Private Never Walk Alone

[Jairdain]

This was an important day for many Jedi. Today some Initiates would become Padawans and they could be assigned a Master. Sometimes it was the luck of a draw and Jairdain waited to learn if one was going to be assigned to her. Even though she was a Grandmaster, even she did not have full control over these things.

Her wolf companion rested on her shoulder as she walked through the halls. Arriving where the assembly was being held, she took up a position near the front. Given her rank, she could have demanded to be up on the stage. That wasn't her though and she stood among the ranks of the Order.

After a few pairs had been announced and the couples were united, she found her name called out. Almost shocked, Sage lifted his head when he felt the emotion flow through his mate. Clearing her throat, she walked up onto the stage to meet the teen that was going to be her Padawan.

Dagos Terrek

 

[Dagos Terrek]

People were looking. Looking at him. No, staring at him. His name had just been called to join his new master on stage. She was up there waiting and yet Dagos hadn’t moved to join her. He had seen a few other Jedi be paired up already but somehow now that it was his turn there was a different feeling in the air, a feeling he did not like. There was a time in his life where he would have loved being the center of attention, having every eye looking on him as he achieved some feat or scored some recognition but that was his old life. His life here with the Jedi was different. He didn’t seek praise or recognition, no, he did his best to hide from it. He was confrontational and obtuse, dismissive of his teachers and purposefully bad at his assignments hoping they would just send him away. They hadn’t. No instead they had him here involved in this ceremony to choose him a new tutor who would eventually ditch him.

A low murmur washed over the crowd as Dagos still hadn’t moved. The stares grew and his defiance grew with them. Someone next to him nudged him, he did not know who, he would not turn his head away from the stage.

“That’s the grandmaster.” whoever nudged him whispered in his ear.

Karking. Great. Maybe he would be sent away, after all there was no way he was going to be assigned The Grand Master of the order as his teacher...right?

Suddenly he was up on the stage, despite not remembering ever moving. He stood directly in front of his new teacher only a few steps apart. They were the same height despite Dagos still being in his early teens, it wouldn’t take long before he was taller than her. Her eyes were a special shade of violet that drew his own eyes toward them but they were also unfocused in a way that made him think...but no that couldn’t be right...she was blind! Wow. that shouldn’t have been surprising given all that Jedi were capable of but it was impressive that someone lacking sight could rise as high as Grand Master. The creature on her shoulder did not go without notice. He eyed it warily as he introduced himself.

“I’m Dagos.” He told her without bowing or even extending a hand.

Jairdain

 

[Jairdain]

There was a little bit of silence on the stage while Dagos was called. Listening to the hushed murmuring around the room, she picked up on about where he should be located. Turning her body to follow him as he finally approached, she was able to sense his emotions easily.

One of the first things she would have to teach him was how to keep those surface feelings under control. He was blaring them like a siren for all to hear or rather feel if they were as empathic as she was.

Luckily, for him, Jairdain was not one to really stand on always being formal. There was a time and place for it and while this was probably one of them, she did not chastise him for not bowing to her.

"Nice to meet you, Dagos."

Their introduction was simple and short. A round of applause was given as they walked off the stage together. Reaching a hand up to pet Sage, she introduced him once they were in the small hallway leading away from the auditorium.

"Would you like to get something to eat or drink? We can talk in a setting quieter now and get to know each other better."

This might sound like she was talking down to the teen but that wasn't the case. Jairdain had asked the question honestly and hoped to get the same from him.

Dagos Terrek

 

[Dagos Terrek]

“Caf sounds good.” He told the Jedi master not sure what else to say. Maybe being able to fill awkward silences with sips of caf and bites of pastries would make it easier to fill them with words as well.

He offered his arm out for his master to take so he could walk them to a small alcove in the temple that served as a cafe. Whether she took his arm or not it would not take too long to reach a place to sit. He would use the force to pull a seat out for himself and for his new master.

Sitting across from her, he glanced around for a waiter.

“So...is this your first time...With a padawan I mean?”

Jairdain

 

[Jairdain]

Nodding when Dagos answered that caf sounded good, she did accept his arm when he offered it to her. Given his age, Jairdain knew when he grew up, he would taller than she was. At the moment, the two of them were the same height and could see eye to eye...maybe in more ways than one. Time would tell. What was clear to the Master is that she had a bit of work to do with him to turn him into a better Jedi.

Smiling in a serine manner as they walked, things were quiet between them. That was fine with her and it gave her a chance to read the emotions of her new Padawan. Soon enough they were sitting and within a moment or two, a server droid was there to take their order.

"I'll take some tea and whatever Dagos here wants."

Once his order was placed the two of them were almost alone. Quiet conversations were going on around them at the other tables but not loud enough to interfere with getting to know him. Hopefully, he would take the hint from their surroundings and keep things on the softer side.

When they were again alone, he asked if he was her first Padawan. Shaking her head, she was silent for a moment before answering.

"I've had a few over the years, Dagos. Some have gone on to become Jedi while others didn't last long and decided on different paths. None have gone Sith though, so that's a good thing."

Giving him a bit of a smile, he wouldn't pick up on any sorrow or sadness from her. Just a sense of memory and good times in the past.

"I have also taught several classes on various topics. They weren't Padawans of mine just other Jedi that wanted to learn whatever I was teaching. You'll get those lessons with my training. What do you feel is your strongest ability and what do you want to be when you've been with the Order for a few years?"

If he had any questions or even the same ones she had asked him, she would answer him openly and without any deception. However, she would wait until he asked them.

Dagos Terrek

 

[Dagos Terrek]

"What do you feel is your strongest ability and what do you want to be when you've been with the Order for a few years?" The Jedi Master sitting across from him asked.

Dagos was unsure how to respond. He was unsure what exactly his greatest strength as a Jedi was, he had never had a chance to find out, not really. He stayed quiet and uninvolved in classes just waiting for them to end so he could go be alone with the resentments he could not seem to get rid of no matter how hard(or how little) he tried.

"I'm good at fighting." He offered indifferently. It was true that before he came to the Jedi he was undoubtedly excellent at martial arts, most specifically K'thri. Here however he was merely an adequate fighter but it was a better answer than none at all he guessed.

Her second question was one he truly had no answer for. He had spent so much time hating it here amongst the Jedi and away from his friends and his family that he had not once considered what he wanted to gain from the experience. He had grown up with a distrust of the Jedi and now he lived with them. It was taking some getting used to and to him it never felt...permanent. To him, when he would go to sleep at night he didn't dream of becoming a Jedi Master or fighting Sith or saving people or whatever it was that the other learners hoped for. He dreamt of home. Of Nar Shaddaa and being in the ring fighting like had done so many times before.

What did he want to be in a few years? Whatever he had wanted to be was no longer an option.

What did he want to be? If he were older or maybe if he were just able to step out of his wallowing he would say that he would want to be content but instead he said nothing at all for longer than he intended.

"I don't even know what I could be." He finally answered her completely unaware of the unintentional profundity of those words.

Their orders came and Dagos took a sip of his caf while nervously fidgeting in his seat. Wondering if he was turning another teacher off from him.

Jairdain

 

[Jairdain]

The Jedi Master sat quietly and patiently as she listened and waited for Dagos to speak. She allowed him all the time he needed to think of what he was going to say. Jairdain did not figit or come across as indifferent to his answers. There was one major difference between them. Pretty much from the day she had joined the Jedi, she knew what she wanted to be. That was a consular or diplomat and she had succeeded in that very well.

Due to the years she had spent on Iridonia, she was actually a well-versed physical fighter, just not with any weapons. Perhaps the two of them had more in common than they expected. Time would tell though. Tilting her head a little as he answered her second question, she found it slightly odd he really didn't have any thoughts on his future.

Just something they could figure out together if he stayed as her Padawan. Jairdain was not going to abandon the boy and would be his Master for as long as he wanted and needed. Unlike her first Master who dropped her and then forgot her. Choosing not to be like that, she silently vowed to herself, she would be there for Dagos.

"There are many options for people to take, Dagos. You're a fighter, so you could be a sentinel, a shadow, or even a guardian. Then there are people like me that have gone down a more peaceful path and our battles are fought across a board room table."

Somebody his age would likely find it boring and tedious but each route had its merits.

Nodding in thanks when their drinks were set down, she picked up the cup and took a sip.

Dagos Terrek

 

[Dagos Terrek]

"Master, I…" He started to say before trailing off and taking another drink of his caf. He was not usually so unsure of himself. No Dagos was never unsure of himself. He was often angry or restless but never was he this timid or quiet or soft.

Joran would have flayed him bloody for the way he was acting. Find the problem and face the problem. That's all there was to it and his problem as it had been for weeks now was that he did not want to be here. He did not want to be in this cafe with this woman, he did not want to be at this enclave, he did not want to be a Jedi, he did not even want to on this world that was strange and unfamiliar to him. Why not? What was so wrong with any of those things? What was it he would rather be doing and where would he rather be if not here?

He would tell himself he would rather be back on Nar Shaddaa. In the putrid atmosphere surrounded by buildings that were too close together, a world that had to be artificially lit at all times because the air was so polluted natural light could not get through. Nar Shaddaa a place where everyone was either out to hurt him or steal from him, a place where he'd had to fight nearly every single day.

He would tell himself he would rather be on Nar Shaddaa with his family. What family? Back on the moon his pops was never around, too busy working or politicking and when he was around it wasn't like things were perfect. His mom even after years was still afraid of the moon, barely speaking basic and staunchly religious, a happy homemaker she was not. And his brother? By the maker he loved his brother but that hadn't stopped Ragos from running away, hadn't stopped him from leaving Dagos alone to deal with their parents and the rest of it.

So really what was it about being here in this cafe that was so bad?

"Master, I...don't really know what any of those are or what they do or how I could be any help to you or the Jedi." He spoke to her with much more confidence than before.

"I don't exactly pay attention in lessons," He admitted. "But I've heard enough to know what anger is bad and I am pissed off like all the time. But I can work on it" he quickly added the last part just incase his confession made her rethink taking him on as an apprentice which all of a sudden had become something he very much wanted.

"I want to be a Jedi. I just don't really know what that means."

Growing up on a crime world like Nar Shaddaa and being raised by parents who were militantly vigilant against the idea of their kids being taken by force users did not exactly give one the opportunity to learn the positives about those force users and their religious views.

Jairdain

 

[Jairdain]

He would not be her first Padawan and he wasn't going to be her last. Jairdain was as patient as an angel while he tried to put his answer into words. She was an empath and was able to easily pick up on his emotions. However, she did not pry into his thoughts. Feeling his...almost repulsion about being here, she silently wondered if it was her, the planet, the Jedi...or something else. Hopefully, time would tell and she could help resolve some of these questions.

"Anger isn't always bad, Dagos. It's allowing it to control you that is bad."

A conversation from the distant past came into her mind. It had been when she was a little older than he currently was and she had already accepted emotions as part of her life. Maybe that should be talked about today.

"Tell me, did you study enough to know the Code we're supposed to follow? We can talk about the various paths that can be taken later. Right now, I feel we should dissect the Code. Then we can move onto other topics."

Sipping again at her tea, she would give him all the time he needed to answer her.

Dagos Terrek

 

[Dagos Terrek]

“I mean. Yeah? I think so.” He told her.

The truth was that the Order of The Jedi was old like really really old. Beyond the realm of being able to understand and besides that fact the Silver Jedi which he was sort of a member of, was just one of many Jedi sects around the galaxy and the Jedi were just one of many lightside leaning traditions and the lightside was only one half of the force! So when it came to codes and whether he knew or understood them, the answer was sadly unclear.

“There is no emotion. There is peace.” See he knew being so angry was going to be a problem

“There is no ignorance. There is knowledge.” Chit. Another he was failing at. He didn’t seem to know much of anything when it came to Jedi.

“There is no passion. There is serenity.” Uh check right back to the anger. So far three tenets three fails for Dagos.

“There is no chaos. There is harmony.” He was sure he wasn’t living up to this one either.

“There is no death. There is the force.” Well he hadn’t screwed that one up yet.

He finished reciting the code to the master across from him, nervous now but unsure why.

Jairdain

 

[Jairdain]

Keeping her focus on him through the Force, her eyes closed slightly as Dagos started reciting the Jedi Code. To some, it was something meant to be followed to the letter and then there were people like her that took it a little more liberally. When he finished, her eyes opened again and she almost seemed to look at him.

"Let's dissect the first statement of that. To you, what does, 'there is no emotion', mean?"

Talking about the Code was something she felt needed to be addressed early and talked about. Sometimes, often. With all the emotions she had picked up from Dagos, she felt this particular lesson might need to be repeated now and then. That was just fine with Jairdain though. Everybody learned at a different pace and she was ready to help him walk this path. If he accepted the hand she was holding out to him.

So many things were in his control and he might not even know it. Even Jairdain could not know what his future was with the Order but she hoped he would be at her side and learn from her.

Dagos Terrek

 

[Dagos Terrek]

He did not answer straight away. His first thought was to take it literally, like Jedi weren’t supposed to have emotions or something but that wasn’t right. They weren’t droids and chit even then Dagos had seen some droids who had some interesting quirks that were indistinguishable from human emotions.

“Well,” he began. “There is two parts to it aren’t there? So it isn’t just about not having emotion it's also about having peace. So it’s about not being too emotional.” he stressed the word ‘too’
“It’s like you said don’t let the emotions control you or whatever.”

He could understand that. When he was growing up learning how to fight, his teacher had always told him to leave his feelings out of it. Fighting angry meant fighting sloppy, it meant making mistakes.

It was probably too simple but that was his best guess.

Jairdain

 

[Jairdain]

When she had joined the Jedi, she had had this conversation with a Master. When she had her first Padawan, she had this same talk with them too. It was something she tried to do with all of them. Listening to what Dagos said, she nodded when he pointed out there were two parts.

"Correct. Too much of any emotion can be poor. Even if it's a positive one. Love taken too far can be fatal. I'm sure you've heard horror stories about people falling prey to those that claim they did whatever action they did out of love for their victim."

Luckily, this had never happened to Jairdain but she was always aware of the possibility. In a way, she wondered if it was her love for her husband that had caused him to run off and die in battle. Pushing that idea away, she moved on to the next line of the Code.

"You seem to have the basic understanding of the first. Now the second, there is no ignorance. There is knowledge. What do you think that means?"

This one might be a little trickier to get a good answer for. So many ways to interpret what it means...even her own might be different than what his opinion might be.

Dagos Terrek

 

[Dagos Terrek]

He smiled when she’d said his answer had been right. He’d always been quick to be proud of himself. She talked briefly about love and the danger of it, mentioning horror stories. He personally couldn’t see how love should be something to be feared. How could love be taken too far? He was about to ask that very question when he could sense something in the Master sitting across from him. Sadness? Regret? No, nothing so concrete. It was more like a memory or the memory of a thought. Something so thin and so weightless that it had no time to linger before she cast it off. If it were not for an innate talent at force sense Dagos would not have noticed at all.

But he had noticed so he left his question unsaid, opting instead to take another sip of his coffee.

Jairdain asked him now about the second of the tenets. Wow she really was going to go over the whole thing with him.

“Uh.” He took another sip and thought about the question for a moment. “It sounds like it means…just because you don’t know something doesn’t mean you can’t learn it?” He said somehow turning his answer into a question by the end of it.

Jairdain

 

[Jairdain]

Giving Dagos a smile, she nodded at his brief answer.

"You're right, in a way. This line can be taken as quite a few things and sometimes had different meanings to people. There is ignorance all around us and some people never wish to learn. As a Jedi, need to see beyond this and teach people. Sometimes, it might just be us doing the learning or teaching, but it's something that should not ever happen.

"Strive to learn something new every day. It could be simple or grand, as long as you accomplish this, then I feel you are living that line of the Code."

Even in her grand position and rank, Jairdain did not know everything and would never claim that was the case. Hoping her viewpoint could be understood by Dagos, she fell silent and waited before moving on. In case he had any questions about what had been talked about.

Dagos Terrek

 

[Dagos Terrek]

Dagos frowned a little as he listened to his new master. He could get on board with the whole learn something new everyday thing, he had been hearing some version of that same line nearly his whole life but the rest had him feeling… uneasy really.

"So…" he began trying to work out what he wanted to say and how he would say it as he went.

"So even if someone doesn't want to learn, is happy even in their ignorance, as a Jedi, it's up to me to correct them?"

"I mean, I guess, I don't understand."

Jairdain

 

[Jairdain]

"Nah."

Shaking her head at his question, these lines could be interpreted in many ways. Not all of them were good either.

"Try to educate but don't push or force your beliefs on anybody. This might cause wars. Ideals and views are always questioned at times. Even the Jedi have fallen prey to this. At one time, we were thought of as the evil ones. When you get the chance, look up some of our histories and you will learn about this."

Jairdain did her best to teach but when it came to reading, she just couldn't. Being blind, she was entirely unable to give guidance there.

"I can provide you a selection of tomes to read if you want."

That was the best she could do.

"Knowledge can be a two-sided sword cutting both ways. You will encounter people set in their ways. You can attempt to teach them something different but don't force...never do that."

She had probably rambled on long enough. Falling silent, she took a sip of her tea and waited to see if Dagos had any other questions about this.

Dagos Terrek

 

[Dagos Terrek]

"I can provide you a selection of tomes to read if you want."

Homework?

“Nah.” He’d get around to it some time. Maybe. Reading just wasn’t really what he was trying to get into.

“So what about not having passion?” Dagos was a fourteen year old boy he was basically nothing more than a machine fueled by hormones.

“Are we really supposed to just stop caring about…I don’t know…anything?”

Jairdain