Private Light Resurgence | The Jedi Order

[Aiden Porte]

Shiraya's Sanctuary
Training Room
Phillip Slate​

The training hall had settled into its familiar quiet, the kind that came only after exertion, when echoes of motion still clung to the air like fading breath. Aiden Porte moved through the space with unhurried purpose, gathering practice sabers and returning them to their racks, smoothing disturbed mats with the edge of his boot. It wasn't a task assigned by the Order; it was simply something that needed doing. Order followed effort. Calm followed order. That had always been enough for him.

He paused briefly near the center ring, eyes lifting to the high windows as pale light filtered in, dust motes drifting lazily through the beams. The Force was steady here, grounded by repetition and discipline, but beneath that familiar rhythm, something shifted.

Aiden straightened.

The sensation was faint, more intuition than warning: a presence approaching the hall, careful but unsettled, carrying intent that had not yet decided what shape it would take. Not a threat. Not urgency. Conversation. Concern, perhaps. Aiden reached for the Force gently, not prying, just enough to confirm what his instincts had already told him.

Phillip.

He exhaled slowly and set the last saber into place, hands resting on the rack for a moment longer than necessary. Whatever had brought Phillip here was still forming, still uncertain, and Aiden would not rush it. He turned toward the entrance just as footsteps neared the threshold, his posture relaxed but attentive, ready to listen long before a word was spoken.

 

[Phillip Slate]

Tags: Aiden Porte

Phillip had changed. Since that day on Ukatis, he hadn't painted. Hadn't sculpted. All of his creativity, his artistic interest had faded into the void. Instead he had thrown himself harder into his training. Specifically combative. The Padawan had a fair extra bruises and bumps from pushing himself, perhaps far harder than he should. But it didn't matter. There wasn't anyone to stop him anymore. No reason for him to hold back on what he could try to do.

His mind was a maelstrom of thoughts. Of emotions. Regrets. How he believed he wasn't needed anymore. How he had shot himself in the kneecap, metaphorically of course, for someone who didn't need him anymore. He could have been out in the Galaxy, with his Master, learning about ancient ruins. Ancient people. But he had rejected that for Her. Someone who didn't need him anymore. But he still needed her. Or so he had thought.

He was so distracted from his thoughts plaguing him, that he hadn't even sensed Aiden in the training room. Phillip only noticed the Knight was there when...well, he was within eye-sight. Causing Phillip to stop midstep, a flicker of surprise crossing over his face before he returned to the new scowl that had started to grace his visage over the past couple of days.

"Oh. I didn't know the training room was taken. I can...find another one. Sorry to disturb you Aiden."

 

[Aiden Porte]

Phillip Slate​

Aiden felt it the moment Phillip crossed the threshold, the turbulence beneath the surface, the way his presence pressed unevenly against the calm of the hall like a stone dropped into still water. Bruised, yes, but more than that: compressed. Contained too tightly for too long.

He turned fully then, taking Phillip in without comment. The scowl. The tension in his shoulders. The way he stood as if bracing for impact rather than conversation. Aiden did not move to block the exit, did not reach out through the Force to still him. He simply met Phillip's gaze, steady and unguarded.

"It's not taken," Aiden said evenly. No reprimand. No surprise. Just truth. "And you're not disturbing me."

He stepped away from the equipment rack, giving Phillip space rather than closing it, and gestured loosely to the edge of the mat. "I was finished anyway."

There was a pause, intentional. Aiden let the silence do some of the work for him, let Phillip's apology hang without accepting or dismissing it outright.

"You look like someone who didn't come here to train," he added at last, voice calm but observant. Not an accusation. An opening.

Aiden's eyes softened slightly, though his posture remained grounded, present. "If you want another room, you can take one," he said. "But if you came here to talk… you don't have to decide that all at once." He inclined his head, just a fraction. "You don't owe me explanations, Phillip. But you don't have to carry this alone, either."

The Force around him remained quiet and open, an invitation, not a pull, waiting to see whether Phillip would turn away…or stay.

 

[Phillip Slate]

Tags: Aiden Porte

Phillip did everything he could to try and avoid Aiden's gaze. It wasn't out of his typical shyness. Of him feeling too awkward to look someone in the eyes. No. This was a choice. There was too much going on in his head, and he was worried that it could be picked up form his gaze. As he adjusted his robes for a moment, before Aiden spoke again. Phillip didn't look like someone who had came here to train. And in a way? Aiden was right. Phillip had been destroying himself in his training. Breaking himself in hopes that whatever came out of it would be better than what he was now.

"It's...not...I...I don't know how to...talk about it. I don't know...how to say it."

There were simple ways. Phillip could say that he's trying to be stronger. To be a better Jedi. But that wasn't the entire truth. He was running. Running from who he was, because he wanted to be better. Isla didn't need him. Not the way he was. None of the Jedi he had came across needed him as a Padawan. He was the one who needed them. But...he didn't know how to say that.

"It's hard. To talk about...being hurt. Pain. I'm used to letting it out."

Letting it out through his art. His paintings. Sculptures. Occasionally music. But he hadn't done any of those recently. Phillip had been keeping it all inside of himself.

 

[Aiden Porte]

Phillip Slate​

Aiden didn't press.

The refusal to meet his eyes. A choice made by someone afraid that if one thing slipped, everything else might follow. That, more than the bruises, concerned him.

Aiden let a slow breath ease through his chest and grounded himself further, drawing the Force close but keeping it deliberately quiet. He wasn't probing minds for answers, that wasn't the way. It was more a steady current beneath churning water.

"You don't have to say it cleanly," Aiden said at last, his voice low and even. "Or all at once. Most things that matter don't come out that way."

He took a step towards the edge of the training area, and sat on the edge of it. He settled to the side, inviting him to sit if he chose to.

"When people are used to letting pain out through creation," he continued gently, "and they stop… it usually means the pain hasn't gone anywhere. It's just lost its language."

Aiden's gaze stayed soft, unfocused enough that Phillip didn't have to meet it if he couldn't. "Breaking yourself isn't the same as becoming stronger," he added not with judgement but with experience. Something he knew all too well about. "Sometimes it just means you've decided you deserve the damage."

The Force around Phillip felt tight, compressed, like a room with all the windows sealed. Aiden didn't comment on it directly. Instead, he anchored himself to it, as if he was a lighthouse, to help guide those around him.

"You're not failing because you're hurt," he said quietly. "And you're not weak because you still need people. Jedi don't outgrow that. We just get better at pretending we have. We need each other more than we want to say sometimes."

He paused again, quieter and safer than before.

"You don't have to explain, or what you think you lost. But if you want to talk about the part of you that stopped...." his eyes lifted then, briefly meeting Phillip's face without trapping him "....that's something I can sit with."

He folded his hands loosely, unarmed, unhurried.

"I'm not going anywhere, Phillip. And you're allowed to hurt without turning it into punishment."

 

[Phillip Slate]

Tags: Aiden Porte

"There's no point. In making things. They'll never be good enough."

Phillip mumbled, rather stubbornly to himself. Part of it annoyed him. Aiden knew what to say. How to try and make things better. Things Phillip couldn't do. That day out at Ukatis had proved how incapable he was. With his words. His actions. He was able to fly by without much effort when he was younger? But now? When him and Isla were older? He had to be a lot more capable. And Phillip wasn't sure if he could be.

"...I think you're wrong. About people outtgrowing other people. Isla's out grown me. She doesn't need me. She's...better. Far more capable than I am."

He rubbed the back of his neck, contemplating what he was going to say. There was too much on his mind. There were plenty of people who would call him an idiot for feeling so upset over Isla. She was just one person. Phillip didn't even understand why he felt this bad about it all. It just felt like something was eating him from inside. But why? He wanted to talk about it, but how could you talk about something you didn't even understand yourself.

 

[Aiden Porte]

Phillip Slate​

Aiden didn't answer right away.

He let Phillip's words settle, not because he needed time to think, but because rushing to correct them would only make Phillip dig in deeper. The force around him seemed to tighten at the mention of Isla, sharp with comparison and self-reproach, and Aiden felt the familiar ache of recognizing that pattern. He'd worn it once himself. More than once.

"There's a difference," Aiden said finally, quietly, "Between something not being good enough… and you deciding ahead of time that it won't be."

He shifted slightly where he sat, resting his forearms on his knees, posture open but grounded. "Creation isn't about proof, Phillip. It never was. It's about honesty. And honesty doesn't grade well. That's why it feels dangerous."

At the mention of Isla, Aiden's gaze sharpened, not hard, but attentive. He chose his words with care.

"People don't outgrow each other the way we outgrow clothes," he said. "What happens is messier than that. Sometimes one person changes faster. Sometimes they learn a different kind of strength. That doesn't make the other person smaller. it just makes the space between them harder to navigate."

He glanced toward the far wall, then back. "You're measuring yourself by her growth," Aiden continued, "And that's a contest no one wins. Especially not Jedi. It's not fair to yourself."

He watched as Phillip rubbed his neck, it motion hadn't gone unnoticed. Neither did the confusion underneath it all.

"You don't need to understand why it hurts yet," Aiden said gently. "Pain doesn't wait for clarity. It just shows up and asks to be acknowledged."

He leaned forward a fraction, voice still calm, still steady. "I think, what's eating at you my friend." he added. "It's the fear that who you are, as you are right now, isn't worth staying for. Not worth choosing."

Aiden held his gaze this time, not to force it, but to be unmistakably present.

"That's not truth, Phillip," he said. "That's grief, trying to disguise itself as logic. You don't have to make something good," Aiden went on. "Just make something true. Even if it's unfinished. Even if it never leaves your hands."

His voice softened further.

"And you don't have to figure this out today. You just have to stop telling yourself you're already behind."

 

[Phillip Slate]

Tags: Aiden Porte

"She doesn't need me."

It wasn't growth. Even back when they were younger, Isla was still leaps and bounds ahead of Phillip. It was obviously why she had a Master to train her. Why Phillip had been relegated to the shadows. He could have been in the same place. Had a Master that would have shown him the Galaxy. Trained him in learning about different cultures. But he had rejected that choice. Because it would have taken him away from her, when she needed him. But now? He wasn't needed. Not anymore. In his mind, all he was doing was screwing up.

"And I am behind. I always have been. I'm not a fighter. I'm not good with the Force. I don't have anything that makes me "stand out". I'm just a forgotten face in the crowd."

He hadn't even joined the Jedi because he wanted to be a good person. Phillip had wanted to join the Jedi to get away from his family. To make his own place in the Galaxy. Instead of living under the shadow of his family, no matter what artistic medium he used, he would have always been compared to them. He'd never be able to match their skill. And so he had thought joining the Jedi would have been the best method to get away from that...but he hadn't made any progress. Not in his eyes. None in his family would have been proud of his progress.

"I'm a disappointment Aiden. I had dreams of exploring the Galaxy. Of pulling of great deeds. Having some kind of hidden potential. But they're all just dreams. And those never come true."

 

[Aiden Porte]

Phillip Slate​

Aiden rose slowly to his feet, not abruptly, not with urgency, just enough to meet Phillip where he stood.

"She doesn't need you," he said gently. "That doesn't mean you failed."

He let that settle before continuing.

"You're not behind because you're different. You're behind because you keep measuring yourself by other people's paths." His voice stayed calm, steady. "Not every Jedi is meant to fight. Not every strength announces itself."

"You think you're forgotten because you don't stand out the way others do. But the Force doesn't forget people, Phillip. It reshapes them."

He inclined his head slightly.

"Dreams don't fail just because they take longer. They fail when we decide we were foolish for having them at all. You are not a disappointment," Aiden said, with quiet certainty. "You're a Padawan who hasn't been seen clearly enough, by others, and by himself. And that can change."

He paused, then added gently, "You don't have to be extraordinary to matter. You already do. And you don't have to prove your worth by bleeding for it." Aiden inclined his head slightly, an unspoken vow in the gesture.

"I'm here, Phillip. And you're not forgotten, not by the Order, and not by me."

 

[Phillip Slate]

Tags: Aiden Porte

"I failed myself. I put someone else's interest over my own. Someone else's comfort over my own education."

Phillip knew how Jedi didn't need to fight. But the ones he was surrounded by did. Some of them were the best fighters he had ever known, or read about. He knew he couldn't live up to them. He couldn't be on their levels. And most of the Jedi he knew who focused on studying, or non-combative focuses weren't around as much as they used to be.

"I haven't been seen, because there is nothing about me to be seen. I'm plain. Average. I don't have potential. I can't grow into anything."

He knew Aiden was doing his best to help. But it was hard for him. Phillip had slowly came to realise that it was never the fact that Isla had needed them when the pair was young. He had needed Isla. He had needed their friendship, and in this moment, he felt like that had evaporated into nothing. All because of that stupid festival.

"I know you're here. But...I just don't know Aiden."

That was exactly it. Phillip just didn't know. He didn't know what he wanted. What to say anymore. Everything he had wanted had basically burnt up into ashes in front of him, left with nothing in front of him.

 

[Aiden Porte]

Phillip Slate​

Aiden listened without interrupting, and when he spoke, there was no frustration in him, only understanding, firm and steady.

"I hear you," he said quietly. "But every time you speak only in negatives, you teach yourself that those are the only truths that matter. If you let them lead, they won't fade, they'll take root."

He shook his head once, slow and deliberate. "I can't make this decision for you, Phillip. I won't. All I can do is offer you guidance."

Aiden met his gaze then, unwavering. "And here is what I need you to hold onto, you are not alone. Not now. Not in this. I can help you through it, but you have to let me."

His voice softened, but the words did not.

"You are not a dissapointment. Not to the Order. Not to Isla. Not to yourself. And I don't want to hear you call yourself that again, do you understand?"

 

[Phillip Slate]

Tags: Aiden Porte

"What decision is there? I made one. A long while ago. And I'm feeling like it was the wrong choice."

That choice went it came to travelling the Galaxy with a Jedi Master. Instead, Phillip had decided to stay here. To help Isla as much as he could, and it was pointless. Of course that was his mindset in the moment. It didn't mean it was entirely the truth, but for Phillip, that was how he saw these things.

"I'm not stopping you from helping. I'm not stopping anyone from helping. I'm talking about it, aren't I? I'm not keeping it to myself."

That was something he could have done. Not tell anyone about his issues. But that wasn't Phillip. Not fully. Sure, he might have been containing some of his frustrations inside, but he knew it would get out of hand if he held it in for too long. A small sigh escaping his lips at that thought, as he ran a hand through his hair, doing his best to try and not let his frustrations get out too much.

 

[Aiden Porte]

Phillip Slate​

Aiden listened, really listened, to the words beneath Phillip's frustration. When he answered, his voice was calm, but there was conviction in it now, quiet, deliberate.

"You're right," Aiden said. "You did make a choice. And feeling doubt about it doesn't mean it was wrong."

He stepped a little closer, not to crowd, but to close the distance between isolation and connection. "Helping someone was never a lesser path," he continued. "And learning doesn't only happen out in the galaxy, blade in hand. It happens here. In reflection. In patience. In understanding who you are becoming."

Aiden met Phillip's eyes, steady and sincere. "You don't need to become a fighter to matter. But you do need guidance, someone to see what you could be, not just what you think you are."

His tone softened, but the offer was firm. "I can help you learn. Not just how to fight, but how to grow. How to find your place without erasing yourself."

A pause, then quietly: "We don't stand alone. That's what makes the Jedi strong. We have each other."

Aiden inclined his head slightly, a simple, earnest gesture.

"Let me help you, Phillip. Let me train you."

 

[Phillip Slate]

Tags: Aiden Porte

"Didn't expect to be told I was right..."

Phillip mumbled to himself somewhat, sighing at Aiden's words. They made sense. More sense than Phillip cared to admit. Which is why he wasn't admitting it. The lad just stayed silent, giving a slow nod, even as he did his best to try and avoid the Knight's gaze. Aiden said he could help him. To learn. To grow. And that was plenty of stuff that Phillip definitely needed help with. The question was, whether or not he was willing to take that step. To admit that he needed it. In a way, he had already admitted it.

"...I guess...I can let you help me...There's no reason not to."

There we go. The hard part was said and done. Phillip wouldn't be alone. Of course it wasn't as easy as he acted like it was. It wouldn't make all of the pain, anxiety and nerves fade instantly, but it was a step in the right direction. He just had to continue stepping in that direction.