Private Equilibrium

[Kai Bamarri]

Of course Alicio dodged his question. It was so irritatingly like Alicio to do that, so annoyingly the Count, that Kai found himself warming up to the man all over again, his anger ebbing away like cold before a blazing fire.

And just like that, the ice was broken.

Unwilling to take nothing for an answer, Kai repeated himself, this time telepathically. <How are you feeling, Your Excellency? Because you look like crap.>

Thankfully, in this case looks were deceiving. The med team had assured him that the Count’s injuries were not severe.

<Yeah, they blew it up,> Kai said. His tone was only slightly bitter. <Exegol is gone. Destroyed. Another planet annihilated, and people are celebrating in the streets.>

"And..."

Kai stared at him, waiting.

"And I'm glad you left me. Thank you."

<You asked me to do it,> Kai replied, as if it were obvious. <I do what my lord asks of me. Although I’m starting to wonder whether you even need a bodyguard anymore, if you can see all the assassination attempts and kidnappings before they happen.> He peered at Alicio with a sudden morbid fascination. <Did you see me die back there?>

Alicio Organa​

 

[Alicio Organa]

<How are you feeling, Your Excellency? Because you look like crap.>

Fine. He supposed he could think about himself for a moment. Returning the favor, Alicio spoke in Kai's mind, the shine of truth lighting his words. <I feel fine, really. More... drained than anything. I healed myself of most my wounds during my escape.>

The information that Exegol was just... gone, made Alicio frown. The complete destruction of any planet was no cause for rejoice, even one as apparently evil as Exegol. <And... the people? Is everyone okay?> He didn't even voice their names, in case he jinxed it. Valery, Kahlil, Amani...

Kai was quick to continue his thought, which earned him a mildly exasperated look from the Count. He forgot to use his mind, instead speaking out loud. "I can't see them soon enough, it seems. As long as I keep walking into traps, I'll need guards." He wasn't so vain to think what had happened was his fault, but it still did sting a little. "You got everyone else out, Kai. If it was just me, I think all of my other guards would be dead right now."

<Did you see me die back there?>

Alicio kept his face neutral. <Yes. I did.> He didn't seem particularly quick to elaborate.

<I'm glad you're not.>

- Kai Bamarri -

 

[Kai Bamarri]

Kai considered applauding when Alicio finally gave him an answer, but that would be taking things a little too far. <Glad to hear it.

<Amani didn’t die, don’t worry. Neither did any of the other people you know, but that’s no surprise.> Val and Kahlil and the rest of the big names were enduring, if nothing else. <The people are dead, presumably. Of course, Exegol was a corrupted world—there couldn’t have been much life thriving down there. The ones responsible for blowing it up have been spinning a tale of a planet full of nothing but evil cultists skulking in the shadows, just asking to be burnt to ash by the searing Light of the Jedi.>

Kai’s bitterness and uncertainty came through in his words. It wasn’t hard to see why. He was a Sithspawn, after all. He didn’t see “corruption” as something worth killing over.

He snorted faintly at Alicio’s admission. <That definitely sounds like a bad case of precognition. I’m glad I still have a job, though.>

"You got everyone else out, Kai. If it was just me, I think all of my other guards would be dead right now."

<Except for Lieutenant Domadi.> The man who had fallen to his death over the railing.

So he had seen Kai die. Morbid curiosity tempted the Sithspawn to ask how it would’ve happened, but instead Kai fell silent. He remained that way, somber and thoughtful, for some time.

<You don’t believe that the Force has a Will, do you?> he asked softly. <That some things are destined to happen, and the more you try to change fate, the more it pushes back?>

Alicio Organa

 

[Alicio Organa]

Alicio visibly relaxed as Kai mentioned that Amani was okay. Her safety had been on his mind for a while, even while he was held captive. <I'm glad the friends I keep are so capable.> Alicio let a bitter grin flash Kai's way, feeling a sudden sting in his heart, before continuing their conversation.

<There was no way everyone on that planet was irredeemable.> Alicio voiced what they were both thinking, his eyes turning down towards the pristine floors. <Maybe... maybe it was necessary. To save more lives. But... that doesn't give me much cause for celebration.> Some of those cultists had to have families, former lives, little doubts...

<Except for Lieutenant Domadi.>

"Oh. Right."

The words escaped his lips before he could really think them, and before Kai could finish sending him the message. In the chaos of the moment, and the strain that came after, he'd forgotten he'd seen a body tumble over the railing of the stairs. A cloud seemed to form over Alicio's head. <He... um... he has family. In Sanctuary. A sister, I think.>

That was his fault.

The question of a 'Will of the Force' stirred Alicio from the dark pits of his own mind. Alicio glanced at Kai, a sad sort of smile on his face. He took a moment to think. <Well... I think it has a direction.>

The Count laced his fingers together, staring at his connected hands. <Like... a river doesn't have a destination in mind. But it flows regardless, towards it's end, cutting the earth in it's path. It doesn't care if one were to swim upstream, and there's no guarantee it forces the swimmer to abide by it's rules. It's simply... nature, moving from high pressure to low pressure. Dark to light, light to dark. And we're all just... swept up in the currents.>

<Do I think it's a Will dreamed up by a living, thinking thing? I certainly hope it isn't. Then I would have a few questions I'd like answered.> Alicio turned his eyes up to the Sithspawn. <Why do you ask? What's on your mind?>

- Kai Bamarri -

 

[Kai Bamarri]

<There was no way everyone on that planet was irredeemable.>

<I don’t believe anyone is beyond redemption,> Kai said. <If there are those beyond redemption, it’s not for me to pass judgment and determine who is or isn’t redeemable. There is no power which can do that. Not Jedi empathy, or mind-reading, or seeing into the future.>

There was little Kai could say about Domadi. He hadn’t known the man, but his tragic demise was worth noting, if only as proof that they hadn’t been entirely successful.

As Alicio mulled over the nature of the Force—a conversation which they’d already had, although the Count’s answer had changed and evolved a little with time and experience—Kai glanced down at the comic laying open in his lap. A magnificent splash page depicted the Bright Knight dealing a finishing blow to the Arsonist, one of his greatest foes. A kick in the head shattered the shiny black mask of the supervillain, revealing a glimpse of the human face underneath.

<Why do you ask? What's on your mind?>

<I like to learn about what people believe,> he answered. Indeed, curiosity was at the forefront of it. But lurking in the background, there was something else. <I told you once that I feel like I’m not meant for this world. That oneness with the Force is my true, natural state. Sometimes I sense it calling to me, other times it’s more of a pull.>

He idly turned the page. The superhero offered mercy to the defeated villain. “Come with me to Azrael Asylum. They can help you there.” But the Arsonist spat in the Bright Knight’s face. Red-tinged saliva ran down the front of the Knight’s helmet as the Arsonist laughed, baring bloodstained teeth.

<You saw me die in one of your visions, and you stopped it from happening,> Kai continued. <I don’t know how to feel about it.>

Alicio Organa​

 

[Alicio Organa]

<I don’t believe anyone is beyond redemption. If there are those beyond redemption, it’s not for me to pass judgment and determine who is or isn’t redeemable. There is no power which can do that. Not Jedi empathy, or mind-reading, or seeing into the future.>

Alicio canted his head towards Kai, feeling a quick stab of shame, and perhaps a bit of misplaced pride, too. Kai saying that no one was beyond redemption was significant. He'd almost given up on himself, once upon a time. Though Alicio realized after a moment, that maybe he didn't believe that anymore. "Maybe... maybe you're right," he still relented, unable to doubt his friend.

After he finished espousing a more nuanced view of the Force than their first conversation, Alicio listened as his bodyguard called back to that very talk. To his credit, the Count managed to keep his face neutral, despite his rather negative feelings towards Kai's instinctual need to die. He pulled his legs up over the side of the bed, crossing them under him, and leaning forward on his elbows.

"Kai?" Alicio's voice was suddenly curated, though the fragility couldn't be denied. "Do you... regret it? Living? Working with me?"

- Kai Bamarri -

 

[Kai Bamarri]

"Maybe... maybe you're right.”

<Oh, I’m always right,> Kai said wryly. <Or haven’t you noticed yet?>

The moment of levity was swiftly undercut by the seriousness of the discussion that followed. Kai shrank under Alicio’s scrutiny at first, thinking of prophesies foretold by other seers, but then he grew thoughtful.

<I regret a lot of things, but I don’t regret living and I don’t regret working for you,> he answered. <With you. Whatever.> The Count would make much of the difference between the two. <I said I don’t know what to think. All this seeing the future stuff—it’s scary, even you have to admit. Especially now that you can’t get the visions to stop.>

In a sudden nervous gesture, he flicked to the next page. Through trickery the Arsonist was able to escape the Bright Knight’s clutches, living to fight another day. To rob and kill and hurt people some more.

<I’m not going to ask you to let me die next time,> he muttered, stormy eyes scanning the page. <But I do ask that you be careful about trying to change the future. You can’t see every outcome. You’re not a god. There will be times where trying to change things for the better could make them worse. Like a… a self-fulfilling prophecy.>

Alicio Organa​

 

[Alicio Organa]

Alicio huffed through his nose, feeling a small sting in his ribcage as he did. <Yeah. Okay.>

Despite Kai's turn to seriousness, Alicio nodded happily. He was glad to hear that Kai didn't hate him yet, despite him being quite the handful for any bodyguard to protect. <With me,> he affirmed, clearly not accepting the other interpretation of their arrangement.

But as Kai continued, Alicio retraced his curious expression, his head canting to the other side. He was beginning to understand what Kai meant. He was... afraid?

Alicio's expression turned thoughtful, leaning back on his hands, and transitioning to the spoken word. "Kai, there's no such thing as 'changing the future'." He shrugged. "Because... the Future doesn't exist yet. You can't change something that isn't there."

"I've never been able to see what will happen, you know. Fate. Destiny. Unerring prophecy. So, I can't say one way or the other if those things even exist." He wasn't sure himself, whether some things couldn't be changed.

"But what I do know is this; we build our futures in the present. Nothing is set in stone, because we're laying the foundations for our future now. And we can always change what we do now." Alicio smiled. "At least... that's what I've observed."

"I don't know what mistakes I'll make, trying to make the galaxy better. Having your back. But I won't let a fear of what might happen stop me from trying to help everyone I can. You included."

- Kai Bamarri -

 

[Kai Bamarri]

Kai couldn’t help but wince. Of course Alicio didn’t understand. He didn’t have the same perspective, didn’t have the terrible knowledge the Sithspawn had been burdened with ever since Persis Solusar came into his life.

<The Force is sending you those visions,> he said. <Giving you a glimpse into the future. If the Force has anything resembling a plan, I assume those visions are part of it. In the end, its Will will be served. Whatever that might be.>

If the Will of the Force was real, the future it shaped was as unknowable as it was inevitable. Kai would not concern himself with things he was powerless to stop or alter, let alone fully understand. And yet…

He closed his comic book, furrowing his brow and worrying his lower lip between his teeth as he glanced over the cover. The Bright Knight and his nemesis seemed locked in perpetual battle, an eternal struggle without end. Was it a vicious cycle that needed to be stopped, or the natural way of things?

<A seeress once told me I would serve a fallen master,> he suddenly confessed with a nervous smile. <Call me crazy, but I… felt a need to test you just now, to see where you stood on a few matters.> To make sure the Count was still recognizable after being abducted and tortured on a world so corrupt it had been sentenced to annihilation.

Alicio Organa​

 

[Alicio Organa]

"I don't believe that, Kai," the Count returned, his brow lowering a tic. "I often see... branching futures. Multiple roads to cross. The Force couldn't expect me to take both paths, now could it?"

His previous words had completely slipped off of Kai's back, failing to take any sort of hold. Whatever he was thinking about affected him deeper than a single clever metaphor could solve. But he truly believed that nothing was unknowable. Nothing was inevitable.

<A seeress once told me I would serve a fallen master. Call me crazy, but I… felt a need to test you just now, to see where you stood on a few matters.>

Kai may have been smiling, but Alicio was not.

"I'm still myself," the nobleman finally said, after a moment of introspection. "My wounds were... only physical." If he had been captured for longer, if the Sith had gotten wind of a Force-sensitive senator in their prisons... Perhaps they would be having a different conversation.

"Someone gave you a vision?" Alicio left it at that, though it was obvious he had so many questions. Who told him this? What else did it say? How did he feel about it? Why was this the first he was hearing of it? But he left it general, leaving the silence to hang for Kai to fill it.

- Kai Bamarri -

 

[Kai Bamarri]

<It could limit your range, obscuring paths which it would rather you not take,> Kai suggested. <My point is, Alicio—you just open yourself up and let the visions come to you, right? You see only what the Force shows you. But you can’t be seeing every single outcome, because the possibilities are infinite. I assume you don’t get visions of what would happen if you stopped in the middle of a fight to dance a jig. That’s a ridiculous example—but the very fact that you don’t see the crazy and absurd paths is proof that your sight is limited.> Unless, of course, he could see himself right this minute getting out of the hospital bed to dance. Probably wouldn’t do his ribs any favors.

<Now imagine if there was another path which was unknown to you. The visions don’t show it to you, because it’s not part of the Force’s Will.> Kai’s eyebrows rose. <I’m getting philosophical, I know. But Alicio, I would say that you’re more enslaved to the Will than people who can’t see the future. Only you’re more aware of the fact that there are set paths you’re being guided towards.>

Was this conversation too galaxy-brained for a guy just getting out of the hospital? Kai stood up, leaving his comic book on the seat as he began to slowly pace. His mind was whirling.

"I'm still myself. My wounds were... only physical."

<I’m glad,> Kai said. <Although if you keep having those visions, I imagine you’ll only get kookier with age.>

Alicio clearly wanted to know more about the prophecy, though his silence left things open-ended. Kai was a little reluctant to elaborate. <I told Amani about it once,> he said. <She didn’t take it seriously. I don’t think she understands. But you know what it’s like.>

His relationship with Amani was rocky for a lot of reasons, but that lack of common ground was certainly one of them. Still, she was his liege’s wife. He would lay down his life for her just as he would Alicio.

<A Chaldean Mystic named Persis Solusar came to me not long after I was released from Azrael. She claimed that I was part of this ancient Chaldean prophecy—or at least, that’s what she believes. She told me a lot of stuff about what’s supposed to happen and the role I would play. Most of it doesn’t bother me too much, but the part about serving a fallen master does. Mostly because it sounded… painful.> He rubbed the back of his neck. <Either I wouldn’t know they had fallen until it was too late, or I would fall right along with them. You know how it goes. People who do bad things can be convinced that they’re doing it for the greater good.>

Alicio Organa​

 

[Alicio Organa]

"That is... true," Alicio conceded, even as his lip twisted in thought. "But my point is that I feel no compulsion to make what I see happen. I might be shown visions, what is most likely to occur, but that doesn't mean they have to. I've gone off-script before."

The more Kai talked about how he was beholden to the Will of the Force, the more Alicio wanted to push back against it. Deny him. He realized, with the relaxing of his shoulders, and a mildly guilty expression, that was something he should likely examine about himself. <Sorry, I don't mean to be contrarian. I... don't know why, but... the idea of a Will upsets me.>

<Although if you keep having those visions, I imagine you’ll only get kookier with age.>

Alicio did find a smile at that. <They haven't stopped... but I have been getting used to it. So... maybe I'm getting kookier already.> He'd learned that the Future was nothing to be afraid of. It was starting to feel natural, in a strange way. As if he'd been living with one eye closed his whole life, and suddenly opening the other had given him a new perspective.

Finally, Kai explained his vision in more detail. The mention of Persis coaxed a deep frown from the Count, but he remained silent, listening carefully. He could try to argue that prophecies were often vague and misleading by design, but... he didn't know enough. About any of it. After a moment of thought, Alicio finally spoke, his thoughts measured, careful.

<Kai... if I fell, and you knew it, would you fall with me?> It certainly wasn't a request, but dark curiosity. Was the shapeshifter's loyalty that blind?

- Kai Bamarri -

 

[Kai Bamarri]

<Doesn’t matter if you don’t feel a compulsion. If you allow the visions to influence your decisions in life, they are controlling you to some degree.> He suddenly paused, then asked, <Did you see a future where Lieutenant Domadi survived?>

If not, that would be rather telling, wouldn’t it?

<Sorry, I don't mean to be contrarian. I... don't know why, but... the idea of a Will upsets me.>

<Of course it upsets you. If there is a Will, that means nothing that you do really matters. The fate of the galaxy is already decided, and no law that you write or battle you fight can change it. You’d have to have faith that the Will is ultimately benevolent, even as the entire galaxy erupts into its hundredth star war and hundreds of trillions of people suffer and die. Or, failing that, you could turn against the Will and try to forge your own path to galactic peace… but then that would make you a Sith Lord, which would upset your wife.> Kai shrugged.

<They haven't stopped... but I have been getting used to it. So... maybe I'm getting kookier already.>

<Finally. I’m tired of being alone.>

But of course, things took a darker turn as they discussed the prophecy.

<Kai... if I fell, and you knew it, would you fall with me?>

Kai was silent for quite some time, thinking. The truest answer was probably I don’t know. Most people can’t predict what they will do in every situation. There are too many elements involved that can influence the mind, tugging it in different directions. But Alicio wasn’t asking for a realistic answer. He wanted to know what Kai would do if he were faced with the decision right now.

<By some standards, I am already fallen,> Kai said. But that wasn’t a real answer either, and he knew it. “Yes,” he finally replied, speaking aloud. “Not because of blind loyalty. Duty, maybe. And love.” His expression softened. “If you fall, you are doomed. You will suffer greatly. Everyone that you love will abandon you. I value your friendship and care about you enough that I wouldn’t want you to be alone when that happens. So, yes, I would fall with you.”

He felt a bit sheepish after such an admission, ducking his head. <Besides, I meant what I said earlier about redemption always being possible,> he added. <I don’t give up on people.> Even though most people had given up on Kai.

<Anyway, are you ready to go yet? The food here sucks.>

Alicio Organa​

 

[Alicio Organa]

The conversation turning back to Domadi made the Count pause. His mouth hardened into a bitter line. <No.>

<Of course it upsets you. If there is a Will, that means nothing that you do really matters. The fate of the galaxy is already decided, and no law that you write or battle you fight can change it. You’d have to have faith that the Will is ultimately benevolent, even as the entire galaxy erupts into its hundredth star war and hundreds of trillions of people suffer and die. Or, failing that, you could turn against the Will and try to forge your own path to galactic peace… but then that would make you a Sith Lord, which would upset your wife.>

"..."

"...Yeah. That."

<Finally. I’m tired of being alone.>

Alicio tried to smile. Forced an easy chuckle. <Glad I could join you.> It was the last moment of brevity, before the question.

Alicio's grey eyes bored into Kai as he talked. His face was a mask, his mind a fortress, but both showed signs of crumbling the more Kai spoke. Conflicted feelings, sadness, uncertainty, gratitude, peeking through the cracks. But he didn't comment on Kai's answer. After a moment, Alicio stood up, steady on his feet. <Let's go. I'm tired of sitting on my hands.>

Then, he hesitated. Avoided Kai's eyes. <If there is a Will, and if this Will stands in the path of peace... Would it be such a bad thing, to try and break from it?>

- Kai Bamarri -

edited for * continuity *

 

[Kai Bamarri]

<No.>

Kai didn’t have to explain any further. The look on Alicio’s face was enough. He knew what it all meant.

He had been afraid of being misunderstood or judged for his answer, but Alicio said nothing. Once again his expression conveyed the unspoken.

Opening the door for him, Kai paused as the Count asked him another question.

<If there is a Will, and if this Will stands in the path of peace... Would it be such a bad thing, to try and break from it?>

<No,> Kai answered. Though Alicio wouldn't meet his eyes, the Sithspawn's gaze remained fixed upon the Count. <It wouldn't be a bad thing at all. But it does seem like it would be a futile struggle. Fighting something that much bigger than yourself would be nigh impossible, wouldn’t it?>

Alicio Organa​

 

[Alicio Organa]

Alicio kept his eyes away from Kai's, but something in the Sithspawn's words bolstered him. His chin rose, until he was staring ahead, and out of the hospital room.

He realized, then that his tattered cape was hung limply on a visitor chair. With one fluid motion, Alicio grasped the collar of it, swinging the cape around his shoulders, letting the torn, punctured fabric sway around him. He fastened it with attentive fingers, and only afterward did he glance at Kai, the ghost of an unsure smile on his face.

<Maybe it would be. But what kind of man would I be if I didn't try to help people because I'll probably fail?> If there was a chance of success, to help the galaxy break from its cycle of violence, he had to take it. But first, they had to prove there was a Will.

And then, they had to prove it was wrong.

- Kai Bamarri -