Feedback Thread: Ploy of the Necromancer

[Vladislav Von Kresvelgard]

As the thread is really going along smoothly. I would like to know if there is anything that I can improve that can make the thread more enjoyable. As a new story writer I am always on the lookout for things to improve upon.

Please comment down below and let me know if the thread is going alright or if I need to improve upon it to make it more interesting.

People that this might concern:
Loreena Arenais-Valhoun
Rex Valhoun
Jorus Q. Merrill
Saram Kote
Ares Atrius
Luther Lewis
Jin X
Var-Sulis
Grand Shepherd Burtch
Sanji Hoss
Regel
Coren Starchaser

Public - Ploy of the Necromancer (Civil War on Cademimu V) (Open to All)

Objective Two & Three Aid in the defense of the Liberators’ stronghold Somehow counter the missile battery defenses of the planet Interaction: Open "Sir enemy forces have activated sensor jamming. They know we're here!" The sensor officer announced. "Do we not have eyes anymore...

www.starwarsrp.net

 

[Jin X]

Darth Mordheim

I'm enjoying the thread. And I'll being posting tonight. Had to cover a couple of shifts at work over the holidays.

 

[Vladislav Von Kresvelgard]

Jin X

That is perfectly fine. Real life is way more important

 

[Rex Valhoun]

Darth Mordheim

I shall begin with the good:

• I Love the plot, civil war, loyalists and liberators, etc. and I hope the result of this thread will make a true impact on the future of your character, and maybe even impact The NIO

• You have done a great job staying active, you've gotten posts out at a great speed.

• The Objectives are pretty good...a good variety of offense, defense, and stealth.

Now the negatives

• Your PvP needs a lot of work. You have called hits, you have spawned things just for convenience without mentioning or even hinting at them in previous posts, and you haven't taken a hit that wasn't self-inflicted. When you listed your forces, you did not give a number, just what type of forces there are. Etc.

• While I like the story, it lacks depth. It's simple...liberators v loyalists of a dictator. How long has the conflict been going on? Who leads the liberators? Why are they rebelling? Where is The New Imperial Order? This is an important planet, shouldn't there be a garrison?

Anyways, that's it for now. Hope it helps.

 

[Vladislav Von Kresvelgard]

Rex Valhoun

While I do appreciate the feedback and will improve upon it.

But as a giver and receiver of feedback, I will respond to some of your negatives which I believe require an explanation on my part. I am not disagreeing to any extent, anything that I mention can be taken with a grain of salt.

• Anything that I have spawned in that aren't directly listed are supposed to add some tension to the story about some unknown element our heroes have to face which will add more to the story overall because you aren't prepared for it. I do not believe in giving free meta information that might interrupt the narrative for the story to have some sort of impact upon the people who are participating.
• As for the New Imperial Order and where their forces are on the planet, I have no permission from the faction itself to roleplay their forces on the planet. It wouldn't be within my rights to roleplay an element to which I have no permission to do such.
• While I do agree that the story is simple in regards to a Loyalist Faction which supports the Rightful Government of Cademimu V. And the Liberators which support the Old Government that was removed by the Coup of Edgar Buckley. Simple stories don't really have to have much depth if the premise has been done before and you know what to expect. Therefore I didn't try and bog down the rp with detail after detail of non-important information such has how long the conflict has been going on, or who exactly leads the liberators because those are not going to affect the outcome of the story.
• As for the calling hits department, I am aware that I have a problem with this and are going to work on it in future posts to the thread. But as you have the power to avoid any or all of my damage that I have stated in any of my posts. I figured that you would simply adjust to my moves as follows and ignored any damage that I did state which was unfair in your eyes.