Heart to Heart Conversations

[Gerwald Lechner]

"Oh..."

Gerwald nearly froze. There was only one reason she would know that, and it was Scherezade. Somehow Scherezade had reached out to her and told her. As he thought about it, Gerwald was putting some semblance of a picture together, and he was not upset with Alwine. She was being honest, more honest than he had been. Gerwald was upset, but not with her. This would not have been the first time that he was aware of that Scherezade had spun a story that was only half true. Gerwald had to know what was said.

"So she is meddling..."

Gerwald released the hug, not because he wanted to, but because the height difference made it difficult to look his sister in the eyes.

"Did she explain why I didn't come, or did she leave those details out? The last time she told someone what happened certain facts were left out and it led to quite an ugly confrontation. I didn't come because we had one more mission to do. Scherezade and I made the decision we would come. She got a virus and went into quarantine. That was really when everything hit the fan. Something happened on the ship... we were taken over into song, and I had just gotten out of the shower and bumped into Katrine. The towel fell off... so instead of going to see Scherezade... well..." Gerwald coughed. "She disappeared after that. I was concerned, Katrine was concerned, and when Katrine found out where she was, Katrine brought me with her to find her. She was laying in a pool of her own blood, a message left for the entire CIS. We rushed back to get her the help she needed, and that was when I started to be honest about what was happening. That was also when we found out what had happened with you... in the middle of all of that. SO, yes, I did not come... but regardless... even if I had, at that point it would not have been with Scherezade, and how could I have come when I had told her we were going to do that together?"

He did not know how Alwine was going to react, but at this point he was spilling his guts out to her.

"It all happened all at once. I told Katrine that I had been with her "sister," and despite that she still wanted to claim me, she still wanted me to be her equal. I wanted the same thing. When Scherezade woke up she saw us and began to freak out... I had told her the truth... bad timing apparently, but she disowned Katrine, told me that she would kill me if we ever met again. She burned every bridge she could burn. She tells a jedi... that supposedly looks like me... all of the problem... when I run into her all we did was argue... next thing I know she is some other person entirely... she got rid of it all. Now here I am finding out that somehow before all of this she tells you this!?"

Gerwald's arms flew into the air.

"She is a real piece of work, you know that... Katrine was mad when she found out, but we still worked it out because that's what people who love each other do... they work things out."

He stopped the pacing that Gerwald was not even aware that he had been doing. A sigh escaped his mouth, and he looked at Alwine.

"I'm sorry... clearly I needed to get all of that off my chest. I know you do not like Katrine, but even though I hurt her everything that has happened since has been done to draw me closer. Scheherazade's decisions seem to be made to ruin us both. The more I find out... the more it seems between the two I did make the right choice."

[member="Alwine Lechner"]

 

[Alwine Daye]

She could feel Gerwald freezing against her as well. Alwine closed her eyes briefly, wishing, wishing dearly, that she had said nothing at all. She had told him of how she feared he would leave and with the same breath she gave him every reason to. But instead…

No. Alwine shook her head. Scherezade was not meddling. That was not… Not what she had meant at any point. She opened her mouth to say something about it, but Gerwald was… He was speaking? Alwine silenced herself immediately, though not out of fear now, but because Gerwald was speaking. Not broken parts. Not broken things.

He had told her previously of the songs and what had happened with the quarantine. But now… Now it seemed to flow out of him, as if he wanted to tell her everything and not just tidbits to make her remain quiet. Alwine listened and said nothing. The pool of blood, the message, those details were new. She knew nothing about that. There had been nothing about that in the databases. There had been no way to know.

But she knew… She also knew that he still not telling her everything. That there were many details being left out. That the same half-truths he was accusing Scherezade of speaking, whether they were true or not, he was giving her half-truths now too.

No, the killing thing was not part of that. Gerwald had known Scherezade would not kill him. Alwine had told him as much last time they spoke.

"You did not," Alwine said softly regarding his choice. She understood why Gerwald was angry. By the gods, at this specific instant, she could not fault him for it. She would have been livid. "You are speaking half-truths as well. There is much you are leaving out. But wait. Before I ask questions I have asked before, before you fill me in…"

Alwine sighed. Perhaps it was better if she was the one who sat down. Perhaps… Perhaps she had to reveal to him much earlier than intended. Perhaps…

Her mind was reeling, spinning. She had told her brother what she feared, had told him why, and instead it had become a conversation about the second worst choice he had made in his life. Even if his words were true, even if his truths had not been half, Katrine would never become the right choice.

"You were willing to work with Katrine," she reminded him, carefully saying her name. It would not do to call her auflaque now and infuriate her brother further, "but you were not with Scherezade. I know you enough to be able to gander that when you and Scherezade spoke, you were not trying to work anything out. You yourself have told me you demanded she come back but…"

It was a mess. It was all such a mess. Alwine sighed and walked to her pile of papers.

"She is not just a new person, Gerwald," she said, "and she is not meddling. I do not know of the exact words that were traded in your conversation with Scherezade. But I know that you were the last person to speak with her before…" Alwine paused, closing her eyes. The maker of the key to save the Lupines. Gone. "Before she killed herself."

"You had better sit down," the blonde said softly, finally recovering the letter. Her hands were shaking. Could she give this to her brother? She could hide it among the stack and he would never know the better of it.

Folding it between her hands, Alwine took a seat on her own, and motioned for Gerwald to join her.

"I did not know of this when we spoke last," she said, raising her gaze to her brother, "you keep speaking of how you made the right choice. But I do not believe you. I believe you are lying to yourself, as I have told you previously. And now that you have told me more, this only confirms my theory, but I wish to be certain before I speak entirely of it. But there is something you should know."

How to go about it? Would she just show him? Would she tell him first how one of the women planned the Lupine future by making children that would only have Lupine family and nothing else while the other one constructed a key to save the entire race and include genetic diversity? Would she tell him how with one he should have worked to make the families friends yet include himself in the prohibition to breed together?

"Last we spoke of it, you said that breeding with Katrine would be for the Lupine future," she decided to begin, "I told you how foolish of a notion that would be, for all you would be doing is bringing forth children who would look to the left and would look to the right, and all the Lupines they would see, would be family. The way we grew up. The way Katrine grew up. Not improving anything for the future, but bringing forth another generation of the very same thing.

But you were right about something. The Lechners and the Van-Dervelds should come together. I have every intention, given time, to meet with other members of the Van-Dervelds. I cannot forgive Katrine for her sins against me and Varick, or for wanting to wear a crown over her family members, or for pulling you into this nonsense. But you said there were more of them. Our families should come together. Without breeding, healthy family relations on the whole would make us all stronger and better."

Alwine sighed again. Was she softening matters before the blow? Yes. She was. But there was truth and honesty in her words as well. She'd had ample time to think it through. There were cousins. There were more Van-Dervelds. When she was less furious with the whole situation, she was willing. More than willing.

"But there is something you should know," she said the sentence again. "While Katrine's plans for a future include turning two families stupidly into one… While you and Scherezade spent time together, she constructed something for the Lupines. Something that I am more than certain that, after she had given it to you, she would have wanted to share it with Katrine as well, assuming their sisterly relationship was good before the event you described."

And with that, Alwine closed her eyes, and gave the letter to Gerwald. It was the edited version, the one that was missing a paragraph. But she would not hold it back from it.

Letting Gerwald read, she waited until he was done.

Spoiler

We were meant to meet weeks before your eventual extraction from Stewjon, and it breaks my heart that not only did that not happen, but that I was not there either when it finally did. I do not know what Gerwald has or hasn’t told you about me, and I do not wish to jump to conclusions, good or bad.

I loved Gerwald with all of my heart. I still do. I loved Katrine with all my heart. I still do. I am certain that if we met, I would love the both of you too. Before certain events took place, I dared dream that Gerwald and I would have a future together, and I found a way to make sure that once we had children – and once the both of you would have them as well, if you were interested in such – they would not grow up believing they were the last of the Lupines, because there would be hundreds if not thousands of other Lupines around them, Lupines who are not related by blood.

I do not believe the claims of Katrine or of your mother. The Lupine gene works in such a way that the described extinction makes utterly no sense. But I also cannot deny that there is little to nothing known about other existing Lupines.

The package I’m sending you holds the blueprints for what my intentions for the Lupines were when I thought Gerwald loved me as I loved him, even if he would not say the words. But both Gerwald and Katrine have betrayed me and broken me since these blueprints were created, and neither of them knows they exist. I met Gerwald a few days ago and I was too scared to tell him about it, knowing that if he asked for them, I would not be able to deny his request.

However, you two should not be held as collateral damage to what Gerwald and Katrine have done to me. Your future, as well as those of any offspring you might produce in the future, should not suffer for it. And this is why I am giving you the blueprints.

When I made these blueprints, I imagined the new Lupines to live on my ancestral home planet, where they would be their own clan, have a home, and have the freedom of the forests and the lakes and everything else my planet has to offer, as well as the freedom to leave and return as they so please. But there is no place for the weak and the broken there, so I am forever barred from the planet now, and will likely never set eyes on it again.

These blueprints are now in your hands to do with as you will. Take good care of them. And while I have no way to hold you to it, I ask and beg of you, do not give them to Katrine and Gerwald. Not for at least a few years. But even should you choose to give it to them as soon as you finish reading this, I harbor you no ill will, and I will never demand any form of payment.

Do not try to seek me out – by the time this package reaches you, I will no longer exist.

I wish you both a bright and happy future, and I wish we could have become a family.
~ Scherezade

"I removed a single paragraph from this letter," she explained before he had a chance to breathe, "the part that explains some of the technicalities. I do not want you to discuss this letter with Katrine but I cannot keep you from it, and so I intend, for now, to keep the technical aspects to myself. The package with the key and how it works in detail are far gone from Confederate space for the moment. I swear both upon my life and Varick's, that nothing else has been removed or edited in any way."

Breathing. Breathing was important.

"So you see…" Alwine said quietly, "she thought you both betrayed her. Whether that is true or not, that was how she felt. NO doubt you know more about this. And yet despite this, despite all of that, she held the key tour species' future, to the Lupine future, and she could have destroyed it without anyone knowing any better. Instead, she sent this to me, and promised to never extract payment. She felt like every single thing in her life was taken from her… And she still gave the Lupines something back. A future we never knew we had."

[member="Gerwald Lechner"]

 

[Gerwald Lechner]

Gerwald listened, despite how much he wanted to protest and scream. How many times did he have to tell Alwine he was not giving her half truths? What good was any promise he could make to never abandon her if she could not trust him to be honest? Had he given her all the details, no, but she didn't need all the details to know what was going on. There were other things that she did not understand, things that Gerwlad was going to have to be careful to explain without this turning into some argument.

Then she handed him a letter.

For a moment Gerwald just gawked at it. Why would Scherezade have written his siblings a letter? What was he about to read? The first line was not promising at all. The betrayal, that was the darkness speaking again. No matter how many times they tried to tell her that it had been the darkness lying to her, Scherezade had never once stopped believing that. Even in the last conversation he had with her, Scherezade refused to believe the darkness had lied to her. How could they have betrayed her, how could they have made her alone, when they were the ones that saved her life. She was alive because of them.

Ger let the letter drop to the floor.

"You can believe with all your heart that I made the wrong choice... and I will never agree with you. She did not choose me to make two families one... I was as clear as I could be that she did not choose me for breeding. If you misunderstood that I am sorry, but that is not why she told me. When we have children will they see family all around them, yes, but when they breed with others... when the Lupine gene does what it is designed to do, as we understand it now... it will create a new gene pool. It is a long game, and one that is completely secondary to all of this. It was not even part of the discussion."

Why is Katrine going to rule? Because her father made her his heir, plain and simple. Until that day on Stewjon she knew of no others, we knew of no others. You can disagree all you want, but this will be one of those decisions that will disappoint you, and since we are being honest... I wanted her to claim me, and I wanted to claim her before we ever came to Stewjon. I told her as much... and she was the one who told me we needed to wait, not because she didn't want me anymore, but because she knew I didn't understand."

Gerwald just shook his head. He was not upset with Alwine at all, nor did his voice carry any tone of anger with it. He was resigned to the fact he would never be able to explain why he was doing what he was doing in any way that she would accept or understand. That did not change the fact he loved his sister. That did not change the fact Alwine thought he was making a mistake.

"This letter though... betrayal. She never once mentioned the fact she was trapped in a coma, that she was in some darkness that fed her lies for what seemed like years. This letter mentions nothing that both Katrine and myself tried to explain to her that what the darkness told her was not true, but she refused to listen to us. Her reactions were anything but rational and she lit the entire room on fire. Her letter mentions nothing of the threat to kill either of us. It does not tell you that she was the one that left... that she was the one who disowned us. Did I break her heart, yes I did, but her reaction and her decisions after... she cannot claim to love us both still and do what she has done, become another person... kill herself... how selfish! You fight for the people you love... you go beyond what you think possible for the ones you love.. you do not kill yourself for them."

He sighed. Gerwald didn't know what to do with this letter, and he certainly didn't know what to do with the information it gave him.

"What do you want to know? Do you want me to admit that I loved her? Do you want to me justify the things she has written? You claim that I am only telling half truths, and that I am still lying to myself, about what? I am glad you showed me this letter, but you have to admit, at least, this only makes things more complicated."

Gerwald bent down and picked up the letter and looked at it again before handing it back to Alwine. There was some silence between them for a moment because Gerwald just did not know what to say, and he had asked his own questions. For the life of him he did not understand why Alwine was so fixated on this.

"What bothers me the most about this was that she wanted this kept from Katrine and I, and that she would ask you to keep a secret from your own brother. I told her how close we had been before I left... she asked you to hide this from me knowing that we shared everything. She asked you to do something that goes against who and what we are, and now you're asking me to keep a secret from Katrine when I promised her no more secrets."

[member="Alwine Lechner"]

 

[Alwine Daye]

Alwine's heart pounded in her chest as Gerwald picked the letter from her hands and began to read it. She was almost certain he could hear it, given how sensitive Lupine ears were and all that. She did not know how he would respond. Would he rage? Would he be furious? Could she dare hope that it would make him see the reality of the situation?

Her heart sank as Gerwald once again defended his choice. She had never said the auflaque chose him from breeding, but he could not deny that it was part of their plan. He spoke of children with the vile women in terms of when and not if. The new gene pool… It would not happen as he envisioned it. For generations now, the children he and the auflaque would produce, as well as their children, and their children, would be related by blood to all the other Lupines. What he spoke of, a new line, that would take generations to create, when in his hand he held a letter that did not spoke of generations, but of a much shorter time frame. A time frame that they could both get to see.

When Gerwald said that he wanted Katrine to claim him and him to claim her before Stewjon… Alwine was glad she was already sitting down. "You wanted… Her to claim you and you to claim her… Before Stewjon… When exactly was this?" He wanted to go through with the stupid thing before telling his siblings about anything, just as he had left without saying a word. The auflaque stopping him was a tiny mercy. Not enough to wipe out the rest of her sins, but a small mercy still. Of course, she would not hold it past the woman to make it part of a grander scheme of manipulation, but… But she would let go for that, for the moment.

"That letter is not a retelling of her life or how she broke, Gerwald," Alwine said softly as he complained about the lack of those detail, "read it again and set your ego aside. You speak of irrationality, of a coma, of years of torture… But when you told me this the previous time you said it all happened in one night. You demand that a person who has just come out of a coma would be entirely rational when you break their heart upon their waking? You demand things that not a single breathing person could ever provide, in that case."

Alwine shook her head, "listen to yourself, dalninuk," she almost whispered, "you speak of fighting for the ones you love. You claim you still love her, that you love them both. But you did not fight for her. I have already gathered that she spent the months after that night being in a drunk mess. Something happened inside her head, perhaps before the night you broke her heart, perhaps before the coma, perhaps when she came out of it, but something was clearly wrong with her. She became an alcoholic, and you were not there for her. I am working with her twin brother and her uncle to try to map out what happened to her. How it happened to her. To see… To see if she can be brought back."

How much could she go on? Ow much before she lost him from the conversation?

"She knew we were close… But she also knew you abandoned us," she pointed out, "and she did not request the letter to remain a secret. She asked for the blueprints not to be immediately shared, but only after a few years, but said that even if they were immediately shared, she would not hold it against us. She gave us, she gave me, choices to make."

Looking at her brother though, Alwine raised an eyebrow. "So how many secrets are you already keeping from Katrine?" she knew her brother well enough by now. Even if they were minor, they were still being kept. She hoped they were minor and of non-importance though, mostly for her brother's sake.

"Are you not bothered by the fact that you love her but treat her even worse than you've treated me?" she asked, looking at her brother, "you loved us too and that did not keep you from abandoning us, but at least when I was in trouble, you came for me. You knew Scherezade was in trouble, that she was sinking, and you did nothing, by your own words.

You say you should fight for those you love and you say that you love her too, yet you did not. A single conversation, after months of letting her drop closer and closer to rock-bottom, that is not an attempt to fight on your end. That is you, my beloved brother, a brother I cherish, my sibling, a third of my one and only pack, that is you, running away again, as you have been for a long time now. And I know why."

[member="Gerwald Lechner"]

 

[Gerwald Lechner]

"You have this knack of filling in the holes as if you were there or have knowledge that you do not have, sister."

Gerwald's tone was calm and rational. He stated the sentence as if it were a fact because it was to a certain degree. She assumed what he knew about Scherezade at the time. While he did nothing to help her, Alwine continued to simply gloss over the fact Scherezade had threatened to kill him. Did she mean it or not? Gerwald didn't know nor did he really want to test out that theory. He had only tried the one time to see if there was any part of her that would be willing to try. While he knew that there was no fixing what he had done, he still felt that Scherezade was being unfair to Katrine. How it had not turned to them both rejecting him made no sense to him at all. That would have been the logical thing.

"I did not let her get closer and closer to rock bottom Alwine. One conversation, one, at a time when she was running from me. I pursued it. Forget who was right or wrong. Forget for a moment that I broke her heart. She ran the first time, she ran the second time. She made herself someone completely new. This is all beside the point anyway. If what she writes in this letter is true then she had been working on this for a while. The fact neither myself nor Katrine knew about it... I do not know what exactly she was thinking, but making Lupines... you cannot just make them... not without the kind of science that is beyond us to understand, and even then I am not sure it is possible. Yes, we have seen a lot in this galaxy, but this... it cannot be the way."

"That," he pointed to the letter, "suggests something that is unnatural and even more foolish than what I have been suggesting. We should not be trying to do what is meant for the hands of the gods."

Gerwald did not believe in the gods of Stewjon per se, but he did reference their creation narrative in that moment. It was a simple allusion to staying away from power and knowledge that they had no business trying to control. There was something about the idea itself that seemed intrinsically wrong. While Gerwald had no ability to claim any kind of moral superiority after an affair with two sisters, his gut told him this was not right.

"You know I am going to have to tell Katrine about this. Something like this... it is too much of a thing to not include her in. Regardless of what you think about her, about me being with her, this is a Lupine matter. It goes far beyond whatever it is this is all about. Even if I was not with Katrine, if she was not my lover, this would still involve all of us, and she is the only Van-Derveld I trust with this."

There was much that Gerwald had simply ignored with that answer, and rightfully so. They needed to get to the heart of the matter, and the truth was Alwine felt the way she did in part to the letter she had just shown him. It may not have been the majority of it, but it was influencing her significantly. There was one other matter they needed to clear up. Her claim about why he did what he did.

"And why is that? Why is it that I do the things I do? Because I am afraid, is that what you want to say? Because I was an impulsive fool to follow the first female Lupine off world? Tell me about it. I am curious about your insights."

So he might have shifted from calm to snarky. It was his sister though, and as siblings they knew how to press each other's buttons.

[member="Alwine Lechner"]

 

[Alwine Daye]

Did she have a knack? Yes, Alwine did. There was no reason to deny it. Of course, Gerwald was likely assuming that this was because she was filing the gaps in with her desires. What he still did not know, what she still had not told him, was that she had a comprehensive list of dates and whereabouts of the woman. Alwine knew where Scherzade had been during almost every single one of the Confederacy's official missions and events, and it had not even been hard to track down. She also remembered the details he had given last time. There had been no jest when she had invoked the word investigation. And yet, she deemed not to immediately answer Gerwald, keeping her chin raised as she looked at her brother.

"Killed herself, Gerwald," Alwine corrected him, "not just made herself someone new. But so lost in whatever it was that was happening in her mind that she thought it would be better if she did not exist at all. And yes, she had obviously been working on it for a while. The letter said she was waiting for the moment to give it to you.

You are not a scientist, Gerwald," she pointed out, "if we cling to old superstitions then by all rights, Varick, you, and I, are not natural either, and should be put to the death. Just because something is bigger than you can comprehend does not mean it is wrong. Not any more wrong than the spirts that the Nightmother consorts with yet you seem to be utterly fine with that."

How dare he dismiss it when he knew so little about it? "Just how many other Van-Dervelds have you met, brother?" Alwine asked, narrowing her eyes. He had said that there were cousins, yet he had never mentioned meeting a single one of them. Alwine would be surprise to hear that he'd met more than one, and would not have been surprised to learn that that one, if it existed at all, was an accident. Gerwald was… By the gods. Gerwald had built himself a gilded cage that he was too blind to see.

Alwine took a few deep breaths. She was becoming upset, but she did not want to become upset. Disagreements or not, there was infinite patience for her brothers inside her heart. She would not make another mistake. She would not lose Gerwald by her own doing.

She rose from the couch and walked to him, taking her hands in his. He could be as snarky as he wanted to be. It changed nothing.

"Because you are constantly running away, ussta dalninuk," she said softly, any hint of annoyance gone from her voice entirely, "you are running away and building a gilded cage around yourself, using the one thing that you should not be using in order to create a fake shield around yourself. And when that shield shatters and you will have to truly face yourself, and not in the wishy washy way you have been doing thus, it might destroy you."

Alwine sighed, holding on to her brother's hands harder than she had a moment ago, "I love you too much to let you destroy yourself, Gerwald," she said. Simple. True. From the heart. "But you are laying the foundations for that to happen, because you are constantly running away. A mere few moments ago I told you I was afraid of losing you and you instantly shifted the conversation to discuss Scherezade and Katrine and alter events that you had told me of before. And while I cannot deny that I know there is more about those events that I do not know and want to know, I also know that this is part of the thing you do. You. Run. Away."

She was not going to let his hands go. Not a chance in the world. "Why did you go chase a future that did not include me and Varick, Gerwald?" she asked. The core of the matter. The reason that even had Katrine been truly innocent (and Alwine did not believe for a moment that had an ounce of innocence about her), "why did you leave us behind?! And why did you run right back to it when you found something truer and better than that stupid thing? This is not about Lupines. This is not about Katrine or Scherezade. This is about you, and how you continue to build a gilded cage around yourself. And I will hit you on the back of the head if I must in order to make you understand that."

[member="Gerwald Lechner"]

 

[Gerwald Lechner]

He was quiet for a moment. There was some truth to what she said, but the haunting question was why had he chased after a future that did not include Varick or Alwine. There were always pieces of the story that he left out when talking with Alwine because Gerwald knew what Alwine said was true. This was about him. It did not matter about who he chose, it didn't matter that he left with Katrine. What mattered was that he left without his siblings without telling them, or without leaving any indication that he would be back once he made a life for them in the galaxy. In truth, he had simply left, and not because he was building a cage. Her insight there was dead wrong. The truth was Gerwald had been selfish that night, in a way that made them like their mother, and he had been doing everything he could to cover it up since.

"Well she didn't quite kill herself did she," he said. "If she had then she shouldn't recognize me as familiar."

Gerwald wasn't even sure if that was what it really was, but it was how he understood it. Still he batted the rest of the thoughts aside.

"There is her brother, her father, another brother somewhere. She has a cousin here part of the Mandragora. She, her brothers, they are from the future you know... a dark one... one in which we did not exist. Call everything what you want, but it was fate or destiny that I met her that night. For what purpose... maybe it isn't the one I chose, but I chose, Alwine. You do not like it. You think it will ruin us, but can't you see that I can no longer keep running away."

There it was. A partial admittance that she was right about something.

"For better or for worse, I chose Katrine over Scherezade. I left with her when she came to Stewjon. She was far too drunk to remember anything as one of her Mandragora got her to consume way more ale than her tiny frame could handle," Gerwald chuckled at the memory. There was genuine happiness in recalling it. "You have to understand that you are only half right about any of this. What I did that night... while it was not something our mother would do, it was me being as selfish as she could be. And before you tell me I am nothing like our mother, you know that I am right."

He let it sink in, simply looking at her to let her know he was not finished.

"You are right. I could have left word. I could have come back sooner. Katrine was so drunk she didn't know. She barely recalled mother's presence. Both of them told me to go back for you, and yet... I waited, and I cannot tell you why. Maybe I didn't want to face what I had done. I am not blinded by anything Alwine, and you are wrong about Katrine. I can only hope that you will see it over time. Regardless of what happens our involvement will change the future. We just have to be in it... I am done running away Alwine, but I am running toward something. Right, wrong, you don't agree or like it, but at least this time I am running toward something, and not away from something."

"I have to live with the mess that I have made now... I have to deal with a lot of unintended consequences because of my decisions. I cannot fix everything. But this is what I know. As long as Alwine Lechner is still in my life and as long as her words are still in my ear, I will be a better person than I have been. Even when I do things that you do not agree with."

Gerwald bent down to kiss his sister on the forehead. He knew she was going to have something to say to him. He knew this wasn't the last they would talk about this. Gerwald simply wanted Alwine to know that he wasn't going anywhere, and that he still wanted her to be at his side. They were a good team, and regardless of what was ahead of them, they had to remain a team. They were Lechners.

[member="Alwine Lechner"]

 

[Alwine Daye]

Oh no. Alwine was far from wrong. Unknowingly, Gerwald had begun to build to path towards understanding what Alwine wanted to say but had not yet. It saddened her that it would not be a linear path, and that it would take time. Dropping the truth bomb on his head immediately would serve them not. There were bit and pieces that had to be revealed first, that had to be dug into with a spoon.

"I have some theories about why you seem familiar to her," Alwine said to the first bit, "but that will not be for today. I will meet her at some point and find out. And then I will speak about it with you."

For the list of people he gave her, all she could do was roll her eyes. "I did not ask how many exist. I asked how many you have met. I'll be damned if you met more than a single person from that long list that I did not ask about."

And then they were getting to it. He said that he was no longer running away. Alwine wanted to wrap her tiny arms around him and hug him, and tell him that he was running away so hard that he was fooling himself. That was what she referred to every time she told him he was lying to himself. That was what was so clear as day to her. She had seen these patterns happen before, to other people. There was a reason she insisted on pounding it into his head in so many ways. Alwine dreadfully feared for her brother and the things he was doing, the things he was insisting on not understanding. Gerwald deserved a better fate than what was in store for the Lords of Stewjon, whether in this life or the afterlife, if it even existed.

And then back to his choice about Katrine. Alwine bit her lip, but she was not going to manage to keep quiet. "Your decision is not final, Gerwald," she reminded him, "you do not have to abide by it because you made a mistake." There were, of course, more words she could offer. But not now. Only… "Yes, yes, she was drunk," Alwine rolled her eyes again, "so drunk that she did not realize she was smelling other Lupines even though a Lupine always smells another Lupine, even though she clearly managed to smell you even though she was already drunk. What was her excuse for not smelling Scherezade on you when you went to her the day after you fornicated for the first time? You do realize these scents linger beyond a basic shower, do you not? And do the spirits of the Mandragora not report back to their Nightmother? Isn't it interesting how her abilities, both as Lupine and as Nightmother, seem to come with an on and off switch for comfort?"

Back to that night. Selfish? Yes, but there was no fault in being selfish. Alwine was selfish to a fault. But her own selfishness drove her to fight so hard for her brother, for both of her brothers. And it was her selfishness, she knew, that would have never permitted her be the first and only to leave Stewjon on a night like that. But when he compared himself to their mother…
For the first in a long time, Alwine found herself speechless for the moment. Oh, she knew why Gerwald had waited. But now was not the time to say it. Now was not… No, they had to deal with mother first. Mother. Dead, slain by all the children she had raised and abused, and still remained a haunting presence. Alwine loathed the woman more and more with each passing day.

"You are still running away, dalninuk," she whispered, "Just because you find solace between Katrine's legs, does not mean you are not running away. Sure, we were not in her future. A future that she left when she was… 15 years old? Do you really think a girl of 15 would know where everyone and everything is in her present time? In a galaxy this large? For all you know we could have been famous in that future, but she simply did not know about it. She is not the tomb of all knowledge. She is just an auf-" She stopped herself, "a girl."

Sighing, Alwine closed her eyes when Gerwald kissed her forehead. She would not cry. Not yet. That would wait for later. Again she had wanted to speak of their mother, and again she had derailed the conversation by her own doing. She had to stop that.

"My words in your ear, Gerwald," she said plainly, "mean nothing when you do not listen. You were not as selfish as mother, when you left. You were worse. And you continue to be worse, in that regard. The difference is that I had no love for that woman, and you are a third of my existence, and I will never stop fighting for you."

Her hands had been wrapped around his the entire time. She was not letting him go. Not figuratively, and not literally. Not now.

"I want you to be better than mother," Alwine stated, leaving no room for arguing, "I can go on and on about what you and that woman have in common, about what you still have in common. I could do the same for Varick and for myself. But that is not what I want. We did not leave Stewjon to become our parents. We left Stewjon to become better."

[member="Gerwald Lechner"]

 

[Gerwald Lechner]

"I have only met two of them," Gerwald said as he stuck his tongue out at his sister. "It is like you to be that technical. Still, the fact remains there are plenty more Van-Dervelds than Lechners. What would be silly would be for our families to carry a stupid feud we didn't even know about. That is all."

There were times like this when Gerwald felt that it was Alwine's personality that she had to be right. Yes, she was precise about things in a way Gerwald was not, but he often saw it as needing to be right. Calling his decision to choose Katrine, or leave with her, a mistake did not help her case. Gerwald had left, but choosing her over another came later. Had he stayed Gerwald knew the choice would not have ever presented itself, but it had. There had been a pull to Katrine from the start despite what his actions would make things appear. The only question, and the one Gerwald had never fully answered in a satisfactory way, was why had he done what he had done if that were the case. The question of why found its real answer in what he said about being like their mother. There had been many selfish decisions made, and in a world where he had been free to do as he pleased, Gerwald had. Gerwald had acted on every impulse he felt, and he was still paying for it.

"Does there need to be an excuse? You know that I do not spend every waking moment with Katrine as it is. Why would she have smelled Scherezade on me the next day? That would imply that I went to her that morning when rather we both went our separate ways for missions. The Knights are stationed on Geonosis, you know this. I don't say this to sound like I was hiding something from her intentionally, or that I simply didn't care. I say this because it is one example of a place that you are willing to make assumptions to prove your point. You also are making it sound like Katrine used her drunken state as an excuse, when I am the only one who has ever suggested it. You are so quick to pin your dislike for her with things that only I have done. The only thing that makes her the pack breaker you call her is the fact she was there, when in truth, I had already decided before meeting her that I was going to leave."

There it was, the truth. If Alwine could stomach it then Gerwald did not have to reply to anything else that she said. Yes, they had left to be better, but Alwine had to understand something.

"I am the pack breaker. I did that by leaving. You can project whatever hatred and anger you want, but as long as you pin it on Katrine, you put it in the wrong place. Do you want to know why I do not listen to you all the time? It is because where it matters, you have yet to actually listen to me. How can I own what I have truly done to our family and pack if you will not let me. You want me to trust you about things which have happened that I do not have knowledge of, and yet when I ask you for the same, you want to convince me it was a mistake, or question it in detail to find where I can somehow be wrong. I don't want there to be anything between us, but Alwine, you have to let me be responsible for what I did, and you need to stop blaming Katrine simply because she was there."

"You are right about mother though. We all left to get better, but that only comes with honesty, and I am doing my best to be as honest with you as I can possibly be."

[member="Alwine Lechner"]

 

[Alwine Daye]

Two. Looked like she was going to be damned. Well, two was more than one, she could give him some credit for meeting more other Lupines than she had actually expected him to. And still. If there were so many Van-Dervelds, and so much time had passed, why had he only met two? Alwine had a feeling that she knew the answer to that as well, but she let it go for the moment. "What feud?" she asked with a frown. They had never actually discussed anything Gerwald had uncovered of their family's past. And while Alwine could genuinely state time and time again that she did not care… Well, she did not, but it seemed like a thing he tossed at her to throw her off balance in their conversation.

"You told me you went to her the day after," Alwine reminded her brother, "bodily scents of this kind… They linger beyond a single day, beyond a single shower. We are Lupines. We have sensitive noses. We can scent what the humans cannot. What does it matter that the Knights are stationed on Geonosis?"

Alwine sighed. Gerwald went on and on. There were parts in which he was right. There were parts in which he was so completely wrong.

"Cease defending Katrine," she said to him, "Yes, you broke your pack. But you were not the only one to. Katrine bares much of the blame for what happened that night. Yes, you would have left. No, you would not have left without saying a word. Yes, she was drunk. No, she was not too drunk to scent you, but anything else, apparently yes. You are not dating an innocent lamb who is free of fault. There are things that you have done, yes. Wrong things. Bad things. But you, I choose to forgive. With you, I choose to work on them, because you are my dalninuk. Yet no matter how much blame you believe you have, it does not only rest on your shoulders.

You want to be responsible? No one is keeping you from it. You want to take all responsibility, even the one that is not yours to bear? I will not let you."

Only now did she release his hands, realizing that the way she had held them had left her own nail marks in her own flesh. Well then. Better marks in her own flesh than his. Her petite body felt as though it was shaking from the inside, though her exterior remained almost calm. Almost. She knew Gerwald would be able to see it was not.

"Did you tell her to leave us behind when you left Stewjon together?" she asked him quietly. If he said yes, it would be the one thing that would potentially absolve the auflaque from what she had done in Alwine's eyes. Alwine did not believe he had gone to that length, that he had told her so. But she had to ask. "And before you answer, know this. I am trained in the Force. I will be able to know if you lie."

And then there was only one more matter. Alwine sighed and before her brother could answer her question, wrapped her arms around him again. "You cannot be fully honest with me until you are fully honest with yourself, Gerwald."

[member="Gerwald Lechner"]

 

[Gerwald Lechner]

"Alwine with all your "investigating" you think you understand so much, and yet you still know so little."

Gerwald sighed.

"You need to read the histories of our people, and there are only two places you are going to get those books. Katrine's library, and the library of our ancestral home. I found it in one her books, and she knows where it is. Rather than figuring out all of this stuff Scherezade left you in a letter, you need to visit the past. The key to our future is buried in it. Katrine even said we may find mention of other families in the books. There is no way I could know all of this without her. You are just going to have to accept that she is going to be in my life, which means that she is going to be in yours."

Everything else that was said, it was just going to circle them back and away from any resolution. She wanted the truth about what Gerwald said Katrine about his siblings. It was going to hurt, and it would potentially break whatever progress they had made, but he had to be honest with his sister. The truth was the only thing that was going to make her see what Gerwald had been trying to say all along.

"No, I didn't tell her to leave you behind... because I didn't tell her about you or Varick, and neither did our mother. I never said anything to Katrine... not until after... well you don't need every detail. All you need to know is that no one in the Confederacy knew you existed until I told Scherezade and Katrine about you both. Both of them told me to find you, and I made excuses with them both."

Gerwald looked deep into his sister's eyes.

"I am not lying. Use the force if you must, but you will not find anything to prove me a liar in this."

[member="Alwine Lechner"]

 

[Alwine Daye]

"The only reason I do not know everything I could know is because you insist on giving only the smallest of tidbits," Alwine replied. It was a moot point though; they had been over this already. She had asked her questions. She had been denied answers. Her brother could not complain of her lack of knowledge when he was part of ensuring she remained in the dark regarding many details.

"And what will I gain by reading the histories of our people, dalninuk?" she asked, "will why we were on Stewjon undo what had been done to us there? Would knowing that once upon a time there were more known families change the fact that there Katrine insists that there are none today? You know how the Lupine gene works. It is impossible that there are other Lupines. And somehow, I will find at least some of them. And even if I do not, there was a woman in your life who came up with a way to make more."

So he had not told her to leave them behind. That much, at east, was true.

"But you did not say you made excuses with Scherezade," she pointed out, "you said first that you never returned to her because you were busy fornicating with Katrine, and then later that you could not find her."

And that… Was where it lay. That was where things had been all building towards to, hadn't they?

"You ran away…" Alwine whispered as her eyes moved to her brother. Of course. "You told her about us first, did you not?" she asked rhetorically. "Of course…"

She had to drink. She had to sit down. She had to go over this inside her head before she told Gerwald. Did he even realize? Shaking her head, Alwine at last released her grip from her brother's hands, and turned around to sit on the couch.

"That was why…" she mumbled the last words before raising her gaze again, and then burst into laughter. She had been right even if she hadn't known why or how.

"I understand," Alwine's face returned to serious, "I believe I understand it now. You left with Katrine, but even though something was going not not-going on, you did not remain with her. You knew Scherezade was her sister yet you did not stop yourself at any point. Katrine saw your prick and ensured your Lupine bits were in order and offered you a crown, but instead of accepting, you went back to her sister, back to Scherezade."

Rising from her spot, the youngest of the Lechner siblings took her brother's hands again.

"If I can discover where she was as far as Confederacy activities go, there was nothing keeping you from discovering the same, but that's not the point yet. You were supposed to come to Stewjon with Scherezade. You told Scherezade about us and you planned to come after your mission. That was how serious it was between you. You probably already knew that you loved her then. You loved her truly. And that is why you ran away. That is why you let yourself fornicate with Katrine instead of doing to check on her. That is why you either you did not look for her afterwards or did not look hard enough when she disappeared.

And then when you saw her in a pool of her own blood… You panicked. You had that woman there, a woman who was not a Lupine yet understood the Lupines enough to find a way to save the race she perceived as near extinct. There was probably much more than that. Words and actions that showed you how real it was, since she had not told you about the blueprints. But she was injured. That was when you ran back to Katrine. To the fantasy. The one you keep protecting and can do no wrong, not because she is truly innocent, but because you have to protect that fantasy at all costs.

You did not choose Katrine because you loved her that way. Lust, certainly, but not that sort of love. You are not a person who would go after sisters. But it happened, and you know, deep in your heart, who the right one for you is. If it had always been Katrine, you would have never lay as much as a finger on Scherezade. And it scared you so much that you ran to Katrine, and with her you keep hiding. With her you learn nothing, advance nothing, as a person. With her you think you will become King of nothing even though you know as well as I do that you know nothing about ruling a kingdom or anything of the like. You keep going back to the past as though it means something when you know it does not.

But now you are in a corner in which you believe Katrine is the only choice… Because she is a Lupine, because unless she is the choice, you have to truly face that you left us, because unless she is the choice, you truly have to face the hurt you have caused Scherezade, that is why you never went to her after you saw how hurt she was and what the pain was causing her. Everything else is a mere distraction. That is how you have built a golden cage around yourself, burying your nose in a past that does not matter and has no bearing on our future, while letting the real future you should be going after die bit by bit.

And that, dear brother, is how you are like mother. Not for being selfish. But for running from your loved ones, running from your mistakes, and allowing the ones you love to hurt so deeply instead of correcting them. Mother used to physically abuse us. You "just" let her sink until she killed herself. But you are not mother. You are better than her. We all are. And there is more than one way to fix it all."

[member="Gerwald Lechner"]

 

[Gerwald Lechner]

"You don't get it do you?" Gerwald said to Alwine.

"You so desperately want to be right that you are not even listening. You want to think that I cannot love Katrine the way I loved Scherezade. Do you want to know why Katrine was so hurt when she found out... it was because she was certain I had already accepted her before I went back to Scherezade. I told her I wanted her Alwine... before I found Scherezade in a pool of blood. Did I understand what Katrine meant by claiming, not entirely, but even then, both of us knew."

"I refuse to keep arguing this point with you about what I feel for Katrine and what I have felt for Scherezade. You cannot assume my feelings or my motives. You are my sister, not my judge. Did I feel conflicted, yes. I even felt guilty for what I was doing. When Scherezade told me she loved me... I didn't have the guts to tell her about what was going on with Katrine. When Katrine told me she wanted me... I didn't tell her about Scherezade. I was afraid of losing them both. Did I panic when I saw Scherezade in a pool of blood, yes, because she was dying. I also knew I could no longer hide"

"I have a lot of questions about how Scherezade knew what she did about Lupines and how to make more... there is not a lot that she did in two weeks I can guarantee you that. She didn't tell you did she, that from the night we first "fornicated" until seeing each other again it was two weeks. Then the quarantine after the mission we agreed to go on together. Then she was gone... another two weeks or so... all this work that she did... I don't know when she had the time for it all."

"Yes, I am upset... because again... here I thought I knew her... what she was up to... and the more you talk the more I find out I didn't know her like I thought I might have. And that is okay. I know why she was doing this... but still... Explore as much of this as you want. Dig into it and see what truth there is to all of this... I am going to learn what I can... and for once in my life... I am going to stay on a path that I have chosen. Whether you agree with me or not... and I know you don't... is there more than one path... yes... but I am going to see this path through wherever it leads, and that... that is what you and I don't know."

Gerwald chuckled.

"For all we know... this path leads me to being an old, childless, and alone Lupine. It could lead to Katrine. It could lead to Scherezade, or it could lead to neither of them. Here is what I do know. I made a choice. I gave my word and my promise. I am not going to break it. And no matter what happens... dear sister... should I have children... I want them to know their Alwine. So investigate... but do not use what you discover to try and change my mind... just walk the path and let us see where these paths lead us, our family, and our species."

Gerwald kissed the top of Alwine's head whether she wanted him to in that moment or not.

"Now... are you going to let me braid your hair... I promise you I have greatly improved from the last time I turned your head into a rat's nest..."

[member="Alwine Lechner"]

 

[Alwine Daye]

"Bad liar," Alwine laughed, "if both of you knew, you would have never gone back to Scherezade. You would never have spent more time with her doing all sorts of things that people who are just friends do not do. Do you even see yourself when you say their names? You are raw with passion at the mention of Scherezade, even if there is anger mixed in it. You display no such emotions with Katrine. Only a strange pull that is not your control, only a strange path that somehow absolves you of responsibility because of where it might lead. You've broken more than enough words and promises. To remain with a person who is wrong for you just because you made a promise is one of the stupidest things you could ever do, not to mention I already have told you that you can remain her friend but not be her mate."

How he tried to protect his little fantasy. How he behaved as though his life clinged and depended on it. Did he even realize how the emotions he let off when speaking of either of them were so different? With Scherezade he was still passionate at the mention of her name, even if it was mingled with other things. With the auflaque it was not so.

"It might only have been two weeks, but you needed less time than that to supposedly magically accept a crown for a place you know nothing of to do a job you do not know how to do with a Lupine who will burn her entire species down because of how horrible of a person she is," Alwine grinned, "so if you are going to judge one for coming up with a solution for the Lupines in two weeks, do judge the other one as well for doing things in less time than that. Things that will out right destroy those very children whom you want to know their aunt Alwine."

With a nod, Alwine walked to the chair and sat down in front of it, using the Force to call different oils from the shelf. Gerwald's scent had been mint. Hers was jasmine.

"I will never cease to try to get you to understand what you are doing. And when you finally comprehend, I will be there for you too. It is all right that you thought you left for Katrine even if you do not remain with her. It will be much better."

And after a short pause, there was only one thing for her left to offer. "Join the Investigation, Gerwald."

Thus ends round two of Heart to Heart Conversations.

 

[Alwine Daye]

After

• A Debt
• Mambo No. 5
• Thank You
• Operation Infinity (Cularin)
• Rebuilding (placement may change)
• Bah Hambug

Maybe also after (where in the timeline is this?)

• A Lost Soul
• Health of a Lupine

So many things had happened. Alwine's mind almost spun at the mere thought of it; from the events of Thaere Privo and her afternoon with Madalena, to becoming the Adjutant of Stewjon, meeting past and future versions of herself, and then… That damned Life Day ball. She had met one of them. One of the Mandragora. She had done her best to set aside her prejudices and was still forming an opinion about that whole bucket of nonsense, but the man, Asher Mossa, had revealed something that Gerwald had not.

He had waited. For permission. To come to Stewjon to rescue his own sister. Permission! Alwine had been livid when she was told of this, and had then been shocked. When she returned home from the party later that evening… Alwine had wept. The tears had been true and the door to her room had been locked, not wishing for anyone to potentially see any of it.

Even shifting into her wolf form had not brought on sleep that night as her mind continued to rage in anger and hurt over it. She had shifted from wolf to human to wolf to human so many times that night that she had lost count, letting herself get somewhat lost in the sensation of bones snapping and cracking as they changed their shapes. But still comfort did not come, and still she could not sleep.

Not even the shower after the break of day had helped. Alwine retreated back to her room, lying on her side. It did not even feel like her room anymore. She had tried to turn the ship into the Lechner home, but how could she call it that when one brother was constantly away and the other brother spoke of honesty and openness while keeping things from her? What else was he keeping from her?

Perhaps it was hours later, or days later, but Alwine could no longer remain there. She checked her balance at the bank before realizing she could afford to rent a room until she got herself in order, and began to pull things from her closet and under her bed.

Der Kleine rested atop of it now, revealed from beneath the mattress for the first time in months. A large suitcase had first been filled with her armor and other Knights-Obsidian issued weapons, and then some basic clothes. On top of that, her study materials and Stewjon related paperwork.

She'd attempted to close the suitcase several times but her hands would simply not cooperate with her. With a gasp of pain, Alwine sank onto the bed as well, feeling lost.

@Gerwals Lechner

 

[Gerwald Lechner]

Gerwald could sense the tension before he even walked into the room. He sighed as his hand pressed against the door. The last thing he wanted was another difficult conversation with his sister. It seemed she lived for them these days, always wanting to be crystal clear on everything he had done wrong despite agreeing to move toward forgiveness. Gerwald mustered up the inner strength to step into the room, and as he did, he noticed that Alwine had been packing.

"You're leaving."

There was no sense in asking. It was obvious by the articles that were on her bed, the sword she had been given as a gift. Alwine would not leave the weapon behind for anything. He knew there was not a mission for the Knights Obsidian that would see her off, they were part of the same branch. No, this was something more.

Gerwald folded his arms across his chest, wearing the same a simple long sleeve black pullover shirt, and a pair of black training pants.

[member="Alwine Lechner"]

 

[Alwine Daye]

Alwine had been so lost in her feelings of ineptness due to the stupid suitcase that had come on top of everything else that had been plaguing her mind and soul that she had not even noticed Gerwald entering the ship. It was only when he opened the door to her room that she looked up, her face revealing the dried tears and the swollen eyes.

He knew she was leaving. Of course he knew. At least for that, she could not fault him; the suitcase along with Der Kleine had made it pretty obvious.

Would he even be able to imagine what it was that served as the last push? The final piece of information that had made her no longer patient? Could he even guess that it was because she knew something he had kept concealed once again, or would he simply think it was a mood swing? Did it even matter?

"This is your ship," she said quietly, her voice raw, "I cannot call it my home."

Alwine's hand moved almost as if by its own accord now, closing the zipper of the suitcase as though it had been buttered up. Of course it would work now and not moments ago when all she'd walked to do was close the damn thing.

Rising from the bed, Alwine stood where her feet were planted, looking up at her brother. Her brother. She had looked up to him for years. He and Varick had been her role models, had been everything she had wanted to be. She had forgiven Gerwald for his abandoning on Stewjon, they had been working together on moving on. Yet what moving on could there be when things were still withheld? What forgiveness could there be when more and more details that he had intentionally concealed were jumping out?

"You are still my brother, and I still love you," she said, "but you are giving me half-truths, you are withholding information. How can there be forgiveness and moving on when this is how it is? How can I trust that next time you say anything, it is the truth and you are not merely concealing more? How can I ever trust you again when you have been manipulating me into forgiving you?"

[member="Gerwald Lechner"]

 

[Gerwald Lechner]

Gerwald just stood in the room puzzled as to what was bringing this current mood on. To be honest he was getting pretty tired of the accusations. For someone who had agreed to forgive and move on, Alwine stubbornly refused to do so. There were many times he could have pointed that out, and many times that he had held his tongue on the matter. Forgiveness never made the feelings go away, but it was a choice, and one that had to be made over and over again sometimes.

Whether it was wise or not, Gerwald sighed.

“What thing did I do wrong this time,” Gerwald asked as he got out of the way.

He wasn’t going to stop her from leaving. Perhaps they needed this to move on. Gerwald never knew what was going to set her off, and the Lupine did not need to have to feel like he needed to walk on egg shells around his sister. Her experience on Stewjon was traumatic, and while Gerwald had abandoned them, he had come as soon as he was able. She could not have been angry about that.

“Half truths, withholding information... Alwine one of these days you’re just going to have to decide if you’re actually going to forgive me. I’ve done nothing to manipulate you into it. I’d be hard pressed to even say you truly have. The only thing keeping you from moving on is you. Forgiveness, that’s yours to give or withhold, and you’re holding it over my head like some treat to beg for. I have no cards to play here, I have nothing to manipulate. If there is any manipulation, it’s not coming from me. Wherever this is coming from... it has to stop. You either love me or you don’t anymore... I can’t keep doing this back and forth. I can’t.”

[member="Alwine Lechner"]

 

[Alwine Daye]

"How dare you!" Alwine growled at Gerwald. "How dare you say I have been holding it over your head! I have been working on it, together with you, or so I thought!"

Dropping the suitcase, the tiny Lupine turned to face her older brother. Mingled with the signs o fatigue and crying on her face, the anger could be seen now, all too easily. There had been a reason. She knew. There had to be a reason to withhold such an important piece of information. The moment she had shifted for the first time after Stewjon she had thought how odd it was, how that entire thing had played out, but Alwine had never asked directly, almost too afraid to. With time, she had let it go almost entirely. And then she'd met that Mandragora person who let it all out with such and ease, without realizing how important it was.

Much as Alwine wanted to, she could not fault the Mandragora man. However public or private that information had been, he could not have guessed who she was or that she did not know. He had claimed he was bad at socializing and she was more than inclined to agree, but that part… No. The messenger was not at fault.

"You waited for permission to come to Stewjon," she said, her voice now more or less even, though still raw, "permission to raid Stewjon," she quoted the Mandragora man, "how long did that permission require to obtain, Gerwald? How many days? Weeks? What would you have done is permission had been denied? Would you have even cared of that permission had come but few hours later?"

[member="Gerwald Lechner"]

 

[Gerwald Lechner]

"How dare I... every time something happens you always come back to this... half truths... lies... withholding information... Have you ever stopped to think that it makes it look like you can't move on?"

She wasn't going to like that, but she needed to hear it. Gerwald was tired of going in circles with Alwine, and she needed to know it was as much her fault as it was his. When it came to the situation, there was no working on forgiveness. Either Alwine did or she didn't. There was nothing Gerwald could do. No amount of penance would change what happened. If Alwine was going to continue to base their moving forward off of what happened, off of details that Gerwald didn't think were pertinent to actually moving on, they would always be in these circles.

"At some point Alwine, this is about moving on because we are brother and sister, not about what happened, not about what I said or didn't say. From the moment we agreed to move forward I have been honest with you."

Alwine leveled what was bothering her directly at Gerwald.

Permission. That's what this was about... whoever had told her about the raid was sorely mistaken on exactly what happened.

"By permission if you mean... hey Vicelord were about to torch one of the worlds that is now under your protection and kill a bunch of people... then yeah we got permission. Do you think I would be alive or free to talk to you right now if that very important step had been neglected? Also it happened while we were en route. He was at a wedding, so we were there to inform him in person. Thank you so much for being angry that I ensured that I would actually be able to be there for you after we saved your ass. It didn't even delay us by a day considering the Mandragora live on her ship, oh AND it ensured that the Knights Obsidian were also cleared to deal with whatever fall out might happen as well."

The sarcasm was dripping in Gerwald's voice at the moment. Alwine was so angry she wasn't even thinking straight, nor was she considering the fact that not only had her rescue been thought through. It had been executed in a way that freed Stewjon from those that would exploit them. It was about her, but it was also not about her.

"Have you ever stopped to consider that the way we went about saving you also freed everyone from the caste system that allowed what happened to you to even be a reality in the first place? That raid was about more than you, even though you are the reason it happened. Where was I when that raid went down... where was Katrine? We could have been anywhere, but we came for you. When you ran off... I went to the house because I knew you would be there. I didn't keep with the other objectives because for me there WAS only one objective. I get that you want to be mad at me... but why all this anger toward me when Varrick was there, he could have freed you himself, and he did not."

Gerwald wasn't blaming his absence on Varrick. He was simply questioning why nothing happened until Gerwald arrived. It was a valid question, and one he hoped would mute the anger directed toward him to a degree.

"He may have visited you, but with his position, the fact he trained almost everyone of the guards himself, he had the strength, the mind, and the influence to get you out and with the Confederacy present, he could have gotten you both off world as well. I'm not the only one here that could have done things differently, yet I don't see you mad at Varrick... and where the hell has he even been since we left Stewjon together? Right now it is just you and I... we have to stop this..."

[member="Alwine Lechner"]