Feedback I've Existed A Month, Hit Me

[Alina Tremiru]

Feedback is one of those things I've always loved to get. A) Because I'm shameless and getting the back on the pat is always nice. And B) because I often never know what I could be doing better. It's really the later part that I care about. Guess I've been going crazy with posts, too. 200 in a bit over a month, and that's just on Alina. Who happens to be my favorite character, and the one I'm looking for feedback on.

I've gotten through what I feel is the first arc of Alina's story. She comes from a family of powerful Sith Sorcerers, but unlike her younger brother or her older sister, she's not able to use Sorcery. Or the Force. Growing up she couldn't even lift a book. When her older sister died, she became the heir. Much to her mother's dismay. So she was sent to join the Sith publicly and, hopefully, die. She didn't. She spent most of the time I've written her with no sense of confidence and no grasp of power. Expecting to die, but refusing to go down without a fight.

Now things have progressed for her. She's learned how she can use the force (Matukai to channel inward, disruption to channel out.) She's got a goal to get the power needed to take the Pillar of War from Darth Vulcanus and remove the graug. Big thanks to Krag for giving her the goal in the Dantooine thread, and continuing to give her reason to want the graug dead. Arc 2 is her learning more. Started getting her into other threads to find her place in the Galaxy as a Sith n such.

So what do people think? Like her? Hate her? Worship her abs? Lemmi know.

 

[Caltin Vanagor]

I like how you write her, she may be new but you have the character down. You have the flow and feel of her down and (from what little we have been writing together) I see the reality in who she is as a person, not just a Sith. I like seeing that in characters as a well-described appearance is nice but there is more to see who they are than that. I would put a little more work into her familial feelings. Is she grateful for being sent to the Sith? Still resentful to the mother for being named heir? Does that hold her back and wear her down? Does it drive her forward?

You've got Alina down as a character and that is hard to do in a month, (it took me six to get this character going the way I wanted him to) now all that is left is the tweaking, and that is the fun part.

No, I did not say "twerking", no matter what Jsc says.

 

[Alina Tremiru]

I will say that I try not to put too much of my characters thoughts and feelings into her posts. It's just a personal choice of mine as a writer. I enjoy giving people things to react to, and the mind musings aren't something that people can actually see or know. But her family is quite the driving force behind a lot of her choices, so I'll be sure to put more of it into her future posts! Caltin Vanagor

 

[Cara Dorniarn]

It's the abs, they get me every time

I'll make a better response tomorrow when all but 3 braincells aren't asleep!