Private Staring Straight Into The Shining Sun

[Lief]

She stopped.​

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Her halt made him halt.​

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Still didn't look at her though, not right away.​

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"Yeah, Drengir. That sounds about right..."​

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Horrible things, Drengir. Horrible, horrible, horrible. At least the crew had died on impact. At least they hadn't been subjected to those things.​

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Her apology hung between them; one might argue it was hollow, empty words that couldn't do anything and served only to make the one who uttered them feel better, to ease away the discomfort they no doubt felt in hearing such.​

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But... Eliphas knew better. Because he knew that on some level she actually understood what he'd gone through. At least he assumed as much.​

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"It's... Okay, honestly. I've been working through it." Without thinking, he shifted his bags to his left hand and offered out his right to her. "Come on, why I heard there's a little park somewhere around here. Might be nice to walk through as we head back."​

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Was it okay?​

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Well he'd definitely been putting in the work to make it okay. And painting... Painting again had been oddly therapeutic. He had Iris to thank for that.​

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Iris Arani ​

 

[Iris Arani]

So it was Drengir.

Iris didn't linger on it. It was one of the few things she didn't ever want to think about again. That, and being thrown. But.. He'd been working on it. He was here. After surviving that, after loosing everyone, he was here. Trying to make her smile. Calling her sunshine. All at once she realized that he'd just been helping her feel better, but what had she done for him? She took the other bag, testing it in her still injured hand before nodding. Yeah, the park sounded good.

"Okay. The park. I'd like that." She shifted the bags in her hand around once she realized he was offering his hand. Hesitantly she reached out, her mangled hand slipping into his. This was fine, right?

 

[Lief]

Eliphas let out just the smallest hints of a relief-filled sigh when she didn't press it any further. She allowed him the grace he'd chosen to end that conversation where he wanted, to linger not on the shadows of his past. Instead they walked on again, toward the park he'd spoken of. It was around here somewhere... He just had to figure out where exactly.​

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Thankfully these upper levels of Coruscant appeared to be well sign-posted. Yep, right there, directions to the park. A smile formed over his lips then, as he turned the corner and they were met with a swathe of green delight. It wasn't large, but on as bustling a cityworld as this what would one expect? Still it was nice, different, more open than any other space he'd been in for a long time now.​

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She'd taken his hand, surprisingly with her injured one, and he was very careful with it. Not timid, necessarily, but tender. He didn't want to cause her any undue pain.​

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"Do spaces like these have a specific sort of... colour to them?" He peered down at her as they walked and he asked the question, stepping out from the bustling streets and into a slightly more serene environment. "When compared to all the durasteel of the buildings I mean..."​

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Trying to ensure that they kept more or less on a path that would lead them back to her apartment, he slowed his pace and simply allowed them to enjoy the moment.​

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Iris Arani ​

 

[Iris Arani]

"Life is bright, here." She could tell where the park was as they got closer. The bright colors of life coming from around the corner. Then they were at the park. A soft smile formed on her lips as she looked among the trees. She'd forgotten what it was like to see life like this. How long had she been locked away in her apartment? .. She should go back to Ossus, soon. See life again.

"It's.. A color I don't have a word for. Bright, blinding before, when I was younger. But beautiful." She walked beside him, hand in hand. Enjoying the scenery. Until pain returned. What had started as a sore ache in their detour turned to a sharp pain in her thigh. The muscle gave out as she drooped, wincing. Too much, too soon. Anger flashed in her eyes as she stared at her leg, letting go of Lief 's hand and the bags to hold the spasming muscle.

"D.. Damnit.."

 

[Lief]

"Bright and beautiful..." He considered all that lay around them for a moment and the nodded, the smile grew far more sincere though it wasn't as broad. Just... Satisfied, agreeable. Yes. It was both of those things even through more mundane sight. A welcome breath of fresh air.​

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Then the bags dropped, and Iris drooped. Immediately her hand was out of his and holding onto the leg which was giving her trouble. All at once Eliphas felt like absolute chit, the feeling pooled up within him before he could stop it. Dangit, why had he tried to make more out of this than he should have? He knew they shouldn't have dawdled, he'd made a point not to on their way to the store. Now he was trying to have her prance around a damn park?​

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Idiot, Dune, absolute idiot.​

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He settled down his own bags, and gently knelt down before her.​

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"Is there anything I can do to help?" he asked her, quietly enough as to not draw the attention of anyone else who might have been around them in the park. He could have swept her off her feet, carried her back to the apartment, but that felt... wrong. It felt intrusive. Unfair and undermining of her autonomy. So he didn't, as much as he wanted to. He just remained there with her, hoping that the spasms would pass.​

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"Hey, breathe, it's okay Iris... I'm sorry, today was a huge step; I shouldn't have pushed so hard." He shook his head then, though, Force was he being condescending now? Damnit, he didn't want that. He wasn't trying to be. "I know this sucks right now, but I am so proud of you Iris. Look at how far you came." More, Eliphas? Don't you know when to shut the feth up?​

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No. No he didn't. He couldn't stop himself, because he needed to say those words. She couldn't be dissuaded... Oh Force don't let him have fethed this whole thing up.​

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Iris Arani​

 

[Iris Arani]

Her hands stayed on her thigh, practically willing it to stop the spasm of her muscles. Well, literally willing it to stop. The Force moved under her guidance, soothing the pain. Healing, at east what she could. To heal with the Force was something she was still trying to figure out. Intuitive at best. No formal training. The most she could do was pull the pain out until the muscle finally stilled.

Then she looked up, smiling to Lief . His words, his freak out, she hadn't even heard them. Too focused on the colors. But she saw his colors. His concern. His worry. So she smiled.

"I'm okay."

 

[Lief]

Her words melted it all away.​

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Whatever she was doing, whatever she was focusing on, she hadn't heard anything he'd said. Quite frankly, Eliphas was more grateful for that than he'd ever truly admit. He let out a sigh of relief, his own mini freak out ceased in an instance, and he sank back into the grass on his butt and patiently waited for an end to what Iris was going through.​

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She was taking it like a champ, and he realized in that moment that it likely wasn't the first time she'd experienced it. Nor would it be the last. His response had been largely for his own benefit, a reflection of how out of control he was feeling. How little he could do to help. It wasn't even a reflection on Iris herself, and in the quiet time which passed he realized that for himself.​

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He didn't want to be discomforted by it. Didn't even really think he had been. It was a knee jerk reaction though, no doubt one she'd experienced in others before. Now that he understood it better though, how he was feeling, his response, he could work through it. Make sure it didn't happen again. No more outbursts. Didn't matter if she heard them or not.​

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Iris Arani ​

 

[Iris Arani]

It took a little while longer, just to get herself back onto her feet and able to walk, but she got to that point. Pushing herself up with the same smile. For Lief 's benefit that that. He didn't need to be worried about her, right? Yeah. She was fine. And the last thing she wanted to do was make him feel uncomfortable or upset. Once she was back on her feet she picked up the bags again.

"Okay.. I can move. Should.. Can we go sit somewhere though?"

 

[Lief]

Just like that she was back up on her feet. It took a little while but when she was ready she was eager to get going, at least in so far as picking the bags back up. He grabbed his own, then nodded as she asked if they could find somewhere to sit.​

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"Of course," he assured her, before glancing around their vicinity and searching for a bench of some sort. "Here, there's a picnic table just over there. We can rest, enjoy the sights, and when you're ready we can head back home alright?"​

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Home. Oh feth. "I mean, to your apartment."​

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That wasn't his home. It was hers. He'd meant it as her home too. Just didn't want any confusion.​

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Boy, Eliphas was mostly confusing himself.​

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He led her to the picnic table all the same, set down the bags, and then slumped into a seat. "Would you like a drink or anything?" he asked. There were shops close by, he could find something if she'd like. Or maybe just call for delivery. Give coords... That'd work right?​

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Iris Arani ​

 

[Iris Arani]

She took a seat the moment they made it to the picnic table, letting out a sigh of relief. She propped up her leg, slowly starting to massage the muscle. It still ached, more than she'd admit. But she didn't want Lief to get any more concerned. Though, home? Yeah. That was her appartment.

Why did he seem to stress over that?

"Water?"

 

[Lief]

Water.​

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Water he could do. Though now that he was sat he didn't much like the idea of getting up and leaving her there in the middle of the park. So he pulled out his holopad, an older model than her own which was not yet wristmounted, and sent out for a delivery drone. Water, some snacks, he'd even requested a more flavourful drink for himself. He knew water was important and all, but he didn't much like the taste of it.​

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Order placed, he set aside the pad and glanced over at her.​

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A thousand different questions rose to the forefront of his mind. He pushed down the majority of them, as he had the first day he'd met with her here on Coruscant. No questions, not yet at least.​

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"Thank you, for showing me the store," he said instead.​

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He just hoped it hadn't been too much for her, in general.​

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Iris Arani ​

 

[Iris Arani]

"Mm? .. Oh, of course." Iris nodded once, smiling to Lief before looking back to her leg. Again she'd start to try and heal it, as much as she could. Drifting in focus here and there, yet always watching the colors around her. His colors, really.

He was starting to match the colors of the others. Walking on eggshells. ".. You can ask me, if you want." What, she didn't know. Then again, that's often how conversations with Iris went. Her smile faded as she kept her gaze down on her thigh. "I'm not as fragile as I seem.."

 

[Lief]

Fragile?​

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Was that really how she thought he saw her? Fragile...​

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That had a very soft frown forming over his expression.​

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"I don't think you're fragile, Iris," he informed her, softly, "Quite the opposite, in fact, I'm afraid that you'll think I think that... I don't know. Maybe that doesn't make sense. But I... I know what you're going through, at least in some regard, and I know that pity doesn't help. And I know you're not fragile. Quite the opposite in fact. Whatever you've been through... Well... Look. You're here now, you're still going. That's strength, Iris. True strength."​

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Did he want to ask about it?​

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Maybe it would help shake away some of the mysticism around it, some of the unknown.​

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"If you would like to tell me, I'd like to hear, but if you'd rather not then.. That's okay too. I don't need to know to know... Does that make sense?"​

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Iris Arani ​

 

[Iris Arani]

"I.. Wouldn't mind telling you. .." She fell quiet for a moment, staring at her leg still. Just for a bit. Then lifted her gaze to look at Lief . Directly at him. Her eyes focused on his for the first time really since they'd met.

"Just.. Tell me what you're actually thinking? You keep putting me first. .. What do you want, I guess is what I'm asking?"

 

[Lief]

Eliphas felt suddenly pinned beneath her gaze, though it wasn't an unpleasant sensation. He didn't feel trapped, he felt... Noticed? Truly noticed. It was strange, and he could feel the warmth entering his cheeks almost immediately. ​

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He'd never been good at holding eye contact. Somehow he managed to match her gaze regardless.​

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Her questions came then, and for a moment all he could do was stare. His mind? Blank.​

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What did he want?​

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What was he thinking?​

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"I... Uh..." Feth, why couldn't he think up an answer? He just stared again.​

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"I don't know, Iris... I guess, I'd like us to be comfortable around one another. And, well, I feel comfortable around you. But I also don't want you to think that I'm only spending time with you because I feel a sense of duty, because that's not it. I love your company. This past week... It's felt effortless. Do you know how rare that is? And you... You've helped me too. And I don't want to ruin that by saying something stupid, or by accidentally bringing up something which might be a trigger. So yes, I suppose I would like to know, but only so that we can move past it... We, not you, I know it's going to take a lot more than some idiot Initiate to make it all go away for you... But, around me? I don't want you on eggshells around me, Iris."​

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Where the feth had all that come from?​

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Iris Arani ​

 

[Iris Arani]

So that's why he came by. She had a feeling Lief had been sent to check up on her. Her smile returned, if a bit fainter than before. The confirmation that he was only around- wait, that's not what he said. She blinked, trying to sort through everything and- oh gosh he was still talking. Iris blinked, her smile turning more nervous. Then a panicked smile.

<I don't feel like eggshells- Um, whatever the word is. I- .. You talk a lot when you get nervous. .. I don't want you to feel nervous.> She leaned across the table, gently touching his arm. <You're my friend, so.. Don't be nervous.>

 

[Lief]

Feth.​

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He'd talked too much.​

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Her hand stilled any further wayward thoughts from bubbling up and spewing out of his mouth. Instead he blushed a far deeper blush than he knew was possible, and tried to avoid her gaze for a moment. It didn't help that she was inside his head now. Oh, feth, she was inside his head. Could she hear all these silly little thoughts? Could she pick up on the racing of his heart?​

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He swallowed. Tried to calm himself. Friend.. Yeah, they were friends weren't they? He exhaled. That helped, that helped a lot.​

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"I'm sorry, I don't mean to talk your ear off. I guess I'm just not all that great at being concise when I'm explaining myself."​

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At least she wasn't angry or anything. If anything she seemed... Overwhelmed. Yeah. That made sense.​

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Iris Arani ​

 

[Iris Arani]

She let out a relieved sigh as he seemed to relax. Yeah. Overwhelmed. Iris was never the best with conversations. Time had gotten her more used to it. Being around Lief had gotten her more used to it, in their own way. Having someone to talk to, even if there was only a couple minor conversations between them.

Her hand pulled away as she leaned against the table, letting her eyes closed. She was tired. .. Wow she was tired. More than she thought she'd be. Was it because of her trying to heal herself? Maybe.

"You don't have to explain it to me. Anything. I trust you."

 

[Lief]

It didn't take a genius to see how tired she had become. So tired in fact that he was concerned about whether or not they'd make it back to the apartment any time soon. With that in mind, he shrugged out of his coat and moved to gently set it around her shoulders. She was already pretty well bundled up, she'd left her apartment that way, but maybe he could tempt her into a little... cat nap? While they waited for the drinks and snacks to arrive.​

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Yeah, a cat nap wasn't a bad idea. He'd dare anyone to try and say anything if they passed by and wondered why she was napping, too. Even if she didn't nap, it felt like the right thing to do.​

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"I trust you too, Iris."​

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He wouldn't push for answers now. Not with how tired she was... Maybe another time, though. The door had been opened, if only a crack, there was no rush. He certainly didn't feel rushed.​

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Iris Arani ​

 

[Iris Arani]

"Good.." This was fine. She was comfortable. In the park. Not alone. When was the last time she'd taken a nap in a place so full of colors? Sure enough, Iris would just fall asleep, leaned against the table until something or someone woke her up.