it again.

That better

Srina Talon [/User]

 

[Srina Talon]

TJ The Star Warrior

Somewhat, but we're not there yet. I want you to go back and review everything I mentioned in my previous response and really take your time going through it. Try and think about the character you're trying to represent so that others won't misconstrue what you've written. Right now the details are sparse and it doesn't completely make sense.

1.) Age: This is "999999" is still not going to fly. The history of the galaxy doesn't even go back that far so the "First Jedi" wouldn't have even existed to make sense with the history of this NPC. I normally don't give out specific numbers but it doesn't seem like you know what I mean when I say: Be sensible. So choose something between 5K-10K.

2.) Appearance: We still don't know what Venessa-Void Kenobi looks like and if she has a character sheet it's still not linked. Try just adding a few sentences about her appearance. Is she a scary spirit? Blond? What would she look like to someone looking at her?

3.) Notable Possession: Void Force Book - What is this? Just a book about the Force or is it imbued/alchemized?

4.) Combat Function: Same as before...It's a good start, but, we need more. What would a fight look like? What abilities would the character use to win? What should someone else on the site expect when fighting this character?

5.) Force Abilities: Still not listed...Possession (as it is listed in strengths) should also be listed among the Force Abilities. That's not a naturally occurring trait for a human.

6.) History: This is still really bare for such a powerful character. Flesh it out, some more. What kind of destruction? What are her goals? Whose body is she really occupying at the moment?

Take some time and really think about it.

 

[TJ The Star Warrior]

TJ The Star Warrior

Somewhat, but we're not there yet. I want you to go back and review everything I mentioned in my previous response and really take your time going through it. Try and think about the character you're trying to represent so that others won't misconstrue what you've written. Right now the details are sparse and it doesn't completely make sense.

1.) Age: This is "999999" is still not going to fly. The history of the galaxy doesn't even go back that far so the "First Jedi" wouldn't have even existed to make sense with the history of this NPC. I normally don't give out specific numbers but it doesn't seem like you know what I mean when I say: Be sensible. So choose something between 5K-10K.

2.) Appearance: We still don't know what Venessa-Void Kenobi looks like and if she has a character sheet it's still not linked. Try just adding a few sentences about her appearance. Is she a scary spirit? Blond? What would she look like to someone looking at her?

3.) Notable Possession: Void Force Book - What is this? Just a book about the Force or is it imbued/alchemized?

4.) Combat Function: Same as before...It's a good start, but, we need more. What would a fight look like? What abilities would the character use to win? What should someone else on the site expect when fighting this character?

5.) Force Abilities: Still not listed...Possession (as it is listed in strengths) should also be listed among the Force Abilities. That's not a naturally occurring trait for a human.

6.) History: This is still really bare for such a powerful character. Flesh it out, some more. What kind of destruction? What are her goals? Whose body is she really occupying at the moment?

Take some time and really think about it.

I'm going to make some changes but, Venessa-Void is linked in her names first appearance, possession is listed and it's hard to describe something that really is just bare. Again, I can fix some, but maybe you should double check your right

 

[Srina Talon]

TJ The Star Warrior

Again, I can fix some, but maybe you should double check your right

Check the attitude, friend. This is the only time I'll say it.

You're missing the rest of the questions I'm asking in favor of picking at small items. This submission IS bare and that's part of the trouble. Go through the items that I've mentioned above and pay particular attention to Age and fleshing out the other sections. Appearance isn't just "linking" Vanessa somewhere in the submission, hoping someone will see it, and moving on. What does this character look like at a glance?

People shouldn't have to check multiple subs just to know what's going on.

The other things are self-explanatory. Just take your time with it. You don't need to rush it out - There's no time limit.

 

[Srina Talon]

TJ The Star Warrior

Just checking in on this one. Are you still working on this? If you would like more time I can move it to the Pre-Codex where you can make adjustments. When you're ready you would just copy the contents of the submission and re-post it here.

 

[TJ The Star Warrior]

Needed more time

 

[Srina Talon]

TJ The Star Warrior

That's okay. I'll move it to the Pre-Codex for you and you can make adjustments at your leisure. When you're all done just press the "Edit" button and copy the text so you can re-post it here in Live Judgement and we'll review it for you.