Planet Building Help

[Auzga Xalor]

So, currently I'm making a planet as to try and develop upon the Yuuzhan Vong some along with a new Vong-like species that's lived upon this planet for thousands and thousands of years. Let me knew below of any grammar or writing mistakes and anything that I need to add. Note, I still need to add history, culture, and technology as I am working on that at the moment.

Spoiler

\\~Yantur'Gankar~//

"The Fell World"
Link: Scott Richard - Artist
Region: Unknown
System: Yand'ary
Suns: One Blue Star
Orbital Position: Habitable Zone
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Moons:
. Yan'Tarkin Orbital Station

Spoiler

http://forums.amplitude-studios.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=17786&d=1438618346
. Yan'Tarkin, once the grand achievement of the now long gone inhabitants of Yantur'Gankar, or as the world was called back then, Hen'gard. The station was meant as a massive trading hub within the far reaches of the galaxy in which it was that, trading out exotic goods such as Phrik which is now missing from Yantur'Gankar and the surrounding asteroids entirely due to the centuries of mining long ago. The station stretched a good kilometer or two in it's glory days, as rings wrapped around the asteroid the station it's self was actually grafted into. Though, now it's size is greatly dwindled due to the asteroids and meteors that killed off the inhabitants of Yantur'Gankar. The asteroids of long ago has broke through the surrounding rings of Yan'Tarkin station, severing parts of the station into space debris. While the rest of the station, that's a story for another time.

. Golun I

Spoiler

. Golun I is the smallest of the five moons surrounding Yantur'Gankar. The terrain of the moon consists of rock and iron ore with little to no terrain features save for mountains and open rocky plains. Upon the surface are mountains and rivers and falls of hot magma which start from a single volcano upon Golun I.

. Golun II

Spoiler

. Golun II is a fair sized hunk of ice and rocks. Below the surface of the planet, is a series of caverns and underground oceans with teaming aquatic life, only native to Golun II. Below the layer of caverns and oceans, lies deposits of rich metals such as gold, silver, iron, and jewels. Upon the surface of Golun II, mountains and craters are scattered about along with large wildlife that is non-sentient.

. A dome shaped building made out of durasteel lies abandoned upon the planet, the dome is in ruins with plates lying strewn around it and frost itching across it, giving the appearance of a igloo instead of a mining facility.

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System Features: N/A
Coordinates: Between Gallos and Rysil II
Rotational Period: 50 Standard Hours
Orbital Period: 500 Standard Rotations

Class: Terrestrial
Diameter: 25,987 Km

Atmosphere:
. Type I - 95% of Planet
. Type II - 5% of Planet

Climate:
. Volcanic - 45% of Land Mass
. Tropical - 25% of Land Mass
. Frozen - 30% of Land Mass
Gravity:
. Twice Standard
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Primary Terrain:
. Volcanic

Spoiler

. Magma Rivers
. Magma Ocean
. Wasteland
. Mountains
. Volcanoes
. Dried-Up Seas
. Ruined Cities
. Mass Grave-Yards
. Bone Yards

. Tropical

Spoiler

. Rain-forest
. Swamps
. Marshes
. Bog
. Rivers
. Watefalls

. Frozen

Spoiler

. Glaciers
. Tundra
. Frozen Rivers
. Frozen Seas
. Frozen Lakes
. Oceans

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Native Species:
. Humans - Extinct
Immigrated Species:
. Gar'Mach Vong - Abundant - Respected
. Yuuzhan Vong - Abundant - Respected
. Zabraks - Abundant - Slave's
. Wookiees - Abundant - Slave's
. Chazrach - Abundant - Slaves's and Warrior's
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Primary Languages:
. Yuuzhan Vong
. Galactic Standard Basic
Government:
. A 'central' or 'unified' government doesn't exist upon Yantur'Gankar. Instead, multiple domains and tribes of the Yuuzhan Vong and the Gar'mach Vong. No tribe or domain has ultimate power upon the planet, but some do control a larger area then others or have a more powerful military force then others. But, natural borders along with other factors play into factor so that no one domain or tribe gains complete control over the whole planet.
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Population:
. Total - 800 Million
. Gar'Mach Vong - 30%
. Yuuzhan Vong - 20%
. Zabraks - 10%
. Wookiees - 12%
. Chazrach - 15%
. Other - 13%
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Demonym:
. Yan'tari
Major Imports:
. The whole of the galaxy avoids this world due to the incident that happened to it long ago, along with the tales of unspeakable horrors. Almost no single individual is still alive who remembers this event so none can say what had exactly happened as an result. Though, their are those who do travel to this planet occasionally. These are mostly black market dealers hoping to snag a bargain for the HK droids in lock-up upon Yantur'Gankar in exchange for various commodities. So of which are below.
. Exotic Animal Pelts
. Illegal Weaponry
. Slaves
. Sithspawn
Now, this is just a short list of the various amount's of unusual and exotic materials that Yantur'Gankar imports each day, week, month, and year.
Major Exports:
. The inhabitants of Yantur'Gankar export an exotic array of materials due to the unique nature of the world. They normally sell exotics in person rather than on the holonet as the holonet can be tracked while being in person, will it was safe for both the buyer and the seller. A list follows below for a short amount of what Yantur'Gankar exports to others.
. HK-Series Droids
. Biological Yuuzhan-Vong Ships
. Biological Yuuzhan-Vong Weapons
. Exotic Mercenaries
. Un-Natural Genetic Hybrids
. Genetic Abominations
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Affiliation:
. Primeval
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Major Locations:
. Zen'Kunas Magma Dam

Spoiler

. The magma dam, a ultimate source of power through the use of a massive magma river running across Yantur'Gankar. The dam is made out of reinforced durasteel with Quadanium Steel plating that lies three plates thick. A shield generator is located within the dam it's self, projecting a shield around the dam which protects the exterior of the dam from the scorching heat of the magma. Two electrical generators are located atop the dam which go into the magma through the use of steel spires that reach down to the bottom of the magma river. The dam is roughly 2.5 Kilometers long, covering the whole length of the magma river in it's narrowest area.

. The Crater

Spoiler

The crater. A hole having an diameter alone of 1256 Km. The crater goes a good 500 Km down, exposing rare minerals and caverns hidden below the surface of the planet. Pits of molten lava and rivers of molten lava line and go around the crater, some of which have now become rock due to the long exposure to the elements. Large spires, arches and columns of rock are unnaturally driven up around the pit as if they were gnashing teeth bent on one purpose, eating a moon. Within the pit, lie large deposits of uranium and other highly radioactive substances. The crater takes up a surprising 5% of the surface of the planet though, this area is mostly shrouded in fog and highly poisonous and corrosive acid rain.

. Tower of Yun-Yuuzhan

Spoiler

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Culture: <General overview of the planet, should include information about daily life, society, government, arts, sports, military, religion>
Technology:
.

History: <Abridged history of the planet>

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Notable PCs: <Native or immigrant player-characters>
Intent: <The purpose and reason for making this planet. Goals for the planet. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT!>

 

[Julius Sedaire]

[member="Auzga Xalor"] - I'm not a vong master, but I do like their stuff ([member="Ijaat Akun"] is vong-formed after all) but i'd say check the One Sith for guidance and feedback if you haven't already, Pepople like [member="Reverance"] or [member="Vrag"] or even [member="Sage Bane"].... I know they are EXTREMELY busy, but those are the top tier in Vong stuff when it comes to mind.

 

[Valiens Nantaris]

[member="Auzga Xalor"]
Couple of things I've noticed.

• Apostrophes where they shouldn't be. "Slave's" does not need one for instance. You only need them to denote ownership or if a letter is being missed out.
• Population of wookiees is far too high - twice what Kashyyyk has natively. Not sure about other species populations.
• How can a planet have 2 types of atmosphere?

That's from just a brief glance. It's the culture, history and intent which are the real meat and potatoes though. I think you're onto something here, but we can't really judge it until we know the whole story.

 

[Auzga Xalor]

[member="Julius Sedaire"]
I don't know Vong stuff either, but might as well try my best at it.

[member="Valiens Nantaris"]
. Ok
. This is what I get for not doing my research
. Will, I was thinking about that. Currently, this idea is more of a brief thought that could add some diversity to the world. If you have any ideas for this, it is appreciated. If not, I will probably remove this.

 

[Valiens Nantaris]

[member="Auzga Xalor"]
I would just mention that the volcanic areas can require breathing masks because of the fumes etc.

 

[Ellie Mors]

How can a planet have 2 types of atmosphere?

There are planets where heavy gases fall below lighter ones, which causes two types of atmospheres to form (lethal = higher, safe = below ground, for example). There's a planet in canon where the only hospitable portion (Type II) is high in the upper atmosphere, while below it is a toxic expanse (type IV).

 

[Auzga Xalor]

Added in Culture, those who wish to view it can do so below in the spoiler.
[member="Valiens Nantaris"] If you have any feedback on the culture so far, it would be most appreciated.

Spoiler

Culture:
. Society

Spoiler

. Inhabitants are born into and apart of Domains and Families upon the world. Within domains, are caste systems, like, the Worker class, the common-wealth class, the wealth class, and the royal class. Each one comes with a sign of respect and loyalty, usually each class will treat each other with respect. The domains aren't just where citizens live in, it's also where they fight for their domain. A domain is like a state, with the royal city being the Shepard, and each state being kind of like a sheep. Each domain fighting each other to gain the royal city's and god's favor.

. Government

Spoiler

. A 'central' or 'unified' government doesn't technically exist upon Yantur'Gankar. Instead, multiple domains and tribes of the Yuuzhan Vong and the Gar'mach Vong. No tribe or domain has ultimate power upon the planet, but some do control a larger area then others or have a more powerful military force then others. But, natural borders along with other factors play into factor so that no one domain or tribe gains complete control over the whole planet.

. Will, technically their is a 'unified' government such as the ten royal families who live within the royal city of, Zen'Kunas, named after the head of house Xalorian, the first royal family of the Gar'Mach Vong. The royal council holds meetings to discuss international affairs and intergalactic affairs for the sake of their home. They are often televised upon the holonet of Yantur'Gankar as the figure-heads of the government but they are in fact not the figure-heads. The true head of the world is the Avatar, the Master Head Priest, the prophet who communicates with Yun-Yuuzhan Himself.

. Arts

Spoiler

. Upon Yantur'Gankar, their is not a fair amount of art. The only notable art that exists on this planet, is that of magnificent statues carved from volcanic rock, a testament to the gods. They are where the shrines are located and hold a great religious importance to all upon the world, if even one statue is destroyed, war will wage with the one who broke the statue. The statues also come with sacrificial pits in front of them where prisoners are sacrificed for Yun-Yuuzhan and the other gods. The statues can be anything from a hammer to a tentacled monstrosity to a man in flame upon a throne, they are truly, a sight to behold.

. Military

Spoiler

. Military Hierarchy
. The military upon Yantur'Gankar is of a standard origination. One is administered a captain or officer through doing an act of heroism for it's domain or family. Though, it is rare for one to become a captain or officer within urban society as little to no crime happens due to droid law enforcement and due to the low poverty rates upon Yantur'Gankar, though it is mostly due to the latter. Although, that isn't to say that nothing bad happens upon Yantur'Gankar. No, far from it. As neighboring families and domains will fight with each other as to control land along with the constant raids of rebel forces.

. Now, then their comes the actual way the hierarchy is designed. It goes as followed below, from highest ranking at top to lowest at bottom.


. Grand Arbiter
. Arbiter
. Supreme War-Master
. War-Master

. Cohort Supreme
. Cohort
. Templar Grand-Master
. Templar Ranger Captain
. Templar Captain
. Templar

. Colonel
. Lieutenant Colonel
. First Lieutenant
. Second Lieutenant

. Warrant Officer Major
. Warrant Officer V
. Warrant Officer IV
. Warrant Officer III
. Warrant Officer II
. Warrant Officer

. Arch-Sentinel
. First Sentinel
. Second Sentinel

. Warchief
. Captain
. Officer

. Recruit

. Military Branches
. The military is organized into three standard parts, The Command Division, The Soldier Division, and The Special Forces Division. Each part, or branch, is special in it's own unique way. Take for instance the Command Division, they hold sway and command over countless soldiers at a time and come directly from the soldier division. Once they 'graduate' to the command division, they are given special strategy training and combat scenarios in which they have to command a squadron of artificial soldiers to complete the objective.

. The soldier division is as the name suggest, just soldiers.

. Then comes the Special Forces Division or the, S.F.D. They primarily began training from an early age and are normally clones, unlike soldiers and commanders which come from the general population. They are bred and trained in a cloning facility underground for their whole entire lives. They participate in

. Religion

Spoiler

Grand Lord and Savior, Cythanus. The one who clenched Yantur'Gankar of it's filth of human flesh and bone, the one who also brought about a new age, one of death. The fabled, 'Seven Seal' of those who followed the, Order of Cythanus. The seals were the foretold prophecies of a new world, one in which the Vong could become anew, a more twisted visage of what they once were.


. The religion of Yantur'Gankar is almost like the religion of, The True Way. The religion was centered about the worship of life. The true way was to believe in life so strongly that artificial technology is disgraced, though it's not the same everywhere. On this planet in particular, they had to adapt and change to survive. They used both biologically and mechanical technology together as to act as a force of terror to conquer the planet. Pain and sacrifice were also important, as death was as if they were re-joining their god as Yun-Yuuzhan has sacrificed his limbs to create the other gods. Though, most of the similarities end here.

. A new Religion was created in the wake of this world, and it's name was, The Order of Cythanus. Cythanus was in fact, the very create that was in the planet-sized asteroid that crashed into the planet which began the gears of change upon the world, the new home of the Vong, one of twisted nature. The other asteroids crashed soon afterwards and began the genocide.

. The 'god', Cythanus, still lives to this very day and it held in higher regard then Yun-Yuuzhan due to a single Belief. The belief that Cythanus scarified it's legs to create Yun-Yuuzhan as Cythanus has no legs whatsoever. It is also strongly believed that is had sacrificed it's very four arms to create a foul breed of the Vong, the Gar'Mach Vong. Named specifically after the 'home' or asteroid in which Cythanus lived in since, thought to be, the beginning of time it's self. Though, this is all religious belief.

. Gar'Mach, the home of Cythanus and his smaller brethren. His children, his sons and daughters that he has suffered so long to create. It was thought, and greatly believed, that Gar'Mach was in fact, a Yuuzhan-Vong Ship of sorts that hasn't been seen since the Yuuzhan-Vong War, and who's history is greatly unknown. Despite Gar'Mach being destroyed in the crash, some of it was salvaged and later reconstructed as a religious artificial. It is held within the Vale of Cythanus, Cythanus's home and the home to many other testaments to him.

 

[Valiens Nantaris]

It's a start for sure.

Try to only include stuff which is relevant

 

[Auzga Xalor]

[member="Valiens Nantaris"]
Ok, so what is not exactly "relevant" in the culture? I know some stuff in the government and military but what about religion and the others. Oh, and excuse the shortness of some of the tabs, because it isn't always easy to come up with stuff, save for religion strangely.

 

[Valiens Nantaris]

[member="Auzga Xalor"]
The table of ranks isn't really needed. Just mention some which are different or important.

 

[Auzga Xalor]

[member="Valiens Nantaris"]
Ok, this isn't a major problem, but I'd like some help with this.

What is the BBCode format or who do you both make text on the left side and images on the right without spaces in the middle? if that isn't clear enough, look at the history of this planet submission.
http://starwarsrp.net/topic/26716-yuuzhantar/?hl=yuuzhan

 

[Valiens Nantaris]

[member="Auzga Xalor"]
You just need to play around with the text alignment settings.

 

[Rusty]

There are planets where heavy gases fall below lighter ones, which causes two types of atmospheres to form (lethal = higher, safe = below ground, for example). There's a planet in canon where the only hospitable portion (Type II) is high in the upper atmosphere, while below it is a toxic expanse (type IV).

Earth, in fact, could be considered a mix of Type 1 and 2. At sea level the air is breathable, but there are places you can go where you would not survive long without special training or equipment. If you take a person from sea level and dumped them at the top of Mount Everest, for instance, they'd be dead in three minutes.

[member="Valiens Nantaris"]

 

[Valiens Nantaris]

This is all true, but for simplicity's sake I think it's best to just have 1 type of atmosphere for the whole planet - unless there is something really strange and unique going on like a gas giant.