Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

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First Reply The End is Close at Hand

Kay felt dead inside. There was no other way to describe it. Every emotion was just gone. It was as though she had died already and that her subconscious was just put into some artificial body for some reason or another by someone that just remained anonymous. Had that really happened? It was entirely plausible given the tortures that she had been put under by Sith Lords and dictators. But there was only one thing that she could think of to be the root cause and that was the sudden death of Veiere; her late husband that she had shared a Force Bond with. His death shattered her and drove her back into her PTSD. Although this time she didn't hallucinate some villain from her past.

Instead Kay wandered like a ghost, unable to feel a connection with anyone, including her adult children. As one of her friends had told her; she had exiled herself so much that everyone else had moved on, leaving her alone. It was of course, completely and utterly true. Everyone had moved on with their lives as soon as she was unlawfully liberated from Purgatory. Her subsequent capture afterwards by a dictator came entirely unnoticed. For the first time in probably her entire lifetime, she had to rescue herself. No one came, no one even knew that she was gone outside of the poor souls that literally lost their heads when she was captured. But it wasn't as though any survivors thought to relay the information about her to anyone. Instead there was silence.

To the Galaxy, Kay was dead already.

And she certainly felt it too.

There was no Force for her to draw from anymore. As she couldn't seem to feel emotions, Kay was quite certain that the Force had abandoned her too. But it wasn't as though she had used it a whole lot anyways.

There was a time when she had wanted to be a healer, or a saviour to the enslaved. But both ideas were just faded memories now. Any grasping of it now would just be nothing more than some desperate attempt to cling to her youth. Those were the days when things were good.

Now instead of leaving the Galaxy in some blaze of glory like Veiere or countless others, she wondered if she would just fade away from nothing more than heartbreak. Padmé Amidala died from that, didn't she? And she was one of the best politicians out there. Kay was a far cry from that, yet her heartbreak wasn't any different. Only she had gone past the sadness and into a state of nothingness.

That could be very dangerous.

Walking into a bar in Chasin City on Commenor, Kay was almost asking for Death to come find her. It was almost as though she dared it. Yet for the moment she just walked over to the counter, starting to ask the barkeep for some tea, yet settled on some Commenori brandy instead. If she was going to meet her fate today, at least she'd do so with a patriotic drink.
 

Caedyn Arenais

Guest
C
Whilst his Mother might have felt herself a shadow among the living, Caedyn hadn't failed to notice how easily prone she was to withdrawing from the company of others during the family reunion that he had held for them and their friends back at the new Arenais Estate.

NPC Treasury NPC Treasury was not just some estranged woman, she was Caedyn's Mom and his last remaining parent; She had taken his Father's death harder than either of the children, as much of a hard call that was to make, she had been connected to Veiere through the Force which was rumored to be like sharing the same consciousness in life. When he had been killed by the Lord of Lies, his Mother's Hope had seemingly been severed...

Unfortunately, Loreena Arenais-Valhoun Loreena Arenais-Valhoun was too busy rebelling against the Eternal Empire to be able to return to Commenor as of yet, however Caedyn still had his connections upon their homeworld and since the completed construction of the new Jedi Academy within Chasin City, he had been able to track his Mom down via making a few calls.

Incidentally, Kay had chosen a bar to visit and for someone that had once been the Queen of the trade-world and former Systems Alliance, Caedyn had to admit that he was surprised by just how bold she was being...-Or was it something else that had led her into the establishment.

"You do realize I have plenty to drink back home, don't you" Caedyn announced his arrival via a rhetorical question as he stepped up behind her, moving to take a seat at the bar counter and gesturing for a double-shot of bourbon. It was sweeter than Whiskey, which was his Father's preferred poison.

"I'm buying" he added, looking to the Barkeep and gesturing with a sideways glance to his Mom, covering whatever bill she felt like wracking up during her stepping out into the public spotlight, such as she was.
 
"I needed some fresh air." Not that there was much of that inside of the bar. But that was besides the point. Caedyn Arenais had found her quickly enough and it made her wonder just how many people were keeping tabs on her here.

Kay took her brandy in hand and sipped it, her tongue almost curling inside of her mouth at the vastly different effects the liquor had on her taste buds as opposed to her favoured tea. "Thanks." She cradled the glass in her hands, resting them on top of the bar. There were whispers in amongst the music playing in the background, yet she didn't care to give it any notice. There was no reputation to save, no worries to be had. If the Elder Loyalists showed up to seek their revenge on her again, well she certainly wasn't going to run. Not this time.

"I take it that you needed fresh air too?" Kay gave him an easy out for his sudden appearance.
 

Caedyn Arenais

Guest
C
Caedyn gave something of an indifferent nod in answer, elaborating with a somewhat tired voice; "There's been a lot going on lately, I've rarely found a moment to myself" he turned to look to his Mother, "And I'm worried about you, quite honestly". There was no need to try and hide his concern, one way or another NPC Treasury NPC Treasury would manage to figure it out and given the state of things, it wasn't that difficult of an assumption.

"Dad's gone, and Lori's off fighting a rebellion against the Eternal Empire" he stated the facts, none of which his Mom needed reminding; "I'm glad that I could give you a place of privacy away from the Capital, but I realize it's not the Home you loved. Not the Home that Dad built for you". Another fact that hadn't been difficult to notice, though perhaps the introduction had been a little too public for her taste as Caedyn had invited a few friends of the family to make a night of the occasion.

Caedyn let the moment hang, turning instead to glance over his shoulder to the rest of the taverns occupants. There were a couple of glancing eyes, although nothing concerning enough to warrant their leave.

"I know I'm your Son and there's only so much I can do but I don't want you to feel like you're on your own. I wish I could do more to make you feel welcome here again, comfortable and safe...-But I want you to know above all else, that you've got support behind you" Caedyn had arguably seen more of his mother since her leave of Purgatory than his Dad and his Sister had.

These visits included his intervening in a political scandal that could've gone so much worse for her. He understood where she had been, and had a fair idea of where she felt she was at within herself today. Enough of a guess to leave him worried for his Mom's emotional state.
 
Kay just stared at her brandy while Caedyn Arenais spoke. She wasn't ignoring him at all, yet she had heard this from him before. "You have plenty of other things to worry about. I shouldn't be added to that list. I'm fine. Look, I'm out of isolation, I'm out here among the public and not causing any trouble for anyone, including myself. Shouldn't that make you happy? Isn't that what you wanted?"

She let her own moment hang in the air while she took another sip of her brandy. Most especially as Caedyn chose to remind her of her losses. "I'll rebuild part of the Estate with my own hands. I don't care if you think that nothing can be saved there; I'll make it work. I don't need the whole building anyways. Just a few rooms..." Bedroom, kitchen and refresher. That was all that she could ever need or use.

Again she sipped her brandy, her tastebuds starting to grow numb to the taste. "Caedyn, I'm your mother and I've done all that I've could for you. You're a grown man with your own life to lead. Just because I can't let go of the past, it doesn't mean that you should hold on either. Besides, I'm sure that any babysitters you have onhand tailing me would be able to give you daily briefings." Kay wasn't always so snarky, yet she couldn't help it. She had been alone and on her own for far too long. But it was what was expected of her afterall.

And she just knew that she couldn't be trusted to go anywhere. It was a difficult thing to acknowledge, yet she did so all the same.
 

Caedyn Arenais

Guest
C
Caedyn frowned, looking back at his Mom a little lost for the words to respond with. Some of what she had said, seemed to have come from nowhere he could recall. Rebuilding the Chateau for example, it wasn't a discussion they had held before yet much of it had been destroyed during his Father's rebellion against the Sith Empire from what he was aware of. NPC Treasury NPC Treasury spoke as though his mind was decided on the matter however, as though he thought it a lost cause?

The new Estate was further away from civilized society, upon the banks of Munto Valley where the former Deadscar Nexus had been cleansed and the valley refurbished by the Order of the Silver Jedi much later. It was a beautiful location and Caedyn had thought the distance from public eyes would have made her happy given her self-exile these passed years.

"Woah. Hey. I'm not against you here..." He raised both hands, one holding his glass of bourbon, the other one palm open and facing her; "Relax a little will you" he cautioned her some. He didn't have to be there, but he had come out of concern for her. She wasn't being tailed, he had simply made an inquiry as to where she might have gone and given who she was, it hadn't been difficult.

"First of all, I'm not asking anything of you. I appreciate what you've done for me as a child but I've got no expectations, like you said I'm an adult and I've been able to look after myself since I left home for the Je'daii at twelve years old so please don't talk to me like that" he hadn't liked that at all, his Mother's remark about there being nothing more to be done for him. She made it sound as though he had been bludging off of her, or otherwise relied on her too much.

"I came here for your sake, not my own" he reminded her, his voice quiet and defeated-like.
 
Kay had hurt him. The bite in her words left it's mark. Yet that was shat she was now. Hurt. Pain. Loss. A tragic story with no happy ending to be had.

"I'm sorry, Cae." Her words were spoken quietly, yet she didn't have the heart to look at him. Instead she merely looked straight ahead at nothing in particular. There was no worse thing for a parent than to see disappointment in their child's eyes. Kay had already gotten such looks from her late husband. She didn't want to see them from Caedyn Arenais too.

"I thought that coming here might help me in some way. Yet it hasn't. I don't...feel anything anymore. It's as though I've been cut off. It's as though I'm back in the dungeons and cells again. Only this time I'm not being beaten or tortured." But this was also agony. This was torture in it's own right. But not just for her. It was more than likely hard on some around her too.

Kay took another sip of her brandy. "Drinking is supposed to help though, isn't it?"
 

Caedyn Arenais

Guest
C
"I don't think drinking will change things for the better in this case" Caedyn informed her lightly, "Only time will make it hurt less...". Reaching out, Caedyn put his hand atop his Mom's shoulder, squeezing it a little as though it might help to encourage her some. It didn't, but it at-least served as a reminder that he was there with her.

"You were married once before, right?" He soon asked, raising the subject of Shaw Ku. It wasn't something they had ever talked about in length, but it was a piece of his Mother's history that Veiere had mentioned in the recording of his Holocron. Family meant everything to him, and this was a part of what made NPC Treasury NPC Treasury the woman she was today; "Everything's still so fresh...-But we have to hold on to our hope for a brighter future. Your life isn't over...-You've still got a lot to give the Galaxy. It's all just really hard to see right now" he tried to reassure her.

His parents had shared a Force Bond, something that Caedyn hadn't experienced and so he couldn't rightly understand just how intimate a connection they had established together; yet that didn't change the fact that his words held genuine truth to them in the potential future were she able to go the distance and ride out the initial darkness.

"Dad never lost hope for you. He wouldn't want you to do so".
 
"It doesn't feel like I have that much time left." Her inward thoughts were spoken out loud, more than likely due to the brandy. Kay reached over and placed her hand on his as he squeezed her shoulder. She didn't try to shove him away. Instead she just held it there. Out of the twins, it was a little hard to believe that Caedyn Arenais and his mom would become close. But perhaps it was due to their situations. He was the man of the family now and she was a wreck.

The reminder of Shaw came as a surprise. Yes, she had gone through the murder of a husband before, one that was also killed by a Sith Lord. "It took me ten years to get over that....I have nothing to give the Galaxy but tea. And I can't even rightly do that without endangering people." At least she didn't spill the tea. No one was ever burned in her shoppe.
 

Caedyn Arenais

Guest
C
"I think the biggest problem with our family is that we're always too hard on ourselves..." Caedyn replied thoughtfully, his eyes on the glass of bourbon in front of him while the tavern seemed to slowly be getting busier, more and more people coming in to have a drink and many of whom seemed to notice the pair who were seated at the bar. Despite what NPC Treasury NPC Treasury thought about herself however, many of those that were watching the pair seemed rather excited to be there, whispers were many yet they were spoken with hushed words of pleasure and anticipation.

"Dad was hard on himself all of the time, and when he felt he had failed in life, that depression crushed him" he reminded his Mom, speaking of Veiere's fall into darkness and subsequent mistakes that arose from those hard times. "None of us are perfect, we've all had our struggles and I can almost bet mine are still ahead of me...-Even Jedi recognize that they are fallible and perfection is an impossibility" he elaborated a little, wanting to encourage his Mom to give herself a bit more of a break.

"House Arenais' time on Commenor may have ended in a mess but that was over a period of a year, against how many years before where so many billions of people had prospered under yours and Dad's leadership. The problem with being in the spotlight is that our mistakes are seen by all, but that still doesn't make us any less perfect than others out there who screw up every day yet no one's there to notice" Caedyn smiled warily, and added with a slightly lighter tone, "I had to say it Mom but you're human like the rest of us".
 
"Of course we're hard on ourselves. So many lives are at risk, so many havedied because of our mistakes. Most....don't have that problem." She slid her hand off of his and placed it back around her glass. Kay did her best to ignore the whispers all around them. Yet it was starting to get difficult. Her instincts to run again began to grow.

"And I'm not going to go and start attacking Jedi temples, if that's what you're thinking." Veiere had done such a thing when he couldn't shake his depression. Kay on the otherhand, preferred to just hide away by herself so that no one gets hurt. But then...suffering in silence and alone didn't help out much either.

She finished off her brandy and then looked to Caedyn Arenais as she got to her feet. "I need to get out of here. It's just...getting too crowded." But it was more like it was too much too soon. It would only be a matter of time before food was thrown at her or something; or so she imagined.

Kay left some credits for her drink, even though Caedyn said he'd pay for it. For her it didn't really matter. She was far too used to looking after herself nowadays. She headed out of the bar, hands inside of her pockets as she started to walk down the street. No longer was her head held high. Instead it was lowered. The weight of thesystems or even Commenor itself didn't weigh heavily on her. Instead it was her own guilt. And she was guilty for a lot of things that she'd never forgive herself for.
 

Caedyn Arenais

Guest
C
Caedyn followed his Mom out of the establishment, being sure to pay the barkeep for their drinks before removing themselves from the building and stepping back out into the open street air of Chasin City. Standing there beside NPC Treasury NPC Treasury , he looked down the street and barely recognized the Capital from what it had been to him growing up there on Commenor.

"You know, it's interesting how time brings so much change..." He voiced his lack of familiarity with the place, turning to glance back to his Mom. "It's not just here but all across the Galaxy things have been happening since we left Commenor. Attacks, wars and all kinds of atrocities...-I'm not even sure people remember what House Arenais used to be anymore" and perhaps for his Mom's sake, that wasn't a bad thing. It wouldn't stop her from blaming herself but while the Galaxy had much bigger tyrants the likes of the Bryn'adul, the Sith Empire and Agents of Chaos to be concerned about, their past seemed to have been fairly well buried for most.

"We still have a Home here, though a little more secluded and private...-A bit of a longer ride to the City, but it's still ours" He reminded her, wanting his Mom to be assured that it would always be there, and so would her place therein be waiting for her should she ever wish or need it.

"Giving up on yourself and your Hope for something more...-That's not going to help anyone" He frowned as he continued to speak, his mind finding the words upon a whim, or perhaps speaking more appropriately from the heart; "And there are plenty of people out there that could do with help from someone like you, Mom...".
 
Kay closed her eyes while Caedyn Arenais spoke. It wasn't as though she was shutting him out, but moreso that she could imagine Veiere saying those exact same words. He had spoken much in the same way, imparting his reflections and wisdom upon her to try to bring her out from her exile...

...And it made her heart ache for him. But he wasn't there. Nothing was there anymore.

"I remember what it was like. And if everyone forgets? Well...good. Let us be forgotten in history. It's probably for the better anyways."

She opened her eyes and carried on walking, not at any quick pace either. Just a casual one. "I do help others, Caedyn. I give them tea when they are thirsty." Kay knew that that wasn't what her son had meant, but it was the truth regardless. "I don't have the means for easy travel. I don't have a say in any regard other than for myself. I couldn't possibly imagine what anyone would want to have need of from me." That was the truth too, or at least in her mind it was. She didn't have any guesses as to what Caedyn was implying.
 

Caedyn Arenais

Guest
C
"Well, I'm not going to let people forget what House Arenais stands for, even if I'm the only one left" Caedyn replied with clear determination to stand behind the principles that his Mother and Father had once stood to represent; "The courage to speak for those too afraid to do so; the will to fight for the rights of good people, against people like the Sith Empire who care only for themselves and what benefits them. The right of free will and the pursuit of democracy..." his words faded, not out of resignation but trying not to sound as though he was talking down to his own Mother. The truth was that these were all principles that he and his Sister had learned through them and their leadership over Commenor and the Systems Alliance.

Commenor had given the Twins a great life, even though their parents may have made some mistakes along the way. The good far outweighed the bad, yet his Mom was always so determined to punish herself for the past. It was true that things could have gone better, yet there was no changing the past. That still didn't mean that the future couldn't benefit from the good compassionate and honorable heart that he knew his Mom still had.

"Bad things are always going to happen. If they didn't then the Galaxy wouldn't need people like The Silver Jedi" he eventually spoke up once more. "The problem is that if people like us just give up, then there will be even more violence and injustice out there, with no one standing up for the innocent".

NPC Treasury NPC Treasury
 
Kay wanted to tell Caedyn Arenais to be careful about becoming fanatic over a name. But perhaps she saw things differently. She had been married twice and due to that she has had three family names. They were interchangeable. And now she had reverted back to her maiden name of Larr. There was no reason to do anything else with her identity.

The fact that Caedyn suggested that they pursued democracy was a bit laughable. Their house was a monarchy for over two decades. Yet it both started and ended with her. Veiere wasn't much of a fan of it all, yet she didn't force him into taking up the responsibilities either. Should she have done so? Probably not.

"I'm not a Jedi, Caedyn. Nor a Silver Jedi at that. I'm just a tea merchant, a widow....and a mom. So if I hear of you causing trouble, well....you'll be grounded. And it doesn't matter to me how old you are." A humerous statement to be sure, yet Kay was serious too. She didn't want to hear of either of her children making some of the mistakes that her and Veiere did. They didn't need to walk the same path that she did.
 

Caedyn Arenais

Guest
C
NPC Treasury NPC Treasury

"I don't cause trouble Mom, I put an end to it" Caedyn rolled his eyes and smirked in response to her lecturing him. He knew well that she was doing so out of love and the want to keep him safe, yet between the two of them she was more the one that needed to be cared for and concerned after.

"Also, Jedi aren't the only good people in the Galaxy and I think you know that" he reminded her, nudging her shoulder with his elbow playfully; "There are plenty good politicians, soldiers and civilians out there that want to make a difference for the better of the Galaxy. It's just hard for them to be seen and heard above all the nastiness we see out there".

The Galaxy was often seen through the same tunnel vision as the Holonews, in that the bad news always sold more or garnered more attention than the positive stuff did. People always seemed to care more about the things that were going wrong in life, rather than acknowledging the good things whether big or small.

"There are people out there that need people like us, willing to give random acts of kindness for no cost at all. People needing shelter from war, or coin to feed their families for a night. There are civilians that get caught up on the wrong side of politics, or governments that can't always see every corner of the criminal world that take advantage of the innocent, no matter how they might try. There's always need for people like us out there...".
 
Kay smirked a little, but she still held firm. If Caedyn Arenais ever fell Dark like his Father did, she would be there to take him away from others. That is if she was still around.

She took one hand out of her pocket as he nudged her and wrapped her arm around him briefly in a sideways hug, before letting him go. Why embarrass him in front of the public? Wasn't that every son's nightmare? At least she wasn't doting on him and washing dirt off of his cheeks like when he was younger.

"I don't turn people away that happen on my doorstep. Even if they can't afford the tea or food, I still give it to them. And I have a few spare rooms for shelter if it's needed. That's about all that I can offer. It isn't much in the grand scheme of things. But...it's something."
 

Caedyn Arenais

Guest
C
Caedyn was glad for the hug, and wasn't so quick to let her leave, instead raising his arm atop hers and keeping her held in place against him. He wasn't a boy anymore, he wasn't embarrassed at all to have NPC Treasury NPC Treasury for his Mother. In fact he was proud of her, more than she knew and perhaps that was his fault for not telling her enough.

"You've got friends, and you've got Loreena and I who have contacts of our own should you ever need the help" he reminded her encouragingly, speaking further to reiterate his care for his Mom; "No matter how hard things might get, Lori and I both love you and you may be our Mom but we're both adults now and we can handle our own. We will be there to help you at every turn if you'd allow us...".
 
Oh how she missed these walks that Veiere and her used to have. In much the same way, they'd reflect on their problems and seak eachother's advice and ideas. It had always worked out for them when dealing with the Systems Alliance. But now she couldn't have that anymore. Caedyn Arenais was doing great, but he could only do so much.

Whether or not she'd allow her children to help her was another thing. She'd have some limits of course. The twins could only do so much. Allowing them to help was....something that her pride and stubborness would find it difficult. "I'm supposed to be the one looking after you. Yet I'm not doing so well with that right now."

Kay found herself tearing up a little, and so she kept her eyes drawn upwards to the sky while they walked. When she spoke, her voice was barely above a whisper. "I really miss him...It's been so long since I've been cut off. I just...don't know how to feel. The Galaxy seems....dead to me. As though everyone is just a ghost or a dream."
 

Caedyn Arenais

Guest
C
When his Mom began to speak on how she missed his father, Caedyn's gaze was turned to the ground as he walked alongside NPC Treasury NPC Treasury and listened as she explained how the Galaxy felt without Veiere by her side. She was still grieving for him, the way that most normal people would without something to cling on to, to make them feel ever connected to their loved ones and those they'd lost.

For the Jedi, Caedyn believed as his Father had believed; albeit with a few differences but for the most part he was complacent in the understanding that Veiere Arenais was one with the Force, at peace and that part of him would forever walk with his family and friends...

"He put himself before the Sith so that others had a chance on Bimmisaari" Caedyn responded softly, silence having acknowledged that his Mother had finished speaking and so the Son wished to focus on some of the positive things, the things they could be proud of knowing.

"You and Dad were a lot alike as far as I could tell, when it came to blaming yourselves for your mistakes and holding onto grudges against your own actions longer than most others did. Dad and I didn't talk as much as we used to before Deneba but in his last year he did open up to me about how much he regretted the way things had gone. He felt as though he would never come back from the mistakes he had made...-But I want to believe that his sacrifice finally earned him that sense of retribution he was yearning for. To forgive himself, and to finally be at peace".
 

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