Braze's body language became tense and withdrawn as he observed Jasper and Aliris. He felt a mix of emotions swirling inside him, and it was evident in the way he fidgeted with his partially gloved hands and picked at his sleeves.
Braze wrapped his arms around himself wincing lightly at the feeling of his exposed singed hands. He looked down and picked at the partially gloved hands and frowned looking over how filthy Jasper was now, and took in the odd, and not very pleasant scent that clung to the man. He wanted to hug him too, despite the smell and filth; But Braze was not about to admit to that and settled for hugging himself briefly in an act of self-soothing comfort.
Braze continued to fuss at his sleeves as he had been transfixed in watching how Jasper had healed Aliris. He listened to Jasper address Aliris and was likely trying to think clearly about what story to give Jasper. He hadn't expected them to meet at all— especially like this. He was grateful that Jasper was so kind-hearted, and the man was treating Aliris nicely even as he realized her 'little secret'. Braze sighed, having fallen silent let them talk amongst one another.
"Sorry," he sighed. "I should've gotten here sooner. You guys probably wouldn't have gotten injured."
Braze was drawn back from his distant thoughts that were spiraling. His ears twitched hearing the apology from Jasper of all people. As Jasper expressed his momentary feeling of incompetence, Braze's confusion deepened. He looked back at Jasper, his expression a mix of bewilderment and surprise. How could Jasper blame himself when he had come to their rescue and saved them from further harm? Braze struggled with his own emotions, his feelings of gratitude mingling with his frustration at himself. Why was
he sorry? He didn't know— Oh... Oh yes. Braze didn't think before running off and abandoning his task. He didn't think to ask for Jasper's help. He just reacted. It was as if this revelation suddenly hit Braze as his thoughts weighed him down with a pang of guilt for his mistake that could have cost both of them their lives.
Jasper turned to Braze, giving a stern look.
His eyes briefly met Jasper's stern look, but he quickly averted his gaze, feeling contrite and guilty for his impulsive actions. As Jasper's look fell to Braze he flinched, Braze immediately choosing to stare at the ground, looking rather contrite in that brief moment unable to meet Jasper's stern gaze. His heart skipped a beat and he felt his blood run cold. By the force presence Braze was emanating, Aliris could definitely feel Braze's emotions. Briefly, oh so briefly, the truth that Braze held some semblance of
fear that was
far greater, and more exponential for this man, than he had for that monster which almost killed the two of them. It was
fear of disappointment that welled within Braze. Brace had winced, bracing himself for what he expected to be a harsh scolding, a stern lecture, or even to be yelled at for running off without thinking.
But what came next was another shock to the snowy-haired youth.
"Don't say it's okay. Just let me feel incompetent for a moment."
He blinked and tentatively looked back actually meeting Jasper's eyes with an expression of bewilderment and confusion. He was stunned into silence as Jasper continued to talk to Aliris. How could he be so kind and so forgiving and still blame himself for this? Jasper did come and saved them, he helped stop Aliris from bleeding out and he wasn't even lecturing Braze for running off without so much as a word to him; and now he was blaming himself for their injuries? This wasn't fair! Braze could feel his emotions all over the place and realized he had frozen in place under that one simple glance Jasper had given him. All these intense feelings shifted in a matter of mere moments.
Then he heard Jasper's next few words...
"Or I could just let Braze heal you."
When Jasper suggested letting Braze heal Aliris, a flush of embarrassment washed over Braze, coloring his cheeks crimson. He felt caught off guard and childishly frustrated. He attempted to address Jasper respectfully by using his last name but couldn't help blurting out his inner turmoil.
"Master Kai'el! Alright fine, you're right, you're incompetent, it's all your fault," he huffed, his voice tight with pent-up emotions.
Deep down, Braze knew he didn't mean his words. It was his way of deflecting and protecting himself from exposing his own vulnerability. He wasn't prepared to take on the responsibility of healing others, especially someone as important to him as Aliris. It was easier for him to resort to his practiced defense mechanism of pushing people away with harsh words, even if it hurt him to do so.
Despite his outburst, Braze's inner turmoil and his true feelings were still evident in his eyes, reflecting a mixture of frustration, guilt, and a desire to be understood.
Braze felt he was being incredibly childish as if he was nothing more than a 'crybaby' in front of Aliris, and that was definitely NOT the demeanor he wanted to display, nor how he wanted to portray himself. On one hand, he was incredibly grateful for Jasper's intervention, and the fact he chose not to give him a verbal dressing down in front of Aliris, on the other hand, he felt rather abashed and flustered by that last comment he had heard from Jasper. Why Braze felt such a way, the youth couldn't put a finger on it.
Braze hesitated to admit his lack of expertise in healing others, especially considering the sudden responsibility that was now thrust upon him to heal Aliris. While he was willing to do anything to help her recover, there was something about the way Jasper spoke that triggered a whirlwind of emotions within him. It was a conflicting mix of fear, inadequacy, and a deep desire to prove himself.
In normal circumstances, Braze would never dare to utter something audacious to a member of the council, let alone someone like Jasper, who had just saved their lives. But his inner turmoil took control, overpowering his usual self-control. Instead of expressing his vulnerability and fear, he resorted to his practiced defense mechanism of lashing out with hurtful words to keep others from realizing just how unbalanced he felt himself.
Deep down, Braze knew that his words were a facade, a shield to mask his own insecurities. He didn't mean what he said and regretted the hurtful comment almost instantly. It was a coping mechanism he had developed over time, believing that pushing others away and appearing strong would protect him from being exposed. Little did he know that this self-protective behavior only served to isolate him further and hinder his own growth.
She scoffed. "I'm not suicidal. I won't attack anyone. It's not like I have a choice anyway." She didn't want to be close to Braze right now. She was.. So confused about why he was crying.
Honestly, it made her feel like she should be too. Worse, why did it make her feel so.. Warm?
"Let's just go."
"I would feel better if she were treated by a proper medic... " Braze offered in a quiet sullen tone.
He offered one of his crispy singed hands to Aliris.
"No one's going to hurt you Aliris. " He seemed to offer in gentle assurance. If Jasper didn't ask, then Braze wouldn't express anything he knew about her.
Jasper Kai'el
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Braze
