Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!

Imperial II-class Star Destroyer; Aegis Pattern

Status
Not open for further replies.


bUpgcSy.png


OUT OF CHARACTER INFORMATION
  • Intent: To begin the creation of a New Class of Imperial Warships
  • Image Source: (x), Fractalsponge
  • Canon Link: Not Applicable
  • Permissions: Not Applicable
  • Primary Source: Various Cannon & Legends Articles
PRODUCTION INFORMATION
  • Manufacturer: Imperial Engineering Corps
  • Affiliation:
  • Market Status: Closed-Market
  • Model: Imperial II-class Star Destroyer; Eurodon Pattern
  • Class Inscription: Bellator est Perpetua
  • Modularity: Yes; Minor
    • Atheistics (ie. Paint Scheme, Hull Plating, Engine Configuration, etc)
    • Bridge; Designed for Layout & Functionality Upgrades
    • Fighter Compliment; Modular Fighter Rack Configuration(s)
  • Production: Minor
  • Total Planned: Not Estimated - Within Minor Production Limits
  • Material:
TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS
STANDARD FEATURES
  • Hyperdrive Type: OS-10 "Hermes" Class Hyperdrive System w/ Supplementary Path Engine
  • Optimal Crew: 5,000 - Officers, Crew, and Integrated Droid Brains
  • Minimal Crew: 1,500 - Including Officers, Enlisted Crew and Integrated Droid Brains
  • Passengers:
    • 1,800 - Onboard Security (is. Stormtroopers, Shocktrooper, Dark Troopers, etc)
    • 10,000 - Planetary Assault Detachment; Approx. Two Legions
  • Maximum Cargo Capacity: Metric Tonnes (Includes Vehicles, Tanks, Equipment, Etc)
  • Primary Power Unit: Star Destroyer Type, Advanced Solar-Annihilation Conversion Reactor
  • Secondary Power Unit: General Hypermatter Reactor Equipped with Stellar Fuel Bottles
ADVANCED SYSTEMS
Internal Advanced Systems
External Advanced Systems
STRENGTHS
  • [+] Advanced Hyperdrive; Hyperspace speed above average & Path Engine Emplacements Allows for Unorthodox Travel
  • [+] Interdictor Capabilities; Capable of utilizing Gravity Well Projectors and Predator Interdiction Drives to great effect
  • [+] Excellent Defenses; Compressed Layered Shielding Technology
  • [+] Advanced Warship; Bio-Circuitry and Minimized Systems result in less crew requirements, faster communications, enhanced sensors, etc
  • [+] Near-Total Self Sufficiency
WEAKNESSES
  • [-] Slow and Steady; Limited Thrust to Speed Output
  • [-] Artificial Intelligence; Centralized Core(s) Vulnerable to loss of power and destruction
  • [-] Bio-Organic Circuitry; Organic Viruses capable of dismantling systems shipwide
DESCRIPTION

Designed to be the spiritual and defacto successor to the Imperial Class Star Destroyer of old, the Aegis Pattern Star Destroyer was the standard fleet vessel of Operation: FINAL DAWN. Equipped with some of the most advanced weapons and defensive systems known to the greater galaxy, the warship was envisioned to be the pride and joy of the growing Final Imperial Armada.
Equipped with dozens of weaponry including a dozen Super heavy Turbolaser Turrets, the Aegis Pattern is far more powerful than it's predecessor, theoretically capable of launching an Invasion of a world on its lonseome with it's large TIE Fighter compliment.
The most advanced systems were installed upon the new ISD, including hyperadvanced bio-organic circuitry designed to remove the stresses of bulky computer equipment, and allow the warships systems to fiction as if they were living and breathing. This also allows the ship to fire it's weapons with far more accuracy and precision than the earlier model.
The Gravity Well Projectors, internalized, were also added to the warships superstructure along with powerful Predator Interdiction Drives to downsize the vessels low speed and maneuverability, among many other things.
In the end, the warships was not perfect, but was as close to perfection as practically possible and that was enough for the Admirals of Final Dawn.




 
Last edited:

Shuklaar Kyrdol

CEO of Breshig War Forge Consolidated
Derix Tirall Derix Tirall Hello, I'm Shuk, and I'll be reviewing your submission.

OUT OF CHARACTER INFORMATION
Primary Source: Various Cannon & Legends Articles; Placeholder; Placeholder
Might want to make sure that you remove 'Placeholder' from there.

PRODUCTION INFORMATION
Two problems. One, I'm going to need you to link the organizations under your manufacturer and your affiliation tab. Two, please link all of your materials. You've also mentioned Phrik and Kiirium used in the construction later but haven't mentioned them here, please do so.

TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS
Few issues here. For one, at 1600 meters and as heavily armed as it is, it is most certainly not a "Light Star Destroyer". I'd suggest changing that classification to avoid causing confusion and causing unintended headaches.

Two. You must link your weapons and defensive components.

Three. Kirium is never mentioned in it's wookiepedia article as being a 'mirror shield'. In fact the wookiepedia article is very vague about it's protective qualities, and only states it was used to protect engines and heavy weapons. Either reword this to make that clear, and cease referring to it as mirror shielding, or submit a material that matches the Kiirium Mirror Shielding featured in The Essential Guide to Warfare.
Kiirium Mirror Shielding

Four. With that menagerie of defenses, it hardly constitutes a 'High' defense rating. Please amend this.

Five. This wording is confusing, and implies that the ship can carry sixteen support craft and starfighters. Please change this to be clearer.
Hangar Allocations:
  • Starfighters:
    • Max: 8 Squadrons
    • Minimum: 2 Squadron
  • Support Craft:
    • Max: 8 Squadrons
    • Minimum: 2 Squadron

ADVANCED SYSTEMS
Once more, please link everything.

STRENGTHS
You must add your hyperdrive to strengths given that it is faster than x1.

WEAKNESSES
Your weaknesses don't match up with your strengths at all. Add more, and make them substantial ones.

DESCRIPTION
This description is far too barebones. Expand on the ship's design, role, idiosyncrasies and so on.

Once you have made these changes, tag me.
 

Shuklaar Kyrdol

CEO of Breshig War Forge Consolidated
Derix Tirall Derix Tirall Okay, we're getting somewhere. Still a few issues to get through.
Material:
You are missing three material links here, and you've also misspelled Cortosis.
You cannot just add descriptors before a linked weapon. There needs to be links for every part of it, or you need to submit the weapon separately. The 'Superheavy Turbolaser' for example, can't just be 'Superheavy' written before the link to the turbolaser article. Another example of this is 'Spitfire' before 'Ion cannon turrets'. Or hybrid before barbette. How is anyone reading this submission when facing you supposed to understand what 'hybrid' there denotes?
  • Comm Jammers
  • Anti-Comm Jammers
  • Sensor Jammers
  • Anti-Electronic Warfare Suite
  • Encrypted Fleet Data Exchange Network
Again, you must link these, please do so.
Hangar Allocations:
  • Starfighters:
    • Maximum Allotment: 8 Squadrons
    • Minimum Allotment: 2 Squadron
  • Support Craft:
    • Maximum Allotment: 8 Squadrons
    • Minimum Allotment: 2 Squadron
I'm sure I don't have to remind you that eight plus eight is sixteen, and that the high hangar rating for a ship this size is fourteen.
WEAKNESSES
  • [-] Slow and Steady; Limited Thrust to Speed Output
  • [-] Artificial Intelligence; Centralized Core(s) Vulnerable to loss of power and destruction
  • [-] Bio-Organic Circuitry; Organic Viruses capable of dismantling systems shipwide
A weakness about the ship's maneuverability wouldn't be out of place. Maybe something about the high degree of automation as well?

Fix the above, and I think we'll be well on our way if not all the way there.
 
Shuklaar Kyrdol Shuklaar Kyrdol

I can do the links for this later today but as for the weapons, there are numerous examples of superheavy turbolaser turrets and I linked not a specific type of turbolaser but the page to Turbolaser themselves to circumvent that.

As for the other weapons, I can add some more descriptors and change wording replacing Spitfire with Rapid Fire and simply removing Hybrid.
 

Shuklaar Kyrdol

CEO of Breshig War Forge Consolidated
Derix Tirall Derix Tirall While I appreciate the effort to avoid confusion, what I'd reccomend is linking an article the weapon on your ship is most analogous to. The problem with ion-cannons is that they're not quite rapid-fire by nature, so that'd be something you'd need to submit, or link an article for. I know it seems a small issue, but this is what the technology creation part of the factory is for, to submit weapons that behave notably differently from their canon counterparts.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Users who are viewing this thread

Top Bottom