Sweet Sorrow [Thurion Heavenshield]

[Théodred Heavenshield]

Midvinter is dead to him now. After the war, after the death of his grand father, although they saved life there, it was an empty victory. How could his life ever be the same again? How could the family simply go back to the way they were? He couldn't, not now. To him everything was wrong, a new king sits on the throne, his father's brother who all but knows him by name only. Now he is reduced to waiting for an invitation into the house in which he was born, the Grand Hall which Théo considers his home, taken from him. He doubted he would ever see the fields of snow again.

The darkness that had taken his grandfather, the influence of the Sith burned in his mind and Théo is determined to do something about it. Life of a Jedi seems so shallow to him now, so he needs to go and find this way in the galaxy. He had considered writing a note and leaving it on his desk, but he could not bring himself to do that, not to simply disappear without word, he loved his family too much for that cold break. It would be hard enough as it was, mother would try and talk him out of it, as would Nina, he only hoped his father would understand.

Théo had asked his father to meet in the place only known to the both, the shed at the end of the garden near the Silver Temple on Voss. He carries a bag, packed to leave, no Jedi robes they remain in his quarters and not needed anymore. He places his bag on the ground in the long grass that had grown wild since their last meeting here, and he sits waiting on the bench for the only man that Théo would ever consider, King.

He will stay but a while, before he says goodbye.

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[member="Thurion Heavenshield"]​

 

[Thurion Heavenshield]

The days had passed excruciatingly slow lately. He'd found himself lost in thoughts for what seemed like hours on end only to check the time to see mere minuties had passed. Having rested up on Tabaqui following his father's funeral and his older brother ascending the throne, Thurion's body may have healed, but his spirit remained shattered; it took him considerable effort to return to his duties as Grandmaster, only to find himself sitting in his office pouring over reports he'd missed out on during his stay on Midvinter. The lingering silence might be thick enough to cut with a knife, but in his head he was still doing battle with the undead. He had not quite adjusted to being back on Voss, not really.

Today he'd received a message from [member="Théodred Heavenshield"] that he wished to see him at their secret spot. Thurion was happy to oblige, as it was an excuse let him out of his office and get some fresh air, even though no-one forced him to remain indoors all day. Dressed in his usual Grandmaster attire, he made his way to where his son awaited him. Making him out against the flora was easy - the boy had grown a lot in recent years. The Valkyri blood was strong in him, that much was certain. He did find it odd to see him out of Jedi robes, however, and he could sense the turmoil inside him. He'd taken his grandfather's death harder than anyone.

"Théo," he approached him with a smile that left a lot to be desired. Upon noticing the bags sitting in the grass, the smile vanished. "Going somewhere, are we?"

 

[Théodred Heavenshield]

He saw the look on his father's face, and Théo could not meet his eyes. The sorrow to be found there matched his own, Théo turned his head to look at the bag instead. His heart raced, not because of his father and how he might react but because of the fear he held in his leaving. He knew he had to go, but what would he find? The young man has many fears, his master, [member="Nima Tann"] had found him out and did her best to help him. But sometimes, one needs to face these fears alone. "Yes father, I am leaving .. for a while", his voice barely audible.

Finally Théo grew the courage to look up and face his father. "I .. have to", knowing this answer would never be enough for him. "I have lost .. I am not sure what to do anymore. Since .. grandpapa died, I cannot reconcile my mind and heart". He all but felt ashamed of himself, "I am sorry father, I have broken my promise to you, the promise I made here on this very bench". He had changed, events in life had done this although not of his making.

He could not help but feel the shame of selfishness, his papa had lost Thrand too and was in pain, Théo could sense it. Even though the family needed to be together and united, Théo would be of no use to them in this state, he knew the pain his leaving would cause which only added to his grief.

Théo stood up from the bench, stood there waiting for his father's reaction, no matter what it might be.

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[member="Thurion Heavenshield"]​

 

[Thurion Heavenshield]

For a time Thurion knew not what to say. He understood his son's reaction perfectly; he'd felt the same way after he'd heard about Asha's death around the same age. All he had wanted to do was leave Teth and go do... something. Anything, to get rid of the sorrow. But, his friends wouldn't let him, and forced him to deal with his grief there and then. Having only experienced one side of the coin, he had little wisdom to share concerning the other path his son is now looking to tread.

If there is one thing he does know for sure, however, it's that he loves his son. Before he spoke, Thurion stepped forward and embraced his boy. "I know. I know it hurts, Théo. But you must realise that it wasn't your fault - he even said so himself. None of us could've predicted what would happen, none of us could've stopped it. Rather than be sorry that he is gone, try to be happy for the time he was part of our lives."

This wasn't telling his son what to do or what to feel, but merely advice for a young man in mourning. He then placed a kiss upon Théo's forehead. "I won't stop you, son - you know me better than that. I just want what's best for you, and if you're sure about this decision, then... I am with you one hundred percent." He smiled down at his son before hugging him tight once more. "I love you so much, my sweet boy. Be safe out there, won't you? For me?"

As their embrace came to an end, Thurion looked over the lad's baggage. "Do you need anything? Food, clothes, credits?"

[member="Théo Vhalorious"]​

 

[Théodred Heavenshield]

His father's arms and words did a lot to help the sorrow filled heart beating in his chest. Théo knew his father would understand, he may not like it, but he knew. Théo latched onto his father's robes, drawing all love and concern into his body in the embrace, and returning it as well. "I can't .. I can't draw on memories of him just yet. Is it strange that I want to push them away?", he asked uncertain of mind. "I don't mean to forget him. But if I think of him .. my heart breaks over and over again".

Théo felt the warmth of his father's lip on his forehead before pulling back from the embrace to look into his eyes, there to see much pain of his own .. a reflection of his own eyes. "I know father, I know this was not my fault or anyone's .. I just wish that .. I had gotten to Tháinbroek sooner. It would not have happened if I had". No matter what time would do, or words .. the fact remained solid. But he also knew if Mysa and he had not gone into the forest the Gods would not have come, and Midvinter would have been lost to them entirely. The life of one, for the life of many. It would be something that Théo would face in the future time and again, it is not only the Jedi Way, but to anyone that has good in their heart.

"Thank you father for understanding and I prom .. no. I can't promise you I will be safe, I can promise you I will try", he would not allow another promise to be broken. He followed his father's gaze to the bag, "I could do with some credits, I have some but .. ".

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[member="Thurion Heavenshield"]​

 

[Thurion Heavenshield]

He was not about to try and sway the young man's mind; he saw himself in him, now in more ways than one. Théo needed some time to get away from it all, just like he did when he left Teth to explore the stars. He only hoped it would not take his son five years before he decides to return, as it had taken him. "We'll get it sorted, son," he said before bending over to pick up his bag. He then began casually walk away with it, before turning around and beckoning him to follow. "Come along, then. You'd best say goodbye to your mother and sister. Gods know I won't live to see another day were I to just let you go without a word," he said with a wink.

Together they wandered the courtyard, through the organised chaos of aspiring knights going about their day and dutiful masters supervising them. A few heads turned their way in recognition of the Grandmaster and his son, to which Thurion greeted them with a nod of his head. Refusing to surrender Théo's bag to him, they entered the Silver Temple and made for the large staircase leading to the upper floor where all the living quarters were located, as well as both his and Coci's offices. With bag under one arm, he wrapped the other around Théo's shoulders. "There is no escape," he told him with a low, raspy voice similar in sound to a certain Galactic Emperor and Sith Lord to lighten the mood.

[member="Théo Vhalorious"]​

 

[Théodred Heavenshield]

I should have left a note.

His father's intent obvious enough, and in a way Théo welcomed it, this prolonged goodbye. I was very difficult for him too, to say good bye and wander into the unknown but he just had to hope mother and Nina would understand as equally as his father seems to be doing. It is only natural he supposed, considering Théo is not a man and still very much innocent of the workings of the wider galaxy, his father would know this as would the rest of the family. And he had to meet with Mysa at the star port after this, that was not going to be easy either, he wondered if he would ever get off Voss, some time today.

To say that Théo dragged his feet, was obvious, the closer they got to his mother's office the heavier the footfalls. He had tried a couple of times to take back his bag, but there was simply no way father would give it up to him, and the thought of wrestling his father for it, although appealing, was not going to happen that was seen on his face. And he calls mother stubborn.

Finally they reached the door leading into his mother's office, maybe she is not there? but no, Théo could sense her inside. "I should have let a note, if for no other reason then to stop you from that awful impression". He tried to lighten the mood as well.

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[member="Thurion Heavenshield"] <_<​

 

[Coci Heavenshield]

Thurion nor Théo, had to raise a hand to knock on her door. Coci had felt their arrival long before they graced the threshold of her door, she looked over to Nina who was in her office, as well. Yes, two can play this game. But something was up, that much very clear as she felt the sadness in both their hearts. There was the lingering effects of grief, from her husband and only time will help him cope with it after all the events of Midvinter are very recent and raw still .. for them all. It was a good part of the reason Nina was with Coci now, she too had suffered and even more so had become 'quiet' within herself. This worried Coci a lot, although naturally introspective, it was like she went into a shell.

"We have visitors", she said to Nina as her hand gently rested on hers, but she knew Nina would have sensed them equally. Coci opened to door to her office to see Thurion and Théo there, her eyes fell on the bag Thurion carried and recognised it as her son's. It was swollen with things inside, and the look on Thurion's face enough to tell her what this was about.

"So, it has come to this", she said looking into her son's eyes, a mirror image of his husbands. She stepped aside for the two to enter the room, and as Thurion passed her, she looked at his with knitted brow.

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[member="Thurion Heavenshield"] | [member="Nina Heavenshield"]​

 

[Thurion Heavenshield]

As they entered Coci's office, Thurion was surprised to see Nina there as well, as if the two had been awaiting their arrival. What's the saying: Kill two birds with one stone? Such a horrid saying!

He could sense their dislike of what was about to happen. They already knew, deep down, yet wanted to hear it for themselves, which was fully understandable and well within their rights as mother and sister. Thurion met Coci's knitted brow with a soft nod, as if confirming her suspicions without even having to say a word. He put Théo's bag down on the floor before standing beside Nina, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. He knew how much she loved and cared for her little brother, and seeing him leave so suddenly must be difficult. And yet, he somehow knew she would not stop him. Despite her quiet nature and her youth, she'd shown signs of great wisdom beyond her years.

"Théodred has something he would like to say to you both," Thurion spoke without trying to make it sound like he's forcing it out of him. If Théo didn't want to say his farewells before leaving, he wouldn't have come so willingly.

@Théodred Heavenshield​

 

[Théodred Heavenshield]

Now he stood alone facing the family in front of him, a hand reaching up for the back of his neck which he rubbed feeling all their eyes on him. He would have preferred to face a legion of Sith then this. And he felt as small as a two year old facing his family in order to explain a wrong doing, force knows he knew that feeling well enough over the years. "I do, have something to say". Not really knowing where to begin.

"I am leaving Voss for a while, so I have come to say good bye", he swallowed hard, his eyes flashing to each one of them. "I have to go, there is much I need to think about and at the moment I can't here or there .. on Midvinter. I am sorry. I am sorry to let you all down, but I have to go". He did not want to go into all the reasons why or how he felt because that is a question he would not answer. It is why he has to leave.

"I can't be what I want to be, not now". He wanted to feel the arms of his family around him, but he did not know how they felt about this or even if they wanted too. Théo shuffled in his place, feeling so very awkward.

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[member="Thurion Heavenshield"]​

 

[Nina Heavenshield]

Nina said nothing on her brother leaving them to grief for his grandfather, for she knew she could not sway him once his mind was made up. He was like mother that way, and she adored him for it. Instead she felt nothing but sympathy for Théo and his need to make sense of it all, so when he didn't know what else to say Nina stepped towards him and threw her arms around him.

She held him tight and buried her face in his shoulder. "I won't ask you not to go. Just be safe for me, little brother. Please..." She had already lost one member of her family. Losing Théo would altogether shatter her, just as losing mother or father would. Her heart couldn't bear it.

Meanwhile, Thurion wrapped an arm around Coci's waist and held her close as they watched their children interact. "You know where to find us should you need to, son," he spoke softly. "We'll be here to welcome you back with open arms."

[member="Théodred Heavenshield"]​

 

[Théodred Heavenshield]

There would be a visible sign of relief on Theo's face, they would not stop him from going, his family seemed to understand and naturally, they wanted his safety. This was not a promise he could make them however, but he had assurance in the force and in his own abilities even at this age, he believed. The warmth of Nina's arms added to his strength in purpose, although in this moment he hated the idea of leaving but the will was too strong. There was more underlining this decision not just that of grief but that he could not tell any of them. Not even father.

His arm raised and sat gently on the back of Nina's head softly playing in her long white hair. But there is sorrow in his heart, that one word that cut deep into his soul cut yet a fresh wound and each time he pulls away just that little bit more. It is not her fault, nor his.

The words of his father caused Theo to let go of Nina and reached to gather in bag from the floor and throw it over his shoulder. "I will try and be safe, and I will be back before you know it".

Giving them all a hug and kiss, taking his time about it, finally it was time to leave. He would not say goodbye but simply smiled and left the office for the starport.

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[member="Nina Heavenshield"]​

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The end.​