Hard Luck Frank
Prince of Suck
"You expect me to believe you were dropped out of an airlock without a space suit and crashed into the ground without dying?" the planetary guard person asked me as if I hadn't just told him the exact same thing like 15 seconds ago.
"Um, that's what I said ain't it?" I asked as he looked back at me with an expression that said he thought I was either full of crap or made of crap or otherwise somehow crap adjacent.
"You know what, buddy? I think you're full of crap." Called it. "Do you have identification or entry authorization papers or are you going to jail?"
"Like I said, Pal." I replied knowing full and well I was absolutely going to jail again. "All my belongings are still on the transport Jaunty Hound that came in from Cato Nemoidia."
"So, jail then?"
"Yeah, Jail."
"Let's go."
I shook my head and just held out my hands, as the guard slapped heavy metallic manacles around my my wrist. I let my heavy hands drop down as he let go of the manacles and we just stared at each other as the chain snapped.
"Sorry." I said as the guard removed his sidearm from his hip and backed away.
"Stop resisting!" he shouted at me and I slowly started to get down on the ground.
"I'm getting down." I said as I slowly moved my heavy frame down toward the ground, "Don't shoot me."
"Get on the ground." He shouted even though I was already moving.
"You're going to shoot me aren't you?" I asked as I leaned forward to get on the ground.
The blaster in his hand went off and hit me right in the eye as I nearly reached the ground. I won't try and pretend it didn't hurt. It did but as a super manly man adjacent person thing I handled it like any real manly macho man thing would...
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! KARK! AHHHHHHHH!" I screamed as I fell on the ground and began rolling around. I didn't pee myself there was a puddle that I rolled through that only got my pants, so shut up about it. "Ow, kark, ow. Kark me in the fragging kark. WHY?!"
"Don't move!" he yelled at me as he began shooting some more. I don't know how many times he shot me, but, not for the first time, I kind of wished my body wasn't so dense because I kind of would have liked the burning and shooting to stop because I was going to definitely going to have to buy new clothes again after I spent however much time in jail and the transport probably sold like luggage by now.
"Stop shooting me!" I yelled before I finally used my clearly superior intellect and just rolled face down on the street and resigned myself to getting shot for the next few minutes.
"Stay down!" He yelled before he called in for backup and transport.
"Can I get a sandwich?" I asked between sobs, "I stress eat."
"No!"
"Please?"
"No!"
"Kark my life."
"Um, that's what I said ain't it?" I asked as he looked back at me with an expression that said he thought I was either full of crap or made of crap or otherwise somehow crap adjacent.
"You know what, buddy? I think you're full of crap." Called it. "Do you have identification or entry authorization papers or are you going to jail?"
"Like I said, Pal." I replied knowing full and well I was absolutely going to jail again. "All my belongings are still on the transport Jaunty Hound that came in from Cato Nemoidia."
"So, jail then?"
"Yeah, Jail."
"Let's go."
I shook my head and just held out my hands, as the guard slapped heavy metallic manacles around my my wrist. I let my heavy hands drop down as he let go of the manacles and we just stared at each other as the chain snapped.
"Sorry." I said as the guard removed his sidearm from his hip and backed away.
"Stop resisting!" he shouted at me and I slowly started to get down on the ground.
"I'm getting down." I said as I slowly moved my heavy frame down toward the ground, "Don't shoot me."
"Get on the ground." He shouted even though I was already moving.
"You're going to shoot me aren't you?" I asked as I leaned forward to get on the ground.
The blaster in his hand went off and hit me right in the eye as I nearly reached the ground. I won't try and pretend it didn't hurt. It did but as a super manly man adjacent person thing I handled it like any real manly macho man thing would...
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! KARK! AHHHHHHHH!" I screamed as I fell on the ground and began rolling around. I didn't pee myself there was a puddle that I rolled through that only got my pants, so shut up about it. "Ow, kark, ow. Kark me in the fragging kark. WHY?!"
"Don't move!" he yelled at me as he began shooting some more. I don't know how many times he shot me, but, not for the first time, I kind of wished my body wasn't so dense because I kind of would have liked the burning and shooting to stop because I was going to definitely going to have to buy new clothes again after I spent however much time in jail and the transport probably sold like luggage by now.
"Stop shooting me!" I yelled before I finally used my clearly superior intellect and just rolled face down on the street and resigned myself to getting shot for the next few minutes.
"Stay down!" He yelled before he called in for backup and transport.
"Can I get a sandwich?" I asked between sobs, "I stress eat."
"No!"
"Please?"
"No!"
"Kark my life."
