Devastare Incarnare
Hi there my fellow writers of Chaos.
Thinking about shipping your character? Wondering if it'll actually work in the story you're telling? This guide is here to help you figure out if romance is the right path. Not for you necessarily, but for your character.
I'm not a therapist. I just have far too many fictional people in my head. Let's talk about romance, trauma, upbringing, and how to know when a ship actually makes sense in a story for a character. Lets dive into this unbiased guide, from an entirely unqualified individual.
So maybe you're new to Chaos. Maybe you've been around for years. Either way, romance is something a lot of us think about. As writers, and, as people. That's great!
I'm not here to tell you whether you should write romance. I'm here to give a framework that might help you decide if it makes sense for your character.
Where should I start?
Good question, lets talk about it.
The first thing we should all remember is that we're here to create stories with other people, that's the heart of collaborative RP, making stories with other people using improv. So when romance enters the picture, it can either deepen those stories. Or derail them if it's forced.
Before jumping onto a ship, ask yourself. "Is this gonna sink?" And there are three subsequent questions that will help you figure it out.
1. Is my character ready for a romance?
This is an OOC (out-of-character) question. Think about your character's emotional maturity, past experiences, and where they are in their arc.
2. Would they want a romance?
This one's in-character. You're looking at the world through their eyes. What does your character want- not what you want for them?
3. Would a romance push their story forward in a meaningful way?
That's your meta-question. One for you as the writer. Will this ship add something for your character? Will it change them? Will it challenge them? Will it deepen their story in a meaningful way?
Disclaimer - Romance is a two-player game. Think of it like you're writing a PvP thread, just with more emotional wounds and less explosions (usually). None of this works without the other writer's buy-in.
That means romance should be collaborative, consensual, and respectful of everyone's boundaries. Without that there is no story. Period.
Also: answering "no" to any of these follow up questions doesn't mean romance is off the table forever. It just means, not right now. And that's okay!
Example: Cyborg-soldier guy
I'm gonna break these points down using my own character
Vyn Daldoure
"Is my character ready for a romance?"
No. Not yet at least.
Vyn was raised by a war-cult. He never knew familial love. His Idea of affection is so off kilter, he would probably misinterpret flirting as: sarcasm, a set up, or a distraction tactic.
If someone confessed romantic feelings? it would be a blindside.
And yet, I don't consider him emotionally shut down. He's not incapable. Just unaccustomed. He's not wired to expect kindness, let alone affection.
Still, that alone isn't reason enough to rule romance out entirely, because Vyn is self-aware. He understands love conceptually. He just assumes he'll never be on the receiving end of it.
"Would Vyn want a romance?"
Yes! Vyn would kill to have a romance, but like I mentioned earlier, he's self aware.
There was no love in his parents relationship. It was a transactional one that was kept up to make sure Vyn knew the same would be expected of him one day. Make babies, teach your kid how to kill, repeat.
He got lucky to escape that cycle.
Now, when he sees people in love, it weirds him out a little. He wants it, but he knows that if it ever happens, it would take a partner with the patience of a saint. He knows he'd be difficult. And I don't mean cruel, just unfamiliar with what love looks like in action. This is a man who's only physical contact has been for dancing, and beating the breaks off of others. Where he is currently. He'd short circuit if someone held his hand just because they wanted to.
"Would romance push his story in a meaningful way?"
Kind of/yes.
A romantic relationship would likely be the first one to challenge Vyn's way of interacting with the world. Right now, he's quiet. He's competent. But his social circle mostly consists of people who shoot at the same things he does.
But he's also not emotionally numb or a shut in. He can read people, he just doesn't really know how to respond to emotional vulnerability.
He's a character I've written to explore Family trauma, childhood trauma, and PTSD. But my intention was never to have him be a victim of those beats, so much as a product of normalized violence. He's a character who's accepted he'll always be a killer, but he's trying to learn how to be "normal" even with that acceptance.
So while romance wouldn't heal him, it would make him question the version of himself he thinks he needs to be, because just accepting someone can be affectionate towards him, rewrites his whole perceived reality.
Now that I've done it, here's the format for you guys!
Romance readiness checklist
It also doesn't mean "no" is complete answer. Because while I don't think now is the right time, I definitely want to hit those beats with that character.
Remember it should feel natural too.
If you made it this far. Thanks! This was originally supposed to be a response in the discord but once I hit 100 words and realized I wasn't stopping. Well here we are.
I hope this can be of help to someone. If you have comments, questions, or even suggestions, I'd love to hear it.
Did I divulge a little about Vyn? Yes.
But if it helps even one person figure out what their character needs, then I think it was worth it.
Thinking about shipping your character? Wondering if it'll actually work in the story you're telling? This guide is here to help you figure out if romance is the right path. Not for you necessarily, but for your character.
I'm not a therapist. I just have far too many fictional people in my head. Let's talk about romance, trauma, upbringing, and how to know when a ship actually makes sense in a story for a character. Lets dive into this unbiased guide, from an entirely unqualified individual.
So maybe you're new to Chaos. Maybe you've been around for years. Either way, romance is something a lot of us think about. As writers, and, as people. That's great!
I'm not here to tell you whether you should write romance. I'm here to give a framework that might help you decide if it makes sense for your character.
Where should I start?
Good question, lets talk about it.
The first thing we should all remember is that we're here to create stories with other people, that's the heart of collaborative RP, making stories with other people using improv. So when romance enters the picture, it can either deepen those stories. Or derail them if it's forced.
Before jumping onto a ship, ask yourself. "Is this gonna sink?" And there are three subsequent questions that will help you figure it out.
1. Is my character ready for a romance?
This is an OOC (out-of-character) question. Think about your character's emotional maturity, past experiences, and where they are in their arc.
2. Would they want a romance?
This one's in-character. You're looking at the world through their eyes. What does your character want- not what you want for them?
3. Would a romance push their story forward in a meaningful way?
That's your meta-question. One for you as the writer. Will this ship add something for your character? Will it change them? Will it challenge them? Will it deepen their story in a meaningful way?
Disclaimer - Romance is a two-player game. Think of it like you're writing a PvP thread, just with more emotional wounds and less explosions (usually). None of this works without the other writer's buy-in.
That means romance should be collaborative, consensual, and respectful of everyone's boundaries. Without that there is no story. Period.
Also: answering "no" to any of these follow up questions doesn't mean romance is off the table forever. It just means, not right now. And that's okay!
Example: Cyborg-soldier guy
I'm gonna break these points down using my own character
Vyn Daldoure
"Is my character ready for a romance?"
No. Not yet at least.
Vyn was raised by a war-cult. He never knew familial love. His Idea of affection is so off kilter, he would probably misinterpret flirting as: sarcasm, a set up, or a distraction tactic.
If someone confessed romantic feelings? it would be a blindside.
And yet, I don't consider him emotionally shut down. He's not incapable. Just unaccustomed. He's not wired to expect kindness, let alone affection.
Still, that alone isn't reason enough to rule romance out entirely, because Vyn is self-aware. He understands love conceptually. He just assumes he'll never be on the receiving end of it.
"Would Vyn want a romance?"
Yes! Vyn would kill to have a romance, but like I mentioned earlier, he's self aware.
There was no love in his parents relationship. It was a transactional one that was kept up to make sure Vyn knew the same would be expected of him one day. Make babies, teach your kid how to kill, repeat.
He got lucky to escape that cycle.
Now, when he sees people in love, it weirds him out a little. He wants it, but he knows that if it ever happens, it would take a partner with the patience of a saint. He knows he'd be difficult. And I don't mean cruel, just unfamiliar with what love looks like in action. This is a man who's only physical contact has been for dancing, and beating the breaks off of others. Where he is currently. He'd short circuit if someone held his hand just because they wanted to.
"Would romance push his story in a meaningful way?"
Kind of/yes.
A romantic relationship would likely be the first one to challenge Vyn's way of interacting with the world. Right now, he's quiet. He's competent. But his social circle mostly consists of people who shoot at the same things he does.
But he's also not emotionally numb or a shut in. He can read people, he just doesn't really know how to respond to emotional vulnerability.
He's a character I've written to explore Family trauma, childhood trauma, and PTSD. But my intention was never to have him be a victim of those beats, so much as a product of normalized violence. He's a character who's accepted he'll always be a killer, but he's trying to learn how to be "normal" even with that acceptance.
So while romance wouldn't heal him, it would make him question the version of himself he thinks he needs to be, because just accepting someone can be affectionate towards him, rewrites his whole perceived reality.
Now that I've done it, here's the format for you guys!
Romance readiness checklist
- "Is my character emotionally ready to be in a relationship?"
- "Would they actually want one"
- "Would it deepen or evolve their story?"
It also doesn't mean "no" is complete answer. Because while I don't think now is the right time, I definitely want to hit those beats with that character.
Remember it should feel natural too.
If you made it this far. Thanks! This was originally supposed to be a response in the discord but once I hit 100 words and realized I wasn't stopping. Well here we are.
I hope this can be of help to someone. If you have comments, questions, or even suggestions, I'd love to hear it.
Did I divulge a little about Vyn? Yes.
But if it helps even one person figure out what their character needs, then I think it was worth it.
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