Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!

Approved Planet Pital

Status
Not open for further replies.

Ycer Cobo

Guest
Y
image0.jpg
OUT OF CHARACTER INFORMATION
  • Intent: Found some really interesting artwork that gave me inspiration for this planet
  • Image Credit:
    • 1st Image: (x)
    • 2nd Image: (x)
    • 3rd Image: (x)
    • 4th Image: (x)
    • 5th Image: (x)
  • Canon: N/A
  • Permissions: N/A
  • Links: N/A
GENERAL INFORMATION
  • Planet Name: Pital
  • Demonym: Pitalians
  • Region: Tingel Arm
  • System Name: Pitalan
  • System Features: Two black holes that are on either side of the planet, far away.
  • Location: Above the Altora hex
  • Major Imports: None
  • Major Exports:
    • Large blocks of frozen ice
  • Unexploited Resources
    • Salvaged goods from settlements and cit
    • Various small areas of ore near the planet's dying core
GEOGRAPHIC INFORMATION
  • Gravity: Half standard
  • Climate: Frozen
    • Highly insulated gear is required to go on the planet. Anything else could cause severe hypothermia and death
  • Primary Terrain: Rugged, made up of many mountains and valleys
  • Atmosphere: Type 1
LOCATION INFORMATION
  • Capital City:
    • image0.jpg
    • Marref City: The capital that once was Marref City was a sprawling hub of activity on the planet Pital. Located in the center of the largest villages, Marref City was a place for everyone to come and be a part of the community. Large market areas were built for farmers to sell their goods. Housing districts were built within the city to hold the non-farmers of Pital, such as the city workers.
    • Now, only a few large pillars and spires are left over as a look at what the city once was. Almost all structures have collapsed, leaving barely anything to salvage. Even the bridge leading into the city is gone, making access there even more difficult
  • Planetary Features: Pital is mainly covered in large mountain ranges, large ice oceans, and lots of snow. Snow in most locations is at least two feet deep, with up to five feet deep. The oceans and lakes that are very few on the planet have far below freezing temps, unfit for any swimming. Large mountains cover a majority of the planet, with only small sections of flat land.
  • Major Locations:
    • image0.jpg
    • The Mountains: These large mountains cover a majority of the planet. With Pital being pulled apart by the two black holes, large sections of the planet have been pulled from the surface, creating the mountains. Most of the creatures on Pital live near the mountains, as the least amount of snow collects here. A few patches of broken, abandoned villages can also be found here, showing signs of the previous people that used to live on Pital.
    • image0.jpg
    • The Forests: With the little flat land that the planet has, the forests cover the area. Being one of the darkest and most populated hunting zones, the forest are very dangerous for travelers. With the severe lack of vision for people exploring the area, it is advised that they stay far away from here. Some people who have made there way through the forest have told stories about hearing voices around them, possibly souls of those who were left behind on the dying planet.
    • image0.jpg
    • The Oceans: For the small amount of water that hasn’t frozen on the cold planet, it resides in the rare oceans and lakes of Pital. Holding only a few amount of creatures, the bodies of water are really not that dangerous to travel in. Then again, there is still much to explore in them. Pieces of old buildings have sometimes washed up on the shores, frozen in chunks of ice.
  • Force Nexus (Optional): N/A

POPULATION
  • Native Species:
  • Immigrated Species: None
  • Population: Uninhabited
  • Demographics: Alien creatures. No permanent residence due to harsh conditions
  • Primary Languages: N/A
  • Culture:
    • Back before it’s ice age, the planet of Pital was very lush and beautiful. Humans were the main residences of the planet, with a few aliens spread about as well. These people were simple farmers, raising up crops and livestock to support their villages.
    • Once the ice age occurred, almost all of the people had to evacuate the planet. A few people either stayed, or were left, behind. With the planet slowly becoming colder and colder, their simple wooden building were destroyed from all of the ice and snow. Soon after this, those who chose to stay behind passed away.
GOVERNMENT & ECONOMY
  • Government: There are no governments currently established on the planet.
  • Affiliation: The only "affiliation" the planet has is to the creatures and beasts currently living on Pital.
  • Wealth: Poor
    • Since there are no current people living on the planet, there is no need for an economy to be built.
    • Before the planet was sent into an ice age, the economy was still poor. Rarely did off-world trading happen, and most of the citizens traded amongst themselves.
  • Stability: Low
    • The planet is currently only inhabited by alien creatures. Because of this, the only “stability” is the food chain that has been set up by the animals. Along with the planet slowly falling apart, the whole planet is a giant mess.
  • Freedom & Oppression:
    • All of the creatures living on Pital have their own ways on life, with them only holding power over one another by the natural food chain.
    • Before the ice age, the people of Pital were all on good terms with one another. They were all treated as equals, and shared resources with each other. A large sense of community was felt all across the planet.
MILITARY & TECHNOLOGY
  • Military:
    • The planet has no military assets.
    • Before the ice age, there was still no military set up. Pitalans were peaceful people, rarely even fighting against each other. There was never a need for a military force on the planet. And with no off-worlders trying to come and attack the planet, the point for a military was mute.
  • Technology:
    • Pital's technological level is very low. It would be very difficult to have any advancements with technology now.
    • Before the ice age, the Pitalans were still very primitive with their ways of life. They still used low-level technology for farming, and had very basic ships for traveling off-world.
HISTORICAL INFORMATION
Somewhere around 850 ABY, two black holes appeared far away on opposite sides of Pital. Over time the planet was pulled apart and stretched out. Though the black holes have since gone away, the damage on Pital remained permanent. The once lush planet had now turned into a frozen wasteland, where only the strong creatures survived. All people who lived on the planet have since evacuated, finding shelter elsewhere in more suitable conditions. Those who remained became fierce predators, doing anything, and everything, they could to survive.

Around 550 ABY, explorers from Tingel Arm discovered the planet of Pital. Once landing on the surface, they found that the twins suns that the planet orbited actually provided the perfect amount of sunlight from growing plants and crops. From there news spread about this place, which led to thousands of people migrating onto it.

Before the planet had fallen into its Ice Age, the world was a lush farming planet that grew many different types of plants. Besides the small cities and villages, most of the planet was covered in farmland. Even though they grew all of these plants, very little off-world trade ever happened. Most of the trade was done between villages. Certain parts of the planet as grew certain plants as well, given opportunities for everyone to become a farmer.

Almost out of nowhere the two black holes appeared, sending the planet into Chaos. People had no way offworld due to the little trading that happened on Pital. Those that did own ships were charging hefty prices to evacuate citizens. Prices they could not pay. The blacks holes pulled the planet in two separate directions, separating it from the core. With no core to help fuel the planet, Pital fell into an ice age.

The people who once knew the perfect sunny weather were very quickly created with below freezing temps. In a matter of weeks, 95% of the people died, with the other 5% escaping offworld. Over the next couple of years, the farm animals would evolve to become vicious hunters, fighting every minute to survive.

Now with the planet in such poor condition, the only value it has left is in its ice and snow. The ice and snow on this planet has some unusual properties, as it does not melt as fast as regular water-based snow and ice. Some of the neighboring planets have been able to use it for their own usage, whatever it may be. But this harvesting is dangerous with the below freezing temps and dangerous fauna.
 
Last edited by a moderator:

Ylla Caeli'runa

Guest
Y
Hey there, Kenny Bowon! I love the idea behind the planet, and it's cool to see a naturally devastated planet. Great idea from the picture! I only have one edit to ask you to make. It's in the Unexploited Resources section: What kinds of ore can be found on Pital? Please be sure list common ores and link anything that's uncommon/rare to give the reader more information as simply writing ores leaves things very loose and broad.

After this edit is made, I'll be glad to pass this on to secondary review!
 
Kenny Bowon | Ylla Caeli'runa

This is a really interesting set-piece, but I am curious about the purpose of this planet. Do you plan to use it in future RP? Or is it just a cool thought you had for a planet? I ask because currently, the submission has very little on it that provides a scope for RP for others coming to the planet. I'd like to see the submission fleshed out a little more, which we can do while keeping your very interesting concept. You could do this by having a civilization that was there before but had to flee when the planet started to come apart around them. Maybe there is a dark presence haunting the ruins, a Sith or other darkside entity drawn to the site of so much death and destruction. Something that gives people hooks to RP on the planet in the future.

Also, regarding the missing image credit, I did a little looking around on the internet, and the art you found is from the Voltron series, I found a twitter post with the art where the artist was talking about it here for you as an image credit.
 

Ycer Cobo

Guest
Y
John Locke John Locke

Hello! I did have some ideas for future stories involving this planet, but I can see where you are coming from with it lacking a little bit of RP potential for others. I can spend some time fleshing out the history some more, and other stuff as well, to make this planet better for other writers.


Is it ok for the sub to stay in Planet Creation while I work on it, or would you like it to be moved back to Pre-Codex?
 
Kenny Bowon

Thank you for being so understanding.

As far as the submission that's up to you. If you think you'll be able to work on the submission and fix it in the near future we can leave it here. If you'd like more time we can move it to the pre-codex so you can work on it at your time.
 
Under Review Kenny Bowon

This is definitely a unique planet, and you've done a nice job of adding to its story by including the culture that once lived there. The idea of water / ice with unusual properties as an export is an interesting one, and I wouldn't be surprised if some trader or corporation jumps on it as something to exploit! Also love the detail of the predators having evolved from farm animals. Just a couple quick bits of feedback, and I think this will be ready for approval.

  • The Capital City section, under Location Information, describes what Marref City used to be like... but what is it like now? If a spacer went to check out the old markets and housing districts of the now-abandoned capital, what would they find? Are the buildings mostly intact, just frozen over / buried in snow, or have they largely collapsed due to the ravages of time and storms? Is there anything worth scavenging left in the city? Just a couple of sentences to flesh this out would be great.
    • If there is stuff to scavenge, consider adding "Salvaged Goods", "Scrap", "Ancient Technology", "Cultural Relics", or something similar to the Exports section (or Unexploited Resources if no one is scavenging yet), under General Information.

  • In Native Species, under Population, it looks like the Linalk has been archived and the Blakor is still in progress. Are you intending to ultimately finish both creatures? If not, please delete the one(s) you don't think you'll be coming back to.

  • You did a nice job expanding the planet's Historical Information, but now that the planet is inhabited, I'd like to see a little more about Pital's early history. We know that the local human culture was wiped out around 850 ABY... but when did they get there? How did they end up with relatively primitive technology compared to the rest of the galaxy?
    • They're way the heck out at the edge of the galaxy. Were they a lost colony ship that crashed and gradually forgot where they came from? Were they stranded explorers? Were they an isolationist cult or group of survivalists? Were they refugees? Did they settle the planet and then get cut off from the rest of the galaxy because of the Gulag Plague?
    • Did they settle a looooong time ago, like the birth of the Republic era in 25,000 BBY? Or are they SWTOR era, around 4,000 ABY? The time of the Ruusan Reformation, around 1,000 BBY? The time of the movies (30 BBY - 40 ABY)? If they were cut off by the Gulag Plague, they could be later, from 100 - 400 ABY.
    • This doesn't have to be a big addition, maybe a paragraph.

Thanks for your patience, and for working with us on this. Once we have those changes, I'll put my stamp on this and kick it over for secondary approval. Feel free to reach out to me with questions or concerns.
 

Ycer Cobo

Guest
Y
The Mongrel The Mongrel

Hello! Thanks for taking the time to help improve my sub. Below are the changes I made.

Expanded more on the Capital City and what it is now. Pretty much all gone. I also took your suggestion and added “salvaged goods” to unexploited resources.

The species of Linalk and Blakor are ones I’m still needing to finish out/pull out of archives, but I do plan on using them for this planet. So if it is fine with you, I’d like to keep them added in.

I also added a paragraph on how the planet was found, and the very first people that settled on it.
 
Kenny Bowon

That all looks good to me! The only other thing I see is that you've listed the planet's gravity as "Moon-like". In order to keep things Star Wars-y, we don't go for references to real life, if you were meaning THE moon as in Earth's moon. It's also worth noting that the moon's gravity is 1/6th of Earth's, not half. I'd just leave "Half Standard" in that section, without the moon reference.

Once that's done, everything else looks great, so I'll stamp it for approval.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Users who are viewing this thread

Top Bottom