Bookworm
Figured as it was roughly a year since I last sought some feedback out on my character, I would ask to see what anyone thought of her
Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos
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Feedback on Taeli
- Thread starter Taeli Raaf
- Start date
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- character feedback suggestions
Valiens Nantaris
Head Admin
[member="Taeli Raaf"]
OK, I’m going to give an honest critique here, and I hope in doing so I do not offend.
I found her time as Arcanix and then in her early days as a Jedi was very well written and she had a story I could get invested in following. Of course, due to complications with Corvus leaving you had to pursue changes to the story.
Where I feel you’ve erred is that you seem to be trying too hard to be the Palpatine, working from within the Jedi as a secret Sith. There’s also a considerable amount of retcon which has gone into this where she is now always been planning to be a turncoat.
As a result I just feel like I can’t buy Taeli’s grand master plan since on the one hand it’s played pretty obviously from those who meet her, but on the other it’s a very nebulous plan as to what she hopes to achieve.
This sort of character is really hard to do well in a co-operative RP. I know, I tried to do it, but it’s very hard to mix IC and OOC aims and what other writers know and don’t know.
Honestly, I feel like the character needs to just stop messing around and either go Sith or Jedi, but stop trying to flirt between the two options.
On the other hand your writing is good and you are fair at taking hits from what I’ve seen. Your tech is good and you’re a good judge. So yeah, what I say here is more of a frustration because the character has potential but instead seems to me directionless.
OK, I’m going to give an honest critique here, and I hope in doing so I do not offend.
I found her time as Arcanix and then in her early days as a Jedi was very well written and she had a story I could get invested in following. Of course, due to complications with Corvus leaving you had to pursue changes to the story.
Where I feel you’ve erred is that you seem to be trying too hard to be the Palpatine, working from within the Jedi as a secret Sith. There’s also a considerable amount of retcon which has gone into this where she is now always been planning to be a turncoat.
As a result I just feel like I can’t buy Taeli’s grand master plan since on the one hand it’s played pretty obviously from those who meet her, but on the other it’s a very nebulous plan as to what she hopes to achieve.
This sort of character is really hard to do well in a co-operative RP. I know, I tried to do it, but it’s very hard to mix IC and OOC aims and what other writers know and don’t know.
Honestly, I feel like the character needs to just stop messing around and either go Sith or Jedi, but stop trying to flirt between the two options.
On the other hand your writing is good and you are fair at taking hits from what I’ve seen. Your tech is good and you’re a good judge. So yeah, what I say here is more of a frustration because the character has potential but instead seems to me directionless.
Teynara Jeralyr
Resident Sig Lord
I feel that [member="Valiens Nantaris"] is being a little harsh, but I've always enjoyed the double-agent routine you roll with. To be a Sith Lord concealed among Jedi is an extremely difficult role to play, and you do it superbly. Accepted among the Jedi, able to write with them and not be exposed for what you truly are, yet known to the Sith as one of us, quietly working to undermine the Order. It's a wonderful approach, and all the moreso because it's so damn difficult to do on a forum where meta is often the order of the day.
So. Shall we begin?
[member="Taeli Raaf"] I've always been thankful for your writing with Connor at his best and worst, and you've always had Taeli able to provide knowledge and guidance, and I appreciate that no end. Hopefully it can continue.
But if there is one thing to critique it would be the aforementioned Jedi/Sith guise, and how I don't know how to write with her - is she a Sith, or is she a Dark Jedi? Because she goes about everything very cloak and dagger style, and everything is written to be deceptive and secretive and far-reaching, I find that no matter what my character does, it will have no impact on Taeli's direction or journey or thought process.
I would love to see her now as either / or, not playing both sides and siding with both and watching OOC as nobody IC still hasn't either ratted her out to the Jedi, or even clicked in the Jedi she is a devious and very crafty woman!
I know there is a plan you have, I just want to see it come out now so I / we know who we really are writing with and can see her develop out of just being a game-player in the Jedi/Sith grey area.
And to round this off with another positive because I don't want to come across all negative, your knowledge of lore and how to write fictional powers and abilities is really commendable, and shows you know your source material and make for very thought-provoking RPs that force people to think a little more about what they do.
But if there is one thing to critique it would be the aforementioned Jedi/Sith guise, and how I don't know how to write with her - is she a Sith, or is she a Dark Jedi? Because she goes about everything very cloak and dagger style, and everything is written to be deceptive and secretive and far-reaching, I find that no matter what my character does, it will have no impact on Taeli's direction or journey or thought process.
I would love to see her now as either / or, not playing both sides and siding with both and watching OOC as nobody IC still hasn't either ratted her out to the Jedi, or even clicked in the Jedi she is a devious and very crafty woman!
I know there is a plan you have, I just want to see it come out now so I / we know who we really are writing with and can see her develop out of just being a game-player in the Jedi/Sith grey area.
And to round this off with another positive because I don't want to come across all negative, your knowledge of lore and how to write fictional powers and abilities is really commendable, and shows you know your source material and make for very thought-provoking RPs that force people to think a little more about what they do.
defy the tyrannous stars
[member="Taeli Raaf"]
I don't usually wander into these parts of the Chaos forums, its a mixture of time constraints forcing me to focus on IC topics and my previous communities not having these sorts of workshop utilities. But I was drawn immediately to this one by the title, as its a subject I may have not previously expressed how much I legitimately find it fascinating. That sounded a bit weird, let me explain. I will freely admit, and I hope you will forgive me, that I don't have as intimate a comprehension of all the arcs and details of Taeli's backstory over the years as some others here. I'm relatively new, and my time for reading sheerly for pleasure/site background these days are sadly at a premium. But as someone who writes a few characters that represent, in some ways, the Galactic Alliance 'establishment', for want of a better way to put it, I feel I have something to contribute to the conversation re: secret sith.
Prefacing this with my respect for the other writers' here who have offered dissenting opinions and the wholly legitimate concerns they have raised concerning character perception, I love Taeli's current arc as a pseudo-Palpatine figure. I'm not so certain you see her quite that way, and I'd be fascinated to hear you thoughts on the matter, but I think her status a a 'wolf among the sheep' so to speak adds a wonderful, wild card element to every thread she is involved in. She can be having a polite conversation with my Sullustan politician in one thread, and experimenting on flesh raiders in another. And yet, despite your ability to serve a story by putting on a variety of faces, I've yet to read one of your posts and think 'there is no logical reason for Taeli to be doing what she is doing right now'.
I agree that writing the hidden Darksider among Jedi can be extremely challenging to do. Writing Force Users believably in general is challenging, something I think its all too easy to forget for those of us who have been at it long enough. Writing conflicted Force Users, whether that be in their intent or alignment, is basically the worst. Mostly because at some point, it becomes necessary for the writer to address on some level questions like "what is the nature of the Force?" and "is the Darkside inherently corrupting?". "Do the two sides even really exist at all?" is another good one. Most writers have different answers, in large part because old canon, EU, and new canon have interpreted the Force in different ways over the years and different media.
At the risk of self-indulgence, Zark is a Gray Jedi, which I find oddly enough poses a lot of what I imagine to be similar challenges. A lot of times, I find myself questioning if I'm not 'putting on Zark's Jedi hat' whenever it suits me for OOC story purposes, or 'being the edgy morally conflicted guy' for much the same reasons. Perhaps sometimes that is the case, and maybe I need a feedback thread of my own, but I also think that just because the character concept is more challenging, doesn't mean it isn't worth the attempt if that is what appeals to your muse in the moment. There are characters that exist clearly on both sides of the spectrum that are exceptionally written, but I also believe there is a place for those who occupy the spaces in between. As long as you continue to acknowledge the IC limitations of such a conflict, instead of solely playing it to some OOC advantage.
I did not mean to write so much it is 4 am and I am tired and not entirely sober, so I really hope at least some of that made sense.
I don't usually wander into these parts of the Chaos forums, its a mixture of time constraints forcing me to focus on IC topics and my previous communities not having these sorts of workshop utilities. But I was drawn immediately to this one by the title, as its a subject I may have not previously expressed how much I legitimately find it fascinating. That sounded a bit weird, let me explain. I will freely admit, and I hope you will forgive me, that I don't have as intimate a comprehension of all the arcs and details of Taeli's backstory over the years as some others here. I'm relatively new, and my time for reading sheerly for pleasure/site background these days are sadly at a premium. But as someone who writes a few characters that represent, in some ways, the Galactic Alliance 'establishment', for want of a better way to put it, I feel I have something to contribute to the conversation re: secret sith.
Prefacing this with my respect for the other writers' here who have offered dissenting opinions and the wholly legitimate concerns they have raised concerning character perception, I love Taeli's current arc as a pseudo-Palpatine figure. I'm not so certain you see her quite that way, and I'd be fascinated to hear you thoughts on the matter, but I think her status a a 'wolf among the sheep' so to speak adds a wonderful, wild card element to every thread she is involved in. She can be having a polite conversation with my Sullustan politician in one thread, and experimenting on flesh raiders in another. And yet, despite your ability to serve a story by putting on a variety of faces, I've yet to read one of your posts and think 'there is no logical reason for Taeli to be doing what she is doing right now'.
I agree that writing the hidden Darksider among Jedi can be extremely challenging to do. Writing Force Users believably in general is challenging, something I think its all too easy to forget for those of us who have been at it long enough. Writing conflicted Force Users, whether that be in their intent or alignment, is basically the worst. Mostly because at some point, it becomes necessary for the writer to address on some level questions like "what is the nature of the Force?" and "is the Darkside inherently corrupting?". "Do the two sides even really exist at all?" is another good one. Most writers have different answers, in large part because old canon, EU, and new canon have interpreted the Force in different ways over the years and different media.
At the risk of self-indulgence, Zark is a Gray Jedi, which I find oddly enough poses a lot of what I imagine to be similar challenges. A lot of times, I find myself questioning if I'm not 'putting on Zark's Jedi hat' whenever it suits me for OOC story purposes, or 'being the edgy morally conflicted guy' for much the same reasons. Perhaps sometimes that is the case, and maybe I need a feedback thread of my own, but I also think that just because the character concept is more challenging, doesn't mean it isn't worth the attempt if that is what appeals to your muse in the moment. There are characters that exist clearly on both sides of the spectrum that are exceptionally written, but I also believe there is a place for those who occupy the spaces in between. As long as you continue to acknowledge the IC limitations of such a conflict, instead of solely playing it to some OOC advantage.
I did not mean to write so much it is 4 am and I am tired and not entirely sober, so I really hope at least some of that made sense.