Private Points of View

[Ishani Dinn]

Wrils, Svivren

Ishani Sibwarra stood on a street corner in the bustling capitol, leaning against a pillar. Civilians walked past her, carrying on with business as usual. She watched the crowd, shielding her eyes from the sun with her hand, her gaze searching.

A series of encrypted messages, responses to her cautious queries, were the only guarantee Ishani had that the Jedi Master would meet with her here. She had chosen the location herself. A public location with plenty of people nearby. He would meet her there and then they would find a quieter place to talk.

Even with her relaxed, casual pose, there was an air of agitation that clung to the girl. She shifted uncomfortably, jiggling one leg. The hand shielding her eyes trembled faintly. She let it drop to her side, lowering her head, locks of yellow hair falling in front of her face.

This isn’t a mistake, she told herself for the umpteenth time since dropping out of hyperspace in the Svivren system. It better not be a mistake...

Caedyn Arenais​

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

Life was much quieter upon Svivren than it had been back on Kashyyyk in the heart of the Order of the Silver Jedi. Compared to the massive Jedi infrastructure working throughout the Silver Concord, the Jedi Enclave of Svivren was far smaller and played host to perhaps a quarter of those that resided within the Silver Rest full-time.

There were advantages and disadvantages to the change of pace in Caedyn's duty these days. On one hand, he had taken part in considerable less violent engagements since his leave of Silver Space, however, the reports across the holonet regarding the Bryn'adul's endless aggression left a heavy weight upon his heart, having to fall back on his faith that this was the will of the Force.

With the beginning of a new week, however, an encrypted message had come through to his office and in the days that followed, the rather vague yet intriguing communications left the Jedi Knight wanting to hear the writers reasons for reaching out to him in such a seemingly cautious manner.

Those who knew of the Jedi Enclave there upon Svivren, most likely also knew that it was an open location to any and all who wished to learn more about the Force and the Jedi Path. Trouble-makers would be removed in-kind, yet otherwise, the Enclave was a rather warm and inviting facility to visit, not too far from the Capital City, Wrils.

All the same, after several days of messages back and forth in fewer words than was preferable, Caedyn was finally invited to meet with the source within the Capital itself, and he politely conveyed his agreement to the suggested time and locale.

Lo and behold, the streets of Wrils were as busied as ever. The Capital of Svivren also serving as the capital of trade across the region, The Rimward Trade League also had its hand in the pockets of Svivren, for good reason, dealing directly with the Svivreni Trade Alliance as well as The Jedi Coalition for which Caedyn founded, establishing a link between key locations within the Outer Rim Territories for a strengthened Jedi presence in the otherwise largely lawless expanse.

Approaching on foot, Caedyn eyed those nearby in subtle study, wondering who among them was to be his curious new acquaintance of the week.

Ishani Dinn

 

[Ishani Dinn]

Ishani looked up from her nails just in time to see the dude in question enter the square.

She recognized him from pictures she’d seen on the Holonet. Tall, dark hair, trimmed beard. That, and the Jedi robes gave him away. This had to be the dude.

Straightening up, she walked toward him, making her way through the crowd. She waited a moment before taking the final step, plagued by the last little bit of doubts and misgivings about this whole thing. But in the end she stopped before him, getting his attention with a question.

“Are you Caedyn Arenais? I’m Ishani Sibwarra. I sent you those messages...” She trailed off, not meeting his eyes.

Caedyn Arenais​

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

“Are you Caedyn Arenais? I’m Ishani Sibwarra. I sent you those messages...”.

Caedyn's look of curiosity at the abrupt appearance of the woman, was quickly brushed aside, offering instead a polite smile in greeting; "It's a pleasure to meet you Ishani" Caedyn bowed his head slightly, not diving the full way into formalities given their exposed position in the midst of a public and very populated street of Wrils; "And yes, I am" he added in confirmation, as though it weren't already clear that she had found the Jedi she was searching for....-For whatever her reasons.

"Welcome to Svivren" Caedyn spoke, turning to glance to the rest of the local populace as if in gesture, although truthfully a subtle habit in seeking to ascertain whether she was truly alone there, his eyes quickly scanning the scene, yet his senses would show him more than they would, given the densely crowded area.

"Those messages were certainly intriguing..." the Jedi Knight returned his gaze upon her, studious and expectant. Why she had contacted him and gone out of her way to seek him upon Svivren had yet to be disclosed; "Perhaps somewhere to sit and have a drink, privately, is in order" he suggested, extending his right hand to his side in an invitation to walk together through the district. There was a rather quaint cafe not so far down the street that would suit the day perfectly.

Ishani Dinn

 

[Ishani Dinn]

Ishani's eyebrows rose when Caedyn bowed in greeting. She dipped into an awkward curtsy, clearly unused to such formality.

“Yeah—somewhere to sit down would be nice.”

***

She waited until they were seated in the cafe before she spoke again.

“I contacted you because I’m looking for someone who can teach me the Jedi ways. You seemed like you were a, um, a good teacher, and available to take on new students, even if they have—well, I have some unusual circumstances to contend with…” She trailed off as a server droid arrived with their drinks. Sipping at the caf she had ordered, she watched him over the rum of the mug, waiting to see his reaction.

Caedyn Arenais​

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

“I contacted you because I’m looking for someone who can teach me the Jedi ways. You seemed like you were a, um, a good teacher, and available to take on new students, even if they have—well, I have some unusual circumstances to contend with…”.

Caedyn smiled in appreciation to the kind words, however, whether or not he was a good teacher, he had yet to truly believe one way or another. She was right in that he was free to take on a new Padawan, though not due to his former student having passed her trials to Knighthood but rather decided the Jedi Path was no longer for her. Something that Caedyn found difficult to avoid feeling was a reflection of his faults as a Mentor.

"Yes, as mentioned in our back and forth, I do not presently have a student directly under my tutelage" He confirmed, "The Jedi Path is a difficult one and requires commitment and discipline. It's not for everyone, sadly" he explained briefly, soon to focus on Ishani Dinn 's somewhat unusual request.

"Typically, a prospective mentor would have some understanding of the students available for training, perhaps due to witnessing their prior training and learning more about who they are both as individuals and as Jedi, prior to making the decision" Caedyn informed her, giving a pause in further consideration of the matter.

"What can you tell me about yourself, and these unusual circumstances you mention. Do you believe you would make a good Jedi, and if so, what motivates you to seek to become one?".

 

[Ishani Dinn]

She had expected these types of questions about her background and previous training. But when he actually asked them, all her prepared answers seemed to fall by the wayside. She had either forgotten what she was going to say, or deemed the words abruptly insufficient.

Claiming that she was curious about the Jedi wasn’t enough—training was unnecessary when all her queries about their beliefs could be answered by reading a few books on the subject. Nor could she just come out and admit that she was scared out of her wits, afraid of what would happen not only to her, but to the people she cared about if she kept on her present course.

“The circumstances are different because, um...” Setting down her cup, she swallowed. “I, uh… I used to be a Sith acolyte.”

Used to be was far from accurate. She was still technically enrolled at the Sith academy on Korriban. The issue of how she was going to keep up appearances while spending most of her time receiving training elsewhere was less of an issue compared to how she would finally wrench herself free of it all. But in time, she hoped she would be able to escape those halls hand in hand with all that she held dear.

“It didn’t work out for me. Not that that was the only reason I wanted to leave, but… it’s hard to explain. Even when I was being trained, the methods they used didn’t seem to work for me. I could never get a proper grasp on the Dark Side, and...” She shrugged, her hands dropping limply to her lap. “I was a bad Sith. I think I could be a better Jedi.”

Caedyn Arenais​

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

“The circumstances are different because, um...-I, uh… I used to be a Sith acolyte.”

Caedyn's brow lifted in surprise to the younger woman's admission, although not entirely without suspicion of some form of affiliation to the Force, she had not gone out of her way to reveal her presence in the Dark Side of yet. Naturally, this could be put down to the anxiety in meeting with a Jedi, in Caedyn's mind. Still, he continued to listen intently, all the more curious as to why she had sought him out, now even among the various Orders and Enclaves active out there within the wider Galaxy.

"I appreciate your honesty, thank you" Caedyn responded gently following her silence. When it came to meeting those of the Sith, or even simply rogue Dark Siders and Force Users not of the Jedi Order, it was always difficult to know how much of the truth was being brought to the surface in those rare times where the conversation was the first to spark, as opposed to one's lightsaber blade. His suspicion was justified, not just by his past experience but the annals of history between the Jedi and Sith Orders, yet it wasn't right to allow one's fears to undermine the potential of another well-being and benefit, especially in a case such as Ishani Dinn 's.

"The Dark Side is a dangerous path, I'm sure you know" he continued, gesturing to her in reference to the words she had spoken; "The more you give, the more it will take from you in your pursuit of power and influence. It is good that you have come to this decision of your own accord, as not all are so fortunate".

"I can certainly help you, if your desire to walk the path of a Jedi is sincere..." He offered, though not without further request; "All that I ask is that between our conversations one-on-one, what we discuss remains between us and that all of which you speak, remains honest and true. If this is to work well for the pair of us, then trust must be established, and maintained".

 

[Ishani Dinn]

“Of course,” she replied, nodding vigorously. “I wouldn’t tell a soul.”

Greater sincerity was added to her words by the fact that she couldn’t tell anyone else. Right now, everyone she knew well enough to consider a friend was a Sith. Confiding in them would be foolish at best, disastrous at worst.

She was playing a very dangerous game, she knew, but now more than ever it seemed to sink in, leaving her feeling cold and weightless, as though she were a body adrift in space. To stay tethered, she reminded herself that she was doing this with the best of intentions, not just for the sake of her sanity...

She rubbed her eyes and took a deep breath. “Sorry, just feeling a bit overwhelmed. But, I assume you’ll want to test me and see where I’m at skill-wise before we can start, right?” If she was to be his student, he’d need proof that she was capable as well as trustworthy.

Caedyn Arenais​

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

"I'm sure your skills are impressive, but it is not what you can do that interests me as opposed to who you are" Caedyn responded, soon turning to motion to the nearby waitress, signalling for her attention. Upon her timely arrival, Caedyn would request a Stim-Caf for himself, turning and then nodding to Ishani Dinn , that she might order a drink or item of their menu before their waitress would once again depart from the table to serve the other customers.

The Jedi Knight chose the timing of his words wisely, of course. He would not have curious ears listening to young woman's business, given the feeling that hung in the air about her. "You have no need to be nervous around me" he assured her, his gentle gaze landing once more upon the former Sith; "A Jedi does not require action. In time we will practice and expand upon your skills in the appropriate setting but for now, patience, conversation and an appreciation of the day that surrounds us" he smiled, soon glancing to those few occupants seated at the tables nearby.

"I'm much more interested in what goes on inside here..." Caedyn's hand rose to press the tip of his index finger to his own temple, "...and here" he added as his hand soon fell to be placed over his chest where one's heart would be. "What makes you who you are. What beliefs do you hold most dear, and what are your goals for the future, whether for yourself or others. What is life, to you?".

 

[Ishani Dinn]

She nearly muttered, “not that impressive…” but stopped herself. Caedyn had already made it clear he wasn’t concerned with her skill level as yet.

The waitress arrived. Already buzzed on caf, Ishani ordered food instead: a pastry and fruit. She hadn’t eaten that morning, her appetite lacking due to nerves or something along those lines. As the server departed, she tried to relax.

“What is life to me? Uh… heh, I don’t really know.” A small smile as her green-eyed gaze wandered, searching for answers. “Freedom, maybe? That’s what I was looking for when I left home.” After a few more moments of thought, she nodded her head, seeming to find this an agreeable response. “After all, what’s the point of living if you’re not free?”

Caedyn Arenais​

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

Caedyn Arenais couldn't help but chuckle softly in response to Ishani Dinn 's body language. The way that she seemed to search for answers, as though something around her might explain or give meaning to her way of life. Such things could only come from within, however, her answers were might lead to further enlightenment into what drove her forward in her everyday life.

"You speak of freedom, and yet you have come here in the hope of being trained by a Jedi Knight" Caedyn replied, though not out of scrutiny but rather light-hearted irony; "I apologize for my amusement. Not everyone would consider the Jedi Path to be one of freedom but rather a service and duty-bound to the Force and the Galaxy" Caedyn explained himself, soon falling quiet in consideration of her response further.

"You left home in search of freedom you say?" He asked rhetorically, having heard her clearly however leading to further curiosity, "Might I ask where you come from, and what your home life was like before finding a place within the Sith Order?".

Caedyn was certain that, given the appropriate time and experience, he would come to greater understand the younger woman's struggles and strengths, however in her time as a Sith and the influence of the Dark Side of the Force, he wished to be certain of her character and whether or not she was suitable as a candidate for the Jedi Order, fractured and uncertain as it was within the Galaxy today. The Jedi Order, which Caedyn considered to be made up of all various Jedi Organizations, an umbrella title nowadays.

 

[Ishani Dinn]

“I’m from Chaldea,” she replied. “It’s a little planet in the Inner Rim, an old colony run by a religious… a theocracy.” She had nearly said religious cult, but the context of the word cult was too negative. The people back home were not evil, they simply had different beliefs—though her reluctance to condemn them probably had more to do with the fact that she had been raised in the faith and her family, whom she loved even now, was still part of it.

“They… uh, their beliefs are complicated, but I was expected to eventually cut myself off from the Force when I got to be a certain age. At first I was all for it, but… I got scared and changed my mind. I couldn’t tell my parents, so I lied for a little while to keep up appearances… and then took a shuttle offworld without their knowing.”

She made it sound simple, as if all she had to do was buy a ticket, pack her bags, and go. Of course it hadn’t been that easy, but she didn’t feel like going into details on what she’d had to do not only to escape, but to get into the prestigious Royal Academy of Korriban.

Caedyn Arenais​

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

One's family and homeworld, their origins and upbringing were pivotal in how they developed within their most impressionable years; or in most cases at least. This was why Caedyn found Ishani Dinn 's explanation to be rather important to her future progress, not in training alone but within herself as a person.

Despite being a Jedi Knight, Caedyn believed in the importance of one's individuality, their self-identity regardless of the path they have chosen in life. Jedi for example, all those who became Jedi were civilians first, and to become the best Jedi you could be, first required stability and discipline within one's self.

"Have you ever considered returning home to visit your family? Temporarily of course, but to ease the burdens of your past?" Caedyn asked, his voice gentle as he did not wish to offend or to pry into matters that she could feel were too personal in the short time they had come to know one another.

"How possible might it be that your family would be relieved to know you are safe, despite their beliefs?".

 

[Ishani Dinn]

“I was drawn back to Chaldea a couple of times after I left for some business or another, but I stayed away from my hometown and avoided the risk of meeting anyone I knew.” Blood rushed to her face at the memory of the two incidents. Whatever had happened, it was a source of shame for her just thinking about it.

His next question gave her pause. She had thought about her family a lot over the past year since she ran away, wondering how they were doing. She’d even felt the temptation to go and visit them while she was there, even if she was only watching them from afar, disguised and unseen. Just to see how things were doing with them.

“As a Sith, it became impossible for me to go home,” she said slowly. “They’re a little more tolerant of the Jedi, but… my father would be angry. I’m not sure how my mother would react.” Deep down she knew they would be relieved to see her again, but she dreaded the questions that would inevitably come and having to answer them. Even more she feared they would find some way to suck her back in, and she would lose herself again.

Caedyn Arenais​

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

"Perhaps one day you'll have the opportunity to tell them that you're a Jedi..." Caedyn responded, pointing out that things had changed somewhat, in case that hadn't already been obvious. He would not press the subject any further, having raised it now for Ishani Dinn 's consideration, she would come to decide in due time whether reconciliation was on the cards for the future hand she played.

"Tell me, what do you know of the Jedi?" Caedyn asked soon after a moment of pause; "And be honest, you don't need to spare my feelings as I've heard the views of the Sith towards our Order plenty enough in my time. I'm curious what you have learned, however, and more importantly, how you feel about the Jedi".

The Sith weren't alone in their distaste for the Jedi. Despite what Padawans might be led to believe in their younger years of blissful ignorance, common society had their own reasons to fear Force Users in general. Regardless of the intentions of the Jedi, the reality was that they held control over a power that the masses did not understand, see nor possess.

Many believed the Jedi to be heroes, keepers of the peace as they had sworn to be; however, many also sore them as a risk to the Galaxy, for the harm that they could potentially unleash were they to simply choose it. They did not often know of the inner workings of the Order, the years of commitment to self-discipline and honouring the freedom and right of choice in all living beings.

This was only scratching the surface of the matter, however, and would later be a subject that Caedyn would have his new Padawan study.

 

[Ishani Dinn]

What are the Jedi? Her first thought was to immediately reply space hippies, but now was not the time for joking around.

“Jedi are... people, I guess. People with a power most of the population doesn’t have. I used to think it was unfair, and that we would all be better off if nobody had the Force, but… when I started to feel it for myself, I didn’t want to give it up. It’s comforting to me, having this connection to the wider galaxy, being able to feel life, the ebb and flow of energy… it’s just the power thing that I hated. I never asked to be given this responsibility...”

Trailing off, she became lost in thought. After a few moments of silence, she roused herself.

“It seems to me that the Jedi are the ones who actually try to help people, even if they fail. Not like the Sith, where they might say they’re doing what’s best for the galaxy, but it’s just an excuse to claim more power for themselves. I guess it’s not that much of a stretch to compare the Jedi to law enforcement—they’re a bit like the police, but with magic and lightsabers.”

Caedyn Arenais​

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

Ishani Dinn 's response made the Jedi Knight smile, both because she spoke several truths and because she showed plenty of opportunity for growth while also mentioning something very important to Caedyn's mind; The Jedi are people, first and foremost. The only thing that struck Caedyn as questionable was in mentioning that the Jedi was an authoritarian force like planetary police. He understood the comparison, especially from someone outside of the Jedi Order, yet there were very clear and defined teachings that discouraged the Jedi from acting as soldiers, police or otherwise removing the free will from sentient society.

"We are people, very true" Caedyn spoke with a faint grin, the obvious fact hardly needing to be reiterated though he did so with a purpose in mind; "The majority of general society see us as being as lifeless as droids due to the stigma around Jedi training and the avoidance of acting and reacting by the influence of our emotions, but the fact is that despite training as we do, we are still every bit as flawed and emotional as those outside of the Jedi. We're capable of the same emotional intelligence and feelings as the Sith and so on" he explained. This was something that he often felt many Jedi ought to remind themselves during their later years of training, and even among fellow Jedi Knights and Masters.

"Being capable of using the Force is a great responsibility. The Jedi teach their students to respect the Force at all times and to practice it in moderation. Training to improve your skills, and when forced to rise to the defence of others are two examples of justified practice...-But if you're using telekinesis because you can't be bothered walking to grab something, then I would be having to question your priorities" Caedyn continued to offer his mind upon the subjects that she had raised. Self-Discipline, Respect and Commitment were three very important values that came with being a Jedi.

"-And as you said, the Jedi aims to be of service to the people of the Galaxy" Caedyn confirmed, though not without explaining the reason for it; "The Force connects all life, and vice-versa, life gives substance to the Force. Nature and all living things are the embodiment of the Force, and so in protecting life, we are protecting the Force itself. The Sith would have you use the Force as a tool, a weapon to be possessed. The Jedi teach that the Force is at the centre of all things and rather than seek to control it, we seek to be of service to it, and to safeguard it from those who would abuse its power".

 

[Ishani Dinn]

Ishani was no longer fidgeting in her chair. Caedyn was using words like service, safeguard, protect, defense, and of course responsibility—heavy, weighted words which automatically made her want to sit up straighter.

She fought back against that urge.

“Do you really believe that anyone who is born Force sensitive has that power because it’s the will of the Force? That they are meant to take responsibility, destined for service?”

Her voice grew hard. “I’ve seen Jedi cut down like wheat in a field. Thousands of people, their lives ended before they had a chance to—” She broke off, then began again. “What did they give their lives for, really? They’re just fodder to stop… what I mean is, they die a miserable death, and no one will remember them, not that that—ugh!”

It was interesting, watching someone answer their own questions and refute their own arguments while they were trying to articulate them. Even more amusingly, the waitress returned at that moment with their order. As the pastry and fruit she had asked for was laid before her, Ishani sighed in exasperation. It was becoming more apparent to her that she had never really thought this matter through.

“I guess… people’s lives are not like movies, and we can’t all be the main characters in history. It wouldn’t be any different if I was born a normal, powerless person. I could still die horribly. At least… at least the Jedi die for something, even if it is a big responsibility to defend the innocent even unto death… and if you die, then you’ve failed anyway.”

Caedyn Arenais​

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

“Do you really believe that anyone who is born Force sensitive has that power because it’s the will of the Force? That they are meant to take responsibility, destined for service?” - Ishani Dinn asked, causing Caedyn to smile to himself. He'd wait out the rest of what she had to say, taking the time to consider his answer in that she might understand his view, whether or not she chose to accept them.

"We all come to know the Force in our own way, even those of us Jedi differ among our perceptions of what it is and means for us in life, however, I do believe that there is far more to it than it simply being a binding field of energy within life. Yes, I believe that it has a will, that there is reason behind all things. Whether we, as sentient life with our collective free will choose to follow our calling or otherwise seek to deny its calling, that's where we misshapen the path that the Force has laid out before us" Caedyn responded.

"My belief of the Force however takes some time to explain. Not only do I believe it has a will for us all, but I also believe that the Darkside and the Lightside of the Force are really just umbrella terms for what is simply the motivations of the people practising this power we are gifted with. I do not believe the Force to be two halves, but one whole and that our emotions influence a change in its presence, where 'Darksiders' lose themselves to their passions and self-ambitions, while the Jedi put so much effort into restraining themselves and thus creating two seemingly obvious distinctions, truly distinguished by our behaviour more so than the Force itself..." the Jedi Knight continued, seeking to explain his point of view a little more for the young woman's knowing; "Not all Jedi would agree with this point of view, however, it is why I will not attack someone of the Sith without first being drawn into a confrontation. All life is sacred in my eyes, regardless of origin. To judge by actions rather than association or belief, if one must judge at all...".

Perhaps his new Apprentice might have now found herself regretting having asked such a leading question, yet there was a great deal of value and personal belief behind that which Caedyn sought to explain of himself. The Jedi were not infallible, incapable of making mistakes and he was very aware even now at this moment that the things that he believed, may not be truly accurate yet that was the meaning of faith to some degree. To believe in something greater than himself, a higher calling on which the Jedi Order founded itself. At the centre of all things, was the Force.

"It's true that the Jedi can be killed just as simple as any other being, providing they are caught off guard and otherwise unable to defend themselves adequately, yet one would assume their vision wasn't quite as bleak as you put it, Padawan" Caedyn responded to her once more, this time unable to avoid giving something of a soft chuckle in how forlorn her words had sounded; "Death is an inevitable part of the natural cycle. Everything that has a beginning, must have an end, and yet that end merely means the end of our physical life here on this plain. The Jedi would have you believe that this is only one part of our journey, whereas our spirit will pass on into the Force when it is our time".