Feedback on Darth Abyss

[Darth Abyss]

So yeah I had one of these a while back, and got a ton of good advice, now I really would like to now if I improved as a writer, and if Abyss improved as a character.
Something that always made me feel bad on chaos was that as none native speaker my grammar, my spelling and especially the number of words I know, I always felt kinda inferior to the others here, and was sure that I was unable to live up to the level of writing that many here posses. Since I realized this I made an effort to learn more, and more exotic words, so I can express what Abyss is doing in a more elganr way, and spend more time with checking grammer and spelling (I still suck at it lol.)

So yeah what do you guys think about me as a writer, and especially about Abyss as a character, if possible in regards to his grow. Thanks a lot.

*FunnyGifOrWhatever*

 

[Grrwunhoooll Agaburry]

MMMMM! Be more Abyss like. Idk.

 

[Darth Abyss]

[member="Vilmor"] finally some feedback I can work with.

 

[NightSister]

[member="Darth Abyss"]

Got nothing but good things to say to you. Don't worry about grammar or verbature - your spelling and grammar is actually more than adequate but actually quite good, and the fact that you're not jamming big fancy words into your writing works really well with the character you're portraying.

I genuinely can't think of any constructive feedback, other than potentially having some conflict with allegiances? Not necessarily going Jedi, but something like defecting from the Sith to go Dark Jedi for a time? With Lightsiders, at some point before Masterhood characters need to be 'broken'; that's what makes their stories interesting. Otherwise, RPing a Jedi would get dull pretty fast. But with Sith, breakage is a part of the Knighthood process and so I'm not sure what else to suggest in way of emotional turmoil that you haven't already done or tried to do, but at the moment, even if he's not a chaotic evil Darth Carnifex type, Abyss is pretty much set as a Sith.

Anyway, where you take his story is up to you. Great character, may he flourish and prosper and uphold the Darkness.

 

[Cathul Thuku]

I know it can sometimes be difficult for a master to find apprentices, regardless of whether they are light-sided or dark-sided. But there is one thing I feel that is missing: I have seen little Force-teaching threads on your part. Then again I didn't do many of them either, but that's a function of Cathul initially being a witch vs. a Jedi [Consular]. If there are dark-sided Force-powers you could teach, you may at least make a thread about it with the participation of other apprentices.

However, please be warned: several apprentices may simply be looking for a few Force-powers without them being taken all the way to knighthood. Sometimes it may be because their nominal masters do not know a desired skill, sometimes it may be because they became inactive, and at other times it can be because they are unsatisfied with a master.

 

[Grrwunhoooll Agaburry]

[member="Darth Abyss"] Dont be a picky master and accept random apprentices. Makes teaching fun, besides teaching is a double edged sword. More your teach others the more you learn about yourself too.

Also does Abyss have his own agenda or does he follow others?

 

[Darth Abyss]

Well no I will not. If you make a LGF thread, don't you chose the most fitting applicant? Why should I not do the same when I am looking for a long term apprentice?

Also he might work with others, but he only follows his own agenda in the end.

[member="Vilmor"]

 

[NightSister]

[member="Vilmor"] I know that I for one have not yet taken on apprentices because I want to write good stories and it's more important to me that any Apprentice I train can write to an adequate standard and has a character that works well with Aria than that I immediately start training the first person looking for a Jedi master for the sake of it. I know it's kind of elitist, but I put a lot of effort into my writing and want to get the same back if I'll be long-term threading with somebody.

Anyhow [member="Darth Abyss"] good luck in finding a worthy apprentice. I'd volunteer my old Sith character [member="Daemora Fel"] but I gave up on her a while back because she kind of turned into a bit of a bad-guy cliche. I may end up remaking her with a bit more depth though, and if I do...you know where I am

 

[Darth Abyss]

[member="Aria Vale"] If you ever do so, please shoot me a pm. Would be very happy to have you as writer of Abyss apprentice.