Private Over The Moon [Past]

[Josh Dragovalor]

Josh and Ra had spent quite a bit of time together over the last few years, but Josh had realized that a fair bit of that time, they had not spent alone. Whether it were with friends or with Jason, there was never opportunity for them to just spend time alone together and get to know each other in that vein, so to speak. He wondered sometimes if Ra perhaps thought he was just trying to replace Jason's mother, so to speak, but that wasn't the case at all. But it couldn't hurt to show that.

With the droids, and Vincent, babysitting Jason for the time being, Josh had taken Ra to a place in Theed, on Naboo. The Moon of Naboo, it was called. It was a little coffee shop run by an old friend of his that was catered toward couples. He'd set up a reservation and once they arrived they had been quickly escorted to their table. Giving her a moment to look over the selection, he tried to think of what he could possibly ask her, something to get conversation going. Sadly he wasn't very good at that but he did try.

"How is Vincent settling in?" He asked, tilting his head slightly when he asked the question. It wasn't the most personal question and probably came off as more business-like but he was sure Ra could appreciate that as a start herself.

 

[Riamah]

She was very happy Josh had started trusting Vincent enough to babysit Jason. Even if his droids were also present, it meant quite a lot to her. He surprised her and asked her out to dinner. Just the two of them. This was something rare and she wasn't about to waste it.

Most of the times they had gone out before, it was either to some sort of party, they had Jason along or one of his friends. Many of her friends he didn't really approve of, but so far hadn't said she could see them. Because of his dislike, she had only invited him to get together them a couple of times.

Tonight was different and she was ready for the occasion. Even if wasn't really much of one. He took her to a small coffee shop and they were taken to a table quickly.

"I've only been to Theed once and that was years before we met."

Chuckling a little, she remembered the situation. It had been before she even knew she could use the Force. At the time he had wanted to court her, but she quickly had nixed that idea. In the end, he had turned into a good friend, but time and distance had separated them and she hadn't seen him since before the Metal Lords had faded away.

Looking over the menu, she made her choice and ordered. She handed it back to the server and looked at Josh as he spoke. He asked after Vincent and how well he was settling in.

"Pretty well I think. So far he hasn't expressed much interest in changing how he looks. Once in a while, he'll complain about his tail though and his glowing eyes will surprise him when he looks in the mirror. Even more at night, but he's mostly adjusted and doesn't rely on his cane as often."

Josh Dragovalor

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

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"Really? You'll have to tell me about it sometime" He spoke with gentle smile. "I haven't been here in years, honestly. Not since... Well, I suppose it doesn't matter now" He spoke softly. Judging by the tone of voice, it probably wouldn't be hard for her to figure out just what he meant. The fact he was beginning to be comfortable going to places like this again, even with the memories they brought... That said a lot about how far he had come. And to bring Ra... How far they had come. To some on the outside that might sound strange, almost as if he were replacing someone... When in truth, this was a place that made him happy, but he couldn't trust another soul to come here with, with the memories it held. Deciding to bring Ra was a show of how deep that trust he had for her ran. That he was willing to move forward even with his pains, knowing he had her to help him through it.

As the two ordered, Ra answered his question about Vincent. "Interesting" He remarked. "I couldn't imagine it, honestly. Waking up in a new body, as a new race... Looking nothing like myself. But that's just me, I suppose. I crave familiarity. In his position I wouldn't be comfortable in my own skin. I'd have probably tried to make alterations for the sake of personal comfort. But I suppose everyone's different... Suppose he might just better be able to accept change."

 

[Riamah]

If Josh asked about her visit here later, she would answer him. It was so long ago in her life that it hardly played any role in it now but a distant memory. As he continued on, she could tell this small place had a far more personal memory for him. In a way maybe it was much like Bast was to her. Though he had only been there once, it had been in her life for quite a few years.

He had gone out of his way to supply her with a place to do her work that was as close to what she had there. Nothing could ever fully replace that. Same as she could never replace his wife. That's not what this was about. Tonight he was opening more and sharing something with her. As Bast and her lad had made her feel comfortable, this establishment was like that for him.

"I understand Josh. Thank you."

Laying an arm out on the table, it was palm up and open. If he wanted to take it, her hand would be welcoming of his. She listened to what he said and nodded.

"He and I are quite similar. While his change was more sudden and quite a surprise, I'm sure. We both deal with things with open arms. Finding ways to get around obstacles and accomplishing our tasks. Quite often I think outside of the box. Other times I fall back on what is familiar. He is one that takes his lumps and just keeps on going. His body is a setback, but not forever. As I'm sure you have seen."

Giving him a bit of a smile, she fell silent.

"How are Jason's lessons going?"

Josh Dragovalor

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

"I guess I'm more just wondering if he'll take the options he has to ease his own burden. Waking up after death, in a body not your own... That's not a burden I would bear easily. But that's just me. I think you know me well enough by now to know that once I have things the way I like... I like them that way. Which is why being able to come home with Jason again like this means so much to me" Josh admitted, leaning forward to gently take her hand. "I've spent so long trying to get back some semblance of what I had. I know full well I can't replace all of it... That's gone. My life has changed. And so have the people that it encompassed. I need to take things as they come, and try and rebuild from there. Yet I can't help but rebuild with as much of what I had as possible."

He traced a line in her palm. "I've been wondering lately if I am selfish for that. Or just... Flawed. Am I failing to adapt and evolve? Am I clinging too heavily to sentiments and am just unable to let go when I need to let go? I don't know. What I do know is that even if things are a bit different... I'm happy with the result of my efforts to get back to this point. Perhaps it is a failure on my part to strive so hard for this, and to have a mind so weak that it cannot survive something radically different. But... Jason is happy. Jason loves being home, and at the end of the day... That is what matters the most to me.

As far as Vincent goes... I almost admire that he can just move on like that without hesitation. He's been thrown from Bast, thrown from his body, thrown from his race, his age, everything about him... Except for you. And yet aside from swearing back to you, he has done nothing to regain his normalcy. If he wanted a castle, I'm sure there's something for sale, or to build, even if the resources to build something like that would be insurmountable and I don't know how much either of your pocketbooks delve down. But to regain even the appearance he had in his youth, that's much cheaper, yet something I think I would have done. But he hasn't. He embraces what life -- as well as human intervention -- have given him no matter what it is and I both admire and envy him for it."

He had been able to open up with Ra more lately, he had found. This was another one of those times. Where he could just... Say what was on his mind. Though he brightened a bit when he spoke of Jason.

"Jason is still learning, I'm still unsure about... All of this, really. I had hoped to end his training once he was able to come home. But he's adept at it to the point that... I almost feel obligated to teach him further to control what he has, to defend himself should the time come."

 

[Riamah]

She listened closely and carefully to what Josh was saying. This was the most he had said to her at any one time in quite a long while. They needed to get out more than once in a blue moon and take the time to nurture what they had. Work and duties kept them from doing it often enough though. She mentally sighed at that thought and internally decided she would have to figure out more time for just them from now on.

Smiling with a touch of bitter understanding, Ra knew exactly what he meant. At least when it came to the two of them. Vincent, she had gathered from knowing him for so long was that he was the kind of man to just accept what life threw at him and carry on. He had known slavery and servitude most of his life and didn't want to move away from that. Perhaps the three of them were far more alike than they thought.

What mattered to him was the happiness of Jason and she agreed with that.

"There is always want and desire to provide something stable for your child. You're doing the best you can there, Josh. If anybody is a failure, it is me. You have the Jedi to help you if you fall. All I really have is you and Star to rely on. You're a solid rock and don't need to change. However, when life around us does change and then we need to adjust.

"It isn't being selfish to not want to change. When you want to enforce your ideals on another person and make them change, that is when I feel it is."

Her brows came together for a moment or two and she looked at their hands and thought about what else to say. He had turned the conversation back to Vincent, at least for a moment before it went back to Jason.
"If Vincent wants to go and try something new, he is free to go anytime and always has. I think he is just afraid of change as you or I are. We all have the desire to keep things the same. However, we all need to adjust. You welcomed me into your life and then included me in your family. I thank you for that and now that we have settled into that life, there is very little more either of us need to change to make that complete."

When he went back to Jason, she could tell he brightened up and smiled at that. That was something she hoped would never change about him. The love he had for his son.

"Learning is something that goes on throughout all of life, Josh. Don't you ever stop learning either?"

Josh Dragovalor

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

He smiled lightly. "He's far better at adjusting than I could ever be" He admitted, letting out a sigh. "That's just not something I'm very good at. It took me a very long time to move on from the fact that what I had was gone, and I had to make something new. It just doesn't come natural to me, nor do I have the courage to accept it right away. He did."

With the topic returning to Jason, he squeezed her hand a bit.

"I just hope he'll be okay. I worry, I worry if he's being pushed too hard" He spoke up. "I don't want that to happen as he never asked for this life. I have no interest in having it cause him pain."

That was something he'd feared for some time now. And was one of the reasons that he hadn't wanted Jason trained in the first place. This was not a life that Jason had chosen, and now it was possible he was being pushed too hard by it. If not for feeling like it was an obligation now, Josh would have considered taking Jason away from that place a long time ago and let him live like a normal boy in some respect.

 

[Riamah]

Even though when Josh spoke again this time, he said far less, she still listened to everything he had to say. Giving him a quirky smile, she returned his squeeze and lifted up her other hand in a small fist. Holding up two fingers, she made little bunny ears with them for a moment and then held them still.

"There are two things I want to say and have either only recently realized or known for a very long time. I'll allow you to figure out which one is which.

"First, life is full of pain. There are times, like now when everything is fine and great, eventually though the pain comes. It's inevitable and going to happen. Sometimes it is expected and at other times it is a total surprise. What Vincent did on Bast caused me a great deal of pain and maybe he feels guilty about it. That might be one of the reasons he stayed.

"Second, change is also inevitable. However, the key to change is releasing your fears. Embracing something that is unfamiliar and outside of your comfort zone. Nothing changes unless you risk something."

Lowering her hand and taking his within both of hers to hold, Ra looked directly at him and gave him a serious look but had a glint in her eyes.

"There are very few things I fear these days, Josh. Small change is not, large ones are. Since we met, you have brought about large changes in me and now I fear being without you in my life. I love you very much and with all my heart. Same for Jason. Not that I have two hearts or anything.

"Let the changes happen. Open your heart and release your fears. Together, we will make it through and be stronger for it."

Josh Dragovalor

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

He listened quietly, yet intently. As he watched her, his eyes bore all. Worry. Sheer worry. Perhaps even overbearing worry. Worry that he was not being the person, the lover, the father that he could and should be. Worry that he was not living up to Ra's expectations, to Jason's or that of the Jedi. But he at least calmed a bit with her presence.

Let the changes happen, she said. Let it go. He slowly nodded his head. He didn't know if it would be that easy, but... He would try, if it came to it.

"I suppose I can try" He spoke softly, letting out a resigned sigh. "On another note, I'm... Sorry, that you haven't had a chance to meet my father yet. I feel terrible, as if it..." He trailed off, as if he didn't want to say it aloud but knew speaking his mind was for the best here. "... As if I'm not coming off as taking you seriously as the one I love. As part of my family. Unfortunately, his mind is still... Well, his mind still needs work, to put it lightly. He spent six years being held in stasis, constantly drugged to keep him asleep, barely being kept alive while pieces of his genetic material were constantly stripped from him. He still doesn't recognize me sometimes when I go to visit. I haven't brought Jason either... I figured it'd just make Jason upset."

 

[Riamah]

"As an ancient Jedi once said, do or do not, there is no try. On a serious note, I understand and will help as much as I can. This isn't something that happens overnight, but nothing that is good ever does."

Letting those few words sink in, Ra listened to him about his father and not having met him yet. Holding his hand lightly, she shrugged a little. Blinking her eyes slowly as she thought about what to say, a server came to them with their food and drink. This pause gave her a few moments more for thought.

"It will happen when the time is right. I don't even know his name. As for me, I have no memory of mine. So cherish those you have of him and remember him in his prime. Not the shadow of the man he is now. He will either recover or he won't. Even the best care sometimes can't repair everything."

Not trying to be cruel or mean about it, she was the kind of person to say what she thought and felt with people she was close to. Josh had gained her trust and love. So she was herself around him.

"If there is anything I can do, let me know."

Josh Dragovalor

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

"Thank you" He spoke softly with a small nod. He squeezed her hand though, indicating the issue was still a worry for him. He held great value in Ra as the person closest to him, and he wanted to introduce her to his father when possible. He just didn't know when that time would be. He had made great strives, great improvements in the few years since he had discovered him. But he didn't know if he would be safe to be around just yet. When it came time though, he wanted to introduce him to both Ra and to Jason. When the time came.

"Cedric" He spoke up when she mentioned she didn't know his name. "His name is Cedric. I first met him under a pseudonym. Philip J. Halen. At the time, he had just resigned as the Supreme Chancellor of the Galactic Republic. The one that existed years ago, when I was still a Jedi under them. I was Grandmaster at the time" He revealed. It was shortly after that the server arrived with drinks, and soon enough food, and he thanked them quietly.

Ra said if there was anything she could do, to let her know, and he nodded again. "All I can ask is for forgiveness. And your patience. To bear with me a little longer" He remarked with a small smile. "I'll bring him out eventually. I want Jason to meet him, after all."

 

[Riamah]

While there wasn't much more either of them could say about the delay in a meeting, Josh did thank you. The time he spoke of, Ra was still living on her backwater, dead-end planet and knew nothing of the greater galaxy. It might have been under the cloud of one government or another, but they lived almost secluded from everywhere.

He might be worried about it still, but there really wasn't anything she could do directly to help in the matter. Nodding when she learned his father's name. She couldn't help but think of another person she knew by the name of Cedric. He had been the person to help her get started after her captain died. Sadly, things had seriously gone south with that government and even now it haunted her. Even though she had been nothing more than a simple merchant at the time just the fact she had been involved with the Dominion was seen as a bad thing. That was something she and Josh had already talked about and cleared the air on the whole situation, but that memory was still there.

"It can sometimes be surprising the rises and falls this galaxy has. Even on a personal basis. You as an example. You went from the highest position within an order and government to well...whatever you became after that went away. Your rise and fall even within the Silvers. I went from almost royalty to a street urchin in a heartbeat. Then went from that urchin to a businesswoman and just grew from there. Now I am just me and you are you."

Taking the time now to enjoy some of the food and drink, she fell silent and waited to see if he would answer her unvoiced question. Josh asked for her forgiveness and patience and that brought a small smile. Her face softened as she looked at him.

"You have all of that, love."

Josh Dragovalor

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

He shrugged his shoulders in turn. "I wouldn't say I've fallen with the Silvers. Yes, they decided on empowering the Assembly instead of keeping me on as Grandmaster, but it was for the betterment of the Order. I'm still about in the same position I was, just... Less paperwork, I guess. And more time to spend with you, and Jason" He remarked. He didn't seem all that bothered by it all and didn't consider it the same as what had happened with the Republic. "As for the Republic... Eh. It was less me falling and more their digging own grave, so..." He trailed off with a cheeky grin following his joke. It had been so long ago now that he'd learned to just joke about it if the topic came up. He understood he had left a very flawed and very corrupt government, and he did not regret that. It had been better to leave than to spend one more day there, serving people who did what they did.

"As for you, I mean you always had us. Even before you became, what did you call it, an urchin? I don't think you fell at all" He spoke softly. "Positions are not the end all, be all, after all."

After a few chews, he would add on. "Nobility seems like a lot of responsibility anyway" He joked after swallowing. "I'd take a quiet life with a family anytime."

Finally, then came her affirmation of forgiveness and patience, and he smiled softly. "Thank you."

 

[Riamah]

"No no, I didn't mean the Silvers. It was from before we met. You mean the same thing to the Jedi now that you did before. Just a little less paperwork as you put it."

Falling silent, Ra listened as he explained more about the Republic, its fall, and what had happened. Josh might have turned it into something of a joke, but she knew that was a coping mechanism of his. Not asking for anything further, this might be something he should talk about more. Not right here and now though.

Shaking her head when he said she had always them, she allowed him to finish what he was saying before correcting him.

"When I was growing up, I knew nothing or Jedi or Sith. It was only my master and our world. Like we were cut off from the galaxy proper. He grew in power as I aged until he was killed. He stuffed me into an escape pod with a few other of our supporters, wiped my mind, and died in front of my eyes. Of course, I didn't know about any of this until I was an adult. Until that memory was restored, all I knew or thought I knew were the streets of Coruscant.

"In my mind, I had lived there all my life as an urchin. Until I was picked up by my captain..."

For a moment, she broke eye contact and looked at their clasped hands. If he looked close enough, he might notice there were some tears in her eyes at the thought of him. Because of their connection, he should be able to pick up on the emotions she was feeling. Both happiness and sorrow at the same time. Taking a slightly shaky breath, she looked up at him again as she took a sip of her drink. Clearing her throat, she took another moment to collect herself before speaking again.

"I worked my rear end off to get into the position I had when we met. Getting there was the hard part. Once I had it, it was smooth sailing until the Sith came again. They always seem to take everything away from me time and time again. Please don't be included in that number. I don't think I could..."
She couldn't help but blink her eyes a few more times and fall silent.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what has come over me. You're welcome though."

Josh Dragovalor

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

He realized quickly that he had spoken in error. Thinking she had been talking about losing everything at Bast he had attempted to comfort her, to assure her that she had never been anything less than the woman he saw before her. But it seems that he had misunderstood the context. He wasn't sure what she meant about not meaning the Silvers though. She had said exactly "Your rise and fall even within the Silvers" hadn't she? But he didn't figure it worth questioning.

He listened as she talked about her past, something he had only heard little of before and he frowned in turn. "I see" He spoke softly. She indicated that she was fearful of losing everything again to the Sith, after what they had done at Bast. He squeezed her hand in turn, trying to start up a smile and keep one.

"Please. They've tried" He remarked cheekily. "They're not killing me anytime soon. Trust me, nothing's changing about that."

He leaned down and kissed her hand, trying to reassure her. "Try not to work it off too hard though. It's a good rear. Would be a shame if it actually came off" He joked, holding in laughter until he was sure that she was actually laughing. Their relationship had become more tender in recent years, but he was still a flirt sometimes. Just with her.

 

[Riamah]

Her intended message was to include everything about their lives. Not just what each of them had lost since they first met. By her words, she had included one keyword and that was even. It would go unexplained since no clarification was asked and the way Ra was feeling at the moment, it wasn't needed.

Josh attempted to lighten the mood by joking a little. It did bring a small upturn to her lips, but that was all. She was still very suddenly feeling the old loss of her captain. The man that had taken her in as a young adult and taught her how to be a businesswoman. This man had also been the only person as close to a father as anybody could have been for her. His death had not been caused by the Sith, but with it, her world had been destroyed.

Slowly she had grown up, but there were times like now where she missed him still. Shaking her head to bring herself out of her reverie, she focused once again on Josh and attempted to give him a larger smile.

"I am not sure that is possible, but I don't want to find out. To tell the truth, I'm entirely happy with what we have together. A castle is nice, but it was lonely. That's not the case anymore. What was your house is now our home and I wouldn't have it any other way."

Josh Dragovalor

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

He'd tried, but it seemed there was little else he could do when she was in this state. She was grieving, and he supposed he could understand that. He nodded his head along with what she was saying as he listened, though he bit his lip lightly toward the end.

"I know it's probably a rough transition, considering you used to be a Baroness in a big castle, but I'm glad you're settling in okay" He spoke softly, his tone seeming a bit apologetic even. "It's not as glamorous, but it's home. And it's home for as long as you want it to be."

He squeezed her hand again before moving to his food, which he'd almost forgotten had arrived in all the ruckus of their personal stories. Between bites though, he spoke up again. "I hope at the least the evil lair of yours we have in the basement helps" He joked lightly.

 

[Riamah]

Ra being in this sort of state was a rare sight, even for Josh. Yes, she was grieving and that was something she had never really had the chance to do. A day or there, but nothing serious. This was just another one of those moments. It probably wouldn't take long before she returned to her normal self, with her dry sense of humor. One that was almost the polar opposite of Josh's. That was just another reason they got along so well.

"The transition really wasn't as great as might think. I had really only lived in just a small portion of that castle. My people may have filled the rest of it, but only a few rooms were what I actually considered home...Baroness, that was given to me even before I lived on Vjun. It hardly matters now and that home is also gone. Besides, who would want to live on a barren ice world?"

That barren world did offer a droid manufactory though, but it was something Ra kept up her sleeve. She wasn't even sure if Josh knew about that facility. Not having kept it from him on purpose, there were still a few things about her that he just didn't know.

"It is a home far greater than I ever remember having, Josh. You, me, and Jason. I love you all."

The food hadn't been forgotten and her stomach reminded her to eat. Wanting to keep the connection she had with Josh growing, she squeezed his hand back and returned to the plate in front of her. Giving him a smile, she nodded at his light quip.

"My evil lair is almost perfect. Just need to add a few more cobwebs."

Josh Dragovalor

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

He wanted to help her, wanted to lift her spirits. But he knew that wouldn't be easy. And he couldn't blame her for that. It was a tough subject. Tough subjects were alwaysa hard to get over. Especially for someone like Ra who wasn't used to opening up like this. Now that she was... Well, it'd be even harder to get over that hump. He wished he knew how to better deal with it. Humor was the best he had. Even if he wasn't sure if it was right for it.

"Sounds like you've got a castle now that fits perfectly the amount of residents" He spoke softly with a small smile. It was no Bast, but he hoped the place would be home for her and Vincent nonetheless. "Give it time" He joked when it came to the cobwebs, laughing lightly.

"How was the Baroness title given to you?" He inquired in turn, unsure if she had told him before. Sure it was a painful memory, but telling stories he figured might help some with the grieving process. He hoped.

 

[Riamah]

Giving his hand a small squeeze, they shared a bit of a laugh together. It was times like this that helped make her life more complete. Just the two of them for a short amount of time. Not that Ra didn't love Jason, it was just that they didn't get many opportunities to just be a couple.

"It is a great castle. I'll just have to remind Vincent to not dust in the corners."

When she first spoke, there was what might be seen as feeling and emotion in her eyes. Something only Josh and their family had ever seen and that was love. Taking a sip of her drink and a few more bites of her almost forgotten meal, he asked how she got the title of Baroness.

"It was when I was getting my start with the Dominion actually. You know how governments work and always bring new words under their control. Well, they went for the icy world of Helska. Hidden there was an ancient base that had once belonged to the old Galactic Empire. It was used to create armies of droids of all things. That caused me to fear droids until I met HK and started working with the Metal Lords. That's a whole different story though.

"Well, after a short amount of time, people started settling on that ice ball. Since I rebuilt the factory and helped these people settle in, they started calling me Baroness. So it might not really be anything official in any capacity, it stuck and if I ever go back...they will address me as such."

Setting her glass down after taking another drink, she looked at him and started to shake her head slightly.

"I find it unlikely I'll ever go back. Helska is under the control of the Sith."

She wondered if he knew of Master Dune, but didn't ask the question. He had actually attempted to guide her in the Jedi ways but then had disappeared. Once in a while, like now, she thought of him.

Josh Dragovalor