Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

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Telorok

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NAME: Telorok

REGION: outer

SYSTEM: Relzagi System

SUN: 1, Relzagi, same size as our solar systems sun

ORBITAL POSITION: 4th planet from star, habital zone

MOONS:
  1. Telork. not inhabitable
  2. Zylark. inhabitable
  3. Quortal. inhabitable and biggest moon
SYSTEM FEATURES: 4 planets total, 7 moons, 1 star. planet closest to sun is Gartal, with 2 moons, Gartel and Gorloth. 2nd closest is Porlatic. it has 1 moon named Portatic. both are not inhabitable. Gartals moons and itself are inhabitable. 3rd planet closest is Cuotak. it also has a single moon named Courotak. Cuotak is inhabitable, but its moon isnt. no asteroid belts present. no anomalies present.

COORDINATES: X=9057578789909.66306
Y=74963276808.88648500543
RELATIVE POSITION: Near Ozzlek; northwest of it;1 hex away

ROTATIONAL PERIOD: 25 earth hours

ORBITAL PERIOD: 673 earth days







CLASS: giant

ATMOSPHERE: 1 [LIKE EARTH, I THINK]

CLIMATE: temperate

GRAVITY: standard

PRIMARY TERRAIN: grasslands, forests, mountains.














NATIVE SPECIES: telorks

IMMIGRATED SPECIES: none

PRIMARY LANGUAGES: galactic standard basic, telorokian

GOVERNMENT: Federal Republic

POPULATION: 1 TRILLION

DEMONYM: TELORKIANS

MAJOR IMPORTS: NONE

MAJOR EXPORTS: Telorkish iron [it is capable of withstanding a few lightsaber strikes, then it breaks]







AFFILIATION: THE DRAGOSIAN PILOTS










MAJOR LOCATIONS: THE DRAGOSIAN PILOT HIDEOUT IS ON THIS PLANET. it is carved into the side of a mountain, and has a gate, and a secret way in. Carth Winston, current leader of the dragosian pilots, has said "it is very warm and cozy. great for planning attacks, defenses, and hanging out." it is concealed by a forest, and is near no villages or cities.

CULTURE: everyone on the planet starts their day by eating their least favorite food. they then do what they need, then, at lunch, eat a food they dont mind. they continue what they were doing untill dinner. at that time, they eat their favorite food.
everyone can either be a nice person, or a "hater". they have laws, of course, to stop murders. a segregation is currently in effect, forcing nice people to be beat senseless for being nice. the nice people also have no homes, no jobs, or no food. they still remain nice. "haters" have all the power. their favorite art is to make houses, and said houses are put on auction. most are made fancy, of course. they dont watch or play sports, for they hate them, or have better things to do. the military is different per villiage, or city. they are what us humans call "athiests"

TECHNOLOGY: very advanced, they just dont use or show it that much.

HISTORY: people have been there since it was made, and not much happened. 2000 years after creation, which humans call "1689", something happened. a telorkian, named Alfred Winston, lead an attack against the government. this lead to the "haters" having all the power. everything, of course, changed. almost 2/3 of the planet were being beat upon, killed, and tortured for being nice. the Dragosian Pilots were formed as the planetary airforce. but, now with everyone turning a blind eye to it, it isnt very popular. that is because the leader, Carth Winston, is a descendant of Alfred.

PC: Carth Winston, native

INTENT: to give my faction a homeworld, my goal is for it to be very popular as well as my faction, oh and speaking of factions, i know i said it leans towards it, but then said it wasnt very popular. well, they still help it because it helps them defend.
 
[member="Carth Winston"]

Okay, so looking over the sub for a second time after my return from work, several things leap out at me that need addressed:
  • Region should be the Outer Rim
  • For the moons and other celestial bodies in the system, it should be uninhabitable. Minor nitpick I know, but every little bit helps
  • Please make the coordinates fit into the galactic map, which can be found under the holonet tab at the top of the site. It can just as easily be near such and such a world
  • For rotational period and orbital period, please use Galactic Standard hours and Galactic Standard days respectively
  • Any particular reason you want the planet to be a giant terrestrial?
  • Atmosphere would be a Type I
  • For your native species, are they subbed to the codex as a species submission as you don't really explain who or what they are
  • How do they not have imports if they have exports? Are they able to produce everything they need on their one planet?
  • The iron specific to your world requires a factory submission if it has lightsaber resistant qualities
  • For your major locations, can you flesh out in greater detail this base?
  • Okay, culture needs some work. Can you flesh it out to give people who might want to roleplay on your planet something more significant to go off of. As it stands, it isn't really a culture that seems to make much sense
  • How advanced is their technology? Give me some sort of comparison from Star Wars canon
  • Your history section also requires some serious overhaul. How did people get there? What year are you talking about when you say 1689? How can 2/3 of the population be getting beaten up and killed when they are clearly the majority and could easily overthrow the dictators? What else has happened on your world in regards to events in canon such as the Clone Wars, the Galactic Civil War, the New Republic and Yuuzhan Vong, etc.? Why do people turn a blind eye to your faction, what events made them decide to shun it? If that is the case, how did your faction come to be affiliated with the planet?
  • Your intent can be simplified down to simply saying it is the homeworld for your faction, the other stuff is superfluous and can be removed
 
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