Yasha Cadera
Mom'alor
The bile rises in my throat again and I shiver into Jared's jacket that I've commandeered since he died and I was frozen with the angst. The integrity of the chair keeps me aloft as my eyes burn, I can feel the dark circles growing around them - tinged with the crimson rim of undrained tears as [member="Lucien Cordel"] and [member="Jared Ovmar"] speak so freely of tactical strikes and taking people out. Can I stomach this? Can I stomach anything beside the wine?
I started this, I started Lucien on this path and Lipsec was my fault. Coated in bacta, I had time to analyze everything. I saw how careful I should have been, how unprepared I was to handle so many mutable emotions in a single room - something I could have defeated if not for the damned drug in the air. I should have put Mikhail out. Me, me, me. Andra did this and now I'm seeing the vindictive side of the human condition for myself, feeling it for myself - how it bows heads as mighty as Lucien's and brings men like Jared in with a smile and a rise to take lives or minds or... My hand goes to my lips and I shudder, leaning forward till my elbow is on my knee and the glass of wine held loosely in the same hand. I'm going to vomit, I'm going to black out, I'm going to survive this with a scar on my side Jared hasn't seen yet and that worries me more than I admit. Being damaged goods was never good for the survival of a relationship, but I've taken him in his after-life and the hope remains that he'll love me still. My shoulders bend and I suck in a painful blast of air.
Grow up, Andra. The rest of the wine in my glass pours down my throat, and the glass lays empty in my hand.
Wiping my hand on my trousers, I look up at Jared and nod. "Do it. Thank you, Lord Cordel. Lord O-ovmar." And with that, I am once again in the bar with Jared on Coruscant ordering the torturous death of glitterstim dealers 'cause a girl in my arms was scared. I feel the weight of agreement bear down. Both hands on my knees, I try to get up but no strength will feed into my exhausted, recovering muscles. 'Jared, help me. I left the Bacta too early. Please, don't leave me here so weak in front of Lucien.'
I started this, I started Lucien on this path and Lipsec was my fault. Coated in bacta, I had time to analyze everything. I saw how careful I should have been, how unprepared I was to handle so many mutable emotions in a single room - something I could have defeated if not for the damned drug in the air. I should have put Mikhail out. Me, me, me. Andra did this and now I'm seeing the vindictive side of the human condition for myself, feeling it for myself - how it bows heads as mighty as Lucien's and brings men like Jared in with a smile and a rise to take lives or minds or... My hand goes to my lips and I shudder, leaning forward till my elbow is on my knee and the glass of wine held loosely in the same hand. I'm going to vomit, I'm going to black out, I'm going to survive this with a scar on my side Jared hasn't seen yet and that worries me more than I admit. Being damaged goods was never good for the survival of a relationship, but I've taken him in his after-life and the hope remains that he'll love me still. My shoulders bend and I suck in a painful blast of air.
Grow up, Andra. The rest of the wine in my glass pours down my throat, and the glass lays empty in my hand.
Wiping my hand on my trousers, I look up at Jared and nod. "Do it. Thank you, Lord Cordel. Lord O-ovmar." And with that, I am once again in the bar with Jared on Coruscant ordering the torturous death of glitterstim dealers 'cause a girl in my arms was scared. I feel the weight of agreement bear down. Both hands on my knees, I try to get up but no strength will feed into my exhausted, recovering muscles. 'Jared, help me. I left the Bacta too early. Please, don't leave me here so weak in front of Lucien.'
