Lead me to Salvation

[Garza]

Sitting in the ship that I had, I flipped switches and pressed buttons getting us ready to fly to another planet that Lexa had been last left at. I was hoping that something else could be discovered here to clear my mind, maybe make my powers stronger, or even take them away so I could be a normal man once again. But I had a feeling that they would not. In fact, I rather like the power flowing in my veins. The ability to control fire and even launch myself into the air in ways that Morna had done with a combination of air shaping and Fire.

All the while, I had a stupid song in my head. and yet, it almost seemed to fit the both of us. I smiled and then realized it was not a good smile. Closing my lips and mouth, I pressed more buttons, and activated the hyperdrive.

[member="Lexa Imura"],

 

[Zayani Brin]

Lexa sat in the bed compartment, her legs crossed. She was once again wearing her robe after thoroughly cleaning it of cat hair. In her lap, she had placed Morna's lightsaber. Her eyes were closed. She was deep in meditation, revisiting old scars and new, and trying to mend them as best she could. Her mind was clear of all thought. She was, as of that moment, in the Force. Lexa could feel everything. The ship's hyperdrive, thrumming with energy as it propelled them through the stars. The metal, cool and pristine. She could see Asher in the cockpit as if she were right next to him. But, there was someone else, too. Instead of one person in the pilot's chair there were two. One was of substance. The other was of the Force. The other had a familiar feeling. Warmth...
[member="Asher Kellan"]

 

[Garza]

Punching more buttons, and flipping a total of three more switches to get the ship onto auto-pilot. I sat there. Looking down at my hands. Remembering how I had held the man in my arms as he asked me to tell his family that he loved them. Sitting there. I tried to gather my thoughts on the woman who was sitting within the ship. Where as of now? I didn't know. But I could almost feel as though she was looking at me. I closed my eyes and spoke out loud. Maybe she heard me, maybe she didn't but I didn't care. "He loved you so much." Holding the ring, the black ring with the inscriptions on it.

"He never went without a day, hoping to see your face again. Even if it meant the death of him."

[member="Lexa Imura"],

 

[Zayani Brin]

Lexa saw the Force being take form before her. Deep blue eyes stared back into hers. His body was partially transparent, but still Lexa could see him. "Morna...." She said. Asher spoke aloud, as if he knew she was there with them. Morna's spirit didn't speak, but Asher's words were enough. Lexa reached out her hand to Morna. "Please..." She begged.

Lexa opened her eyes. She looked around the room, hoping to see him again. "Please.... Please don't leave me alone...." She whispered.
[member="Asher Kellan"]

 

[Garza]

Hearing within me, The man's name. The man's soul that I took. I hated myself for it. I could feel my heart break that not only did the woman have to deal with the loss of her loved one, but having to deal with me. A thug from the streets of Couscant. bending my head down as I could hear his name echo in my mind. I wanted to say that she was not alone. That she had me. But really, I looked at myself in her eyes. A guy who took her husband from her. He protected me for a reason. I just wanted so desperately to find it. I could feel a tear come to my eye as no one answered her.

I opened my mouth to speak, but stopped myself. Deciding that it would be worth speaking my words, "I took him away from you. I have no idea on how you feel Lexa. I am sorry. I want to let you know that I truly am sorry. I know that it won't bring him back. I know that I will never be able to fill his shoes, but I want to let you know, that I will do anything and everything to try and help you. I do not want anything in return. I owe you my life Lexa, because your husband, Morna, was willing to give up his own for mine." I could feel tears going down my face as I spoke. I could feel something stuck in my throat, and a pit in my stomach. My chest felt as though it was being ripped apart. Simply because I wanted to not life the live of this man, nor walk in his shadow, but I would walk his path to help those in need.

[member="Lexa Imura"], [member="Lexa Imura"],

 

[Zayani Brin]

Lexa's chest felt hollow. The pain was still there, on the edges, but in her core all there was was a hole. A chasm where she used to be. All her life, she just kept losing everything. Her family, whoever and wherever they were, and her memories of them. Her brother and mentor, Azekor. And now her friend, her teacher, and her reason for being, Morna. She stared down at her hands. Why? Why does everything always slip through my fingers? She thought.

I should've done something the night he left. I should've badgered him until he promised he would stay. I should've went with him no matter how much he told me not to. I should've sabatoged his ship so he couldn't leave. SOMETHING. But no. I just smiled and said, "See you soon, Fireboy". I was an idiot. I was naive. But he was an idiot, too. To actually think that I needed protection was so stupid. He knew that I was strong. I was strong enough to go with him. Maybe if I'd been there, I could've saved him. But he just had to be the fething MAN, didn't he? He had to do it himself. Be the "hero". Well I don't want a hero. I just want my Fireboy back...

The tears came very strongly then. She covered her face with her hands and let them come. She didn't care anymore. She curled into a ball on the ground and let them come, hoping that, if anything, they would make a river and wash her away from this nightmare.

[member="Asher Kellan"]

 

[Garza]

I sat there. Wanting so much to simply talk to lexa, to comfort her. I had this overwhelming feeling to simply walk in there and to hug her. I even stood up without thinking and started to move to where she was, but stopped half way. I realized that I had not really wanted to move, but did anyways. I allowed the feeling to continue. Walking towards the room that she was in, Almost taking a step in before I stopped myself and knocked on the door three times.

I lowered my head as my hair was visible. Cropped on the sides and back as a buzzcut, but with longer hair that was disheveled and unkempt. I folded it down with my hand as I spoke, "Lexa, You don't mind if I come in?"

[member="Lexa Imura"],

 

[Zayani Brin]

Lexa didn't say anything. She was crying too hard to speak. She just stayed there, in her little ball of Hell on the ground. She made no move to open the door, nor did she make a move to lock it.
[member="Asher Kellan"]

 

[Garza]

As Lexa came with no answer, I opened the door just a little, looking inside to see her curled up in a ball. I was so close to walking in and simply hugging with her. Hell, cuddle if I could. But I didn't. speaking into the door, "Lexa, If you feel that you need anything.... let me know." Wanting to say so much more, but I could not. Closing the door, I decided to give her some space. Moving back to the cockpit, I laid my head down on the console as I was sitting in the pilot seat. raising it only to bang it down a few times. Not feeling the pain.

[member="Lexa Imura"],

 

[Zayani Brin]

Lexa listened to Asher's voice on the other side of the door. He said if she needed anything to let him know. There was something within her that wanted to ask him to stay. To talk with her. Be near her. Anything but leave her there. But she said nothing, and he walked away. Eventually, she forced herself to get off of the floor. She hooked Morna's lightsaber to her belt alongside her own and layed her robe on the bed next to her. She went to the cockpit and leaned against the doorframe. "Hey," She said softly. With everything that was happening, she'd never actually tried to talk to Asher just to get to know him better.
[member="Asher Kellan"]

 

[Garza]

Lifting my head once more, I was about to bring it down when I heard a voice behind me speak out. I had been doing this for about less than thirty seconds now as Lexa walked up to the cockpit. I ran a hand through my hair and then pushed it back down before standing up and turning around to face her. "Hello." Looking at her as she leaned up against the frame of the entrance, I could see in her body language that she had dealt with things much worse than this. I awkwardly placed my hands inside my pockets. "I'm a... I'm sorry we got off on the wrong foot."

[member="Lexa Imura"],

 

[Zayani Brin]

Lexa smiled a little bit. "Me too," She said. She crossed her arms, shifting her shoulder a little against the door. "So, um... You lived on Coruscant long?" She asked. It wasn't the best conversation starter, but there wasn't much else she could think of. She scratched her eyebrow, her eys looking everywhere except at him.
[member="Asher Kellan"]

 

[Garza]

I nodded to her as I looked down and away from lexa. She asked if I stayed at courstant often. I looked up and nodded my head. "Um yeah. I stay at the place that.... um Morna stayed at before he left. J called it his 'big adventure.'" I kind of hit a sour subject already. "J owns the apartment after... he left and gave it to me when he said 'You have a lot of spunk kid. I like it. Just like the guy who used to work for me.'" I smiled brightly remembering how almost everyday J would remind me about how I was so much like his old employee. When I finally did meet him, I was the most humble man in the Galaxy.

I mean, when a Master of the Force comes home, simply to see his roots, and meets a person like myself, who I keep getting reminded of, hell even called me Imura at times simple because J could not get over the past. To see Morna and shake his hand was an honor and a privilege. The only wish that I had would be that he could have lived longer so we could have talked.

"Um. I think I might be able to do something.... If I could try to do it, would you allow me?"

[member="Lexa Imura"],

 

[Zayani Brin]

Lexa winced a bit when Asher spoke Morna's name. She shifted again as he spoke, and did her best to maintain her calm face. She wondered what he was like in the days before he... Quickly, she shoved the thought from her head. When Asher asked if he could try something, she cocked a brow. "As long as you promise you're not gonna be hurting yourself, yeah."
[member="Asher Kellan"]

 

[Garza]

Nodding my head to the woman, I could see that she was questioning on what I was going to do. Walking over towards her, I reached out for her and in a sudden step, I moved in to hug her. You see, I try to get rid of the memories that I have by doing stuff to fill it with information. meaning, I spent alot of time on the holonet looking up random information. One of them, was quite redundant, hugs.

I remember the title called "The power of hugs" and it came in to say that alot of the hugs given from people were only a few seconds and meant nothing, but it the hug was held longer it was shown that people turned out happier. "You look like you need one, and you are all tense around me." I gave some explanation to what I was doing, but in truth, I needed one as well. Just to make sure that she was actually real and living, as well as let myself out. I would never tell anyone that though.

[member="Lexa Imura"],

 

[Zayani Brin]

Lexa went rigid as Asher came in and hugged her. What the Hell?! Was all she could think at first. Gradually, however, she wrapped her arms around him and returned his hug. It did actually help, if only a little bit. "Uh... Um..... Asher? You...... You can let go now......." She said after what felt like a lengthy amount of time.
[member="Asher Kellan"]

 

[Garza]

"Not yet." I said. Keeping a hold of her even if she was wigged out. I had my thoughts, well, Morna's thoughts. If I could gain this knowledge, then maybe I could give it away. Using the little force potential that I knew about. I tried to slide the images of his life the past few years into her mind. Showing her what happened to him. Relaying the work he did for the CIS, and the following of their loss at Drunkenwell, the continuation of his life into making more things for the CIS a possibility.

The images more prominently of the fight where he died. In the bar. Keeping me away to keep me safe, but through the actions that took place, he was killed. I wanted her to see how his life was.

[member="Lexa Imura"]

 

[Zayani Brin]

Lexa saw what Asher was trying to show her. She watched everything her husband had done, and how he died. A sudden, sharp inhale came from her in the final moments. It was as if she could feel what he had felt. Her hand went to her torso in the place where Morna had been stabbed. After a few more minutes, she gently pushed herself away from Asher. It took a little bit for her to gather what she'd just experienced before she was able to speak up. "Was he....... Was he in pain long?" Lexa breathed.
[member="Asher Kellan"]

 

[Garza]

I could see the reaction on her face. Broken, and in pain. I already had thoughts of the questions she would ask. And one of them did pop up. About his pain. Shaking my head, I gave a sad smile.

"No. Hardly any. It hurt him to know that he was going to leave you, than the physical pain."

I could show her images. But I could not share the pain that he had felt. Only he, and myself, could feel it. His thoughts were in my head. Absorbing my own. I let her push me away. Instead of advancing on her. I dipped my head.

"I am..... I am sorry for your loss."

I turned back to the view port and allowed myself to plop into the pilot seat. Exhausted from expending the images. I didn't know how tired I was until now. I almost fell asleep, but stayed up should Lexa need me.

[member="Lexa Imura"],

 

[Zayani Brin]

Lexa stayed where she was for a moment. She took a deep breath. She was done crying about it for a while. There was no use in making Asher feel guilty. He wasn't. She came up behind him, slowly and hesitantly bending down and awkwardly hugging his neck from behind. She sat her chin on top of his head. "Look. I know you're sorry. I know you did everything you could. And I know.... Morna......," she struggled with his name, "did too. What I'm trying to say is thank you. Thank you for trying. Thank you for being there when I couldn't be. You don't know how much t eans to me to ow that he wasn't alone at the end." She said quietly.
[member="Asher Kellan"]