The Slave And You - How's He Faring?

[Darth Empyrean]

So, consider this a two part. For those of you who have wrote with me thus far, and those of you who want to; what do you think of not only The Slave, but me as a writer? I've gone through a few dips in not only my attention to detail, but quality as well, and already understand consistency is one of my most troubling aspects in regards to my writing, but I'd still like to hear what everyone else has to say.

And while I appreciate "Oh he's great, you're great!" posts, I'd like to see some real feedback all the same. So even if you think everything is fine, what would you like to see more of? Where do you think his story should take him? Where would you like to see it take him?

Threads So Far:
http://starwarsrp.net/topic/107485-bright-lights-bigger-city-open-club-thread/
http://starwarsrp.net/topic/109698-a-change-of-pace-the-primeval/
http://starwarsrp.net/topic/109613-the-cold-wind-blows/
http://starwarsrp.net/topic/108030-of-gods-and-heathens-primeval/
http://starwarsrp.net/topic/108976-nothing-personal-just-business-raid-on-vjun/
http://starwarsrp.net/topic/109235-a-gift/
http://starwarsrp.net/topic/107870-lisztomania/
http://starwarsrp.net/topic/107441-yall-been-warned/

 

[Darth Carnifex]

Back to the oubliette with you.

[member="The Slave"]

 

[Darth Empyrean]

Back to the oubliette with you.

[member="The Slave"]

 

[Mr. OOC]

He gonna die!

But in all seriousness he seems like a good character, if confusing at times. I think that's intentional, though. I get the feeling that his existence is predicated around manipulation of those around him. For example the thread with Irajah (I'm a stalker, shut up). That thread was entirely confusing to me. The way he acted towards her, threw her off her game, took her away from the position of power and put him into it. Definitely a manipulator. Your name might be The Slave, but the only one that you're a slave to is yourself. You're a very good con-artist.

[member="The Slave"]

 

[Ignatius]

[member="The Slave"], I have not played with you all that often and I have only seen you in a few threads, but from what I have seen, its really good and I enjoy the threads.

 

[Darth Empyrean]

He gonna die!

But in all seriousness he seems like a good character, if confusing at times. I think that's intentional, though. I get the feeling that his existence is predicated around manipulation of those around him. For example the thread with Irajah (I'm a stalker, shut up). That thread was entirely confusing to me. The way he acted towards her, threw her off her game, took her away from the position of power and put him into it. Definitely a manipulator. Your name might be The Slave, but the only one that you're a slave to is yourself. You're a very good con-artist.

[member="The Slave"]

Oh, he's entirely a manipulator, and it's entirely on purpose haha
But between you and me, its because I can't be worth a shit to maintain a consistent personality lmao

Anything you think I should do more of? Something you'd like to see?

[member="The Slave"], I have not played with you all that often and I have only seen you in a few threads, but from what I have seen, its really good and I enjoy the threads.

Thank you! I really appreciate that.
If you'd ever like to thread, feel free to ask. Anything you'd like to see more of?

 

[Ignatius]

[member="The Slave"], Do you booboo. Do you. Whatever path you have him on is turning out really well.

If you would like to thread sometime, then sure, I have multiple characters I could use every now and again.

 

[NightSister]

I've described the Slave before as being fabulous, and he absolutely is. Love the character, love your writing. As for stuff to improve on - well, as great as it is to read, most of the threads I've seen the Slave in he's been the one in control, the one holding all the cards - maybe try switching that up a bit?

Either way, he's fabulous.

Now if only [member="Darth Imperia"] would let us thread.

 

[Darth Empyrean]

I've described the Slave before as being fabulous, and he absolutely is. Love the character, love your writing. As for stuff to improve on - well, as great as it is to read, most of the threads I've seen the Slave in he's been the one in control, the one holding all the cards - maybe try switching that up a bit?

Either way, he's fabulous.

Now if only [member="Darth Imperia"] would let us thread.

Thank you!

As far as him not being in control, what would you hope to see? Him on the defeatist side, lowering himself before someone else, or simply highly stressed about a situation he perhaps has no control over? I think itd be interesting to see him react to something where he doesn't feel like he has control.

Also, yes. She needs to let us thread.

 

[NightSister]

[member="The Slave"]

Any, all. Personally, I love mental attacks - they're a really interesting way to make a character feel powerless - but in general, the Slave always acts very self-assured and fairly smug, so anything that can take that away.

Just throw him in a lot of different situations though, see how he reacts to different things. Best thing you can do to make a character grow.

 

[Joza Perl]

Mr. Slave is awesome. Great characterization, interesting background and sweet writing! You pull it all together nicely and your posts are always fun to read. Also, gives a pretty good lapdance.

I’m going to agree with Aria in the sense that I’d like to see The Slave thrown into an uncomfortable situation where he can’t maintain that smug, cool façade. Doesn’t have to be an entire breakdown or anything too overt, just a crack or two that maybe hints at an internal weakness. I know that you mentioned some of his self-loathing issues and Stockholm Syndrome, maybe sprinkle those into play more? While he’s a pretty confident dude and fairly free, he’s still technically a slave and I’d really like to see how that impacts him. Show us that messed up side and how it influences his everyday actions!

Just throw him in a lot of different situations though, see how he reacts to different things. Best thing you can do to make a character grow.

This, like a thousand times. One of the great aspects of dynamic rp on such a large board is that you often stumble into scenarios you wouldn’t have otherwise thought of, and it’s fun to work out how your character deals with them. It gives them history to support their defining traits and overall just makes them feel more organic, and sometimes they grow in ways that you didn’t initially intend.

But overall, very nice work! Looking forward to seeing how this guy develops.

[member="The Slave"]

 

[Kratacos]

Actually make me complete a thread for once.

Entertaining guy.

Don't eat ppl in my threads anymore tho. Writing is too clean that I get caught up in it and then realize what's going on.

[member="The Slave"]

 

[Darth Empyrean]

Actually make me complete a thread for once.

Entertaining guy.

Don't eat ppl in my threads anymore tho. Writing is too clean that I get caught up in it and then realize what's going on.

[member="The Slave"]

Did you not realize I was biting a man's throat out? Hahaha, oh shit I'm sorry