Private If Looks Could Kill

[Allyson Locke]

Allyson had tried to ignore the glare that burned into her skull from Loske. As the meeting ended, Allyson did her best to try and figure out a reason why the blonde would look at her in such away. Could it be because she didn’t say hi when the meeting started? Was Loske that petty? Lips pressed together as Allyson continued to run through the trivial information.

When nothing came of her thoughts, she quickly took off after her friend to find out what the issue was. It didn’t take long for Allyson to find her; it was helpful that Loske turned heads anywhere she went. The eyes of mechanics and other personnel acted as a guiding beacon. A few more steps and Allyson’s jog stopped, and she called towards the Saber pilot.

“Loske! Hey, what was that? You're just not going to tell me what’s crawled up your butt and died?”


Loske Treicolt

 

[Loske Treicolt]

It's the colour of my fury​

"Wha---?" She'd kind of forgotten she'd given a rather off-putting look in the direction of the former Rogue pilot, but when she heard Allyson's voice calling out to her, she remembered. Oof. It was weird. It's not like she had any real reason to be mad at her, but a sense of protectiveness over one of her dearest friends made it seem like she should. Like some showcase of loyalty, and if she was just all amiable with Allyson then...was that treachery to the memory Kaili honoured of her? Last time she'd seen Allyson was before the fateful heart to heart on Onderon, and...well. Her perspective was a little blearier now.

About to say something before turning around, she thought better of it and clicked her teeth shut, spinning on her feel to face Allyson Locke . She tilted her head to the side, giving a small shake. This felt weird. Her stomach was knotted. Should she be miffed? She felt like she should at least look miffed. And if she hadn't been before, being accused of having something up her butt and it staying long enough to suffocate and die was definitely enough to give her a bemused expression, with a single arched brow and a tap of her toe against the duracrete.

"Mmm," she drew out the sound as if she were truly pensive about letting Allyson in on her little secret. Loske was many things, but petty wasn't one of them. If Allyson asked Bleeding-Heart-Matson what was up, Matson would tell her what was up.

"Hey - first of all, really glad you're in this. It's going to be rough, and, you're going to be really helpful." Okay, got that out of the way. "But I just.." she looked away briefly, folding her arms and chewed on the words before dispelling them. "The last time I saw you I didn't realize why you and Kaili had broken up. I thought it was, whatever, water under the bridge." Floodgates. "But--no--I--I'm kinda miffed. Not really my place, I know, but -- come on. How could you cheat on her after she waited for you, and tried to work things through after Bespin?" Her friend was devasatated. Loske didn't need to say that. Wasn't her place to represent the technomancing blonde in this; just her own interpretations.

 

[Allyson Locke]

Those words were not what Allyson had expected. They were honestly the last thing she had planned to come from the woman's mouth. They are friends which means she would know, Allyson thought as she tried to buy herself time to think of something to say. Cheated. Another word Allyson never thought to hear. A part of her was angry while another felt her stomach twist into knots she hadn't felt in some time. How was she going even to explain herself here?

"Hey! It's not just me. I went out there and did my job - I did what I was ordered to do. I'm a good soldier." And a pretty pathetic girlfriend, Allyson's insecurities started to creep up. "What happened with Bespin was out of my control. You think I wanted to forget?" Allyson stepped closer, her face showing the frustration and the reoccurring hurt that remained with her. "She left me; I didn't know we were together - she never told me. What was I supposed to do?"

Don't cry.

"She left me; she couldn't handle what was happening. I love --I loved her with every fiber of my being. I changed, I stopped flying, I stopped going to war. That war - with the First Order I couldn't say no, it was the last one. I was going to just give it all up. Everything that made me who I am, I was going to walk away from. For. Her. - Did she tell you that part?" Her chest tightened as she continued while doing her best not to cry, or shout at Loske. She was an innocent bystander in all of this and was trying to be a good friend.

Now Allyson knew why she did her best over the years to not talk about Kaili. The subject was still raw in her heart; parts of her would always belong to the Talith girl.

"She left me. Just left me. I was alone, so what was I supposed to do Loske. Tell me what I was supposed to do?"


Loske Treicolt

 

[Loske Treicolt]

Mmm. Yep. This is why she probably shouldn't have been so expressive. Loske's outside face needed a lot of work. Her constitution was constantly betraying how she felt, which wound her up in really uncomfortable situations like this one.

With her arms still folded, she lifted one hand up to cover her mouth, blinking rapid fire and this time trying to conceal her twitching lips while Allyson Locke flood gated her reactions.

Shavit.

She opened her mouth to speak, and then clicked it shut again. This backfired more than any other fire could ever back.

"Oh." She squeaked pathetically, confirming that she'd only heard one part of the story. It had broken her heart to hear, and now it was breaking all over again hearing the same story from another perspective. The tight knot in her brows, which had been ready to defiantly riot at anything Allyson denied, softened "No, not really."

Her hand dragged over her face, as if the gesture would wipe the whole interaction away. As soon as Allyson's voice waivered miserably, Loske regretted her honesty.

"Oh god." She murmured, bringing up the other hand to cover both of her eyes. Could she shrivel up and die now? "All I knew was how painful it all was for Kaili. I'd never heard her sound so...well.." Broken? Was that the word she was looking for? "Like you did, right there. Betrayed." She parted her fingers to make slits to peer through at her frustrated friend in front of her. She shuddered. "You're both so hurt, I'm sorry.

That's why I was glaring at you. I didn't think you had it in you, but, man do I ever need the feel to stand up for K."

 

[Allyson Locke]

Allyson stepped back and exhaled, slowly trying to calm down. It was irrational of her to get upset like she just did. Having a scab ripped off so violently like that didn't give the Corellian time to process. Allyson nodded and sighed. "I'm sorry, Loske." A hand covered her face as she sighed again, falling to her mouth and then back to her side.

"Even after this time - it's pretty painful to remember. Kaili left, and that's all I know about it. I still feel her, and I can faintly feel her pain, happiness, everything." Allyson couldn't stop the flood gates, but it felt good to talk about it.

"I've looked for her, but I seem always to be too late, or she's changed her looks." Allyson shook her head and pinched the bridge of her nose, hoping to try and figure a way to cut off her feelings. "It's not important, but I miss her." Thinking about it and hearing that Kaili was hurting as well, killed Allyson. A part of her wondered if she would have been happier to hear that Kaili could give two bantha turds on how Allyson was doing. Yet, here they were.

"Well, at least you know my side of it now. Tell me - is she happy now?"


Loske Treicolt

 

[Loske Treicolt]

She dropped the hands shielding her shame. The way Allyson spoke about Kaili, and Kaili in turn Allyson Locke , was heart wrenching. Their continuous ability to feel one another wasn't one she understood until Cedric's near devastation on Brentaal IV. She was a little more empathetic now.

Was Kaili happy now? Not really. She was a knot of emotions and pain and couldn't let go of the past. The question hung in the air between them, growing pregnant with silence before Loske finally relinquished her hold on the truth. She wanted to lie, to make Allyson feel better. Just say "yes" and get on with it. And if she said "No", would her friend be upset at how honest she'd been with her ex?

"She's working on it." She admitted, folding her hands in front of her with a wayward shrug.

"Sorry to dump that on you, I'm way too expressive sometimes and..I felt the need to defend Kaili. I shoulda known there were two sides to the story, I forgot.

Should we start this over? I didn't even say Hi to you yet."

 

[Allyson Locke]

Pinching the bridge of her nose tighter, Allyson did her best to snap herself out of the moment. She should have been able to keep her composure better - it was just something when Kaili came up. It had been some time - yet her emotions got the better of her. Shaking her head as her hand fell, “It’s fine. I completely understand wanting to stand up for your friend. I honestly should have expected it.” ​

Allyson didn’t know what was better to hear. Would it be selfish to want her to be missing her? It was an honest feeling, she wanted Kaili to be happy, but she also didn’t want the woman to forget her. It was getting to be too much, and Allyson needed the change of subject - which it seemed that Loske empathized.​

“I went into that meeting without saying hi either. So,” the Corellian grinned and waved sheepishly, “Hi Loske - haven’t seen you in a bit. How’ve you been?” Allyson had entirely accepted remaining in the shadows beyond reach - working cases pro bono and doing her investigative work on the side. ​

Being pulled into this into the more significant issues at hand was essential, and as a Jedi, she needed to pay attention. At least something got into her thick skull when Jyoti trained her.​

Loske Treicolt

 

[Loske Treicolt]

Wanting nothing more than to avoid Allyson's gaze when she said it was fine, Loske fought that urge and maintained eye contact. Her expression turned into something that mirrored pity, and with the tension somewhat dissolved, she closed the distance between them and courageously wrapped her arms around Allyson Locke 's upper arms in a tight hug. "It's good to see you."

She pulled back, and ran her fingers through her hair with a small chuckle "Hell of a time to show up. Mostly been up to this, and that - fighting monsters has kind of been a trend the past few months. The Core's been under unbelievable duress -- and I'm sure things are no different in The Outer Rim, too. On the brightside, Jedi are starting to operate with less borders, so that's good."

Snapping her fingers, a thought presented itself. What had she been up to?! "Ah, heck! Okay, remember last time you and I met? I was having this whole," her hands encircled the top of her head to gesture a dizzying and frazzled state of mind "-existential crisis of thinking I had to be a pilot or a Jedi--and that they were mutually exclusive, balhblahblah, oh my god thank you so much for being patient through that.

Anyway!" She clapped her hands "Myself and a few friends and other Jedi have formed a Squadron. Called Saber -- I think you'd like it. You still flying, Safety?

What have you been doing?"

 

[Allyson Locke]

Loske Matson's infamous hug caused Allyson's frame to stiffen quickly in response. There were only a few people that ever showed this affection towards her, and Allyson didn't know what to do. After a minute, the Corellian patted Loske's elbow and relaxed. Hopefully, it signaled to the younger woman that things were alright. ​

It was interesting how Loske had quite the ability to change subjects. Allyson blinked quickly, trying to catch up to the conversation. Silence feel between them after Loske finished, and Allyson just stared at her. It was quite astonishing how the conversation had turned out, but Allyson realized the silence and cleared her throat. ​

"I'm glad I could help. I remember dealing with that crisis - running for so long." The Rogue squadron was freedom, but that freedom cost her so much. She was thinking about the memories buried after so long bubbled at the surface of her mind. Loske resurfaced one of the more painful moments of Allyson's life. Allyson rubbed the back of her neck as she listened and nodded, it was good to hear about the Jedi being more willing to work with each other - the galaxy needed teamwork. ​

"I've been um…" She paused and wondered if she should be candid with Loske, seeing as there was no reason to lie she continued, "I've been looking for Kaili. On top of dealing with smugglers and hunting down wayward Sith." the Corellian shrugged, "Guess you say I've been some sort of vigilante or something." ​

When there wasn't much to lose anymore, it was easy to dive headfirst into something that others would consider dangerous or suicide. The thought of the continuous ability to survive suicide missions made Allyson's throat tighten slightly. It was a good thing she had some close friends to keep her grounded, and only the Force knew what she would do if she didn't. Allyson tried not to think of the pieces of her heart she had lost and sighed softly then finally answered Loske about Saber.​

"Saber?" Allyson ran her hand through her hair and put on the pair of Rogue Squadron aviators. On the frame corner, there was a number 13 etched; her original number with the Rogues when the squad was more significant in size. After that, she bounced to number nine when the squadron went into the second rendition. Seemed Saber was their third or something like that. ​

"Safety? How did you find out about my Onyx Squadron callsign?" The Corellian raised her eyebrow and smirked, and the callsign was one she earned from her ability to override the safety protocols embedded in the Silver starfighters systems. "In the Galactic Alliance, I was "Lucky," but either works - you must have done your homework." Allyson quietly wondered what Aubrey was up to, her Commander, who got embarrassed for anything out of regulation. ​

"I don't know, Loske. I haven't flown with a squad in a while - who's the Commanding Officer, and who's XO?" A part of Allyson figured it was going to be a pair of kids - it was always a pair of kids. ​

Suddenly Allyson's face lost some color as she wondered if her age was getting to her. Thank the Force her heritage was something other than Corellian - at least she had a good 300 years left in her. Thought though of spending that alone made her sick to her stomach now that she thought of it. Maybe it was a good thing; she remained single. ​

Loske Treicolt

 

[Loske Treicolt]

Loske's penchant for introducing levity into inappropriate situations likely came from some sort of programming that short circuited to discomfort when things got too serious. Her maneuverability from subject to subject could often be interpreted as disingenuous, which wasn't the case, but here we are. Does not compute.

The pregnant silence's water broke, and her face lit up eagerly when Allyson Locke latched onto the pivot; her expression animating once more while the Corellian divulged a spark notes of her times.

She felt a little hot in the cheeks when Allyson mentioned she was looking for Kaili, but was happy it was a speed bump in the conversation, an event, but not the main focus. When the recognition of the callsign was..called out..Loske only shrugged, as if it were common knowledge. Loske's infamous hugs were a recipe of true affection and information soaking through psychometery. But no-one had to know all that; nobody ever really felt anything when their memories were borrowed.

Allyson's thoughts were private, but her expression seemed to notably change, which Loske detected.

"Hah," she breathed nervously, with a glint of humour. The Order certainly had a lot of activity in the Padawan Pack. "That's fair. Chemistry counts for these sorts of things.

W-ell, Commanding Officer is a Jedi named Maynard Treicolt. Good guy -- you should meet him. He's usually hanging around ehh," she gestured vaguely in the direction of the physical parts of Peace's station. Several corridors away. "--up in the gym, workin' on his fitness.

And," she spread her arms out and hunched her shoulders up to her ears in a shrug "I'm XO.

Want to see what we're flying?"