Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

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Opinions, Please!

Hi there!
So I've been writing Jamie here now as a main character for over a year and a half. In that time she's grown from a clueless noble girl with an isolated existence on her home world of Naboo into a (somewhat) competent Jedi Knight, as well as Queen of Naboo. Along the way she's had quite a few adventures, and I've detailed them well in her bio, though that needs substantial updating as the past few months of threads haven't quite made it to the biography section yet.

That being said, I'll quickly recap some highlights that are excluded from the bio section.

  • A Sith Pureblood by the name of Vrak Nashar discovers Jamie on an ancient Sith world and a deep hatred for one another is born.
  • Jamie bests Vrak, and leaves him on the planet to return home to Naboo, where he tracks her, and abducts her.
  • After placing a bounty for Vrak, the Sith is captured and returned to Jamie on Naboo, where justice is served.
  • Naboo Starport is attacked by a terrorist later identified as Suravi Teigra, and a public condemnation is made.
  • A low key cave exploration is embarked upon with Aela Talith, at which point Jamie is knighted.
  • With the aide of Vexen, the two infiltrate an imperial controlled planet to deliver supplies to rebel forces.
  • By nomination of the royal houses of Naboo, Jamie is elected Queen of her people. (Post capture on Mustafar due to thread dates and timeline skips to accommodate invasion of Hoth.)
  • During the invasion of Mustafar, Jamie is woefully ill-prepared for a second confrontation with Castor Ren, and is captured.
  • (Current Thread) Jamie finds herself on the icy world of Hoth, prisoner of Castor Ren and Sieger Ren.
At present she is the prisoner of both Sieger Ren and Castor Ren, having lost the confrontation during the invasion of Mustafar, (which will follow into the invasion of Hoth), as well her lightsaber, and subsequently a large quantity of hair as well.

I've tried my very best to keep her extremely consistent in both her motives and general outlook on the galaxy, altering it at points when she learns something important, or makes a mistake. I would like to hear others' opinions on her as a character, and what could be done to improve her, or if there are things that could be done better, or maybe that I'm doing wrong with her. I'm pretty open to critique, as that's the purpose of these, so while everyone appreciates the ego pat now and then, I'd love to know what I can do to improve on her.

Also if you've ever wanted to RP with me, now is your chance to entice me! ( If not that's okay too, I guess... :( )
And for those who have taken the time to read any of my writing in the past, really, thank you!
Did I tell you I like your writing yet? I think I have........ but just to be safe:

I like you writing

In the world of overdone "Jedi sages" who are too wise to even know how to tie their own shoes right, or born rich guys and a host of Disney-esque princesses that have LOLsawned in control of a planet--your story is very refreshing. I like the new take you have on Jamie here. I like the way she is very normal. Consistency is good, your writing is good, your over all style is pretty good. You tell good stories in unique ways, shifting the focus when needed, and your grasp on a wide array of story styles is pretty great.

The only thing that concerns me is your wide collection of Taylor Swift gifs. I've never meet someone with this level of commitment to one person's gifs...... Kidding.

Keep up the good work. [member="Jamie Pyne"]
[member="Jamie Pyne"]

I know I sort of ditched our thread when my Jedi!Aria muse expired (>.>) but you're still fabulous. Jamie is crazy well-developed and the story is really interesting.

Feedback...I'll say what I always say, which is to challenge your characters. Since Jamie's still a pretty good Jedi (I think?), maybe give her the opportunity to do something evil and see how she reacts? I dig inner conflict, and I've not read all of your threads so maybe there is some of that but I haven't picked up on it, I dunno. Or take on an apprentice, that's always one way to keep things interesting.

But in short, Jamie's awesome, keep making her awesome.
[member="Jamie Pyne"]

You know I think Jamie is about the most awesome character ever.

However she does need more Vengeance in her life. Especially if she is getting beaten by those Ren scrubs. :p

That is to say that offer to make her more of a Bad*** still stands.
[member="Ardgal Raxis"]

Ardgal Raxis said:
The only thing that concerns me is your wide collection of Taylor Swift gifs.
Thanks for real though! Haha.​
[member="Aria Vale"]
Taking apprentices is something I used to do a lot with Seraphina, though I never reached a point in any character's story where they reached knighthood because either the writer left the site, or they lost muse for their character. Because of the consistency with that happening I've become a bit jaded to taking on students, so I don't know if that will ever happen. Also I think if she were to do something evil it would likely be by accident, or manipulated into it somehow. She's just too kind hearted of a person to do something intentionally wrong I think. But something accidental would be fun I think. Thanks!

Maybe if you decide to start writing Marcus again :p
[member="Jamie Pyne"] Hello!

Well, I've only written with Jamie very briefly, but I'll just say I like the pictures you make with your words, and the descriptive writing of both her external actions and inner thoughts. Always fun (from my experiences) to be with on adventures, and I like her evolution into something a little more dangerous and serious.

Serious, as in, she's becoming mature. Aware of her responsibilites etc, and that nothing is all plain sailing.

Keep up the good work, and continue enjoying it so much, because we do in turn.
[member="Jamie Pyne"]

Yeah, I getcha. I just thought I'd throw it out there taking on an apprentice, for me, was something that's playing into Aria's story quite nicely. Same thing for doing evil - challenging a character's morals is a fun way to make them grow (or make them suffer, which, y'know, is also fun :p ) but it has to work for the character. Consistency is super important.

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