Private Only Us

[Taiia Locke]

//: Allyson Locke //:
//: Stay //:

​

The events of the past few days had been overwhelming. Following their time together on Ryloth Allyson very shortly after had left, leaving the redhead behind with more questions than she knew what to do with and with a good deal of anger directed at her lover.

Luckily for Allyson, the events on Coruscant had served to temper the anger of the woman but she had no fewer questions, once the situation on Coruscant had been made clear she had pushed her concerns to the back of her mind and simply focused on saving as many Jedi as she could from the Maw, chief among those had been Allyson.

The trip back had been eerily quiet, neither was ready to have the conversation both were expecting but neither wanted to have that discussion around others. Save for the occasional glance to see what Allyson was doing, they had both given one another space on the return trip.

Now however Taiia sat on the sofa in her home. Her legs tucked up gently beneath her. She had a distant look to her as her mind raced to find answers. The evening sun was setting the fading light seemed to echo her mood. Why had Allyson left, what did she do that drove her away? She wanted answers, but she wondered how much the brunette would be willing to share, perhaps it was her questioning, to begin with, that drove her from her side.

All she had wanted was to bring her home, but now that she was here she didn't even know where to begin, she glanced to the bedroom where Allyson had gone to clean up a bit and no doubt collect her thoughts as well.

​

 

[Allyson Locke]

​

//: Taiia Locke //:

Allyson splashed water on her face, probably more than she needed to wash the soap from it. Through a clenched jaw, she sucked in the air feeling the burns from the minor cuts on her face touch fresh air. Allyson looked at herself through the mirror; she was quite a sight and a mess, more so than she wanted to admit. Everything that had happened on Coruscant was just deja vu, and she hated it.

They should have known, and yet the Sith was able to catch them unaware. Why was she so focused on the Sith and Coruscant? Was it to avoid the conversation that she was about to have? Possibly, it was easier to think about something that she had no control over than one that she did. Allyson patted her face dry with a soft towel. She could feel the tension and the nerves spilling off Taiia; there was pain and confusion, which was understandable. Allyson stayed in the bathroom a little longer and then finally wandered back out to the living room - holding a blanket and a pillow.

“I won’t be here long.” She started, then instantly regretted it. The bedding landed on the couch Taiia sat on, and Allyson took a seat in one of the armchairs that faced it. The eyepatch left discarded, she would have to either make a new one or buy one, but for now, she could only assume that any server the eye fed to was destroyed. Things were safe for the time being.

She didn’t look at Taiia. Allyson felt a mixture of shame and remorse sitting in the living room with the woman. They had broken up in the worse way possible, and still, Taiia appeared to save her.

“Thank you, by the way - for coming for me.”

 

[Taiia Locke]

//: Allyson Locke //:
//: Stay //:

​

Taiia unconsciously tensed when Allyson entered the room, green eyes cautiously moved to investigate what had fallen beside her, she could feel her heart sink ever so slightly when she realized it was bedding, she had every intention of staying out here. The redhead then watched as she sat down and promised that she would not stay long. That she chose to ignore, what she focused on was the more positive words.

A soft sigh escaped her lips "I did mean it when I said I would stay by your side, no matter what. I don't need thanks for that." she wanted to say more than that but she was still working things out in her mind. She wanted to lash out, and demand answers at the same time she wanted to cry and just hold onto Allyson and not let go she was a confused ball of emotion with so many questions but when it came time to speak only one word barely a whisper departed her lips.

"Why?" it was the first question on her mind, why, why did she leave, why did she give up on them, she quickly added on for clarity. "Why did you leave?" there was a sadness in those emerald eyes and a slight tremor in her voice, not anger just pain. To Allyson, she may have been just the latest girl but to Taiia she had been her first love and her first heartbreak all in a short time, with her suddenly left on her own to figure this out. It would be the next words that betrayed Taiia's heart. "What did I do?" all the emotions of finding that letter came rushing back as moisture began to fill her eyes.

​

 

[Allyson Locke]

A fist resting on her lips, she clenched it and listened to Taiia speak. As much as she wanted to forget everything, Allyson knew she messed up. Nodding, she remembered the promise that Taiia had made and seemed determined to keep. It didn't make sense, especially after how she left.

“Why?” The question didn’t phase the Corellian as she continued to force herself to stare at the fading sunlight. It was when Taiia questioned further. Allyson inhaled deeply and closed her eyes. The smallness in Taiia’s voice cut deep into Allyson. Taiia was so strong, crashing wave in the Force - something that Allyson could never be. It killed her, hearing the redhead so small.

“You didn’t do anything.” Allyson let her hand fall into her lap, and then her eyes settled onto Taiia. For one of the rare moments, she was able to see Taiia with both of her eyes. Her gaze softened for just a moment, then looked away from her, ashamed.

“I told you, there’s a lot of chit that I have going on, and being with me isn’t good for your health. I can’t give you what you want from me.” She ran her hand through her hair and exhaled deeply. “I can’t give you a happy ending or anything like that. The galaxy is chit.”

 

[Taiia Locke]

//: Allyson Locke //:
//: Stay //:

​

She sat and watched the brunette as she reacted to her words, she felt the tears welling in her eyes and she hated it but her focus wasn't on that but the woman across from her. She was so close yet she felt so far from her at that moment as though she cared little for her but Taiia knew that wasn't true.

She watched as her hand fell to her lap before she quickly looked away from Taiia. She felt heat rising within, the fact she would not even look her in the eye and explain it. The redhead stared in amazement while the tears began to fade even before they truly had begun. Her voice took an edge to it when she spoke again. "The only Chit I see is what you are trying to sell me right now. Even now you can't be honest with yourself. You asked me not to push you I promised I wouldn't, you asked me for time I said I would give it. And then you left."

She turned finally on the sofa toward Allyson, there was a quiet fury in the redhead's eyes usually so full of life and love at the moment filled with a wave of growing anger. "Was it all a lie then? When you held me and said you loved me was it all a lie?"

Even if she was prepared to lie to her Taiia knew the truth, she didn't need the force or perceive deception to discern it. She got up and quickly walked across the room to Allyson and grabbed her face in both hands, forcing her to look her in the eyes. The fury in the woman gave way to a tenderness just as rapidly "Would you stop running, please? Stop turning away from me, stop hiding from me. I don't care about the galaxy at all, let it burn and feth everything else I just want you."

​

 

[Allyson Locke]

//: Taiia Locke //:
//: Better Off Without Me //:

“Was it all a lie then?”

Allyson lifted her brow slightly at the question. It was one she had been waiting for, one that was commonly asked the Spy. Lying was easy; it kept feelings from being hurt and protected Allyson. She didn’t have to take responsibility for anything or put herself on the line when she lied. The lie protected her; it was her deniable asset.

Shrugging, she brushed off the question. She knew she couldn’t entirely lie to Taiia; the woman was her kryptonite. Instead, Allyson learned to skirt the truth only to provide a half-truth, one that could be a lie but also the truth. She refused to answer, the questions were digging too deep, and if she said anything, it would only hurt Taiia or infuriate her.

Still listening, Allyson thought about the one question that lingered in the air. Was she lying? There were times that Allyson believed her own lies that they became the truth. Did she lie about loving Taiia all those nights she held her close? Digging deeply, she knew she didn’t. A part of her loved the woman and wanted to give her the stable relationship she wanted. That part of her screamed, rejecting what her body was doing. Ignoring Taiia only made the hurt ache even harder, but Allyson continued to be stubborn.

It’s for the best. Allyson reminded herself until Taiia grasped her face, forcing her to look at those viridescent eyes; it was the same look that disabled the Corellian, making her catch her breath. Taiia had a power over her, and Allyson knew it - she hated and loved it at the same time. Hands held Taiia’s wrists as she stared back coldly.

It’s for the best. “Taiia.” Allyson started, doing her best to keep her voice lacking any of the emotion that clawed at her throat. “I'm not hiding; this is who I am. You can have me, just not how you want me. I can’t love you like you love me.” Allyson moved a hand and caressed Taiia’s face gently. “I’m so sorry that you were unfortunate enough to fall for someone like me. I should have known better.”

 

[Taiia Locke]

//: Allyson Locke //:
//: All of Me //:

​

She saw the coldness in her eyes and ignored it, she felt the turmoil in Allyson and she refused to let her run to let her do something she would regret, not for herself of course she wished that but something she had learned in her short time with Allyson, she was her own worst enemy. The moment she started talking the red strands of hair shook firmly before she fixed her eyes back on Allyson's.

"No. You don't get to do that, you will not protect yourself at my expense. You are scared, do you think I can't sense it? I don't even need the force to figure that out." she drew a sharp breath to steady herself and calm her temper and also her nerves. "You are a coward Allyson Locke. You are a coward and a fool."

She took another breath she was gambling to break through to her whatever it was that held her at arm's length would not be easily undone, she leaned forward letting her forehead rest against hers. "You don't even see that you are still running do you?" her left hand stroked her cheek gently as her grip softened ever so slightly on the brunette's face. "You can have everything you want, you know that right? I am right here. I am not sorry I fell for you, not for a minute. You are not a mistake, and this is not who you are. You forget I have seen behind that mask."

"If you insist on running so be it, I will follow you until you finally understand what you are setting aside. I already told you I am not leaving you. You do not have the power to change that."

​

 

[Allyson Locke]

//: Taiia Locke //:

A coward? Allyson Locke had never been called a coward in her lifetime. Not after several infiltration missions, blowing up Force knows what in the galaxy, and being awarded one of the highest military awards for a Corellian. The AWARD that labeled her a hero and highly COURAGEOUS. Allyson's nostrils flared; the insult was the worst thing someone could call a rocket-fueled Corellian. "I'm a what?" The woman's words cut so deep that Allyson couldn't even yell.

Before she could pull away, Taiia held onto her, and Allyson's eyes widened, feeling the heat of Taiia's forehead on hers. It had a calmness to it, and Allyson found herself rendered entirely defenseless.

For a brief moment, Allyson saw the woman's face, who was the source of all her pain. The romance that she had ruined and sabotaged because she didn't know any better. She was being given a second chance, a moment to fix everything that she had screwed over with Kaili. The swell of anger began to relax, her pounding heart quieted, and she just stared, watching Kaili's face fade, replaced with Taiia's.

This was her second chance, and she was fully prepared to walk away from it. "I've heard this before. Someone said they'd fight for me, but I pushed her away. I didn't want to, but she had gotten hurt, and she hurt when I got hurt." Allyson's eyes blurred with tears, "I messed up, and I'm going to mess up with you, and I'm scared."

"I'm so scared" She let the tears fall as she broke down. Maybe she was a coward; she feared what could happen and not what was happening. Arms pulled at Taiia, pulling the woman into her lap. She tried to hold on to her, scared that maybe she had messed things up beyond repair.

"I'm so sorry, Taiia. Don't leave me. Don't let me leave."

 

[Taiia Locke]

//: Allyson Locke //:
//: Only Us //:

​

She watched as the anger welled in the Corellian yet at the same time, her eyes widened at the insult she hated herself for saying it, but she had to get through to her somehow she only hoped that it would work. The reaction was just as harsh as she expected but she watched the anger fade. She saw the tears beginning to form in Allyson's eyes and her own started to get misty as well.

The redhead dropped to one knee as Allyson spoke and immediately wrapped her in a firm embrace tucking her head next to Allyson's. She listened as Allyson began to speak from her heart finally, tears beginning to roll down her face "I am sorry you had to endure that, I really, truly am." she pulled her tighter still afraid to let her go. "We all make mistakes, what is important is we learn from them and don't repeat them. Don't try to push me away anymore. It is scary, it is. For both of us." she slipped a hand up the Corellian's back and brought it to rest gently on the back of her head. "Don't let fear rule you."

She felt Allyson pull her closer as she started well and truly crying she offered no resistance and slipped into her lap. "I won't ever leave you, and no I won't let you do it either. You have my promise and my love." she held onto Allyson, just holding her firmly and being there for her realizing what she needed was to let the emotions she had been holding back.

"Allyson, you don't have to be scared anymore. I am here and I am not going anywhere. I love you." her voice broke finally and she just held onto her and cried, silently thanking the force that her gamble worked. "I'm sorry I called you a coward."

​

 

[Allyson Locke]

//: Taiia Locke //:

"You were just telling me the truth," Allyson murmured as she buried her face into Taiia's mess of red hair. Arms remained wrapped tightly around the woman's slender frame, keeping her closer than she had ever let her get before now. Something was comforting in revealing just a glimpse of what she had dealt with in the past. Her reasoning for keeping people at a distance, for never letting herself genuinely love someone. She was scared; she was a coward - not in the sense of a warrior, but as a human being.

Allyson remained quiet for some time, not letting Taiia move from where she sat. It felt unreal; the weight that sat on her shoulders for the entirety of their relationship, even for how short it was - was gone. Allyson pulled away and held Taiia's face gently in her rough hands. Thumbs gently caressed under her eyes, catching whatever tears lingered. "I love you. I want you, and I want to be with you." A small smile tugged at her lips, "Not many people know about Kaili - she was my first true love, the first person to never give up on me." She paused and then sighed, "Until it began to kill her, I never want to put you through that - no one deserved how I treated her and how I treated you."

Words hung in the air between them; as much as it hurt, Allyson needed to get this out. "I don't want to lose you ever. I'll burn the galaxy before I lose you like I lost her." Leaning in, she gently kissed the woman in her arms, "Marry me. Not right now, but soon. I know it's crazy, but I've run so much away from this, from you - I can't let more time pass. Especially after Coruscant and Rhand - marry me and let it just be us - forever."

 

[Taiia Locke]

//: Allyson Locke //:
//: Only Us //:

​

She could hardly believe they were here, that Allyson and she had survived the last little bit to have the Corellian well and truly open up to her, she let her speak uninterrupted and just held her gently yet firmly letting her mere presence give Allyson strength to continue, even letting the silence continue as long as she needed it to.

She felt the brunette suddenly pull away and then she felt the roughness of Allyson's hands on her cheeks and leaned gently into her left hand with a smile. The redhead shook her head slowly yet the smile remained. "I love you too. I am sorry about Kaili, she sounds wonderful. I am sorry you had to suffer as you did, so quietly. I knew there was something that I couldn't reach it's why I was pushing so hard, perhaps too hard and too quickly it was only because I love you." she reached up and caressed her cheek gently before looking into her eyes once more still leaning into Allyson's hand.

She smiled at the woman's declaration and tilted her head slightly. "The galaxy will be happy to know that won't be necessary. I will never leave you." The kiss was expected the words that followed however floored her. She hadn't expected a proposal, there was only the slightest hesitation as she weighed her words. Had she fought so hard for Allyson just to pull back at the last moment? That would wreck Allyson beyond repair she felt but at the same time, what did she want?

A broad smile touched her lips as she kissed Allyson, letting her lips convey her answer in a more physical form. She let the brunette enjoy the moment a bit longer before pulling back. "Honestly? You are right, life is too crazy for us to wait. As you said Rhand and Coruscant are prime examples that we need to grab ahold of what is in front of us." she refrained from saying the part that lingered in her mind, because tomorrow is no guarantee. "So lets get Married. Yes" she grinned and kissed Allyson once more.

​

 

[Allyson Locke]

//: Taiia Locke //:

Allyson laughed and smiled sheepishly as she feigned looking for a ring. She never had a plan for this, and in reality, she assumed Taiia would grow tired of the constant battle with Allyson’s regular self-sabotaging. And yet, she was still here after it all. “I don’t have a ring, sorry about that.” Quietly thinking, Allyson pulled the dog tags from her neck and handed them to Taiia.

“These are basically my identity. They were my first tags when I enlisted with the first iteration of the Galactic Alliance. I flew with the Rogue Squadron before being recruited by the SIS.” Smiling, she closed Taiia’s hand around the dog tags. “The soonest I can, I’ll buy you a ring, I promise.” She worried herself with the superficial; everything had to be perfect.

Sitting up, Allyson just stared at Taiia. The woman had said yes, and she really didn’t know what to do next. The first thing that popped into her mind would be to carry Taiia into their bedroom and physically show how much she loved her. “Do you want to move in with me, or am I moving in here?” When she asked, Allyson stood supporting Taiia as she carried her. “Just think about it, I did have a few things planned on how I could convince you to marry me, but Mrs. Locke - I’m going to just give you a preview of what’s in store for you, for the rest of your life.”

Allyson grinned and carried her future wife into their room, kicking the door closed behind her.