The Value of Friendship

[Kaalia Pavanos]

​

Bastion of Ren
Virgillia

Kaalia paced through the hallways of the bastion, trying to calm her mind down. It was a quick trip to Coruscant, [member="Ara Ren"] said. A day late was alright, that wasn't anything to be concerned about, but now it was a week later without a single sign of her. The redhead was worried beyond belief now that something had overcome her friend; a thought that filled her with dread and fear. "She's fine, she can handle herself. Ara probably ran into a guy and decided to just have some fun with him... Or something." It was a hopeless attempt at convincing herself everything was alright, the only thing that would make her truly believe she was alright was if the woman saw her friend with her own eyes.

"I swear to the Force, if you turn this into a habit..." Kaalia mumbled as she shook her head, still aimlessly wandering through the hallways. "Fresh air. I need some fresh air." she thought, and made her way back to her quarters. A fluid motion through the Force opened the door, and the woman walked over to her bed where her coat lied. Observing the mess lying everywhere, she made a mental note to tidy the place up. Kaalia flung the coat over her shoulders, walked out, and closed the door the same way she opened it. While trying to shake off the nagging thoughts she made her way to the entrance of the bastion.

While walking her way there, she thought back to the training she had received from her master, Jaron Lesan. Finding guidance from the Knight was something she held off on, not wanting to burden the Ren with yet another one taking up time, but it turned out to be a large step forward in embracing the darkness within her. Her passive aura in the Force had become darker, her emotions more free. She definitely wasn't there yet, the dark side wasn't something she fully embraced yet, but perhaps [member="Connor Harrison"] would be able to contact the help he mentioned when they first met in Avalonia. All in all, there was tangible progress and it fueled her determination.

Those experiences only momentarily cast her mind away from her worries, and not long after Kaalia started feeling the nagging thoughts return. "The things I'd do to have Ara back here safely..."

 

[Ara Zambrano]

Been sitting eyes wide open behind these four walls, hoping you'd call
It's just a cruel existence like there's no point hoping at all

Baby, baby, I feel crazy, up all night, all night and every day
Give me something, oh, but you say nothing
What is happening to me?

I don't wanna live forever, 'cause I know I'll be living in vain
And I don't wanna fit wherever
I just wanna keep calling your name
until you come back home


She was healthy, she'd been healed, and she was miserable. The small craft had arrived at the Bastion an hour or so ago, but Ara hadn't found the will to actually removed herself from the cabin and make her way into the Bastion she called home now. A simple trip to Coruscant to settle the rest of her financial affairs had gone downhill quickly and with disastrous results. She refused to glance down at her right ankle, currently covered in layers of cloth and her traditional knee-high boots. Her side was still tight from the abuse on her muscle, a brilliant red scar tracing it's way from just beneath her shoulder blade across her ribs, ending at her the curve of her eighth rib. It was a beautiful match to the one on her right shoulder curtesy of her first sparring match with [member="Connor Harrison"].

The thought of the ex-Jedi had her groaning and regretting her decision to return so soon. She had a fifty percent chance the ex-Jedi wasn't present in the Bastion, he'd been searching for a place on Avalonia, but recently had been using the training facilities here on Virgillia to strengthen his connection to the dark side of the Force. No, her real concern was fellow disciple and friend, [member="Kaalia Voldaren"].

She'd left eight...no, nine, days ago with a promise to return shortly. The girls had a scouting mission on Naboo to complete and she had promised not to hold it up. Now here she was, a week late and damaged. It was one of the many reasons she'd lingered on Dosuun even after Doc Ven had patched her up, now she had to face her defeat not only to herself, but to her friend and her Master.

The Disciple hefted herself up from the co-pilots chair as AD-1891 once again came around to check on her. She waved the white-armor trooper away and grabbed her cloak, wrapping it tightly around her shoulders and pulling the hood up, finding comfort in the shadows.

The trek from the subterranean hanger to the floor housing the Disciple's quarters was difficult, the memory of pain and fried nerves making each step difficult. She knew it was all in her mind, but flashes of the fight and flight for survival kept replaying themselves in her mind, her frustration and anger unwilling to let the incident pass.

Her room was exactly as she'd left it, neat, tidy, and near impersonal. She tossed her cloak from her shoulders into a corner and set her boots at the foot of her bed frame, retreating to the sanctuary of her blankets and pillows, back turned to the door. Eventually she'd have to face the harsh reality and get past her anger and pain, but for now, she'd wallow where no one could see.

 

[Connor Harrison]

Connor traced his steps through the entrance as he followed her out. It was his second time at the Bastion, and he'd been here for training with the sabers; mostly the cross-guard. Things were coming together now for the Disciple - still strange not calling himself Master, but that was the past. Training was moving forward. He had his own Ren robe and armour and mask. He had a place on Avalonia. He had contacts, and he had the Force. This was the start of the way up.

Wearing his training gear, now dry from the last time he had visited, of black trousers and vest, he jogged forward as the figure in the coat with long red hair went into the cool outside.

"Kaalia!”

He squeezed past two patrolling troopers.

"Kaal...excuse me....Kaalia!”

Catching up, he reached the young girl and moved in front of her, catching his breath. Hands on hips, he had a confused look on his face.

"You're either deaf or in another world. You alright? I didn't....I didn't know you where here....and why is it I'm always running when I have to talk to....you.” Something was up. "What's wrong?”

[member="Ara Ren"] | [member="Kaalia Voldaren"]

 

[Kaalia Pavanos]

"C-Connor? I'm so sorry, I'm just out of it right now." Kaalia was a bit startled as [member="Connor Harrison"] entered her vision, shaking her head to clear her mind. "It's Ara. She left for Coruscant nine days ago, something about settling financial affairs, and said she'd be back quickly. I haven't heard hide or hair from her since. I can't contact her at all." her face will still filled with worry. "I'm afraid something happened to her."

The redhead looked at Connor, and before she could continue speaking she felt the Force speak to her. "I... Wait a second..." She let her mind reach out, looking for the source of what she felt. "Do you feel that? It's something... I need to check it out. I'm going. Now." Kaalia's mind was obviously a mess, but something strongly urged her to find out what it was. She turned on her heel, quickly going back inside. There was some kind of direction in her step, letting the Force lead her towards the Disciples' quarters. It was a presence she felt, and it made her heart jump for a moment. The woman didn't check whether Connor had followed him, but she assumed he did. She stood before [member="Ara Ren"]'s quarters, the presence clearly behind the door. "Could it be..." She debated opening the door, but instead she decided to knock.

"A-Ara? Is that you?"

 

[Ara Zambrano]

She'd almost dozed off. At least that's what she was telling herself. She was not replaying the fight and flight for the millionth time, step by step, motion for motion. What could she have done better? Why did her attack not work? Why the feth had she thought chasing after some strangely familiar figure to be a good idea in Galactic Alliance territory right before they were to go to war?

It had to rank among the top five stupidest decisions she'd ever made.

And there was the real rub. The anger and pain bubbling around her snapped and hissed as the anger was directed inward. She could lie all she wanted and pretend she was mad at the mysterious master who'd wiped her arse across the floor in seconds. She could blame Talon Ren for not training her better how to protect herself against other force users. Or she could man up and blame herself for bad decision making.

She growled and punched the nearest pillow, unsatisfied when there was no crunch of bone. Pillows weren't nearly as good a stress reliever as punching bags or faces. She smirked, a bit of her old humor leaking through at the thought of punching the rogue square in the jaw. How satisfying that mental image.

In that moment of relief from angry thoughts, she felt them approach. [member="Kaalia Voldaren"] and [member="Connor Harrison"]. Together. Lovely, just lovely.

Kaalia's voice floated through the door following a light knock. She glared at the wall and debated pretending she wasn't in, or that she was asleep. But if she could sense them, they could definitely sense her. Burying her head in one of her many pillows she cursed.

"Go away. Both of you."

She didn't even bother making a crude joke or teasing them, she just wanted to be left alone with the emotions swirling around her.

 

[Connor Harrison]

Connor followed Kaalia with a concerned expression, but knowing something wasn’t right between the two, or Ara specifically. It had to be. Following on through the Bastion to the quarters, he himself having been allocated one but not near Ara’s, Connor was gradually getting the hang of where to go and what to do.

Coming to her quarters, he leant on the wall beside the door as Kaalia knocked. Nothing.

And then, a quiet voice.

Connor looked to Kaalia. He didn’t need to state the obvious, but he didn’t need to make the situation worse himself. While he was lucky to have befriended the pair, he was new to the scene and thus their relationship, and had to remember that. Ara would need Kaalia.

He leant over and palmed the door pad; it was unlocked, and it opened at his touch.

Her room was dark, and a few items were strewn on the floor, and as he followed them with his eyes, a figure was curled on the bed, face in the pillow. With a deflated sigh, he edged Kaalia into the room with a hand on her back.

Stepping in, he stood back and closed the door and gave them space.

[member="Ara Ren"] | [member="Kaalia Voldaren"]

 

[Kaalia Pavanos]

Kaalia nodded at [member="Connor Harrison"] as a quick understanding between the two came in existance. He opened the door and edged her into the room, the man staying near the door as it closed. She took a single step forward, and stayed there. "I was worried sick about you." The redhead started taking heavier breaths, her first instinct to let teardrops form in her eyes. She held those back, but it took a lot of effort. "You were gone for so long, and I t-thought the worst had happened and..." Kaalia halted her rambling and steadied herself a bit. She walked over to [member="Ara Ren"]'s desk, and sat down on the chair. "I'm glad you're back. I-I don't know what I would've done if you..." A tear ran down her scar, and she let it roll down her cheek, halting at her jaw. "You're the closest friend I've ever had, and not knowing what was going on scared me so much. I haven't slept properly for days. I thought you were gone for good, or, or worse."

Kaalia shook her head. "I'm sorry, I'm making it all about me and I shouldn't. I know you don't want to talk, b-but are you ok? Can I help you with anything? I just... Want to be there for you." There was a small amount of relief running through her mind, and it was the only thing that kept her turning into an emotional wreck. Kaalia having an emotional breakdown was the last thing Ara needed, no matter what happened back on Coruscant. "I, we, Connor too, I'm sure, care about you, Ara. We hate seeing you like this. I don't need to know what happened if you don't want to talk about it, but at least tell us what we can do for you."

 

[Ara Zambrano]

The sound of the door opening had Ara twisting to face the door, glaring at them both as they entered but sticking [member="Connor Harrison"] with a particularly nasty look as he settled by the door. No doubt he was the one who'd opened the door, [member="Kaalia Voldaren"] wouldn't have entered on her own without some sort of prodding or direct invitation.

She glanced at her friend as she started babbling, the disciple barely resisting the urge to roll her eyes in exasperation as the younger woman went on and on about being worried and scared. When the tears started flowing, Ara sighed audibly and sat up, crossing her legs and resting her arms on the pillow she settled into her lap. A stormy frown settled across her brow as she watched and listened, eyebrows winging up as the red-head continued babbling about trying to help and Ara needing to talk. The anger bubbling away in the pit of her stomach grew, this time directed at her friend.

"If you are serious, that's just...pathetic."

She twisted, setting both feet on the floor. The brunette winced automatically as her right foot hit the stones and she shifted weight onto it. It didn't hurt, but she kept being prepared for the ankle to fail. She pushed away from the bed and strode to the door, glaring at Connor as she approached.

"I'm fine. And you need to learn how to deal with the loss of people you care about better than that."

She glanced at Kaalia, eyes swimming with anger and venom. Was she serious? She did know they were about to be at war. People would die. Friends wouldn't return from battle and if she broke down like this every time someone was delayed or injured, she'd be no good to any of them. Didn't she know that no one would care?

She smirked at the closed door as her thoughts echoed what the girl had just said. That they cared about her. Her ire rose as she considered what that meant. Her gaze flashed to the man standing a few feet away. He was attracted to her and she to him. They both knew it. They found mutual benefit in training together and mutual entertainment in each other's company. He could find all of those things elsewhere.

Kaalia...Kaalia was a more difficult puzzle to put together. Form the moment she'd sat down to share a meal, they'd been easy friends. Friends, what did that even mean?

"If you want to help, then go away. I'm fine."

They would leave and she could heal her wounded pride in peace. When she was worth something to them again, she'd come back and it would be like nothing had happened. Two new scars and a bitter attitude, sure, but life could resume it's course.

 

[Connor Harrison]

Connor stood, and watched.

First, Kaalia. The emotion from that girl was unlike anything he’d seen before, but then he hardly knew her. How far did their relationship and friendship go? Either way, the girl wore her heart on her sleeve, and while emotion shouldn’t be forbidden at all, it had to be controlled.

She wasn’t in control.

Ara. He had known her longest, and was glad he did. Watching her body language, she was in pain. She had been away for days according to Kaalia, who seemed not to be able to function without her, and so came back wounded. She had been in conflict, and her body – and pride – were wounded.

He clocked the looks like daggers, and the ire in her voice.

He’d seen it all before, and also been the one to give it.

"She just cares about you, Ara. Don’t attack someone her for that.”

While he defended Kaalia, he agreed with how she needed to cope better. Connor’s arms were folded, and he was choosing his words carefully. He cared about the pair too, for they were welcoming and gave him help in his early days. But he cared for Ara a whole lot more than he should.

"If I can give you one piece of advice, just one, then it’s to swallow you pride around friends. If not friends, fine, but Kaalia at least. I’ve been where you are, and when I wanted support and help, I’d pushed people away so many times I ended up with nothing. Literally nothing. I can only thank the Force I found you when I did. Both of you.”

He didn’t look away from her, but didn’t want to patronise her – then again, she was a tough cookie, and he knew he’d have to assert himself around her.

"Tell us what happened and stop being stubborn.”

[member="Ara Ren"] | [member="Kaalia Voldaren"]

 

[Kaalia Pavanos]

[member="Ara Ren"]'s reaction shifted something within Kaalia. Gone was the urge to cry, and something more controlled took its place. Her voice was firm now. She still wasn't fully alright herself, but she realized how out of control she acted and had to shake that off. "You are not fine. You're in pain. Something happened and you're pushing me away when I reach out to help you. I won't accept that." She glared right back at Ara, nothing less than offended at her friend's reaction. "You're my friend, and if there's one thing you need to know about me is that I go far to help them. Connor is right, leaving you here doesn't help at all. I'm not leaving you here to wallow in self-pity, and if I need to push you to the edge to accept the help I will do just that."

"Maybe I do need to learn how to deal better with losing people I care about, but you need to learn to accept the helping hand when it's reached out to you." The redhead stood up, eyes not looking away from the figure on the bed. "I'm not going to leave it up to you anymore. You're going to tell at least one of us what happened. You're going to get it off you chest so whatever happened can be given a place so you can move forward. I care too much about you to leave you here." Kaalia wiped the tear from her face. "You tell me to leave the room, go right ahead but if you do Connor stays and you will tell him."

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Ara Zambrano]

She wanted to growl at both of them, an urge she gave into relatively quickly. She met Connor's gaze, stare for glare.

"What if I don't want help?"

It was a flat statement, not a true question. She didn't break eye contact as he talked, even though the mention of having nothing sent a spike of familiarity through her. She was no longer in a place where she had nothing. She had a home, a family unit of sorts, and even these two- annoying as they were being at the moment. She refused to acknowledge his comment about finding them when he did. She had no doubt that he'd have found his way into their order without the two women in the room, it just may not have been nearly as interesting for them.

She opened her mouth to snap back as he called her out, only to be interrupted by [member="Kaalia Voldaren"]. Her mouth snapped shut and she turned her back to the wall, better to view both of them at once. If she wasn't so angry she have been amused as the two of them ganged up on her. Something she would have expected of herself, but not her red-headed friend.

"Push me to the edge?" One side of her mouth quirked up in a smirk, eyes thunderous. "I'd like to see you try."

Pride and bravado were a dangerous mix. Pride, bravado, and pain was even worse. And Ara had them in spades. For a moment, the three stood, locked in a battle of wills none wanted to concede. She raised her eyebrows and chuckled, a bitter sound.

"As fun as that would be, two against one is not in my favor." She twisted the handle and started to open the door. "I have a third option, you two can stay here and I'll leave."

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

He didn't react. He let her speak, and then he let Kaalia speak. While her emotions were raw and intense, Connor had the benefit of knowing them for a total of - what, less than a standard month? Maybe more? Time seemed to go so fast, but he was here, and they needed his near-neutrality to their relationship.

Ara fired quick shots at them, and moved for the door, past the pair. Much like the mentalism training, there was no easy way out of facing fears and weaknesses that would only make you stronger when you did.

Connor half-turned, and swept his right hand. The door slammed shut, leaving Ara's hand holding nothing, and he moved to stand before the pad to lock it. He did so with his palm and blocked it.

"Fourth option. Nobody against nobody, and you stay here and tell us what happened.”

She would hate him, hit him...but inside, he knew she'd appreciate it. Hopefully. Connor Harrison never played by the book.

"Go sit down, take the weight of the quite obvious broken bones and bruised flesh. Then, we clean you up and talk. Accelerated healing, remember.”

He glanced to Kaalia, and then Ara, and scooted her back with his hand.

[member="Ara Ren"] | [member="Kaalia Voldaren"]

 

[Kaalia Pavanos]

"Nobody is against anybody. I don't care how stubborn you're going to be, but until you actually let us help you I'm not leaving. And you aren't either. We aren't just allies, we're friends. Friends help each other and let each other help them." Kaalia looked at Ara intently as [member="Connor Harrison"] asked her to sit down. "I don't know how things worked back on Coruscant but I can safely say that is not how it works here. We're more than just tools for each other to use."

The redhead sat back down on the chair, looking to make level eye contact would [member="Ara Ren"] actually sit down. "Maybe I made a mistake in letting it happen, but you mean a lot to me. You know I don't lie, and this is no exception. But the way you're acting now makes me think you don't really care at all. I told you the truth, now I am asking the same thing from you: Do you care about me, or am I just another tool to you?" Her stare seemed like it went right through Ara. Whether she answered or not, it would tell Kaalia something that was extremely important to her.

 

[Ara Zambrano]

The door flew from her hand, slamming shut, as [member="Connor Harrison"] moved in front of the pad and locked her in. For one brief moment she debated choking the life out of him just for spite. She levelled a glare, letting him see the violent thoughts flash across her face. When he mentioned obvious broken bones, she smirked and turned away, muttering under her breath, "Not broken anymore."

As she'd said before, two against weren't good odds, and she was hedging her bets.

Her gaze shifted to [member="Kaalia Voldaren"] as she weighed in. A corner of her mouth lifted in a grim smile as the red-headed mentioned them being more than them just being tools for each other. What a naïve thought, to assume they weren't just tools to be used and thrown away. They were soldiers. Powerful ones, but pawns none-the-less.

Her friend sat back in the chair and leveled a very direct, very telling question. Ara had yet to move, standing a foot or so away from Connor and the hand still poised to grab the door handle should a chance to leave reveal itself. She highly doubted it, but she wasn't going to take this conversation sitting down.

She stared at one spot on the wall, the skin between her eyebrows crinkling in anger and frustration.

Kaalia wanted the truth. Ara closed her eyes and growled quietly to herself. The truth? The truth was that she liked the red-head, more than she wanted to admit. She liked the easy way the girl accepted her and welcomed her. She took the flirting and the teasing and played along. She was awkward and unsure and kind, and that made her weak, but in some ways endearing. Ara liked the girl being around. She liked having someone to talk to and relax with. Out of all of the Ren, she would trust Kaalia to have her back. And Connor too.

But were they just tools to her? She could dissect their personalities, peel apart their flaws and weaknesses if asked. Did friends do that? Did friends take mental stock of every shred of weakness or fear and save it, just in case she needed it?

Her eyes opened, the frown still present as she continued staring at the spot on the wall. The truth? If it came down to them or her, she'd pick her every time. And she'd bet her life that they would do the same. Everyone was selfish and self-serving. She couldn't and wouldn't forget that. But this wasn't a life or death situation.

"I went h-..." She wanted to refer to Coruscant as home, as she always had, but it felt strange, alien on her tongue. Coruscant was no longer home to her. This place, this fortress of stone and darkness was. "I went to Coruscant to collect the last of my things and settle my accounts."

She turned and leaned against the door frame, not meeting either of their gazes, instead staring at the lump of cloak in the corner. She crossed her arms over her chest, fingers itching to run over the new scar in her side. She stopped herself easily, unwilling to draw attention to it.

"I thought there was someone familiar, someone from the Military Ball. I was curious why he was in Galactic Alliance territory and followed him." She winced. "He wasn't friendly and made that know pretty much right off. But I'm fine now."

She glanced at Connor, her smile full of dark humor. [color-gold]"That clinic in Avalonia is as good as you said."[/color]

She stopped talking and met Kaalia's gaze. Either the girl would take the admission and accept it as an answer or she wouldn't.

 

[Kaalia Pavanos]

Kaalia stared back at [member="Ara Ren"], and let out a sigh. "I'm glad you told me. I appreciate that." She still looked disappointed, despite finally getting the answer to her question. She got up, and looked away towards the door. The redhead realized Ara wasn't ready to answer the question, and it told her enough for now.

"When you're ready to answer my question with the options I provided, come find me." Kaalia started walking towards the door, passing [member="Connor Harrison"] as she did. She didn't look back when she spoke again, simply staring in front of her. "I care about you. You mean a lot to me. That doesn't mean I'll just let you treat me like a tool. Once you understand what I'm trying to tell you, we can be friends." The woman opened the door, and if left uninterrupted would walk out.

 

[Connor Harrison]

He stood there, arms folded, watching and listening.

The shell began to crack a little, enough for her whereabouts to become clear, but still tease a few details that needed to be expanded on. Always masked with a smirk here, a dry slice of wit there. It was very clear to Connor when the mask was protecting something, and now it was. Her body language was slow and steady, and her aura was muted.

She was like a proud predator who had to lick their wounds and pretend they weren’t hurting to lose face.

Kaalia spoke, and surprised him by wanting to leave. Granted, there was only much people could do or say, but she was hurting.

As she passed, he refrained from saying or doing anything, but turned his head as she went to acknowledge her. The door closed, and the silence was deafening as well as the atmosphere. Connor licked his lip slowly and looked back to Ara, brow raised as if he was waiting for the real truth now.

"Ok, are you going to tell me more than that, because it’s not good enough as why you were gone without contact for over a week, and then come back all cut up and bruised and beaten. Oh, and cut her some slack, seriously. She cares for you. That short of friendship is invaluable.”

[member="Kaalia Voldaren"] | [member="Ara Ren"]

 

[Ara Zambrano]

She watched [member="Kaalia Voldaren"] as she approached, moving to the side to give the woman access to the door. Her expression darkened and she turned away, letting the red-head leave without a word. If Kaalia chose to not accept the answer Ara had given, it wasn't her problem.

She turned away from the door and walked to the vacated chair, sitting as [member="Connor Harrison"] spoke. Her eyebrows rose, as he demanded the truth and for her to cut the other Disciple some slack.

"She's the one who chose to leave."

The remark was filled with more bitterness than she wanted and she instantly stopped herself from continuing. For a moment her anger bled into disappointed acceptance. This was caring? Walking off because your ego was bruised and not accepting the answer that was given?

She looked away from the door and the man standing in front of it, focused on nothing in particular as her anger swirled, jumping from one target to the next. The mysterious knight, Kaalia, Connor....herself.

"Not good enough, hmm? And what would you do if I told you I was in over my head? If I said I'd almost died on Coruscant?"

She levelled her glare at him.

"Is that what you want to hear? Do you want to see the scars?"

She stood and started pacing, her anger breaking the surface, the Force leaking into her with the strength of the emotion.

"What do you WANT, Connor? What do either of you want?! You want me to break? You want me to cry?" She spun, eyes rimmed in yellow-red, blazing with internal anger.

"It's over. I'm fine. I'm fixed. Happy?"

She pointed to the door, movements jerky and brimming with uncontrolled emotion.

"Now you know. So go. Go find Kaalia. Go tell her everything and make sure she's okay. She needs you more than I do."

Spoiler

I, I've been trying to fix my pride
But that poodoo's broken, that poodoo's broken
Lie (lie, lie), lie, l-lie, I try to hide
But now you know it

That I'm at an all time

 

[Connor Harrison]

It was hard to see and hear. Of course it was. And for a while it was like looking at himself; rebelling against those close to you. Rebelling against compassion or care. All for what? The sake of pride and ego - all the things drummed into you that took away your humanity in the name of serving an Order.

And then when you needed to feel human, they had died. Died with you. Dead. Buried.

Ara’s eyes seeped with the Dark Side, and it was harder for Connor not to find that side of her more alluring. The passion and strength she radiated was wonderful, but her thoughts behind it were not. They were taking control of her, rather than her in control of them.

Ara and Kaalia were polar opposites. Connor had to at least keep some stability for the pair.

He could hit her and knock sense into her. No. He wouldn’t.

So he stood looking at her, arms folded. His face set, a strong pillar of Force energy letter her rebound against him and say - shout - what she needed to. It was part of the process after all. Moments later, she gave the order to go.

"I don’t want to go. She may need me more, but I don’t believe you think that really. And if we are making assumptions like this, then how about I need you more than her.”

He swallowed a little, and took two steps forward into the emotional minefield she stood across from him on. He’d seen this so many times, and he’d been a casualty of stepping the wrong way many times also.

"I don’t want to fix you either, because you don’t need fixing. I don’t want you to be somebody you’re not. I just want you to be you.” The thought of it made his mouth curl a little into a gentle smile, an almost foolish one. "I’ve never met someone like you before, Ara, and seeing you like this pains me, but then I know there is so much greatness in you. It’s exciting. Just there to unlock. I want to help you unlock it. Hell, do you want me to spell it out?”

He blew a small breathe out and looked away at the wall for a moment.

"Forget Kaalia, right now. Forget the things that make you doubt. I see you for what you are and who you are and what you can become. And also what you have gone through to get here. It’s wonderful. You’re wonderful.”

Looking back to her, he turned slightly and held his hand out.

"Let me have a look at you.”

[member="Ara Ren"]

 

[Kaalia Pavanos]

When the door slammed shut, Kaalia's presence in the Force became dark. Her emotions swirled all around her, the mental pain acting as fuel to the fire. She felt betrayed again, much like she was by her former Jedi master, and feeling the pain again made her realize why she was seeking shelter within the darkness. When she first felt this pain, it was unbearable. The woman was taught to stick those emotions away, let them brood within her. Those feelings were still inside her, but she wouldn't hide them any longer. The pain and anguish she was feeling from [member="Ara Ren"]'s actions against her was instead channeled through the Force, and Kaalia was going to feel the power she wanted to feel for too long. A dark, grim smile was drawn across her face as she walked towards a training room.

"I will no longer be weak." The redhead reached out to a training dummy through the Force, bringing it to herself. She stood in the middle of the room, and with a wicked smile she sent out a burst of energy. The dummy flew through the air with power that she had never felt before, the darkness flowing through her. It cracked when it hit the wall hard, but she didn't let go. Instead, Kaalia sent it over to the wall to the other side with even more force, causing it to burst into pieces. The woman's eyes started turning red, her irises a sulphur yellow. It felt intoxicating, her emotions making her more powerful than she'd ever felt. Kaalia started yelling, reciting the words her master Jaron Lesan taught her. "Peace is a lie, there is only passion!" Power swirled all around her, making her feel invincible.

"Through passion, I gain strength!" Whispers of the dark reached out to her, tempting her to give in and lose control. The redhead shook her head, not allowing that to happen, and her voice got louder. "Through strength, I gain power!" The whispers died out, leaving her alone in the darkness. Before, it would've scared her but now she felt nothing but bliss. She telekinetically grabbed another training dummy, and slammed it against the wall again. This time it broke the moment it first made impact with the wall, pieces flying across the room. "Through power, I gain victory!" Kaalia ignited her sabers after leaving a dummy floating in the air, and jumped up letting the Force propel her up. Rapid-fire slices cut up the dummy in pieces, letting them fall to the floor. "Through victory, my chains are broken!"

Kaalia landed back on the floor, looking at the destruction around her. It felt good. "The Force shall free me." Her eyes turned back to normal, and the whirlwind of emotions around her died down. "Am I still weak, Ara? Am I!?"

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Ara Zambrano]

I don’t want to go. She may need me more, but I don’t believe you think that really.

She turned away sharply, cursing him under her breath. Out of the two of them, [member="Kaalia Voldaren"] needed someone to help her more than Ara did. Ara was used to being alone, she was used to being cast aside, left alone, and struggling to survive. She always did and would continue to do so.

And if we are making assumptions like this, then how about I need you more than her.

She froze mid-step, having turned and moving towards the bundle of cloak on the floor for no other reason than to have something to do. An invisible hand clinched around her heart, her eyes slamming shut with a sharp intake of breath.

Of course you do. Everyone does. Needs me for something. Needs me to fight. Needs me to hunt, to scavenge, to make them look good, to boost their ego. They always need SOMETHING from me. She cursed herself for the stupidity of those thoughts. She’d long ago accepted that she was a tool to be used and in turn did the same. Everyone was a tool, a pawn, and that was it. That was it. Wasn’t it?

The power surrounding her spiked, her anger and ire rising, as misconceptions and past hurts twisted and warped the words and their meaning. She felt him move closer and she resisted the urge to give in to the power and slam him back, away from her.

I don’t want to fix you either, because you don’t need fixing. I don’t want you to be somebody you’re not. I just want you to be you.

One corner of her mouth quirked up in an angry, grim smirk.

”Did it ever occur to you, that you don’t even know me? Who I really am?”

She whispered harshly, turning to face him, eyes nearly taken over by the Force corruption. Her voice was ragged with anger, desperation, and pain.

I’ve never met someone like you before, Ara, and seeing you like this pains me, but then I know there is so much greatness in you. It’s exciting. Just there to unlock. I want to help you unlock it. Hell, do you want me to spell it out?

She jerked back, almost physical stunned by the words. By the offer. By his smile. He looked away before she did, continuing before she could react.

Forget Kaalia, right now. Forget the things that make you doubt. I see you for what you are and who you are and what you can become. And also what you have gone through to get here. It’s wonderful. You’re wonderful.

He didn’t know, couldn’t know. She met his gaze, hers still fiery and passionate but there was a thread of fear deep in their recesses. She looked away first, her hands still balled in fists at her side, pride refusing to admit to the emotion behind his words.

He complimented her, not for her beauty, but for her strength, her intelligence, her potential. She bit her lip hard enough to bleed to keep from giving in to the tears that threatened to fall. Weakness. They were a sign of weakness, her anger and pain and frustration swirling, threatening to spill as the Force called and beckoned to her to fight, to rend, to destroy.

Let me have a look at you.

Her gaze whipped around to the hand he offered, his gaze unflinching against the power she’d gathered, against her raging emotions. Three times he’d stood there, unflinchingly facing her rage and power. He was either stupid or…

No. She stopped that thought dead in its tracks, turning away.

”Go away, Connor. Go find Kaalia. I don’t need you.”

No, she didn’t need them. Either of them. But she wanted them. She wanted them in her life. The realization sent a spike of fear through her far worse than flying or heights.

[member="Connor Harrison"]

Spoiler

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ccKV1X9uyP4[/youtube]

I'm not coming back (forgive me)
I've done something so terrible
I'm terrified to speak (I'm not calling, I'm not calling)
But you'd expect that from me
I'm mixed up, I'll be blunt, now the rain is just (You're driving me crazy, I'm)
Washing you out of my hair and out of my mind
Keeping an eye on the world,
From so many thousands of feet off the ground, I'm over you now
I'm at home in the clouds, and towering over your head