Encountering Allies

[AMCO]

Sever one's connection to the force. Now that was quite the request. It was temporary, of course. A mere illusion of true severance. And yet... and yet he wasn't sure he knew how. He wasn't sure if he even wanted to. The force was such a fundamental part of who he was, who he had been, and who he was going to be. In truth, he didn't know how long he had been using the force. He knew how long he had been actively using it, of course. But passively? He had no idea. Even now, as a Sith, he didn't fully know when he was using the Force subconsciously. He had gotten so used to it, so used to having it at his disposal, that being without it seemed just as bad, and probably worse, than being blind. Or deaf. Or both.

But there was some promise to Tevro's idea. There were things out there that could take away his beloved Force, at least temporarily. Knowing his own limits without it could prove highly useful, should that worst-case scenario become reality. Yes, he ought to do his best to learn his own limits. He would try, though he still wasn't sure how he would accomplish this. He followed the Zabrak's instructions and leaned forward, then attempted to let go. The conscious effects were easy. His senses were curtailed. His aura stifled. And yet... And yet he still felt the connection. He was confident he was still using the force, in some small capacity. For some subconscious reason. He wondered if Tevro knew how to do such a thing. How to isolate himself completely, curtail his abilities fully.

"Hmm. I don't think I know how to stop using the Force. I've gotten so used to it, to use it without even thinking about it, that I have all but forgotten how it is to be without it. To do so feels almost like willing oneself to stop thinking. For every thought one forces down, three more takes it place. I know it is possible, and yet I don't know how. In truth, I believe I used the force without even knowing it for the longest time. Before I even discovered my own force sensitivity. At this point, I honestly don't know how to distinguish my force-based perception from my regular perception, or even if they are distinguishable at all."

An Ysalamirir would do the trick, of course, but those things were horrid. Absolutely horrid. He had not even encountered one, and yet he already wanted them all purged from existence. The mere thought of being rendered defenceless by one of those little monsters was one of his greatest fears. Not a chain, like they had talked about earlier, but a threat. A horrible, horrible, threat. No, that is not something he would willingly subject himself to, no matter how curious he was.

[member="Tevro"]

 

[Kyrinov]

He looked over at Adrian as he sat up and pressed his knees into the stone surface. He saw it, the small signs of tension popping up in his body language and hinted within his voice. His arms stiffened as his hands clenched momentarily, his back straightened so that his torso was absolutely upright for a few seconds before it slackened and his shoulders hunched forward slightly. His jaw clenched as he seemed to ponder the idea of being without being reliant on the Force for even a short period of time. His usual cheerful tone interrupted by small infections every two of three words that he spoke. It was very clear that he popped the prospect long before he voiced his opinion on the matter.

As to how to stop using the Force entirely, he wasn’t exactly sure how to perform such a feat. However, he did know the difference in feeling, in sensing when he was without the aid of his Force Sight ability. Without it, he did feel empty, incomplete, as though someone cut off a limb or two. He was considerably weaker without its help, but, in combat, his martial prowess made up for it… mostly. For those reasons, he understood Adrian’s hesitancy to comply and it was perfectly fine. What he asked Adrian to do was quite a lot. Perhaps it was too much. He couldn't discern which description was more appropriate for this certain request.

“Personally, I don't know how to severe one's connection to the Force in its entirety. For all I know, that could mean death or a death-like experience. The best I can do is focus on my senses and will myself to rely solely on them for information. In a way, you're correct, yes. It does involve imposing a sort of mental lockdown on your knowledge of the workings of the Force. At the very least, it entails allowing yourself to slowly ebb away from your usage of Force techniques and abilities, to feel the loss that you will have to learn to cope with in some form or fashion. For me, this means feeling and concentrating on a single driving emotion or memory of mine. Most recently, pain and betrayal have been my most motivating factors.”

He wondered if he should add to his response in some way. Immediately, he who down the possibility. Whatever he said to the Acolyte, it serves some sort of purpose. There was no need to sugarcoat anything to him or anyone else. It seemed that his curiosity had limits after all. Then again, what semi-sane individual wouldn't have some kind of limit, restriction, or breaking point. It was entirely plausible. Perhaps, he'd asked too much of his peer. But, it would be a challenge which he wouldn't impose on Adrian.

A brief pause, three breaths, before he continues giving instructions. “What do you feel now? Describe the feeling as best as you can. Look inward and concentrate. Let it sink in and grow until that sensation is all you can seem to focus on. For once, if only briefly, allow that emotion to overrun you consciousness. What is it and how does it make you feel?” Tevro waited patiently for an answer as he closed his own eyes and followed his own directions. His eyebrows furrowed as he combined the sharp butts of pain that coursed through his knees and lower legs with the deep-seated sting of his brother's betrayal. The ornate tattooed triangle pointing down to the center of his chest burned hot in response, mimicking an iron brand. He took in a deep breath to steel himself once more, his eyebrows relaxed and his forehead was no longer creased due to what was genuine hate and anger. The Zabrak lifted his horned head and slowly opened his red eyes before looking over to Adrian.

[member="Adrian Vandiir"]

 

[AMCO]

Focusing on a single emotion or memory in order to aid in detaching oneself from one's use of the force? That thought had never struck him, though he didn't exactly spend much time thinking about how he could lessen his use of the force, quite the contrary, actually. He often performed a sort of semi-meditation when he needed an additional burst of power, focusing on one especially intense memory after another until he had built up a maelstrom of passion, ready to be unleashed, all the while retaining awareness of his surroundings. Perhaps emotional memories could also help distract him from the feeling of emptiness that would arise from attempting such a thing, or perhaps they would do the opposite. "Through Passion I gain Strength.", after all.

Still, he would attempt to follow the Zabrak's instructions, with one stipulation: No one and nothing would make him restrict his use of the Force past a certain point. He absolutely refused to leave himself vulnerable by attempting to suppress his force-enhanced intuition. His instincts had saved him countless times already, from the first time he actively used the force to fend off a desperate robber, to surviving the deadly trials that all Acolytes had to face. No, that was not something he would never willingly restrict. He was not the kind of Sith that received grand visions of the past, present, and future, or even vague feelings regarding the not so distant future. His connection to the moment, to immediate threats and opportunities, was, however, truly impressive. He might not be able to tell what would happen five minutes from now, but by the Nine Hells of Corellia was he able to predict immediate threats. And therein lies the problem. Despite his gifts in the area, it was all but useless unless maintained constantly. Even when he felt safe. Especially when he felt safe. If a moment's warning was all you got, you learned to always be ready to act at a moment's notice.

Dismissing that line of thought, he focused on what he was willing to do. Turning his mind inwards, he began to clear his mind as best he could. He was not, however, a Jedi. He was not, however, particularly serene. Nevertheless, he had always had a desire to control. A desire that had only grown after the helplessness he had felt during the initial stages of that incident on Nal Hutta, shortly before he had been taken to Bastion to be trained in the ways of the Sith.

His was a different kind of control. It was not the serenity of the Jedi, or the controlled fury of many Sith. He did not suppress his emotions, nor did he allow them to run wild. Instead, he simply allowed it all to flow over him. The result was a sort of coldly calculating logic, driven forward by his underlying desires. This time, that was not the final goal. He focused on that desire. The desire that flowed beneath the surface. That was the primary reason behind most of all of his actions. He allowed it to slowly grow in his mind, allowed to push away the mask of logic and the other emotions vying for his attention. Power. Knowledge. Pleasure. Security. All of it, and more, he desired. All of it was connected, in the grand scheme of things.

"Desire." He said softly. "Desire is what I have chosen to focus on. The desire to improve myself, control my surroundings, learn everything I can. The desire to experience the unknown. To push the limits of what is possible. To amass power so that I will never again have to suffer for my own inadequacies." It was broad. Too broad, perhaps. But it was all connected, in a web of cause and effect. At the centre of it all stood the titans of knowledge and power. Interconnected in all their glory. One was a goal and the other a tool, and yet the tool could become a goal and the goal a tool, as part of the greater perspective.

[member="Tevro"]