Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!

Codex Denied The Oil Pit - Smugglers Den/Fort

Status
Not open for further replies.
OUT OF CHARACTER INFORMATION

  • Intent: To create a home base for the Spacers Guild & a smugglers den for all illegal and legal transactions.
  • Image Credit: Link.
  • piotr-kupsc-finaljpeg2.jpg
  • Canon: No.
  • Permissions: None.
  • Links: The Oil Pit + Porl Berlmat.
SETTING INFORMATION

  • Structure Name: The Oil Pit.
  • Classification: Smugglers Den/Fort.
  • Location: Sump.
  • Affiliation: Spacers Guild.
  • Accessibility: Even to those who know where the structure is, it is a semi difficult place to find. Familiarity is the key, each time a being visits it gets easier to find and land.
  • Description: Located in a small section of the planet that wasn't a toxic marsh, the Fort sticks out of an old mine left behind from the mining corporations from around the year 1000BBY. Only distinguishing itself from the tan colored rocks with flayed and torn red flags. A speeding ship could easily fly over it, but a trained eye would notice the flags, and small spines that ejected themselves from the rocky terrain around it.
POINTS OF INTEREST
  • Landing Pad - A medium size landing pad for freighters to land and deliver goods.
  • Markets. - In the guts of the fort and around base are markets stall set for those to sell their goods. Those who pay more are located in side the fort.
  • Gambling Den - Positioned towards the top is a small gambling den, set up with Sabacc tables and various screens with different 'sport' events to bet on.
  • Fighters Pit - At the base of the fort is a sunken pit. Those willing to brave the pit can fight to win the rewards or other can simply bet on the fighters from the gambling Den.
  • Cantina - Found inside, near the markets is a small cantina fueling all the drunkards that stop by.
  • Head 'Office' - Found at the top of the fort is decent looking office with a main room with several smaller rooms off to the side for Spacer Guild members to live in.
  • Barrack - The barracks houses various lower members of the Spacer Guild and some of the 'security' who roam the fort.

SECURITY

LOW
The main form of security of the fort is the local Nuknog's who were hired to wonder the fort and keep everyone in check. These creatures mainly carried batons to hit and some even had stun guns. Other forms of security were those employed by the stall owners to protect their own merchandise and the occasional hired mercenary brought in to keep some level of 'formality'. The fort has no perimeter defenses.

HISTORICAL INFORMATION

In the year 1000BBY various mining corporations bought the planet Sump from the native Nuknog's. They had agreed to supply work, food and establish accomadation for all that worked in the mines. But that wasn't what happened. The Nuknogs were essentially forced into slavery by the corporations, who failed to deliver on their promise of food and pay. The mining corporations began to set up mines all over the planet using such forts like this to run their daily operations. The fort was once a busy hive of activities with the Nuknog's forced to do all jobs that would be too dangerous for off world workers. As time went on the planet was stripped of any beauty (no matter how little it was) as the factories spewed toxic gasses into the air. The gasses polluted the planet forming toxic marshes, the very air of the planet made the skin tingle no matter how short a time it was exposed to it. Eventually the mining corporations were caught out and force to repay the Nuknog people and left the planet to its own devices. Centuries past and the planet and this fort remain quiet, until being discover by Porl Derlmat.

From the moment he laid eyes upon the run down old fort Porl had plans. Already he could see numerous markets stalls spread throughout the fort. Ships dock and left either delivering or taking goods. All of course paid a small portion to the Spacer Guild. Inside he had plans to establish a casino like room filled with gambling games and screens. What dodgy fort would be complete without a arena, it didn't have to be big but was for sure going to be included.
 
Last edited:
Porl Berlmat Porl Berlmat

Greetings! This is a lovely start but there are some things to look at.

1.) If your character Porl Berlmat is important to this submission you should link his character bio or your profile in the "Links" section.

2.) History: It's fine to recount the Canon history of a world but you need to ensure that it's in your own words. Example:
From the Submission said:
Once upon a time this fort had been a booming mine building. In the year 1000BBY mining corporations bought the planet Sump from the Nuknog natives in exchange for food, employment and accommodation. The natives worked the hazardous mines without pay, and in doings so they contaminated and polluted their planet. Eventually the corporations were force to repay their debts and left the planet. From then on the planet was left to it own devices. Centuries past and the planet and this fort remain quiet, until being discovered by Porl Berlmat.
From the Wookie said:
Sump was within space that was considered well-explored by 1000 BBY,[4] and shortly after that year, the Nuknogs, a sentient species native to Sump, sold the planet to a consortium of mining corporations in exchange for food, employment, and modest accommodations. The Nuknogs worked without pay in mines and processing factories, performing tasks deemed too hazardous for offworld personnel. Over time, the planet's ecosystem was contaminated by pollution and many Nuknogs were killed in mining accidents.

This is a little too on the nose. You'll need to detail the history in your own words, or, you can use the following Codex Rules to keep what you have: "Small excerpts may be included from other sources in a sub, but they must include a credit, link, and be clearly marked."

I would suggest that you try and flesh it out a little more. What does Porl plan to do with it? The Spacers Guild?

Please tag me when you're ready for me to look again, or, if you need any help. Thanks!
 
Porl Berlmat Porl Berlmat

I do see some changes, but, we need a little more.

1.) If your character Porl Berlmat is important to this submission you should link his character bio or your profile in the "Links" section. His name has been added but it still isn't linked to either his bio or profile.

2.) History: This still needs a little more tweaking. It's fine to recount the Canon history of a world but you need to ensure that it's in your own words and not just a re-worded snippet of the Wookie. Please elaborate. What does Porl plan to do with this location? The Spacers Guild?
 

Zak Dymo

Guest
Z
Porl Berlmat Porl Berlmat

I'll be taking over this review at Srina Talon Srina Talon 's request. Thank you for your patience and for your work with this submission. We appreciate your flexibility and I see a number of edits have built upon the previous reviews.

The last detail that seems to be missing is the connection to the Spacer's Guild. What's the relationship between the Oil Pit and that group? Why the association? Beyond your character's goals or aspirations for a profitable venture, what are the goals of the Spacer's Guild with regard to this location, if any?

Those are my thoughts and I look forward to yours in reply. Please tag me when you've completed any edits.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Users who are viewing this thread

Top Bottom