Private I Held On As Tightly As You Held Onto Me

[Lief]

Empress Teta
The Seat of House Dune
​

As the great mountain estate of House Dune came into view, Eliphas felt his breath catch in his throat and his heart shatter. Gone... It was all of it, gone. Just rubble remained in place of its lofty walls, the Palace within which he'd grown was half crushed beneath the weight of its domed roof, and the half which remained standing was charred. All of the attached buildings, the mighty statues which framed the vast courtyard, the towers, and the bathhouse, and the Temple of the Sun...​

​

"No..."​

​

Eliphas turned from the cockpit of Bright Knight and immediately sped back toward his room. His throat was constricted, his vision blurry as his eyes stung with tears, and had he been on his feet he most definitely would have collapsed in a heap. Only the hoverchair kept him upright.​

​

They'd be coming in to land soon, but already it was too much. Maybe he'd been too hasty, maybe someone else should have come first. But he'd wanted to know for himself, wanted to see... He still held out hope that the inhabitants had made it out, even now. It was just a building, right? Just his childhood home. That didn't mean that they were gone.​

​

Surely they couldn't be gone.​

​

Starlin Rand ​

 

[Starlin Rand]

Seated in the pilot’s chair, Starlin winced as he sensed the intensity of Eli’s emotions. His apprentice’s sudden departure from the cockpit worried him, but he was still trying to land the ship.

“Could you go check on Eli for me?” he asked Miri.

“He’s your Padawan. You go check on him and let me land this thing,” she said, tapping his shoulder.

Starlin hesitated for only a moment before he surrendered the controls to her. The landing went a whole lot smoother with her in the pilot’s seat.

He went to Eli’s quarters, finding them locked. “Eli?” He rapped his fingers against the door. “Are you okay?”

Lief​

 

[Lief]

The initial knock went ignored.​

​

His hoverchair was set at an awkward angle beside his bed, the same bed he'd flung himself onto and curled up on. A series of slobbery kisses were set across his face and hair as Miri's pups loved on him, and as deep as he tumbled into the darkened state of his mind they acted as something of an anchor. Nay, more like a buoy within a rough sea which he clung to. The only thing capable of keeping him from falling under the waves.​

​

"Go away" he uncharacteristically shot back when Starlin pressed. His voice was broken, throat so constricted that the words had a hard time breaking through. Samurai whined, and nudged his nose underneath Eliphas' chin despite how much he tried to press himself down into a ball. In the end the dog succeeded, and Eliphas' arms soon wrapped around him as he wept into his short fur.​

​

The static charge which had laid over him dissipated almost immediately, and with a wave of his hand the door unlocked. He'd sworn not to use the Force in such a heightened state of emotions, but there was no way he'd be getting back into his chair any time soon. When Starlin ultimately opened the door he'd find his Padawan surrounded by the two comforting dogs, with Cowboy nestled up against his stomach as he lay into fetal position.​

​

Samurai was still nudging under his chin, keeping him from fully succumbing.​

​

Starlin Rand ​

 

[Starlin Rand]

No answer. Starlin waited a while, then knocked again.

"Go away."

Starlin hesitated, not sure whether to keep trying or just leave the kid alone. They’d be arriving at the ruins of the Dune estate soon enough. Maybe he needed to be by himself in order to process all this.

But then the door slid open, the latch disengaging with a slight pressure from the Force. Inside Eli was curled up on the bed, Miri’s two dogs holding vigil over the sobbing boy.

Starlin took a cautious step into the room, not having a clue what to do or say. But that was nothing new. “You, uh…” he began, stuffing his hands awkwardly into his pockets. He had been about to repeat his question, asking Eli if he was okay, but now that he saw the state the boy was in, it struck him as an incredibly stupid thing to ask. Still, he had to start somewhere.

“Do you need anything?” he asked instead.

Lief​

 

[Lief]

The awkwardness of this situation was for once lost upon Eliphas. Typically he'd correct himself, his noble upbringing demanded as much. Keep a placid, agreeable outward appearance and tone, never allow yourself to be seen in a state of vulnerability. If you must break, do so in private and correct yourself before you returned. It was improper of them to put their problems onto another, to allow their soured state to pass on and spoil it for the rest.​

​

This was perhaps the first time since he was a child whose tantrums were tolerable that Eliphas allowed that mask to slip. Even as the door opened and Starlin peeked inside, Eliphas couldn't bring himself back under control. It was too much, it was all too much.​

​

Burying his face into Samurai's side, he still tried to hide the obvious. Even now, broken and vulnerable, he struggled to let it be seen on his face even if it was otherwise clear as day.​

​

"I don't know what to do" he finally said, long after Starlin had posed his question. It wasn't exactly an answer insofar as something he needed was concerned, but it was words directed toward a conversation as opposed to a shut down. "I don't know if I can do this, Starlin..."​

​

It wasn't often that Eliphas called his Master by name these days, which was rather ironic given how they'd first met and how their apprenticeship had initially been, both of them dodging the honorifics inherent in their positions. But it wasn't Eliphas the Jedi Padawan talking, nor was it Starlin the Jedi Knight he was speaking to. It was that boy he'd met back on Alderaan, looking to the man he'd fought a witch alongside in a crazy turn of events.​

​

Just two people. Friends.​

​

Curled up against him, Cowboy whined. The sound of it redirected his attention some, and slowly but surely Eliphas sat upright on the bed to pull the smaller dog closer. Soon he was in his lap, and Samurai resumed the nudging of his nose against Eli's face, complete with the occasional slobbery kiss. He held them both close, and finally lifted his head to look at Starlin.​

​

"I'm scared..."​

​

Starlin Rand ​

 

[Starlin Rand]

Starlin continued to stand awkwardly in front of the doorway. I don’t really know what to do either, kid, he thought.

“It’s okay to be scared,” he said. “Going into your home now, it’s going to hurt. But you’ll be a whole lot more miserable if you don’t ever go in there. Knowing what happened, while painful, is necessary. You need that closure, Eli. It’s the only way you’re ever going to heal.”

He gestured toward Cowboy and Samurai. “The dogs can come with us, if you want,” he said. Eli seemed rather taken with them, and if he could derive comfort from their presence, it sounded like a good idea to bring them along.

Lief​

 

[Lief]

It took a short while for Starlin's words to truly sink in, but when they did understanding washed over the boys expression. He couldn't keep holding off, could he? What was he achieving by doing that? Further torment to himself? More wild stories plaguing his mind, filling in the gasps left by the unknown.​

​

He was a Jedi, damnit. He should have better control over himself, his emotions. Why then was it so damn difficult? He let out a soft breath, a sigh so short and dainty that it may not have existed at all. Eliphas began to relay the Jedi Code through his mind, Emotion, Yet Peace, Ignorance, Yet Knowledge, Passion, Yet Serenity, Chaos, Yet Harmony, Death...​

​

"Yet the Force" he whispered aloud to himself. Whatever happened they were not truly gone. He had to remember that.​

​

Finally he pushed himself back to the edge of the bed, and into his hoverchair. It was a slow act, almost methodical as though he was using it as a stand in for more meditative pursuits. Cowboy joined him in the chair, curled up on his lap, and Samurai seemed intent on following too. It was like they knew.​

​

"I'm not ready" he confessed, "But... I need to do this."​

​

Starlin Rand ​

 

[Starlin Rand]

The ship rocked, then stilled as Miri landed the vessel. Starlin watched Eli gradually come to terms with what he had to do, sitting up, pulling himself together, and getting back in the hoverchair. The dogs refused to leave his side; Starlin didn’t mind their presence, and he didn’t think Miri would either.

“All right,” Starlin said. “I’ll take you down there, make sure you stay safe.”

Opening the bedroom door, he stepped out first, leading the way off the Bright Knight and into the ruins of the Dune family estate…

Lief​

 

[Lief]

Getting into his seat and actually leaving his room proved to be two entirely different obstacles. He watched as Starlin led the way, and halted in place half way to the door. A fresh batch of tears welled up, but he lifted his head and tried to banish them.​

​

He was a Dune. Regardless of how things played out here, what he found within those ruins, he would always be a Dune. He would always be expected to uphold himself a certain way, to particular standards. After letting out a shaky breath, he reached one hand out and called his Tetan cloak into his grasp. He wrapped it around himself, despite the fact that there was no indication of it being cold outside, and ran his fingers over the embroidered symbols.​

​

Samurai nudged his arm, reminding him of the path he needed to take; he didn't look back as he directed the chair out into the hall, then to the boarding ramp which would bring him out into the midst of the estate. After all the central courtyard was perhaps the safest place Miri could have landed the ship.​

​

Eliphas said nothing as he pulled ahead of Starlin, eyes scanning their surroundings now that they were ground level and amidst it all. It was clear that it had once been a mighty stronghold, that which remained standing was of high quality craftsmanship and materials, told a story of House Dune etched in stone... Quite literally. There were engravings of their history, their forefathers were wrought in precious metals with their arms held aloft to act as decorative pillars.​

​

Most were gone, melted or shattered, but one or two remained in tact.​

​

He hovered over to one of them, and bowed his head; one hand reached out to touch the lower part of the statue which was so tall that his touch fell upon a mere ankle.​

​

"Jairus, forgive me" he whispered, to his great-great-great grandfather who had been cast in electrum. Would their line die with him? Was this how House Dune faded into obscurity..?​

​

Starlin Rand ​

 

[Starlin Rand]

Starlin moved a little ways down the hall before he paused, sensing Eli’s hesitation, and glanced over his shoulder. He said nothing as he watched the boy wrap his cloak around his shoulders, waiting patiently for him to catch up.

Miri stayed behind to mind the ship and be close to her babies. It was just Starlin, Eli, and the dogs who descended the ramp. Starlin looked around, his expression carefully composed as he viewed the ruins. He tried not to think too much about the people that had lived here, instead focusing on making sure there were no threats lingering amid the debris and desolation.

Eli moved ahead, approaching a set of electrum statues. Starlin turned away as he paid his respects, closing his eyes and opening himself to the Force.

“There’s a sentient life form here,” he said. “Not just some wild animal that wandered in.” He palmed his lightsaber hilt, just in case.

Lief​

 

[Lief]

He'd been distracted at first, so much so that he'd quite forgotten he wasn't alone, but when Starlin's words came Eliphas was snapped right back down to reality. His Master sensed someone? A sentient lifeform within the ruins?​

​

The chair turned abruptly to face the Jedi Knight, and after Eliphas had wiped away the tears streaking across his cheeks he shifted it closer to him. His connection to the Force was still choppy, whatever Starlin had picked up on it was clear that the boy hadn't. Not yet at least.​

​

"Where?" he whispered, "Which way..?"​

​

Starlin Rand ​

 

[Starlin Rand]

Starlin pointed in the direction he was picking up the presence from. He led the way, both because Eli apparently couldn’t sense it, and because he needed to be up front to deal with any potential threats.

As they drew closer, Cowboy began to bark excitedly, as he tended to do whenever he encountered someone new. Wincing a bit at the noise, Starlin nonetheless proceeded forward, trying to catch a glimpse of whoever else was there at the Dune estate…

Lief​

 

[Lief]

Starlin led the way with Eliphas hot on his heels, but the moment that Cowboy began to bark his excited bark it became too much. Throwing any and all caution to the wind, the boy pushed forward until he was ahead of his Master, their steps bringing them to what remained of the circular Palace itself.​

​

"Mother?" he called out, "Father?"​

​

Dust drifted heavily on the wind, causing him to cough and sputter but it wasn't enough to hold him back. He disappeared into the ruins, and soon he too could feel the presence. A presence so familiar that he could not mistake it.​

​

"By the Empress... Lissa! Lissa, where are you?"​

​

It was dark and dreary in the once magnificent halls, the only thing keeping him from stepping on sharp pieces of glass and stone being his hoverchair.​

​

"It's okay, Lissa, I'm here, I've got you..."​

​

Only when he saw the girl, stood there with eyes wide and unfocused, walking with bare feet through the scraps of their home, he knew that something was off. Something was wrong. She stared right through him, and continued to head the way she had been as though she didn't see him, didn't hear him, didn't feel him.​

​

"Lissa, please, wait..."​

​

It was a choppy venture through the ruins, the hoverchair didn't seem to like how sudden the terrain shifted, but he pressed on all the same, pulling further and further from Starlin in the process.​

​

Starlin Rand ​

 

[Starlin Rand]

They happened to be in a relatively narrow corridor when Eli picked up on Lissa’s presence. In his eagerness the boy pushed forward so fast and so suddenly he ran into the back of Starlin’s long legs and would’ve carried his master right along with him if the impact hadn’t acted like a spur to Starlin’s flank, prompting him to sprint forward.

Eventually Eli outpaced him despite being confined to a hoverchair, the dogs barking at his side. Starlin had to run to keep up with his apprentice as they raced through the crumbling halls. Up ahead, they caught their first glimpse of Eli’s sister. She looked like a starving waif, half-mad and fleeing any other living beings on instinct. Starlin was surprised she had survived this long in such a state.

“‘A friend in need is a friend indeed,’” he uttered a spell in between panting breaths, not daring to break his stride. Eli was getting away from him. “‘Ashla, grant Lissa Dune the courage to succeed!’”

That’s it, girl, he silently urged her, the Force rallying around his intent. Turn around and face us!

Lief​

 

[Lief]

Annalis Dune was not in fact fleeing in terror. It was not courage she lacked, nor strength, but instead something far more alarming. Even with the words Eliphas spoke, even with the effects of the spell settling over her, she didn't shirk, didn't turn, didn't respond at all. Simply put, she didn't hear them. It was as though she was a ghost wandering halls now haunted.​

​

Her clothes were tattered, faded grey with grime. What had once been a pleasant baby blue dress was now torn up, and her bare feet were cut up. She left bloodied footprints with each step she took, which only further urged the boy on. He barely even noticed how he'd barreled into Starlin, barely even noticed as the poor man was forced to sprint to keep up.​

​

When it became all the more clear that the girl wouldn't stop, that she was only harming herself by continuing on as she was, Eliphas felt his tears falling anew.​

​

"So that she cannot hear a peep," he began, voice wavering only because of his sobs - otherwise filled with conviction, "Ashla, put this girl to sleep..."​

​

He hadn't used it before, hadn't tried to see if it would work, but even so he had to give it his best shot. And much to his surprise the girl began to slow as the haze covering her mind became deeper, heavier.​

​

Eliphas reached her in time to catch her as she began to slump down. He held her fragile, broken body close to him, pulling the dead weight of her sleeping form up into his hoverchair and clinging to her as though she might otherwise float away.​

​

"I'm sorry" he cried, "I should have come sooner, I'm so sorry Lissa..."​

​

Starlin Rand ​

 

[Starlin Rand]

His spell seemingly had no effect on the girl. Starlin knew Lissa was no ghost; her presence in the Force was alive and well—and the bloody prints she left behind hadn’t come from spectral feet. It was her mind, evidently, which had deadened. She was behaving like a madwoman.

Eli’s sobbing voice tore at Starlin’s heart as the boy uttered another spell. He turned the corner to find him cradling his sister’s unconscious body in his lap. She was as thin and emaciated as him. They looked like two skeletons cuddling up together, sharing a grave.

Starlin came to a halt, trying to catch his breath. “Is she injured?” he asked as soon as he could, beginning a brief physical examination of Lissa. Apart from the cuts on her feet, he didn’t see anything particularly serious, or at least nothing that needed immediate attention.

Cowboy yipped, sniffing Lissa and licking the grime from her face. Starlin turned his attention to the weeping Eliphas. “We need to get her back to the ship,” he said, laying a hand on the boy’s shoulder. In the past, Eli had collapsed like a deck of cards under pressure. But now his sister's wellbeing was at stake. Surely he could muster up the strength to take care of her. “Bring her to the medbay. Make sure she’s okay, and get some fluids in her. Got it?”

Lief​

 

[Lief]

Much to even his own surprise, beyond the tears Eliphas found a strengthened resolve rising within him. It was true that more often than not pressure broke him, but this was different. It was not himself that was in danger or struggling, it was his sister. His baby sister. One whom he'd move the entire Galaxy for. Who he'd failed in more ways than one.​

​

So with a small sniffle he nodded his head.​

​

"I... I can do that, Master" he promised, still clinging to her. "Can, can you check? If there's... Anyone else..?"​

​

The pups remained close at hand, just as concerned for his sister as he was. He turned to leave, returning back toward the ship, and the Cowboy followed. Samurai seemed intent on remaining with Starlin though.​

​

"It's okay, Lissa" he whispered again, brushing hair from her face as he hovered away, "Everything will be okay..."​

​

By the time they made it to the ship and its medbay the tears had dried up, and instead Eliphas felt numb. His hands shook as he set her down on the bed, a small medical probe springing to life to deal with the IV and the likes. For his part the older brother set about cleaning her exposed skin, removing the soot and the dust to get a better idea of her physical state.​

​

She was scrawny, skin and bones, and held a multitude of smaller nicks from her time fumbling through the estate. There were older scars too which told a story of the horrors she'd no doubt faced during the invasion itself. So much time had passed that most had healed, but they had not healed well.​

​

Thankfully unlike he, Lissa was not allergic to bacta.​

​

"Sleep now, little one" he whispered, a gentle melody underlining his words, "Let the Empress keep you safe and warm. Tuck your toes beneath the sheets, She'll stave off the coming storm."​

​

"Empress, please... Don't take her from me."​

​

Starlin Rand ​

 

[Starlin Rand]

Starlin nodded firmly. “I’ll take care of things here.”

He watched Eli, Lissa, and Cowboy depart, leaving him with Samurai. “Okay, boy. Let’s go see if we can find anyone else.”

Man and dog continued their trek through the ruins. Samurai seemed drawn toward the throne room, following his nose—and soon Starlin picked up the scent too. Or rather, the stench.

He had smelled dead bodies that had begun to decompose before, but the miasma emanating from beyond the doors was overwhelming. The Force showed him no signs of life, but there was an almost profound sense of horror and grief which hit him the moment he stepped across the threshold. Echoes of the past still rippling through the spiritual sea.

Months had passed, and wild animals had gotten hold of the remains of the Dune family, leaving little more than scattered bones upon the floor. Carbon scoring along the walls told the story. It looked like they had been lined up against the wall and shot.

Crouching down, Starlin carefully examined the corpses. He counted three adult-sized skulls, presumably belonging to Eliphas’ mother, father, and an older sibling. Samurai whined as Starlin went to find a container, wherein he collected the bones. The box had a lid; he didn’t want Eli or his sister to see the contents by accident. Then, with a whistle to summon Samurai, he headed back to the ship.

Lief​

 

[Lief]

Onboard the ship, blissfully unaware of all that Starlin had been left to uncover, Eliphas focused on dutifully washing his sister. He rummaged through his belongings until he found an oversized shirt and some trousers he'd been given as part of his recovery (since the old ones did not fit), and once she'd been sponge bathed clean he slipped them onto her. Far from perfect, but they were soft and light.​

​

The dress... Well, as much as he was loathed to do so he had it trashed. He couldn't bear to look at it, there wasn't a scrap of it worth saving.​

​

She'd been found with nothing else on her person, save for the necklace long since worn by their mother. It held within it a series of holo-pictures of the family which could be called upon when needed, otherwise it bore the signet of their house.​

​

He did not take that from her. He cleaned it up and set it back into place. She'd need it, he knew. In many ways he did too, but he wouldn't keep that from her.​

​

Starlin's return was marked by the approach of Samurai, who bounded over to his brother. Eliphas was sat beside Lissa's bed, one hand gently holding hers as she slept her medically induced sleep. He looked like chit. Frankly, they all did.​

​

"Did... Did you find anyone else?" he asked, voice empty, not sure if he even wanted the answer yet asking it all the same. He didn't turn, didn't even know if Starlin had come to the medbay even, he just assumed that Samurai's arrival meant his Master's too.​

​

Starlin Rand ​

 

[Starlin Rand]

Starlin boarded his ship with Samurai trotting along beside him. The box weighed heavily in his arms. He tried to hold it as steady as possible so the bones wouldn’t rattle.

Catching himself mulling over what he would do with the remains, he shook his head. That was for Eli to decide. It was his family.

Still, his steps were slow and reluctant as he approached the medbay. Eli had placed his sister on the hospital bed, where she was tended to by the automated systems. It looked like he had bathed and dressed her as well.

Sitting by her bedside was an exhausted, tear-stained Eli. He didn’t bother to look up as he mumbled a question under his breath.

"Did... Did you find anyone else?"

Starlin stood awkwardly in the doorway. “I found three bodies,” he replied, gently setting the box on a nearby countertop. “I collected what was left of them in here. We can run some tests to determine if you’re related, just to be sure…” But that might give him false hope. The bones were almost certainly those of his family. “I don’t know how Tetans handle their dead, so I figured I’d leave it up to you.”

Lief​