Private Of Secrets & Sacrifice

[Allyson Locke]

//: Taiia Locke //:
//: Odessen //:

There was a path worn into the run near the doorway. Allyson couldn't tell how long she had been pacing back and forth, her mind plaguing itself with the worst thoughts. While Allyson never feared her Master would harm Taiia, there were secrets that she had not been prepared to speak of yet. Not only did going to Jutrand present dangers, but Taiia had also been carefully hidden by almost all of the higher powers of the Sith Order.

While it was obvious Prazitus had figured out the treasure that resided on Odessen, she doubted he had figured out her connection to the woman. But each piece was falling too close into place. Already Taiia had gotten near Carnifex; she had come face to face with Prazitus… and now her Master.

She chewed on the end of her thumb.

Every carefully laid plan, every secret and piece of her soul she had sold off — all of it unraveling. Why did Taiia do this? What prompted her to do something so stupid… so dangerous and not say a word?

Allyson would have stopped her — that could have been the only explanation.

She continued to pace, only to pause momentarily to see out the window if the woman was drawing closer. The bond they shared was enough for her to know, but still fear plagued every recess of her mind.

The careful beat of the connection echoed; Taiia drew closer, and she was safe. While relief washed over her, a new emotion emerged.

Allyson was frustrated. This was a scenario, a scene that she didn't control. She couldn't lie or charm her way out of the mess. Whatever Taiia had gone to find out, she knew Empyrean would speak the truth bluntly. The man never softened his words or let them drown in fallacies. He was always to the point, never wasting anyone's time.

Fear gripped her heart as her feet began to burn. She could run; she could leave. Return to the shadows; perhaps then Taiia's curiosity would die down, and she would remain safe. Allyson had sold the lives of hundreds… thousands to retain this sanctuary for something most precious.

Guilt and fear anchored her down.

As she heard the woman enter, there was no respite.

"Why and how could you do something so stupid… and not tell me…"

 

[Taiia Locke]

//: Allyson Locke //:
​

Taiia stepped through the doorway, easing it quietly shut behind her. The journey back from Jutrand had given her little peace Empyrean's words had lingered through the silence of hyperspace, repeating themselves no matter how many different ways she turned them over in her mind. The small box remained tucked beneath one arm, her satchel still hanging from one shoulder, her travel cloak untouched. She had not even taken the time to remove it.

The moment she looked up, she saw it. The path worn into the floor where Allyson had paced. The tension held rigidly in her shoulders. The fear she had already felt through their bond had nowhere left to go. Then came the words.

"Why and how could you do something so stupid... and not tell me..."

Taiia stood still. For a long moment she simply looked at her wife, the accusation settling over the room before she answered. She had expected anger. She had expected questions. She had even prepared herself for both during the long flight home. She had simply expected them after she'd come home. "...Is that truly the first thing you wish to say to me?" Her voice was quiet, but there was a weariness to it that had little to do with the journey itself. "I've only just walked through the door."

Her eyes never left Allyson's. "You didn't ask what happened." A brief silence settled between them. "You didn't ask if I was alright." Her fingers shifted almost absently against the edge of the box tucked beneath her arm. "You decided I'd done something stupid before I had the chance to say a single word." She let the words hang between them.

"I know I worried you, and I am sorry." The words were softer now, though no less steady. "But you never stopped to ask why I did it. And we both know you would have stopped me if I told you." She drew a slow breath, exhaustion finally beginning to show through the composure she had carried all the way home. "You reached your conclusion before I ever had a chance to speak."

 

[Allyson Locke]

//: Taiia Locke //:

The guilt trip.

Allyson knew she should have welcomed the woman home, to thank the Force that she had survived the trip. Jutrand was dangerous, but so was passing through the wall. Allyson had already made sure she could pass even after her first trip to the planet.

She should have calmly asked what had happened, what drove her to do what she did… behind the Corellian's back.

But Allyson ran on impulse… instinct, and this… what she had done could have ruined everything.

"Don't guilt me." Her words were tight, as they slipped from her even tighter throat. Guilt was something the Corellian wore like a second skin. It was everything she was, and there was no escaping it.

"The why?" She shook her head. "I know what it is; it's because I know you don't trust me — I don't blame you."

Panic settled in her chest; she did her best to keep it calm as she could, but after the visit from the Kainites, one of the men she had brokered her deal with, nothing felt safe anymore, and to see, to feel Taiia want to dive headfirst into the danger was already overwhelming enough.

"What if something had happened to you? What am I supposed to do? Ask your dead body what was so important that you didn't tell me what you were doing, not even to try and protect you?"

Allyson bit her tongue, just the sound of the words that came from her lips. They burned; they were a nightmare that Allyson had played in her mind more often than anything else. Constant scenarios of losing the one thing she had given every ounce of her soul to protect.

"You're too curious for your own good sometimes; it's going to get you hurt, or worse killed." Allyson stepped away from her wife, from the worn path she had walked for several hours, maybe days.

Her mind lingered on the last time she had felt Taiia close, before she had allowed herself to come home. Maybe that was a driving factor: if Taiia had stopped looking for her — maybe she'd stay home, stop searching for the wayward Corellian in places that would rather take her head than ask questions.

Almost quietly, Allyson pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed.

"This is just like the last time you went to Jutrand…" she murmured to herself, not realizing that Taiia would have most likely caught at least part of it.

 

[Taiia Locke]

//: Allyson Locke //:
​

Taiia's expression shifted almost immediately as Allyson's final words settled into the silence between them. At first there was only confusion, her brow drawing together as she replayed them in her mind, but the longer she stood there, the more that confusion gave way to realization. Her eyes remained fixed on Allyson's back, on the woman who had turned away before Taiia had even answered, and for the first time since stepping through the door she stopped thinking about Empyrean, about Jutrand, about everything she had spent the journey home trying to prepare herself to say.

"...The last time I went to Jutrand?" she repeated quietly. The answer was already there. "You knew." The words escaped before she had time to soften them. "You knew I'd crossed the Wall. You knew I was looking for you." Her voice wasn't rising yet, but something inside it had changed; the disbelief remained, though now it was directed less at what Allyson had done than at the fact she was only learning about it now. "All that time..." she murmured, almost to herself. "I thought you were gone. I thought every trail had simply gone cold."

A humorless laugh found its way out before she could stop it, and she shook her head once. "But you knew." The weight of it settled over her all at once: every dangerous lead, every sleepless night, every time she'd convinced herself that one more jump, one more contact, one more world might finally bring her closer. Allyson had known. She had known Taiia was searching, known she had walked willingly into Jutrand, known she had crossed the Wall despite everything it represented, and through all of it she had chosen to remain silent.

The hurt that had greeted Allyson's accusation gave way to something far hotter. "And now you're asking me why I didn't tell you where I was going?" There was nothing quiet about the disbelief anymore. "After all of that, that's what you lead with?" Taiia took a step forward, her eyes never leaving Allyson even though Allyson refused to look back at her. "You watched me risk my life looking for you. You let me believe I was completely alone, and you stood by while I searched every place I thought might have the slightest chance of bringing me to you." Her voice tightened, years of fear and exhaustion finally finding somewhere to go. "Then I come home, and before you've asked me what happened, before you've asked if I'm alright, before you've asked me anything at all..." She stopped, drawing a slow breath that did little to steady her. "...you condemn me for making one decision without you."

Her grip tightened unconsciously around the small box beneath her arm.

"No."

"You don't get to stand there and tell me I should have trusted you when you made that choice every single day I was searching for you. You don't get to ask why I kept something from you while you're telling me, without even meaning to, that you knew exactly where I was and chose to let me keep looking."

 

[Allyson Locke]

//: Taiia Locke //:

Shit.

Allyson's hand fell from her face, her face pale as she realized that she had said that out loud. Yes, she had known. She knew every trail that Taiia had found, and she made sure to close each lead. It was better that Taiia couldn't reach her, especially when she was looking. At that time, Allyson was underwater, pulled down into the depths of the Sith's waters.

She didn't know the way out; she couldn't drag Taiia into that. Allyson would never drag Taiia into that kind of mess.

Her shoulders tensed as she stepped back, fighting the urge to walk past Taiia and leave. It was easier when she watched from the shadows, functioning as a ghost that Taiia couldn't reach.

Being gone was better.

"Of course I knew." The harshness of her voice quieted. Though softer, she still held onto the fact that her choices were correct.

"I knew the moment you started to look for me; I made sure that every lead ended cold." Sighing, Allyson still wanted to run; she felt it.

"You shouldn't have looked for me; the closer you got, the more dangerous everything became. The shit I was getting myself into was not good, not okay for you to step into."

There was a sudden urge to reach out, to drag Taiia into some sort of hug to just stop it. To make her forget everything she was saying. At this moment Taiia learned that Allyson made sure she stayed gone, hidden, and just out of Taiia's reach.

She didn't, though, knowing now wasn't the time. When things hit this point, she would do her best to distract, change the subject, and avoid the hard truths.

"I did everything in my power to protect you; if that meant not being with me, not finding me — then so be it. I came back, I came to you because I was tired."

Sighing heavily, she looked at her wife, catching her gaze in a quiet, painful silence.

"I was tired of not being with you. But you need to understand, I need you to realize — I cannot exist in a galaxy… a reality that you do not exist in."

Her fists clenched, her jaw tightened.

"If it means I have to love you again from a distance…"

She couldn't finish it; doing so would make it real.

 

[Taiia Locke]

//: Allyson Locke //:
​

Taiia simply stared at her for a long moment; she couldn't find the words. She had come home expecting anger. She had expected questions. She had even expected to defend what she'd done. None of that mattered anymore; the conversation had become something else entirely.

Without a word, she crossed the room. The small box she'd carried all the way from Jutrand slipped from beneath her arm and struck the table with a hard crack, the sound carrying through the silence far louder than she'd intended. Her hand remained on the lid for only a moment before she drew it back, taking a slow breath that did absolutely nothing to steady the anger rising in her chest. "I brought that home for you," she said, her voice tight enough that each word seemed to cost her something. "I spent the entire trip trying to work out how I was supposed to tell you what happened today, how I was supposed to explain that conversation without making this any harder than it already was. How I was supposed to tell you that what he'd have to do... would probably kill you. Instead I'm standing here listening to you tell me that after everything we've survived, after everything it took to find each other again..." She shook her head, a bitter laugh escaping before she could stop it. "...you'd still leave."

The words hung between them, and the longer the silence stretched, the more impossible they became to ignore. "I am so tired of this. I'm tired of you deciding what my life is supposed to look like. I'm tired of you calling it protection every time you convince yourself that leaving me is an act of love." She felt her composure slipping with every sentence, years of carefully measured patience giving way beneath the weight of something she could no longer keep contained. "Do you have any idea what it feels like to finally have you back, to finally believe we're done fighting our way back to each other, only to stand here and hear you tell me without even hesitating that if you decide it's necessary you'll disappear again?"

She took another step. "I crossed the Wall because I refused to let someone else tell me I had to lose you. I stood in front of The Emperor because I refused to accept that there wasn't another answer. I have spent years refusing to let this galaxy take you away from me..." Her voice faltered for the first time, from the sheer effort of holding everything together. "...and you're asking me to accept that the person who's still trying to take you away is you."

Her eyes never left Allyson's. "So no." The words came quietly, but there was nothing uncertain about them. "I am not going to stand here and thank you for loving me from a distance. I'm not going to pretend that walking away is noble just because it hurts you too, and I am done letting you decide that losing you is somehow what's best for me." She drew another slow breath, though it did nothing to soften the hurt that had finally broken through. "If you love me..." Her voice cracked despite every effort to hold it steady. "...then stop asking me to survive without you."

 

[Allyson Locke]

//: Taiia Locke //:

Allyson only knew how to control a situation to benefit her. She could lie, charm, and slither her way out of anything. It's what made her so good. But she knew she couldn't lie to Taiia. Even without her abilities, lying to her was impossible. Taiia forced Allyson to face the truth, forced her to see what her choices did to someone.

Romance and love were weapons for the Spy. But when someone makes you actually feel those emotions, they become something more. Allyson could feel her chest tightening with every step, every word that came from the woman she loved. The galaxy didn't know how much the Corellian loved this woman. So many of her choices, her will to live, all of it intertwined with Taiia's existence.

If Taiia died. Allyson couldn't survive, truly survive.

She made the Spy crazy.

The sound of the box echoed; Allyson didn't give it any thought. She recognized the box and potentially its contents. It was a gift, one from her Master that would only make her more powerful in the end.

More powerful to protect Taiia.

Again, her thoughts belonged to the woman that walked towards her.

Allyson didn't step away. She stood her ground, convinced that her convictions were sound. Tension, frustration, and hurt bloomed through their connection, and Allyson could hear the pounding of her heart in the hollow of her ears. She had never seen Taiia get to this point; the last time she got close…

"You are a coward Allyson Locke. You are a coward and a fool."

Yes.

She was still a coward… and a fool.

Allyson didn't speak until Taiia was finished. She knew this wasn't the right way to handle things; she knew that running would just make things worse, and if she did run…

Taiia would move on, and she would truly be left loving her from a distance.

Perhaps…

Perhaps that's a good thing?

"I do love you... more than anything... But you did survive... You found happiness..." Allyson was quiet. The tension in her jaw remained, the tightness of her chest threatening to suffocate her.

"You survived without me. I saw it every time I visited. And I don't want you to ever regret it or punish yourself for it." A little smile curled at her lips, remembering the visits to the river or the quiet moments where Taiia was by herself.

She had loved someone else, given him a family, given him herself.

"And if it came to it, I know you could do it again. You would find happiness if I disappeared, if I died, whatever happens that takes me away from you — either by my own hand, or the galaxy."

Her hand rose, but didn't reach out. It fell once more to her side.

"I'm not asking you to thank me; I just want you to be happy and to live. No, I don't know what it's like to have me back… because all I do is drag the person I love into situations that could get her killed."

She nodded, never pulling her gaze from Taiia. Allyson could see the hurt and the pain that she had caused.

"I don't walk away because it's noble… it was never about that. But I know the answers that you sought. I just didn't have the heart to tell you; I've broken your heart enough — but again… you survived"

Allyson knew death was the only outcome to the brand. Maybe that was why she did it. The exchange of power, of anonymity, meant that Taiia would be safe.

"Remember, you said it yourself."

She took a step back.

"I'm a coward… and a fool."

 

[Taiia Locke]

//: Allyson Locke //:
​

Allyson's final words settled into her being.

"You survived. ...you'd find happiness again."

For a moment she simply stood there, her eyes fixed on Allyson. She had spent the last several minutes trying to explain what those years had been like, trying to make her understand that surviving had never been enough, that every impossible choice she'd made had been because she refused to accept a future where they didn't exist. And Allyson was still asking her to imagine it. Still telling her she'd survive it.

Something inside her broke. She crossed the distance between them without thinking. The crack of her hand against Allyson's cheek echoed through the room.

Taiia stopped as though the world itself had come to an abrupt halt. For one impossible heartbeat she simply stared at Allyson, her hand still half-raised between them. Then she looked at it, the fingers curling slowly into her palm as the reality of what she'd done settled over her. The colour drained from her face. "...No." The word escaped her before she even realized she'd spoken. Her hand fell to her side. She took a step backwards. Then another. Her eyes never left Allyson's face, but there was no anger left in them now, only disbelief, horror. She looked as though she were seeing a stranger standing where she'd expected to find herself.

"I..." She tried again, but the words refused to form. She had crossed the Wall for her. She had stood before an Emperor for her. She had refused to stop searching for her when everyone else would have accepted she was gone. And she'd just struck her.

Another step carried her backwards, almost instinctively now, as though every part of her was trying to put distance between Allyson and the hand that had betrayed them both. Her breathing became shallow somewhere along the way. She barely noticed the tears until one finally slipped free, followed almost immediately by another. "...Allyson..." Her voice broke on the name. She looked down at her hand once more, turning it over as though she couldn't understand how it belonged to her.

For the first time in her life, Taiia was truly afraid.

Not of anyone else.

Of herself.

 

[Allyson Locke]

//: Taiia Locke //:

The slap came; it was hard, and it stung. Pain bloomed, and instinctively Allyson cupped her cheek as her head turned from the force of the strike. She was in disbelief. Never would she have expected this; Taiia never cracked under any amount of pressure. She was a pillar of tranquility in the face of chaos.

That chaos, typically known as Allyson Locke.

She watched Taiia realize what she had done. Allyson could see it surprised her just as much — but Allyson had pushed her. She brought up the one thing that she could feel Taiia almost regret. The marriage as she had explained it… wasn't like theirs. They cared, valued each other — he may have loved her…

But Taiia in the end always belonged to Allyson.

It was the same for Allyson… no one had her heart but Taiia.

She watched Taiia move, but Allyson stood frozen, still trying to understand what drove her to say the things she did to the woman she swore to love and cherish.

Fear. She still felt it every day she was near Taiia. It had been growing, quietly under the surface. Dreams were shared, the desire to build something they hadn't had a chance to have. Real happiness.

All of it terrified Allyson.

Still she wanted that life, but now… would Taiia still want her?

"...Allyson..."

Allyson's hand fell from her face, her attention wholly on the retreating woman. She had done something she would have never done in their time together. Allyson had pushed her, and pushed her to a limit neither of them knew she had. Guilt washed over again; this was Taiia… the woman she loved, and yet she still reached in and pulled whatever horrible things she felt to the surface.

"Taiia…" Allyson felt her lips move over every letter, feeling unworthy of being able to say her name.

But, still she moved. One step, then another until she had caught up with her retreating wife. She reached out to grab the hand that struck her, the one the woman looked at as if it wasn't a part of her.

"Taiia, I'm sorry."

She kissed the hand that had hit her, bringing it back to the loving touch the Corellian had longed for while they were apart. Her arms then wrapped around Taiia, bringing the woman closer, tightly hugging her till they were no longer two people.

She had survived a journey that could have killed her, and Allyson foolishly accused her.

Hands gripped tightly at the fabric of the woman's garments, keeping her close, never wanting to let go. If she did, it would be when she let her hands cup Taiia's face.

"You are precious to me, losing you… It terrifies me." Allyson kissed her forehead, then let hers rest against Taiia's.

"It scares me more… that being with me, being loved by me would be the reason you're taken from me…"

She sighed and pulled Taiia even tighter against her. Allyson buried her face into the woman's neck.

"I can't lose you again…"

 

[Taiia Locke]

//: Allyson Locke //:
​

The moment Allyson's fingers closed around her hand, the last of the strength she'd been holding onto gave way. She felt the kiss against her knuckles and closed her eyes, a quiet breath escaping her as though something inside her had finally stopped fighting. When Allyson drew her close, Taiia came willingly. Her forehead found Allyson's shoulder first as her arms slowly wrapped around her, holding her with a tenderness that felt almost fragile. She buried her face against the side of Allyson's neck, breathing her in as though she were trying to convince herself this was real.

She listened to every word. She felt Allyson's grip tighten around her, felt the fear in every word, and for the first time since she'd returned from Jutrand, she didn't try to answer it. She simply held her. Neither of them was trying to convince the other of anything anymore.

One hand slipped free, rising slowly until it came to rest against Allyson's cheek, her fingertips lingering there for a moment before her thumb brushed gently across her skin. The faint redness against Allyson's cheek caught her eye, and her expression faltered. "...I'm sorry." The words were barely audible. She swallowed. Her forehead came to rest against Allyson's once more, her eyes slipping closed.

For a long moment she said nothing else. When she finally spoke again, her voice was scarcely more than a whisper. "...I'm scared too." The words caught in her throat before she managed to say them. "I was so scared I'd never find you." She drew a slow, uneven breath. "...I'm scared you'll leave again," her embrace tightening almost imperceptibly. "...I don't want to be alone again." The words lingered between them. Taiia didn't try to say anything else. She simply held her wife, as though letting go had ceased to be something she was capable of.

 

[Allyson Locke]

//: Taiia Locke //:

Taiia was always the one who grounded those around her. She was the calm in the storm, the anchor that kept Allyson complete. Even when she ran, Taiia waited with patience that the Corellian didn't deserve. To hear her voice break, to feel every ounce of the fear she harbored.

Allyson broke.

They were the same; they held onto fears that often led and guided their actions. Where most would have thrown Allyson out, asked her why constantly… Taiia didn't. She opened her arms and welcomed her wayward wife home. By some stroke of luck, the woman still loved her, and yet, now she stood breaking in her arms.

It was Allyson's turn to hold her, to keep her from falling completely apart. Even if this was her fault, after so long she did survive… but at what cost? Survival was something Allyson cherished; it meant she could have just one more day. But to survive like Taiia had, it was more agony than life.

Allyson's hold tightened, becoming the anchor they both needed in this moment. She melted gently into the hand that cupped her reddened cheek. The pain no longer lingered, but she knew the importance of the gentle touch. What had happened wasn't anger; it was something more heartbreaking, and Allyson could feel it.

"It's okay," Allyson whispered as she continued to hold Taiia tightly. She feared that if she let her go, or loosened her hold, she would disappear. They had the same fear, the same longing for the other. And Allyson only made it worse, but her own fear had done that.

Her hold never loosened as she kept Taiia close to her. Allyson quietly comforted her wife, just standing there, keeping her till she no longer needed it.

"I'm sorry, I said what I said… I don't want to go anywhere…" Allyson nuzzled her face into Taiia, "I don't want to go anywhere without you…"

"You're a part of me… It's why I stayed close all those years… I love you…" Her voice hushed, the secret to remain between them alone. This embrace was just theirs, not the galaxy's, not anyone else's.

Just theirs.

"I'm sorry I made you feel alone… I never want you to feel that way again… I'm never letting you go."

Allyson buried her face further, adjusting till her lips found Taiia's. She kissed her as gently as she could, holding back to not overwhelm the woman.

"I need you, more than anything or anyone…"​

 

[Taiia Locke]

//: Allyson Locke //:
​

I'm sorry I made you feel alone.

The words settled into her core. For a long moment Taiia simply remained where she was, her forehead resting against Allyson's, green eyes fixed upon the woman she had spent a quarter of a century searching for. She drew a slow breath, her lips parting as she tried to answer, but nothing came. The breath caught. A small, broken sound escaped her instead, and she closed her eyes. Another followed. Her hand found Allyson's shoulder, fingers curling helplessly into the fabric beneath them as whatever fragile composure she had managed to gather simply slipped away. She leaned forward without thinking, burying her face against Allyson's neck as the sob she had tried so desperately to contain finally escaped her. Then another. There was no dignity left to preserve.

For thirty years she had carried it alone. She had searched for explanations where none had ever existed, questioned herself more times than she cared to remember, wondered if she had somehow expected too much from love. Whether surviving had simply been what she had been meant to do. Now, at last, Allyson understood what it had done to her. Her fingers tightened instinctively around Allyson.

She couldn't have said how long they remained that way. Time had long since ceased to matter. There were no speeches waiting for her anymore, no questions, or carefully chosen words she had imagined saying if this day ever came. There was only Allyson's heartbeat beneath her cheek, steady and familiar, and the warmth of the woman she had missed for thirty years holding her.

Somewhere beneath the grief another realization quietly surfaced. Thirty years of wondering, of reaching for someone who wasn't there. Of waking each morning hoping that somehow, impossibly, today would be different. She had learned to teach, to lead, to raise her children, to comfort others, all while quietly carrying a grief whose weight had become so familiar that she had forgotten what it felt like to be without it.

The thought broke something inside her all over again. Another quiet sob escaped before she could stop it, her breathing shuddering against Allyson's shoulder as the tears continued to fall. They came more gently now, because for the first time she no longer carried them alone.

Eventually they became quieter still, lingering in the uneven rhythm of her breathing. Exhaustion settled in where grief had once demanded every part of her. She stayed exactly where she was. She didn't want to move. This was the place she had wanted to be all along, simply here. In her wife's arms.

When she finally found her voice, it was scarcely louder than a whisper. "...I'm so tired." She lifted her head just enough for their foreheads to meet once more, her eyes searching Allyson's through tears that still refused to stop. "I was so alone." The words caught in her throat, but this time she didn't force herself to continue. She didn't need to. Allyson already knew. A faint, trembling smile found its way onto her lips. "...I'm not anymore."

 

[Allyson Locke]

//: Taiia Locke //:

Allyson didn't answer.

She couldn't.

Her throat closed around every apology she wanted to give. None of them were enough. Not for thirty birthdays. Not for thirty winters. Not for every morning that Taiia woke up wondering… hoping today would be the day that Allyson came home.

Instead, she wrapped both of her arms around her wife, pulling her close enough that there wasn't a breath of space between them. One hand settled at the back of Taiia's head, holding her as she burrowed into the Corellian's chest and shoulder. Fingers trembled in her hair while the other rested against the small of her back. Her hold never loosened as though she feared letting go would somehow lose her all over again.

"I know…"

Her words came out barely louder than a breath.

Allyson buried her face against Taiia's temple, her own eyes burning despite her trying to remain composed. Taiia needed her; she had to be able to fall apart in her arms without wondering… wanting to comfort. Her wife, the woman that held the galaxy on her shoulders, needed to be allowed to fall apart.

And to be caught and held together by someone who saw her as their greatest treasure.

"Min Larel…" Allyson's voice cracked.

"I thought I was saving you."

The admission hurt more than anything else she'd spoken that night.

"I kept telling myself… if you hated me, if you mourned me… you'd still be alive. I thought that was enough."

She swallowed hard.

"It wasn't."

Allyson drew back, just enough to look at her, a thumb brushing another tear from Taiia's cheek before it could fall. As much as Allyson felt unworthy of these tears, she knew they fell because of what they shared between them. A part of her felt the weight of her own guilt, wondering how many of these tears had fallen for her over the years. How many of them stained her pillow or were shed quietly when she was alone?

Too many.

"Never think you weren't loved…" Her forehead returned to Taiia's.

"You were alone because I made you carry what belonged to both of us, without any answers…"

The words nearly broke the Corellian again. She didn't know what else to say, so she allowed the silence to build around them. Allyson listened to the broken sobs, the shuddering after every new wave of sadness that rolled from her wife. All of this had been her doing; every single ounce of heartache was her doing.

While Allyson had felt the distance and the sacrifice, she hadn't realized how much it would affect Taiia.

How stupid she was…

Allyson held her breath; Taiia whispered, and something inside of Allyson finally gave way.

"No."

Allyson pressed a gentle, comforting kiss against her wife's forehead.

"Not for another second."

A hand cupped her wife's tired face, still more beautiful than she had ever seen her.

"You spent thirty years looking for me… waiting for me. You don't have to do that anymore, never again."

"I'm home."

 

[Taiia Locke]

//: Allyson Locke //:
​

"Min Larel… I thought I was saving you. I kept telling myself… if you hated me, if you mourned me… you'd still be alive. I thought that was enough."

"It wasn't."

Taiia lifted tear-stained eyes to meet Allyson's. For a long moment she simply looked at her, searching her face in silence, seeing the conviction behind every word. There was no desperate reassurance offered for Taiia's sake. She believed it. She had believed it for thirty years. Something inside Taiia ached all over again.

Slowly she raised a trembling hand, brushing away the tears beginning to gather beneath Allyson's eyes. "...Min Larel..." The words caught in her throat before she managed to continue. "I never doubted your love." She held Allyson's gaze. "Not for a second." The gentle kiss against her forehead drew Taiia's eyes closed, her breath hitching once more as she leaned instinctively into the touch. For a heartbeat she simply stayed there, letting herself feel the warmth she had spent so many years imagining.

When she opened her eyes again, they were still wet with tears. "You really believed..." Her voice cracked. "...that I would choose a life without you." A faint shake of her head followed. "...I couldn't." The words were barely more than a whisper. "I could never hate you." Another tear slipped free. "I never stopped loving you."

Silence settled between them once more. Taiia looked at Allyson differently now, not as the woman she had finally found, but as the woman who had carried this alone for three decades. Her thumb lingered against Allyson's cheek. "...You can stop now." The words were impossibly gentle. "You don't have to keep protecting me." A small, fragile smile found its way through her tears. She rested her forehead lightly against Allyson's once again. "I'm here." A quiet breath escaped her. "So let me carry it too."

 

[Allyson Locke]

//: Taiia Locke //:

Allyson continued to remain silent. There was nothing she could say that would make the situation more than what it was. She could only apologize so much and defend her conviction, but none of that mattered. Not really. Taiia knew how she felt, and Allyson finally understood everything that Taiia had gone through.

There was no making it better, nor changing things that we couldn't control.

As Taiia spoke, Allyson watched her wife, realizing her newfound appreciation and understanding of the woman. There was nothing in this galaxy that the Corellian could have done that would have caused her to hate her. Dying would have only made matters worse. Coming home was the only option and the option that made her wife happiest.

She smiled softly, nodding, showing her understanding of what the woman was saying. While she wanted her plan to work, Allyson was happy it didn't. If it did, she wouldn't have been able to have this moment with Taiia… she'd never have the chance to come home again.

Allyson's breath caught in the back of her throat. The hand on her cheek, the thumb caressing her skin, kept her grounded. Her eyes locked onto her wife's, trying to understand what she was asking her.

To stop protecting her… was like asking the Corellian to not breathe. It was an option that Allyson wasn't ready for; she didn't know if she was capable of just stopping. She didn't say anything at first, letting herself understand what Taiia was trying to say.

"I can't." She whispered back, hands now cupping Taiia's face.

"I can't stop protecting you; I can't stop wanting to make sure that you're safe…"

Allyson stepped forward, nudging Taiia back towards the wall behind her. She paused, letting the woman settle, allowing her mind to catch up to what was happening. So much had occurred between them, emotions running high till they were too much. And for Allyson, it was that moment when her words would only fail her.

Actions spoke louder.

"But I can let you protect me in turn. I won't force myself to carry the burden alone…"

Her fingers slid from Taiia's face, into her hair, brushing a loose strand behind her ear. Carefully, Allyson leaned closer, forcing the closeness to continue as her hand settled gently against the back of the woman's neck.

The touch lingered there, protective at first, before becoming something softer… more possessive in the quiet way lovers could be. Her lips found Taiia's in a slow, reverent kiss.

It deepened by degrees, unhurried and patient, each heartbeat inviting the next rather than rushing towards it. Allyson's other hand settled at Taiia's waist, drawing her further against her until nothing was left.

Allyson sighed into the kiss, every ounce of tension leaving her as though Taiia's touch alone had unraveled it.

She pulled back slightly, only to allow her kisses to trail from her wife's lips, down the side of her jaw, and caressing down the elegant curve of her neck.

There was nowhere else in the galaxy she wanted to be. Like Taiia, she could never hate or choose a path that meant she was away again from the woman. Already she knew what that horrid loneliness was like… and to think she had forced it upon the woman she loved.

Never again.

She would never allow that thought to cross her mind, justified again.

 

[Taiia Locke]

//: Allyson Locke //:
​

Taiia's breath caught softly as Allyson's lips found hers once more. She melted into the kiss without hesitation, one hand settling against Allyson's waist while the other remained resting lightly against her cheek. Everything else faded away, leaving only the warmth of Allyson's embrace and the quiet certainty that she was here.

Home

A soft sound escaped her as the kisses wandered from her lips to her jaw, then lower along the curve of her neck. Her eyes slipped closed, leaning instinctively into every touch, as her fingers curled gently against Allyson's side as though reassuring herself that this was real. When Allyson finally drew back, Taiia slowly opened her eyes. For a long moment she simply looked at her. The tears still clung to her lashes, though they no longer carried the same weight. A smile found its way onto her lips, small at first before growing just a little. She reached up, gently brushing one last tear from Allyson's cheek.

"...Come here."

Her fingers slipped into Allyson's, lacing together with an ease that felt as though they had never forgotten how. Giving her hand the gentlest tug, Taiia turned and began leading her toward the bedroom. There was no urgency or hesitation, just the quiet invitation to her wife. There was nowhere else either of them needed to be. Halfway there she glanced back over her shoulder. The smile she gave Allyson was warm, soft, and unmistakably hers, and for the first time that evening, there was no sadness behind it. Only love. She gave Allyson's hand a gentle squeeze before continuing.

Once inside the room, Taiia turned back toward her. Her arms slipped around Allyson's waist as her lips found hers once more, slow and tender, lingering for a heartbeat before she smiled against them. "I love you," she murmured. Before Allyson had the chance to answer, Taiia shifted her weight with a gentle turn; she guided her around until the back of Allyson's legs met the edge of the bed. Only then did she release her, one hand lingering lightly against her chest as she gave the faintest, playful push.

Taiia stepped back just enough to admire the surprised look on her wife's face. The smile that answered it was unmistakably warm, affectionate, and just a little mischievous. Her travel cloak slipped from her shoulders first, pooling quietly on the floor. A moment later her robe followed as she took another unhurried step toward Allyson, never once taking her eyes off the woman she loved.

 

[Allyson Locke]

//: Taiia Locke //:

Hearing the soft sounds elicited from her wife drew a smile on the Corellian's lips. She grinned against the woman's skin, tasting the remnants of her travels. It was a small reminder that Taiia had walked into danger and somehow remained untouched. It was a moment Allyson remembered that her wife, the woman she loved, wasn't someone frail — despite how precious she was to Allyson.

Allyson's breath caught as Taiia's fingers intertwined with her own, her words only hinting at what she was thinking.

There had been a time when she had always been the one leading. Pulling Taiia by the hand, stealing kisses in quiet hallways when it was all they had. Danger was constantly at their doorstep, the galaxy tearing them farther apart. Somewhere, Allyson had begun to believe it was their destined course.

But Taiia showed her another way, that they weren't destined to be apart.

Taiia led now, and Allyson followed without resistance, her thumb absentmindedly brushing across the back of Taiia's hand. Each brush was committed to memory, the feeling of being drawn forward and accepting it.

The gentle tug towards the bedroom drew the smallest smile to her lips. There was always something almost unbelievable about it all.

After everything that had been said, after every tear that had fallen, Taiia wasn't walking away. She had always been the one to keep her promise.

Allyson fully realized what it was to be home.

When Taiia glanced back over her shoulder, Allyson couldn't help the quiet laugh that escaped her.

"There's that smile," she teased, her voice soft and affectionate in a way meant only for Taiia.

She returned the gentle squeeze before stepping into the room behind her. The kiss that greeted her stole away the rest of her thoughts. Allyson answered it without hesitation, one hand settling naturally at Taiia's waist. At the same time, the other found the gentle curve of her face. Their lips parted, but before she could answer, the woman surprised her further.

The world shifted, and Allyson soon found the back of her knees meeting the mattress.

Surprise flashed across her face as she looked at her wife, wondering what was happening and what had changed. Again, Allyson continued to grin, and when the playful push pressed against her chest, she did as she was told and sat on the bed.

Allyson was at a loss for words, everything catching in her throat as her heart raced. Finally, she found her voice after a few breathy chuckles, and a bold blush stained her cheeks.

"Well," she said, lifting one brow slightly, "someone's feelin' awfully bold tonight…"

There wasn't a trace of challenge in her voice. Only admiration.

As Taiia let her cloak slip to the floor, Allyson's gaze never wandered far from her face. She wasn't captivated by what Taiia had removed, but by the confidence behind the gesture. By the woman who, after thirty years of heartache, was smiling at her with that same mischievous warmth she'd fallen in love with.

Taiia stepped closer, and Allyson held her breath, her eyes taking in every inch of the woman as they came together once again.