Private Midnight Meetings

[Desbre Gensan]

​

Location: Hotsprings, Silver Rest, Kashyyyk​

Equipment: Simple Jedi Robes, inherited lightsaber, light-filtering lenses​

Tag: Vanir Eris​

"Oh, I'm sure there will be plenty of intelligence gathering," Des murmured, listening. Her words were tight as she spoke, almost as though she spoke through her teeth. Did he think the Jedi and the Concord were idiots? No sense of that came to her, but he certainly had a sort of matter-of-fact, almost all-knowing way about himself. She supposed she should have felt right at home like she was back on Arkania. But instead, it just served to detract from her mood. She was regretting saying anything instead of just ending the conversation.

When he mentioned combat, and it being everything he stood against she turned her head just slightly to the left. She gave him an almost sidelong glance along her right shoulder. "Not but a minute ago you were saying just the opposite. You can't condone violence and killing and then claim to be a pacifist. This isn't Nerfer King. You can't have it both ways."

"And furthermore, I'm not asking about governments and leadership. I'm asking about your outlook and as it relates to killing and how you reconcile it when you have to. Maybe there is some wisdom to be gleaned there maybe it isn't. I only ask to help sort out my own crap. I've never let others make my decisions for me. Not my family, not any government, and not even the Jedi. I am working on finding my Way, and talking to others, may well help me become more and more in line with my own Way."

"And even if I did go home and 'paint the walls red' that wouldn't make one single bit of difference toward changing the past. And it certainly wouldn't meet any of my goals now. All it would do would be to make me a criminal and a killer. And be a big step into the Dark, and far from who I am or want to be. That is not a version of me that I ever want to meet." She sighed and shook her head, then sank into the hot water once more, letting the heat wash over and through her. It made her scalp tingle pleasantly. After half a minute, she resurfaced, streaming water once more as thick steam rose off her skin and head.

 

[Vanir Eris]

Desbre Gensan ​

He listened to her, but her spark of temper amused him. He hadn’t meant to tweak her tail, but having done so it was something he didn’t regret. “For me, I am a predator. My nature is to prey on the weak and what is more weak prey than a bully making the lives of those around them miserable? Even as I know that taking out one monster will only make a void to be replaced by another. As tiresome as that is, I have this power… Something that demands I use it else I would be by it. I will be no one’s pawn. So, I will kill them as is necessary, but only as much as it takes for me to take those same people under my wing and take them somewhere better. I just don’t take joy in the death I deal.”

A lazy breeze kicked up then, as he heaved himself out of the warm water. Something flying from somewhere to land in his hand. She’d feel it then, his power, swirling around the both of them. It wasn’t pure white, but his aura was a tranquil neutral. Much like the breeze he called to obscure himself as he got dressed, gentle and sure. Within a breath the mist dissipated, the steam returning to its more natural flow. He sat with a giant root behind him propping himself up. He had simply pulled on a robe like top and pants. His long lets were outstretched, but crossed at the ankles, he looked totally at home.

However his attention on her hadn’t wavered, even as he pulled a tie from a pocket to pull back his shoulder length hair. “Truth be told most of what I do simply suits my nature. I accept that I will make mistakes, that I will fail, that I cannot save everyone even when they are in front of me. Does it sit easy with me? No. I hate failure, I hate letting down those who reach for me, but… I can only do so much. I know myself, I know my limits and I know that as long as I do everything in my power, it is enough. Make no mistake, I would glass a planet if it meant protecting the ones dear to me and I won’t lose sleep over it. However I will also do everything in my power not to have it get to that point, but once it does, no hesitation. Just because I am a healer doesn’t mean I am a pacifist.”

The word was a hint of a growl, no, he would not stay his hand if violence was necessary. “Once you feel solid inside, nothing outside can shake you. Half the battle is staying grounded. You need to find your center Desbre, I think that is why you struggle so. Facing your regrets and accepting them, is going to be the hardest thing you will have to face. Of course, I could be wrong, but it seems to me you are the sort who likes to pile things onto your shoulders and then go the extra mile to kick yourself when you stumble or drop something.”

Which he blamed squarely on her lack of proper instruction. Tendencies like this, are something best caught early and slowly retrained, but the woman hadn’t had that. “Would you like to come and join me at where I am camped? Just ah… You aren’t afraid of spiders are you?”

 

[Desbre Gensan]

​

Equipment: Simple Jedi Robes, inherited lightsaber, light-filtering lenses​

Tag: Vanir Eris​

​

Des listened for the time being, sitting in the heated pool with a little bit of the water burbling and bubbling faintly nearby. The steam was still pleasant as was the heat. "I wouldn't say that I pile on too much. so much as I still have no idea what... it takes. Or where my limits are." She sighed then. "Too long have I looked to the approval of others. Or spent too long waiting for permission to do what I feel is right. Better to ask forgiveness than permission. The past few months have shown me that." She shook her head and sighed.

His question about spiders caught her off guard. "What kind of spiders... and how big," she asked warily. There were spiders back home in Arkania, some of them grew to be quite massive. Large enough to challenge a starship. There were old tales of dragons hunting spiders the size of houses. Before the dragons seemingly went extinct anyway.

Reaching out in the water, her saber had settled to the bottom of the pool, but it only took a moment for her to recall the weapon to her hand. Standing up on the rock she was on, she parked herself on the edge of the pool. Steam rolled off her in waves as she sat. The saber went on top of her clothes again. She made no effort to get dressed, or even cover herself, though she did pull one toned leg up and wrapped her arms around it as she began to air dry. The last thing she wanted was to put her things back on and have to fight with them until they were somewhat dry enough not to stick anymore. Though after a moment she did grab her cloak and cowl and pull them around her. That would serve well enough for the time being and keep the cooler air from sapping her heat. While she was from a frigid planet, that didn't mean she didn't want to be warm and toasty now and again.

​

 

[Vanir Eris]

Desbre Gensan ​

She would hear him chuckle. “Just ones a fourth or less than the size of my face, I promise you they are friendly.”

At first she might mistake the flowers seemingly hanging in the air glowing, to be part of the landscape. However as she watched they moved, parting their web. Within the circular shroud of webbing was a ship and a campsite. The shuttle, was something elegant, but also state of the art. At odds with the more basic campsite that lay nearby. The lopara was clearly more than happy to bed on the earth than shelter within his modern wonder. He paused to watch the spiders replace the parted webbing and as he stood there a larger spider dropped down to rest on his shoulder.

The smaller more flowery-like spiders were half the size of this one and this bigger creature had a feeling of intelligence unlike all the others. --//Yet another female, is this one mate or sibling?//--

She spoke the language of droids, but didn’t feel inorganic like one. “She is neither, simply a hatchling from another’s nest. Like you, she seeks learning and guidance and has yet to find a teacher that can do their job.”

--//This one afraid of me like your sister?//--
“Why don’t we let her answer that, it’s rude to talk about someone like they don’t have ears. Desbre, can you understand her?”

He didn’t know if the pale haired Padawan understood droid-tongue or not. If she didn’t he could act as translator, but he hoped it wouldn’t be necessary.

 

[Desbre Gensan]

​

Location: Campsite, Near the Silver Rest, Kashyyyk​

Equipment: Simple Jedi Robes, inherited lightsaber, light-filtering lenses​

Tag: Vanir Eris​

​

Des had used some of her cloak to dry off, and then pull on her pants, then undertunic to her uniform, but was still without boots. She seemed to practically glide through the bush as they walked, avoiding sharp things, or stepping on insects where she could. She moved with lithe grace and an easy gait that made it seem like she'd been born in the Shadowlands.

As they came to the camp she followed Vanir in and stopped, cleaning off her feet and sticking them back into the boots she had. Following that she put on the next layer of her top then obi and then utility belt, dressing fully once more. "Why is your sister afraid of this one? I mean besides being an arachnid," she said by way of answering. Only the spiderling had mentioned the sister, so it was clear enough she understood the context at the very least, if not the actual speech.

"I'm less in need of teaching and more looking at philosophical debate. I'm capable of forming my own opinions and finding my own way. I am just looking to compare notes," she said as her expression hardened a little. But only for a moment.

​

 

[Vanir Eris]

Desbre Gensan ​

The spider shuffled to turn her eyes fully back on the woman. At first regarding her with surprise, though general feel of her emotions more than expression. --//My father always tells me that he will never consider himself to be a master, but always the student because he is always finding new things to learn. You then must be the opposit, a master then?//--

When the arachnid celled him ‘father’ the Lopara winced. “How many times must I tell you, not to call me that?”

--//You disliked being called a god more, yet you who made me seem so, though I am still young to this life.//--

All he did was groan, covering his face with his hand. “It’s true enough, I made her, but to be fair it wasn’t my intention to make a thinking being. I had been attempting to make an organic droid with useful utility, but once she proved to be not it made no sense to treat her like some kind of pet. However now I wonder if I should have taught her what humor was or teasing because now the little bug makes my life miserable.”

Of course there was love in his words, he cared a great deal for the diminutive creature. However his discomfort and annoyance were also plain. “As for what you said Desbre… All of us need teaching. Even the so called masters sitting upon their chairs governing those beneath them, even they would be wise to never cease learning. I understand that you have had a lot of others fail you, but for as long as you need I will be happy to offer what I can. If you need just a place to rest, to sink into your own skin, I can offer that as well. I understand the sacrifices duty demands, but I feel strongly that you would benefit from taking my offer.”

He sprawled by the burning embers of the campfire, casually settling a log upon the flickers to build the flames back up. “You have such fire Desbre, but equal parts turmoil. I can’t help but to be excited to see what kind of changes will take root once everything gets sorted. You already blaze so brightly, but I think even the suns that dot the sky will be put to shame.”

--//Are you sure you are not courting her? I have seen many males speak of females favorably like you are. It seems the same to me.//--

He just hung his head with a groan, forcing the spider to shift away and turn to stare at him. “I am sure, you need to stop watching those silly romance hollos, they are garbage and clearly rotting your mind.”

 

[Desbre Gensan]

​

Location: Vanir's camp​

Equipment: Simple Jedi Robes, inherited lightsaber, light-filtering lenses, Hush-style comlink, aquata breather, liquid-cable launcher, stim pills, nutrient/food pack​

Tag: Vanir Eris​

Des stood, listening to the exchange between Vanir and his supposed creation, for which she still had no name. As the two bickered and bantered back and forth, her brow lowered though she sought not to interrupt. Then he went to prattle on about who even 'the masters' needed teaching. Annoyance blossomed within her, only to intensify into agitation. Her jaw tightened into a hard edge and her lips became a thin, pursed line. She wasn't here for instruction. And his presumption that she would ever stop learning rankled. On top of that, he made a lot of assumptions about people he didn't even know. Many of the masters among the Jedi continued their efforts to learn. That was part of the whole process of being a master as they plumbed the deeper mysteries of the Force. His wording implied he thought that he was better and above all of them, but especially her as he would deign to descend from his high horse to teach her, the barely conscious idiot child in front of him.

It was like being back home on Arkania, specifically the worst parts of it. Her face burned all the way to her ears as her hands balled into fists at her sides, hidden beneath the cloak. Years ago she might have picked up a branch from the forest floor and tried to pound his head into a red paste. But no, she had a code, and that wasn't her way. As much as it might be momentarily satisfying to alleviate the galaxy of such arrogance.

As Vanir continued to speak, she wasn't sure if he was actually paying attention to her through the Force, or if he was just running his head. But he mixed flattery, as though that might somehow dismiss what he'd already said. As if that got him off the hook. If she didn't want to punch him in the nose before, that put her firmly in the category. And then the spiderling spoke up.

Desbre's body was as taut as a guitar string ready to snap. For the moment she stood, eyes closed, focusing on her breathing lest she do something she couldn't take back and would regret later. She already had enough red on her soul. He wasn't worth another stain.

"I appreciate the offer," she said, gathering her calm. "But I think I'm going to have to decline it at this time. Though I would be interested in a raincheck later. There's just too much I have ahead of me before I can consider it further." Each word was measured and even, though her jaw was a little tight, and the tendons in her neck stood out, though they were almost lost in the failing light.

 

[Vanir Eris]

Desbre Gensan ​

Her anger was plain in every line of her form, in her scent on the wind and to his Other senses as well and he didn’t know what he’d done this time. “Desbre wait.” He moved and walked over to her and looked down at her with concern as well as confusion studying her face. “I don’t know the how, but I do know I screwed up something and I am very sorry. Look, truth is I have never done this sort of thing and I am bound to cock it up. You want to know the kind of person I am, how I work, I will show you if you’ll let me? Words seem to be failing me here so, lets try another way.”

He offered her his hand. It was simple enough to simply open his mind to her, it wasn’t something he did just whilly-nilly. His instinct however said it was something that the girl might need, especially since so far he’d been a great disappointment to her. He gave her a crooked smile. “Tell me to make a justification to some administrator of whatever government I am dealing with and I can sell them water, but ask me to share philosophy and I make people want to stab me. Let me make it up to you.”

 

[Desbre Gensan]

​

Location: Vanir's camp​

Equipment: Simple Jedi Robes, inherited lightsaber, light-filtering lenses, Hush-style comlink, aquata breather, liquid-cable launcher, stim pills, nutrient/food pack​

Tag: Vanir Eris​

​

Des had been about to turn to go, to return to the Rest proper, but his voice stopped her. Standing stock-still, it took everything to stay put. Begrudgingly she listened but visibly relaxed a notch. She didn't meet his gaze, not at first, but there seemed to be less and less fight in her, replaced with something else. A deep well of pain, loss, and sadness. Blinking a few times, she forced her vision to clear as he wanted to try again, as he was bumbling about.

Hesitantly she took his hand. Free of the hand wraps, her skin was soft and quite smooth, save for the small cut scars across the back of her hands and fingers, a few small burns. Her palms and fingers had the wear marks of callouses from many hours of hard work, and despite how soft her hand was, save for the marks, they had a hardened but not bony nature to them. Her grip was sure and strong, rather than dainty and light like one might expect from a woman her size. No, this was someone who had lived hard for a long time. Even so, there were still soft lacy things tucked away in a drawer, in a closet somewhere. A woman within the warrior.

Her expression was wary, and it wasn't hard to feel that beneath the surface her anger had already gone out, replaced by disappointment in herself. She didn't say anything but it was clear she was already tearing into herself for her little outburst. The young woman had clearly had a hard childhood and not much of a happy one.

Reaching up with one hand she wiped at one eye, her face a stoic mask otherwise. She said nothing, but he would feel the silent question, wanting to know what he had in mind.

​

 

[Vanir Eris]

Desbre Gensan ​

The moment she took his hand she’d feel the rush of falling, but found herself in this over flowing feeling of compassion. Here was the true essence of the man before her. He felt her emotions keenly, but she’d feel no judgement towards her. If anything she’d feel his strong desire to scoop her up and just give her what she hungered for.

All at once she’d be standing in a space like some lab and library hybrid. He smiled at her, this inner space he drew up for her. It took a lot of concentration for this mental-scape to be given, but he felt strongly it would be worth it. He also didn’t expect her to do similar for him, after all wasn’t it she who badly needed to know him? He gave freely and hoped he’d have time to learn about her the more face to face way.

“Naturally I have certain things tucked away, we all have secrets. However I promise none of them have to do with what you need from me.” Truth. After all mind to mind in this way there could be no lies. “Take as much time as you need, whatever you seek will just come to you, just let your feelings guide it all.”

He was keen to see what things she would seek out first, this was as much a thing to learn about her as she wanted from him. Under it was the hope it would be enough. That what she’d find would be enough to restore her respect that he accidentally lost. He was used to being seen as unworthy, but the whys of that was family. Something painful buried where she couldn’t dredge up details, something he’d never be able to take to the one who was responsible.

His own feelings of regret could be felt too. Not being good enough. Not being strong enough. Not knowing enough. Failure. Too many reasons tied to these feelings. A solid man who knew himself well. His limits. How far he was willing to go to do what he needed. How he could shut down his personal feelings to get a job done, ruthlessly so if he had to. Discipline. And then she’d feel another entity. A shadow and then solid. A creature of base desires. A creature that lived in the moment. Something in tune with the natural world.

She’d see the creature, as much a person in his own way as the man with whom she wanted to learn of. However unlike the man, Eris didn’t allow much of himself to be let free for her. He was curious merely because some new thing was in their space, but he just ghosted around the edges, almost teasing. Perhaps trying to distract her just because it amused him to do so. Vanir casually pushed his other half out, a shade of irritation coloring things. He was used to keeping his beast-soul from being too much of a distraction, though usually for himself.

 

[Desbre Gensan]

​

Location: Vanir's mindscape​

Equipment: Simple Jedi Robes, inherited lightsaber, light-filtering lenses, Hush-style comlink, aquata breather, liquid-cable launcher, stim pills, nutrient/food pack​

Tag: Vanir Eris​

​

The compassion hit her like a train, and the desire to protect and look after her. It burned like a white flame against her spirit. It burned but did no damage. Instead, it cleansed and seared, only making her earlier outburst that much more terrible, and the damage that much worse. But bathed in such radiant light her anger didn't matter. While she had a right to her feelings, they were somehow childish and petty. That wasn't his take, of course. But hers.

Her awareness of the camp was gone, even as fresh tears streamed down her face. Instead, she found herself inside a combination library and laboratory with Vanir standing in front of her. As the image resolved, Desbre as she was in the outside world did not appear. Instead, there was a creature hunched and stooped to maybe half her height. Dressed in rags and completely filthy to such an extent it was hard to tell what hair color this creature's hair or skin was. She... yes it was a she, peered out from between filthy, greasy strands of matted dark hair with one eye. Sallow and sunken flesh was wrinkled with stress and age but seemed somehow child-like beneath the surface.

With much effort the she-creature sat down on the floor, even as a dark ichor of sorts began to seep from her, staining the floor. One gnarled and twisted hand reached up to scratch one pointy ear poking through the dingy mop of hair on her head. Her other hand clutched at the lightsaber in hand. It was somehow quite clean and it was clear it was her most prized possession, and it was clearly the inherited saber she had with her all the time. Des was no gnarled and twisted creature in the real world. This was the manifestation of how she felt about herself. Shriveled, wretched, small, weak, but trying to cling to something better. The last good thing she had left.

Slowly the creature seemed to take stock of itself, nodding here or there, or making a small sound of disapproval. "What is this," the thing demanded in a much more rotten and shrill voice. "Idiot, you know what this is," she chastised without waiting for any kind of answer. A finger twisted with a small pop. A sigh escaped the twisted mockery visage of Des. "I suppose I deserve that," the creature muttered.

For a time, she said nothing else, simply huddling practically under one of the tables, hunched and alternating between fixing Vanir in one staring eye, and pinning the floor with that same milky-white gaze. Idly she wondered why he'd even bother wasting his time on her. But that compassion flooded through, ad she remembered it. It was much like her own. She had plenty of it for others, but clearly not herself. "Great so I'm just another charity case," she muttered under her breath, even as there came another twist as something else distorted. "Such a kriffing mess someone else has to look after me now."

 

[Vanir Eris]

Desbre Gensan ​

“And what is so wrong with someone taking care of you when you need it?” He enveloped her into his protective shroud then. He understood her pain, but accepted her as she was flaws and all anyways. Didn’t matter that the grime tried to cling to him, dredging up many of the same emotions he had within his own heart. Just like he accepted and embraced himself, how could he not do the same for her? “Nothing good ever views itself as a beauty without flaw, what matters is that you keep seeing those flaws. It means you still have your heart, your soul and can keep striving to work on yourself.”

He pushed some of her grimey hair from her face and kissed her forehead. Like a brother. Like a friend. “I see the sum of all your pain stooping you low, hissing in your ear and I say to you that you are beautiful. You are bright. You are strong. You will rise and fly.”

She would see that he saw past all that she was shrouded in. He saw what lay underneath. Saw what that tainted ick tried to keep smothered down. She was pain, but she was also light and such light that she was simply needed to find her wings. Maybe that wouldn’t be fully with him, but he would help lift her. He could trust that there was more than this to her, even if she couldn’t. After all, he was on the outside looking in and saw what she couldn’t right now.