Potential Character idea feedback

[Asemir]

[member="Sandalu"]

Regarding the restrictions you feel for this character, keep in mind that the flow of time on this forum is less structured than may be initially assumed. You can certainly create the character, leave her parentage vague, and start RPing with her. When or if you find the right PC to act as a parent, then you can edit that piece into your character's bio. This allows you to get started without having to answer all of the OOC questions first.

You might even discover that after the first few RPs, you'd prefer that the character has NPC parents. Or a different idea altogether.

Was that helpful? I'll check back after/if you reply, and we can continue more with the constructive feedback.

 

[Sandalu]

[member="Sandalu"]

Regarding the restrictions you feel for this character, keep in mind that the flow of time on this forum is less structured than may be initially assumed. You can certainly create the character, leave her parentage vague, and start RPing with her. When or if you find the right PC to act as a parent, then you can edit that piece into your character's bio. This allows you to get started without having to answer all of the OOC questions first.

You might even discover that after the first few RPs, you'd prefer that the character has NPC parents. Or a different idea altogether.

Was that helpful? I'll check back after/if you reply, and we can continue more with the constructive feedback.

[member="Asemir Lor'kora"] It was helpful, I'm just more of a planner type lol. I don't like starting things with loose ends and the idea of "Tie them up later" because from my experience, it seems that method, to me anyway, it always comes off as...tacked on. I dunno, maybe it's me being overly picky and critical lol, but I just like things set up properly and not added later

As for the other stuff I mentioned, such as her Lightsabers and either the Interlocking idea, or the Motorised Hilts, or both what do you think? Or her being a Grey Jedi that uses both the Dark and Light Side of the Force? Or the fact she pretty much will pick up everything from multiple Force Powers to Lightsaber Forms (But only ever master a handful of them) is that okay? Or is that a bit OP?

 

[Asemir]

[member="Sandalu"]

I totally get that, as a planner. I like planning out everything too, but I've come to realize that as soon as you involved others in your plans, you've got to start adapting to whatever comes up.

That said, some thoughts about the lightsaber and Force:

Lightsaber

The motor could work. I personally think it's a bit awkward, but that's just a personal opinion. If you have the IC justification and development for it, it will be fine. You'd also want to train heavily in its use because it seems like the rotating blade would be very dangerous to the wielder.

Will it be OP? It depends on how you write any usage of the mechanism, to be honest. Any judgment of OP-ness is going to be dependent on how something is RPed. A simple blaster can be OP, for example. Additionally, if you intend to PvP, you may want to submit a Factory submission to make your custom lightsaber "official". Factory submissions are not required but can clear up any OOC conflicts that might arise. Personally, I wouldn't worry about the Factory until after your character reaches the point for a lightsaber.

Force

Regarding the character's Force development, I think this is pretty cool. It also feels very natural, to start at one spectrum, go to the other, and then meet somewhere in between. It's something that I've done with a couple of my characters (this included). I wouldn't worry too much about "balancing" either side (specifically the "not a Master of either side") because that's going to change as RP happens. And "balance" is largely defined by how well you write any combat scenes and/or how well you portray usage of the Force. In general, if it helps the story, it'll be fine.

In general, the character feels like how a Force User would grow up in a natural world, one without the stark Blacks and Whites of Star Wars, and I like that concept. I hate how well-defined Star Wars portrays the Dark Side and Light Side. Her development as a Grey Jedi, especially development based on her own life story, sounds very good.

 

[Jsc]

[member="Sandalu"]

They told me you was begging for feedback. So here goes.

• TL;DR (no offense)
• Eventually, everybody does a Shi'do for OOC reasons.
• I have no idea what a Clawdite is?
• When it comes to being a FU, just don't Godmode and you'll be fine. Nobody cares how powerful or unique you are. We're all special snowflakes.
• When it comes to lightsabers I prefer Lambent crystals for the Vong-Sense. Form and style has negligible effect on PvP.
• When it comes to Bios, they can always be rewritten. Favor good RP later over a good bio now, any day.
• Listen to Asemir.
• Listen to Asemir.
• Your anxiety is really high in this thread. Woo daisy.
• Being a dude, I always prefer write females myself. I'd write a female.
• Finding another PC to be your Mom is a great idea. However, it will always be 1000% harder to pull off. Because reasons.
• Feedback is dumb. Just dive right in and enjoy.
• Don't listen to me. Ever.
• Always join a Faction and ask for private 1on1 RPs right away.
• Finding a Master for a FU takes forever. This is normal.
• 50% of your IC threads will never finish to completion. This is not a bad thing. It's just life and RP. Get used to filling in the blanks.

Uhh... Oh. And having 2 bad IC threads is better than having 1 good feedback thread, for your character.

Cheers! You've got this.

 

[Sandalu]

[member="Sandalu"]

• Don't listen to me. Ever.

[member="Jay Scott Clark"] Done and done!

 

[Jsc]

[member="Sandalu"] - I like you. You're getting the hang of this. Cheers and happy posting!

 

[Gray Raxis]

[member="Sandalu"]

Okay so I have a bit to add to this and to start it off I'd like to agree completely with both [member="Asemir Lor'kora"] and [member="Jay Scott Clark"] on what they have said. It's your character at the end of the day and you should just do what you want to do so long as you dont get in trouble for it.

Alright so I am a bit of the opposite of you in terms of bios. I prefer to create a skeletal bio where there is the basic core of the character such as personality traits and history with mentioned events, but not expanded upon one. From there I let the character flesh themselves out and it usually leads me to some much more interesting places than I originally meant to be at. It might be fun to try that style out some time and see it it works for you, as an experiment, unless you already have done this then just disregard it.

Secondly, I do not see why being focused on the mother being the parent is so important honestly. If you expanded out to the parent being the mother or father you might have more luck with finding someone willing to RP it out with you. Just an idea for you on keeping your options open.

My last point goes along with what has already been said by others, but don't focus so much on exact style or powers. A lot of force abilities are shared between both dark side and light side force users, so there is no need to worry so much about it unless the ability is directly related to one side or the other. Those tend to be master level skills though, so right out the gate you won't be having anything to do with them. And the whole concept of exploring both sides is something a lot of people have done on here so its perfectly fine to do it. Also it is a ton of fun to explore both sides of your character and see what pops up from the dusty corners of their soul.

Anyways, I hope what I have said is helpful to you. I really couldn't add too much more because it had already been said to you. If you ever want more feedback or just to RP hit me up anytime.

 

[Laguz Vald]

[member="Sandalu"]

Well... I have this shi'ido...
Idk, check out the bio, let me know it that's someone you could see as a potential parent for your future Gray Jedi.

I'm an adaptable writer, and this character is a bit stalled for me at the moment so the potential RP opportunities of having a kid seem really fun to me.
Something I haven't really done yet, to be honest, so it definitely has the potential to be hella fun.

As for the feedback; [member="Asemir Lor'kora"] and [member="Jay Scott Clark"] (to an extent) know their stuff. I myself am far more on the "wing-it-as-you-go" side of the spectrum, but I'm not opposed to planning.
The swordplay and Force powers will be largely inconsequential in the long run. Even if you keep a long-ass list in the bio, nobody will care very much what it says, only how you go about RPing it.

My two cents.

 

[Hailyn]

[member="Sandalu"]
Just a thought, and this is because of your request specifically for a Shi'ido or Clawdite character to respond; there may be few replies from writers of such characters (species) because few people write those particular species. Obviously it'd be redundant to reiterate what Asemir stated above, but I figure it'd be a good idea to point it out because (unless I've missed it), I wasn't sure if you were aware of that. Starting out with a character that was unaware of their heritage or parentage is advantageous in regards to this problem as you can work in a PC to those positions if you ever develop that into your character's story, though I can see it posing an issue short-term.

 

[Hailyn]

She would also start out as a Jedi, but due to being a Teenager and somewhat wild, stubborn and headstrong, she would find herself feeling the call of the Dark side. This pull of the Dark Side within her would make her torn between wanting to help people like a Jedi and non Jedi things, like the desire to kill people who pick on and harm those unable to defend themselves. Eventually she would accept the Dark Side, but not want to become as bad the Sith and the cruelty she has seen them commit and she would become a Grey Jedi, able to eventually draw on both the Light and Dark Side of the Force.

And for actual feedback (from my own perspective):

• Being a teenager that feels the urges of the dark side is not as cliche as one would think: a cliche is not normalcy, and what you are looking to do is that - something which adds an aspect to the character that might be relateable to others. Every teenager or young adult feels those impulsive feelings at time where you may feel you want to burst at the seams (or might feel such against your will). The dark side would easily flow in from that vulnerability.
• The torn feeling is another thing that would logically occur following the temptation of the dark side. Perfectly understandable and wouldn't stick out like a sore thumb - in that it wouldn't seem rather out of character for someone tempted by the dark side to feel that way.
• A Grey Jedi doesn't call on the dark side at all, they walk the line between light and dark but never actually cross over. Both aspects of the force naturally counter the other, so your character would actually be hindered (from a logical, canonical, standpoint) in their ability to call upon either side. Trying to do so is fine, just wanted to point out that tidbit about the Grey Jedi. You can still call yourself one and do whatever you feel works for the character, just my own personal view on that.

All that said and done, it looks like an interesting character. Just keep in mind what I mentioned about the Shi'ido & Clawdite populations on the board.

 

[Kira Talith]

Was looking this over and we managed to hash out a few things over skype.

I agree with what Braith said about the Force. When you are walking neutral one isn't using the force powers on the extreme light or darkside.

http://starwarsrp.net/topic/74259-force-tradition-cheat-sheet-minus-anything-ep7-related/

is a good resource to see chaos canon and star wars canon force philosophies.

Personally? I enjoy seeing what happens in RP's. Some of the best stories I've had just happened out of the blue from doing post by post. This chica i thought would just be a regular jedi -- she ended up getting married and having four kids! And that was after the 40 post thread I was expected turned into a 1200 post one!

So i guess that is my advice. See what happens out there once you start rping. Your plans just might get shifted.

 

[Sandalu]

• A Grey Jedi doesn't call on the dark side at all, they walk the line between light and dark but never actually cross over. Both aspects of the force naturally counter the other, so your character would actually be hindered (from a logical, canonical, standpoint) in their ability to call upon either side. Trying to do so is fine, just wanted to point out that tidbit about the Grey Jedi. You can still call yourself one and do whatever you feel works for the character, just my own personal view on that.

First, thanks for your reply and it was interesting to hear your thoughts . However, a Grey Jedi is able to call upon the Light and Dark Side of the Force. Here's the Wiki page: http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Gray_Jedi



https://youtu.be/0TBH5XFGfMw?t=2m46s This video also states how Grey Jedi can use abilities from the Dark Side of the Force. Just because she would use both sides of the Force doesn't mean she would be evil, or want to help people any less then a Jedi. It just means she is more open to accepting the inner darkness in her that everyone has inside them to a degree, rather then hiding from it and locking it away like the Jedi, or becoming totally consumed by it like Sith

 

[Mantic Dorn]

[member="Sandalu"]

I could act as your early on light side master if you wish. I admit that I prefer RP where the future is not set already but I dig from where you are coming. Mantic is a very strict "old school" jedi and wont allow the dark side in anything. He is in the Republic jedi knight order, a small but growing re-establishment of the old jedi order. Its so-so accepted atm but getting there.

To top that he moves in the Republic which many consider a corrupt body, something Mantic works tirelessly to to oppose. His padawan would be a grateful target for corruptors and/or folks wanting to mess with the Republic and their small branch of jedi.

That said, my activity goes up and down a bit but I hope we can have a few threads before you go dark.. er... I mean gray?

 

[Siobhan Kerrigan]

[member="Sandalu"]


I like shapeshifters.


Personally I'd just rp. Make the char with a basic concept, jump in a few threads (join a faction if one fits) and go from there. I'm not really one for preplanning. Sio started out as a Jedi in name only who was all about fighting Sith but there was little noticeable about her. Her life took various twist and turns, now she's heading a megacorporation, got a wife and has three adoptive daughters. Some of the funnest threads I've been in took turns I'd never have expected.


As for what a Grey Jedi/grey Forcer/whatever does or does not, I wouldn't worry about that. None of my chars fall into the traditional Jedi-Sith dichotomy. Just write your character organically. Same goes for acquiring Force powers and so on.


If the char is supposed to start as a Jedi, the factions that would fit (assuming you want to join one) are GA (they have their own Jedi Order and are rather militant against the dark side) or Silver Sanctum Coalition (has the Silver Jedi, but also accepts a variety of non-Jedi neutral/lightside Forcers, including darksiders as long as they don't go around kicking puppies, murdering babies etc.). I think the Republic still has a few Jedi in it, too.

 

[Darth Prazutis]

[member="Siobhan Kerrigan"]

This lady knows what shes talking about. When I made Darth Prazutis I only had a few things established:

• He's a Zambrano
• Kaine's Apprentice
• Anzat
• Sith
• A general personality idea

Just put down enough for your character so you yourself know generally what the characters like, who they are as a person and jump right into the action. Then as you go through storylines and plots with everyone you will refine and shape your character through roleplay character development. That's how you often get defined characters like Sio, Spencer, Kaine, myself and loads of others here.

[member="Sandalu"]

 

[Asemir]

I think the point that we need to remember is [member="Sandalu"] wants to flesh out the character as much as possible before starting to RP. While there may be drawbacks to that approach, that's the approach he/she wants to take, so our feedback/advice should be within that lens.

 

[Sandalu]

Thanks for your feedback all. Since I last updated this Topic I've found a character to be her mother. I've been speaking with [member="Cira"] and one of her alts Ryssa Rourke is going to be her mother. I've also settled on a name for her; Kyla Rourke.

As for species, she's going to be a unique mix of half Clawdite and half Shi'ido. She would be able to shift at such a young age due to her Clawdite DNA, but the con is it's excruciatingly painful. At least double the pain a normal Clawdite feels when shifting, which causes her not to like shifting very often if she can help it. due to her Shi'ido DNA she doesn't revert to her natural form when asleep, but does when injured or when she is suddenly knocked out. Her lifespan won't be a Clawdite's average of 70 years and won't be a Shi'ido average of 500 years but a nerfed/boosted (Whichever species side you wish to look at it) of 300 years.

As for how she looks in her true form, she looks like a standard Clawdite, but the differences would be her skin colour is a greenish blue mix of both Shi'ido and Clawdite. Also, her facial features will be different such as her jaw being slightly elongated for a Clawdite.

She can also add mass due to her Shi'ido DNA, but not much. For example, she can alter her mass to make herself a few dress sizes smaller or larger, but if she were to try and make her arm giant to deliver a powerful punch, it would get stuck that way for a long time.

However, here's the part me and Cira are stuck on: Time Travel

I was discussing this with Cira on Skype and we are both stumped on ideas. My original idea was for her to be in a Lightsaber duel with a Sith and during the fight she is drawing more and more heavily on the Force due to her getting outmatched. She ends up getting stabbed in the gut and as she feels she is about to die she thinks of her mother and how she'd love to see her again. Due to her pulling heavily on the Force during the battle, the Force acts through her and she ends up back in time infront of her mother, to see her again as she desired when she figured she was about to die.

However, as Cira pointed out, it comes off as quite random. If anyone can help think of any ideas or a better modified explanation of my idea, PLEASE let me know.

I know people will say "Just jump into it" but if the entire method of a major part of her story as to how she ends up back in time and seeing her mother before she was born isn't clear or at least explained decently, it kinda comes off as sloppy and lazy writing and makes it weird if Kyla has to mention it.

 

[Asemir]

Does she have to go back in time physically? Or can it be a Force vision?

[member="Sandalu"]

Edited for clarity.

 

[Sandalu]

[member="Asemir Lor'kora"] Well the idea was it would be interesting character development for both her and Ryssa as they spend time with eachother, Kyla would grow and such. I think it could be a really unique and interesting idea with lots of character development for both Kyla and Ryssa

 

[Asemir]

Hmmm...

Just tossing out the first idea that comes to mind:

What if she didn't go back in time physically? Instead, her mind meets her mother's spirit and spends time with her and does other Character Development things. Then, when that's done, she's teleported back to the present, where scarcely a second has transpired.

But it's not entirely all in her head, either. She really did meet her mother (in spirit form) and all of those things happened. Just in a different dimension or something.

That scene from the last Harry Potter movie comes to mind. The one where Harry is fighting Voldemort, dies, and goes into the afterlife. He talks to people and does things, and then he comes back. (I think that's what happened; it's been years since I've seen the movie.)

Just brainstorming here. Maybe you'll find inspiration from the random idea.

[member="Sandalu"]