Private Square One

[Amani Serys]

Iziz Starport, Onderon
Kal​

Amani didn't make much of a habit out of heading to the Inner Rim these days, but suffice to say, recent events had given her reason enough to start trying something new. The once-Jedi had long since made peace with the possibility of continuing on with a 'normal' life; There had been no signs of the Force ever returning to her, not since she came crawling back from her pull to the dark side. Nothing. Until a few weeks ago, when a moment of panic transcended into an awakening. And for that briefest of moments, Amani Serys felt the Force's call once again.

But it was just that. Brief. Fleeting. And since then, she has been chasing that potential reconnection, the taste of what she lost crashing in like a relapsed addiction. Far from a pleasant mindset to be in. All the more reason to figure it out sooner rather than later.

Which is what made it all the more frustrating that her time here had seemed moot. Onderon had started this mess, she'd hoped maybe now it could fix it. Already she had spent a few days planetside, dipping into those old Jedi habits, only for no revelations to come. Instead, her next plan of action was already shifting from persistent effort to thoughts of moving on. But that inner conflict kept her still loitering by the local starport.

 

[Kal]

This was one of his more common haunts, a source of great inspiration whenever he was struggling to grasp concepts tied to biology. Onderon was full of life and so was its (in)famous moon Dxun. Unrestrained in all its primal glory, life flourished here in a thousand thousand ways, from insects and viruses to titanic apex predators feared by all.

It was on such a trip, meditating at the convergence of nature and culture, that he sensed a vaguely familiar presence. One that, in the absence of better descriptors, seemed to flicker like a dying candle - or perhaps a candle being lit.

It was not an entirely unique experience, per se, but it was unique enough to make him curious.

As ever driven by his curiosity, the swirling mass of his form - unseen by mortal eyes - shot from the jungle and above streets, buildings, crowds. Soon enough, he found himself above a starport - and then inside it. All the while, tendrils of will slithered forth from his tenebrous form, brushing against the assembled crowds as if trying to glean a reaction.

Most would feel nothing, or perhaps a brush of cold air. Most, but not all.

Amani Serys​

 

[Amani Serys]

Amani stared long and hard at the ships in the hangar, some making a landing, others preparing to set off. She began to space out for a beat among the other passersby, enveloped by her own internal debate.

Then, she stamped down her fidgeting foot with resolve. Setting off, then. The whole Force thing was just a fluke, a coincidental act of providence. Better to move on fast before the old want festers. But only just after her first step forward, a sudden sensation brushed her person, causing the Mirialan to flinch in surprise. A fleeting reaction said it was a person, or some creature, “Sorry?” She voiced to the nearest individual, who gave no reaction other than a confused look. Nobody was close enough to have bumped past, and she was reasonably positive that no strange creatures were scurrying by.

Her eyes darted around with suspicion. Could it be?

Amani closed her eyes and focused once more on those old Jedi meditations, pulling at the threads of the Force locked away within her (metaphysically speaking, anyway). A deep breath, an exhale, and then… nothing.

At least, not that she felt.

Kal​

 

[Kal]

The crowds flowed like water, a drops quivering in recognition but none leaping from the stream - until suddenly he became aware of the presence once more. Another flicker, brought about my his gentle caress. That indicated at least some form of awareness and yet it did not feel like the more routine workings of the experienced. How curious.

Gliding through a few walls, he found himself gazing down at a familiar being - pulling from the steel trap that was his mind, he found a name and identity to go with it. Amani. The medic with the curious presence. How interesting.

Silent observation was considered, of course, but quickly discarded - she had been welcoming when last they met, had shared of her knowledge and aided in his efforts. The least he could do is satiate his curiosity politely. <Hello again, Amani. Please be aware that none but you can see me.> Emerging from thin air, a figure stood before it.

To facilitate recognition, he assumed the form of the body he'd worn on Saska Trianic.

Amani Serys​

 

[Amani Serys]

For a second time, her attempt to move on was interrupted, only by a much more verifiable sensation this time. A voice, and its physical source materialized before her, causing another brief startle before the form sparked recognition. “...Kal?”

That’s the one. The mysterious shadow from the Saska Trianic mission. “Was that you just then? What’re you doing out here?”

‘And do you make a habit of brushing up against crowds of strangers?’ was the last part Amani refrained from asking. Instead her more high-strung nature began to drop, relaxing somewhat in the familiar presence. However the implications of what he said clicked in her mind, already prompting yet another question, “Wait so do these people think I’m just talking to myself then?” Lovely.

Kal​

 

[Kal]

It was easy to forget that most people - other than, at this point, Noelle Varanin - tended to react visibly to spirits showing up out of nowhere and speaking into their heads. Perhaps he should attempt to simulate communicator noises?

Oh well, a bit late this time. No matter, she probably didn't need these people to think her sane.

<Studying the local biodiversity, primarily. Until you caught my attention, that is. You feel different.> Swirling closer, his eyes briefly flickered towards a staring businessman. <Would you like me to make myself visible to everyone? It would make you look more normal by comparison, certainly, but it may cause a panic.> Her call, in the end, he did not mind.

Alongside his words came the gentle urging to reply in the same way he was - by thinking the words.

Amani Serys​

 

[Amani Serys]

"Pft," Well, she'd already started talking, so it was a bit too late to take back the outwardly odd performance on her part, "Maybe we can just move to a less busy place," She nodded back towards the exit for Kal to follow her.

Amani tried to push her words to the forefront of her thoughts, "You said 'different'? How, exactly?" She returned to the original point, genuine curiosity peaking in her question. Unsure of the details behind his telepathy, she would voice the same question aloud, just in case her lack of Force-sensitivity was preventing any sort of communication on her part. By this point her understanding of any Force mumbo jumbo was getting pretty rusty.

Kal​

 

[Kal]

Amani was pleasantly unconcerned about the opinions of the bystanders - a sensible approach, given that she would likely never see any of them again. <Fair enough.> Drifting alongside her, the pair left through the nearest exit, hot and humid air beating her in the face as soon as she was out. It was a warm day - a vibrant day, which was why he had come.

<I can hear you just fine.> In a manner of speaking, anyway. She was not projecting her thoughts, per se, but she was allowing herself to be read and that was good enough for him. The words were jumbled but understandable.

<When last we met you did not feel quite non-Sensitive, if that makes any sense. Since then, something has changed. Your presence is still muted as most are, but there are flickers or sparks of sorts.> A curious state of being.

Amani Serys​

 

[Amani Serys]

Tropic heat was no joke. Amani raised a hand overhead to shade her face from the brightly burning sun, already on the search for a shadier setting.

Oh. Perfect. At least now she didn't have to look like a raving vagrant.

With that, the real reason for their conversation had finally come to light, and Kal's revelations began to lead to a few of Amani's own. Flickers, sparks of sensitivity? It wasn't a fluke. The possibility pushed to the forefront of her mind. She stopped for a moment, weighing the potential that may very well have just been unlocked. Returning focus to Kal, she clarified, Some time ago, I had some kind of… "episode" of Force-sensitivity. I haven't been able to replicate it since. But if what you're saying is true, then maybe it's still locked away somewhere within me?

Perhaps all they needed was a key.

Kal​

 

[Kal]

An episode of Sensitivity? That could certainly explain the current - and previous - peculiarities.

<You were Force Sensitive but found your connection lost or obstructed, only for it to return unpredictably?> There were more than a few assumptions in that questioning statement, but he felt fairly confident that he was right. When last they met he had been led to believe that she had once been able to heal beings - and not with technology - for one.

If she answered in the affirmative, Kal would be at once pleased and disappointed - pleased because his guess had been correct and disappointed because a non-Sensitive suddenly 'awakening' would be a curious case indeed.

<I dare say so, yes. It is far more common for Sensitivity to be suppressed than fully lost. The path to restoring it may well be difficult, of course. There are steps that can be taken to ease the journey, but none are perfect.>

Amani Serys​

 

[Amani Serys]

Exactly. He had pieced it together quickly. Of course if anyone was going to, it would probably be the individual who was entirely composed of Force… stuff.

His further musings had her eyes glittering with curiosity. Others had come back from such circumstances in the past, but Amani had not thought it ever a possibility for herself. Until now, that is.

What do you know? How can I figure this out?

Kal​

 

[Kal]

<How it happened would be a good starting point - there is a big difference between an inflicted condition and damage that has its origins in one's own actions, unsafe phenomena, or a mixture of factors.> Nastiest of all were some truly horrific methods by which Sensitivity could be forcefully excised from an organic, but he doubted she had suffered those.

<The circumstances of your Sensitivity flaring back, so to speak, are just as important.>

Once he knew how it happened and how it had begun to return, he should be able to help. Emphasis on should. This was no simple matter and Kal was no specialist - he strongly doubted she would consider taking a Pale Herald.

Amani Serys​

 

[Amani Serys]

The Mirialan's brow furrowed. Those weren't all exactly the most fond memories to recall, but she wasn't surprised that the time would come when she'd need to face them. Amani ran a hand over her mouth in thought, pulling those moments back to the forefront of her mind,

"Well, I lost it after I… accidentally… killed someone." she finally spoke, hesitant but detached in her recollection of old wounds. "He was threatening me. I'd never done that before but-… I don't know if I had a choice."

Silence.

"Then when it came back…" A more recent event, and thankfully not quite as traumatic, "…People were in danger. There was a mudslide. Not a lot of time. They needed help and then it just… happened. Almost without thinking I just did it, and it worked."

She loosened up, returning to a more natural demeanor as if she'd just woke up from a dream.

Now that it had been said out loud, she was already making some of her own connections. Her eyes fell to Kal for a reaction.

Kal​

 

[Kal]

Kal was silent for a long moment as she explained, relaying naught but a sense of reassuring affirmation.

<I see. Killing someone would not normally limit one's Sensitivity, even if done with the Force - the Sith do so all the time, after all. The thought and emotions concerning said action certainly could, however.> There was little distinction between clarity of mind and the use of the Force - it was why strong emotion could both weaken and strengthen.

Sufficient trauma, perhaps even self-loathing, could certainly wither one's abilities.

Some could draw strength from such things, but Kal found that distasteful.

<It is entirely possible the block is more mental than tangible. That could certainly explain why you were able to instinctively use it when the need was sufficiently great, but struggle to do so under ordinary circumstances.>

Amani Serys​

 

[Amani Serys]

Amani nodded in agreement to each point, "Then you and I came to a similar conclusion." In a sense it was a suspicion she always had, but refused to actually confront until the possibility of freedom revealed itself.

Her personal creed was founded on the righteousness of saving lives, not taking them. As she continued her darker poath, those building blocks continued to erode, until she finally crossed the line she never meant to.

Self-loathing, fear, uncertainty. A mental block of her own subconscious making. It all seemed to add up, anyway.

"But how would I get past that? Surely just acknowledging the issue isn't enough to make it go away."

Indeed, her connection was still not equal to that of an uninhibited Force-sensitive.

Kal​

 

[Kal]

A mental block, as he had suspected. It would be tempting to view it as a simple issue, but it was anything but; there were 'easy fixes', so to speak, but none were particularly appealing - he doubted she wanted him to alter her memories.

Even if she did, he would not have done so; people were the sum of their experiences, after all.

<If it was, your abilities would be magically restored as we speak.> That sort of thing was, at best, theoretically possible. <Your mental block, as it were, seems rooted in guilt and self-loathing. I see no desirable solution but to face your past and work through the emotional - perhaps even spiritual - issues that arise from it.>

How she did that was a deeply individual matter. Meditative isolation was favoured by some Jedi, while conversations and other forms of interpersonal exploration were more common in broader society. Mental issues were nothing new.

Of course, the effects thereof were far more than normal tangible in her case.

Amani Serys​

 

[Amani Serys]

"I was afraid you'd say that." She confirmed her suspicions with a nod. The Force was a fickle thing.

"Alright, well I've tried it before, so I guess it really is as simple as 'keep trying'." But now with a clearer goal in mind, maybe she could make it permanent. "Thanks for the advice, all the same. At least I know I'm on the right path."

…

"And just to be absolutely sure, there's no magic force powers you have that can fix this in an instant, right?"

Kal​

 

[Kal]

<I am afraid not. There are 'quick and easy' solutions, so to speak, but none I would advise. An acquaintance of mine strongly advocates neuroalchemy for such cases, but I am exceedingly dubious.> Likewise with Telepathy. It should, in theory, be able to brute force her mind into clearing the block. For obvious reasons, that was inadvisable in the extreme.

<It might be possible to speed things along, however. I could, for instance, push your mind into confronting the root cause. Unpleasant, but not dangerous - less time-consuming than the usual meditation too.>

It went without saying that such an attempt was by no means guaranteed to succeed.

Amani Serys​

 

[Amani Serys]

"Probably for the best." Amani took his confirmation in stride, already prepared for such alternatives to be a long shot.

Still, his next suggestion did leave her in a moment of further consideration. Maybe something uncomfortable was… deserved? No, that stretch of logic was as much an excuse as an attempt at self-punishment. And breaking down that way of thinking was, well, pretty established as part of the whole necessary process.

'"Mayb-- No. No, I should do it 'right' or not at all." Poorly thought out shortcuts were just a part of why she was stuck in this position to begin with. "Thanks anyway, though. I'd give ya a hug for the help, but, I'm not entirely sure if you're corporeal or not."

Kal​

 

[Kal]

<The choice is yours.> Kal was not entirely sure he would describe her way as better than his, but the mere fact that she held that opinion might make it so, in this case. She was battling her own mind more than anything else, after all.

<I am not currently corporeal, no, but since you asked...> Drifting closer, the Shadow moved to hug her - it would feel a bit odd, to put it bluntly, but not necessarily unpleasant. Like being embraced by a silken sheet without a person behind it. That was about as corporeal was Kal was willing to be outside tests and emergencies - anything more would be taxing.

<What will you do next? The usual isolated meditation?>

Amani Serys​