Private Dream Sweet in C Major

[Colette]

Valery Noble

"This is the last time I ever saw my people." Colette said as she looked down upon the camp and the silhouettes that swerved around inside of it. "We are south of a canyon pass that had taken us from a no man's land and right back to the border zone between the desert and the forest. We were going to meet up with another nomad group to compare our notes and experiences in the wasteland when we set down for the night."

Colette climbed the rock and took a seat next to Valery. Colette wrapped her arms around her legs as she thought back to that day.

"So, I think we are being shown the past." Colette then said and chuckled. "Keer was just about to venture out into the wasteland himself when we called out to him to get him to stop. Only an idiot would venture past the border zone after dark, and especially by themselves."

The kid frowned.

"I suppose with everything going on I've had a lot of time to think about this moment."

"... And, I guess, my mind might be trying to tell you how important it was to me, or something."

"That… You know… Even though I am so far away from the family I knew, I still have family right here, right next to me."

 

[Valery Noble]

Temple Quarters

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Appearance: Link
Tag: Colette

While Colette began to explain more about the memory, Valery's gaze remained on the people in the distance — her family from before the Jedi. There had been a time when Valery never thought about looking back at those she left behind, simply because she had been so young when she went with the Jedi. But after seeing visions about her mother, she felt sad that she had never stopped to just tell her mom she was alright.

She'd have loved it.

As Colette then joined her on the rock, Valery reached out to wrap an arm around her, and pull her close. "So it's a turning point in your life, hm?" Valery hummed and turned her gaze back to the people far ahead. "I've never really known my family from before I was a Jedi the way you have, but I've seen visions that made me realize what I left behind." She smiled faintly, and gently squeezed her Padawan's shoulder.

"You should cherish these memories, and perhaps one day, you'll find them again. Even if it's just to tell them how things have been for you."

 

[Colette]

Valery Noble

"Well," Colette said. "Maybe you didn't leave it behind."

"Maybe you just use what's in the memories to shape what you have with your own children instead."

This didn't feel like Colette's words. Or rather, they felt like they were her words but phrased in such a way that she couldn't have phrased it if this was an actual conversation. It was rare that Colette could articulate like this, but perhaps to some extent this was just the side-effect of the two women being within the confines of her soft little head.

"I would love to see my old family again, but… They are also going to be so vastly different at that point. I was part of it, but… I was also an outsider to some extent since I wasn't born into the group. No, I think that keeping the memories is a good idea, but that going back could sour those. And, it's silly, but… With no mother or father that really holds me to them, I don't feel very connected to them."

"I'm really jealous of Vera for that. She has a good mother. I only hope that my own mother was like her."

 

[Valery Noble]

Temple Quarters

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Appearance: Link
Tag: Colette

"Maybe you just use what's in the memories to shape what you have with your own children instead."

Valery blinked at the kid's words of wisdom, and smiled a little to herself. The memory she had seen was the moment her mother realized that it was in Valery's best interest to go with the Jedi. Her strength in the Force was uncontrolled, causing damage in the house and endangered the whole family. But even though it would be for the best, it was no easy decision. Her mother had loved her so much, and the pain in her eyes when she offered her child up to the man who would later become Valery's Master would forever be something Valery remembered.

Her mother was an amazing woman, and that's how she was going to be remembered.

"I'd like to think that I'm doing just that," Valery finally said, now thinking about Vera and the triplets for a moment. She'd do anything to protect them, to make sure they felt loved, and that they could live their lives how they wanted.

Valery then looked at Colette again, offering an understanding dip of her head, "You might be right. I think, deep down, my mother knew that I'd be alright after she gave me up as well." Valery let out a soft sigh and nudged Colette, "No matter what your mother was like, she brought an amazing daughter into the world, and that sure counts for something," she said with a smirk.

"Besides, you're part of the family now too. As far as Vera is concerned, you're a big sister."

 

[Colette]

Valery Noble

Colette froze for a moment before she slowly turned towards Valery, waterwork running at an almost unprecedented capacity before she practically threw herself around the master to squeeze her in the tightest hug she's ever given someone before. Despite them being inside of Colette's mind there were absolutely no words that she could think of to describe this feeling, not a single one. Instead the kid merely wept, and sobbed and held Valery close as if she would slip away into the ground or something.

This wasn't exactly family, but it was about as close as Colette would ever get. Chosen family was important too. Colette had chosen to see the tribe as her family, but to experience the thing from the other side was something so entirely different. Of course Colette had felt like a family with her tribe, of course she had been treated as an equal amongst those who had families of their own, but this was..

It was…

"I was so scared when you were gone. I was so angry that I wasn't brought along to find you, but I found purpose in helping Vera because I knew that would matter too and I could only imagine how scared she must have been."

"I was working out when I threw a punch at the bag, fell over and got hit back across the face." She exhaled and sniveled as she slowly let Valery go. "And I think I must have been concussed, because this man appeared to me."

"Said you got your scars from something called a 'worn-scarf', which sounds like something I must have made up at some point. Said I was just as stubborn as you, too."

 

[Valery Noble]

Temple Quarters

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Appearance: Link
Tag: Colette

Valery blinked once when the dam broke, and Colette turned to pull her into a tight embrace with tears flowing from her eyes. She hadn't seen her quite this emotional before, but after everything that happened, she likely just needed to let it all out. So as soon as Valery had stablizied herself from the tight hug, an arm came around the kid's shoulders to keep her close. Valery's cheek then gently rested atop her head, and she just held her Padawan.

"I know it must have been difficult for you not to join the others, so I understand your anger. But... I'm so glad that you were here for the kids. I'm never going to forget this," Valery said, her own eyes tearing up just a little now as well. She didn't want to imagine how scared Vera must have been, and her being all alone with the crying triplets until Colette arrived. She had made a huge difference in all of this.

But apparently also met a certain someone.

"Master Dawn," Valery grumbled, before she blinked and looked at her Padawan. For a second or two, she considered playing it off as actually being because of a concussion, just so Colette wouldn't believe those stories but... that would not be the right thing to do. "I believe you actually met my old Master if he told you that," she said with an almost nervous chuckle.

"I hope he had something good to say as well, though." This time, there was a more playful smirk.

 

[Colette]

Huh, yeah, that was the name; Adam Dawn. Colette separated and blinked at Valery. Adam was real? Impossible. The kid furrowed her brows in clear confusion as she tried to gauge of Valery was joking or not.

"H-" She tried to speak. "How the hell can he have been there if he's dead?"

"Dead people can't speak, Valery. Ghosts are not real."

Valery Noble

 

[Valery Noble]

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Appearance: Link
Tag: Colette

Valery snickered at her Padawan and poked her side, "Remind me to take you to a Sith tomb sometime, and you'll find that Ghost are very real~" Valery said while she tried to make her voice sound more spooky. "But my former Master isn't really a Ghost... it's more that his being is part of the Force now, and some Jedi can manifest themselves in the real world even after their physical bodies have passed away."

She rubbed her chin, but decided against going into all the philosophy there. She knew how it was done, and even traveled to the place where those trials were held.

"He sometimes appears to me, or to important people in my life. To help, mostly." And to tell her Padawans how stubborn and frustrating she once was, apparently. She'd need to have words with him soon about it, before Colette learned about the really spicy stories from long ago.

"I hope he didn't frighten you, though. It can be a little strange the first time."

 

[Colette]

Valery Noble

"Yeah, but like…" Colette refused to listen. "Ghosts aren't real."

She swallowed for a moment to take in the fact that Valery was dead serious about ghosts being real. The way that Colette had seemed to approach the man manifested in front of them. The doubt, that snide remarks, and the way she had run off to see Vera instead of really listening to him…

And then it went away as the panic died down just a little.

"I wasn't scared, I was dead certain he did not exist." Colette blinked before she swallowed again, let her mouth hang open as she seemed more scared about something else.

"... Do the people we kill become ghosts? Animals too?"

"What about my parents, are they ghosts?"

"Could I see them too?"

"How long have you seen his ghost?"

"Why is he not dead?"

 

[Valery Noble]

Temple Quarters

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Appearance: Link
Tag: Colette

"He really was right," Valery grumbled when Colette stubbornly refused to accept the existence of ghosts. At least, she refused for a moment, before she gave it some more thought. It seemed that she had treated her old Master like he was just a creation of her imagination, but she doubted Adam would mind too much. He had trained Valery for about a decade of his life, after all. Few things could measure up to that.

Heh.

Colette then began to bombard her with questions, and Valery just blinked, taking it all in before she'd even try to answer any of them. "No, it's something only Jedi can do in a pure way. Sith and dark siders can bind their souls to objects to influence the real world after death, but it's a perversion of the Force. We learn how to return to it when our bodies pass away, and manifest ourselves through the Force. It's what the last line of the Jedi Code refers to as well. Existence beyond death."

"Animals and most people can't do this. Even most Jedi won't be able to."

 

[Colette]

Eh, Colette shouldn't have asked. Her lips twisted into a frown for a moment when Valery dropped the truth on her that her parents would never appear to her. Faceless as they were, Colette supposed that she would never really know much about them. She had made her peace with that, but for a very brief moment she had that hope and no sooner than it was there it was gone again.

"Existence beyond death." The kid repeated and sighed. "Sounds like fear to me."

"Afraid to let go, to become nothing. Like all things eventually do."

It took a moment, but eventually

"Not sure I'd want to learn that ability. If we all return to the force then I don't see why being this… Ghost-thing isn't an act of selfishness. Kind of like saying you are too important to be lost to time."

…

"And I am not stubborn. It's not my fault that people don't have the gut to tell me why I might be wrong."

Valery Noble

 

[Valery Noble]

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Appearance: Link
Tag: Colette

"That's... not exactly what it's about," Valery said with a chuckle. "Jedi learn to let the will of the Force guide them, and historically there have been several Jedi who played an important role in the guidance of others by becoming one with the Force this way. I'd like to think that it was something they felt drawn to." She took a small breath and let out a soft sigh.

"I'm also not sure if it's a requirement to go through these trials in order to be able to do it. But from what I've seen, it always still remains a choice to manifest yourself into the real world again. Or, in some cases, it's only a voice of guidance you'll hear in your mind. Master Dawn has helped me many times this way."

That said, she wouldn't exactly blame any Jedi for not wanting to.

...

"No, Colette," Valery said with a smirk. "You're very stubborn sometimes. But it's alright, as long as you stay open-minded enough to still change your views on something."

Valery leaned in and nudged her a bit, "I always view it as being critical and confident in your beliefs...although I think my husband might disagree sometimes." She grinned and could already picture Kahlil Noble 's face whenever she was being annoyingly stubborn about something.

To use his words, Colette was frustratingly her about this stuff.

 

[Colette]

Valery Noble

Ghosting still sounded like an excuse for a Jedi to assert a position above others in the wheel of life. If this trial gave them the right to come back and offer 'guidance' then how did that not speak of how misguided they were? They assumed that their words mattered the most, that they would be able to steer the living back on what they could consider a right course, and at that point it was a question of who the hell gave the dead the right to live through those who were alive.

Valery could twist and turn this however she wanted if it made her feel better about herself, but that didn't change the fact that she was deluding herself and willfully pulling wool over her own eyes. To some extent it was infuriating to think that for as wise and strong as she was, even she wasn't without her issues. But, perhaps that was what it meant to be human. At least that was what the elder had said once, and back then it had sounded really wise.

"I am not!" She exclaimed and furrowed her brows. "I don't get this tight-lipped nonsense that these 'civilized' people hold onto so damn much. Personal truths should always be spoken, and they should always be challenged. A tribe that doesn't change is a tribe in stagnation, and those are the first to die."

But, it was clear that Colette didn't mean just any 'civilized' people. Despite only having known the concept of nobility for a short while it had still traumatized some part of the girl's psyche and burned a hole through her skull that lit up every time that she thought about how they positioned themselves above others out of 'obligation' and 'right' despite having done nothing to prove they are worthy of leadership.

"It's a miracle to me that the people like Corazona's haven't died yet. That those beneath them haven't pulled the rug and devoured them whole and scattered their worthless ideals of being 'born and forced into leadership' to the wind."

But since they were going.

"I don't understand how people that live to fight and struggle are allowed to live as they do instead of being shown the error of their ways, or failing that, put out of their misery and reintegrated into a society that is built to actually survive."

Actually, a lot of bottled up emotions began to unfurl.

"Mandalorians and Epicanthix are built around the worthless ideal of 'might is right', and have clearly been shown that they are wrong. Yet they don't change. Why should they be allowed to live in that misery? This abject failure to understand that their ways have no way of sustaining themselves beyond their current predicament? Always looking for the next fight, always holding on to a tradition that DOES. NOT. WORK?!"

 

[Valery Noble]

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Appearance: Link
Tag: Colette

This wasn't really about her stubbornness anymore, at least not to Valery. Speaking up about the things she believed in, and verbally disagreeing with the things she didn't believe in were not the reason that she had ever felt Colette was stubborn. This was just about her principles, and the things she had seen around her during her time with the Jedi. The Galaxy was about as imperfect as it could be, and it heavily conflicted with Colette's views.

"Change is not easy, and in many cases, people don't want to change. Either because the unknown is scary, or because some people benefit too much from the way things are," Valery said with a frown, her voice calm while she looked at her Padawan. "Take the Epicanthix you mentioned. Decades of being suppressed under a Sith Lord was the only thing that kept them from their old ways of conquest, and only now after the destruction of their homeworld and the death of so many, they're changing in tangible ways. But still slowly." As much as she knew that Adonis and the Epicanthix survivors weren't out for conquest anymore with how broken the Epixanthix are, a lot of the old culture remained.

"The sad truth is that we can't force things to change. It will only ever work if the majority supports it, and that's often not the case. We can help, we can try to ignite that spark that sets things in motion, but a lot of these cultures or beliefs have developed over hundreds, if not thousands of years. None of it will change overnight, and if you try an approach that's far too strong, people tend to dig their heels in the sand."

"All these things are ingrained in the people in ways that make no sense to us, but is as natural to them as our distaste of murder and slavery." In some cases, those two things were part of normal life as well out there.

Valery then let out a soft breath and placed a hand on Colette's shoulder, "I don't think the way you challenge these things is what makes you stubborn, nor do I think it's a problem. But I am worried that seeing what this Galaxy is really like, is taking a toll on how you're feeling, and how you might approach certain situations."

 

[Colette]

Valery Noble

The dam that kept her intrusive thoughts at bay was cracking and most likely had been for a while. Drip by drip it would seem that enough had gotten through the defenses to create a small creek of questions that she wanted to ask but didn't have the words for or really understand. Yes, Adonis was doing his best to change, and no, change could not be forced. But that didn't mean that Colette understood this. She knew it, but she didn't understand it.

"A year ago, I was gnawing the last piece of meat off of a rib bone that we had gotten from one of our slaughtered nerf because I didn't know when my next meal was. Now I eat three meals a day with more food and water than I could have ever dreamed of."

Colette went quiet for a moment, clearly struggling to put her thoughts together.

"A year ago, my family was the size of a small cargo freighter. Now I have so many people around me that I can't even memorize most of their names and faces. A year ago, I was also on course to be one of the few people that my elder might have chosen to be their heir or the protector of my people. Now I am on track to protect a whole galaxy."

Her voice shook for a moment.

"The outside world is so… Stupid, and scary, and it just doesn't make sense. The pain and the misery, and the acceptance of inequality and strife. It's like a whole galaxy that wants to do nothing more than turn its back on you if you lose your grip even for a moment."

Actually, it seemed to grow tense. Colette was positively cringing up in fear.

"We have those who torture others. We have those who lie and cheat people who think of them as friends."

No, not fear; panic.

"The people in charge are as likely to pad their own pockets with excess that someone else needs more than them, at the cost of someone else's life if need-be. Everyone is so focused on their own needs, so distant from one another. I can't—"

It was evident in the way that she shivered when she talked, the way that her eyes darted around and struggled to focus on any single thing before it darted away again.

"This galaxy is so cold, Valery. I can't— It's—"

The girl couldn't breathe. It was her own dream, but even she could feel the way that her own body struggled to inhale anything beyond a few lonesome gasps.

"I can't, Valery." The girl sobbed. "I can't."

 

[Valery Noble]

Temple Quarters

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Appearance: Link
Tag: Colette

"I know, I know,"

Valery said while she leaned in close, and wrapped an arm around her Padawan to pull her close. It had once been overwhelming to her as well, to see the Galaxy for what it was really like. Nowadays, she wanted to expose her Padawans to it, not to break their world views, but to make them understand the reality they lived in. To see the things they could change, but also realize that some things were perhaps beyond their abilities to influence.

That's life, as cold as it is.

"The Galaxy can be an awful place, with the worst types of evil in people. But don't let it completely blind you. We see so much of it because it's our duty to rise up against it, and sometimes, our focus on the darker things makes it feel as if that's all there is to it. There is a lot of good in the Galaxy too, though." She knew this likely wouldn't just change everything, but she didn't want Colette to believe that everything was awful.

Valery would have given up a long time ago, if that had been the case.

"Right now, it might seem overwhelming, but I know you can do this. It's going to take time and adjusting, but I promise that there's so much more to the Galaxy. Maybe... I should show you the better sides of it sometime. Take you away from the threats out there and show you something better." A vacation, in a way, but with a higher purpose than just relaxing.

 

[Colette]

Valery Noble

Her heart didn't stop pounding any harder and it still felt like she had to cling to each gasp of air that she had. Valery's warm presence was appreciated even though Colette had no idea how to even tell her that. There had been so many highs and a whole host of lows already. Life in "civilized country" was panic-inducing in itself, but then there was all these expectations that Colette was supposed to want to protect everyone in it when she already knew that wasn't the case.

The shakes and shivers that Valery could feel coming from Colette wasn't really felt in the dream, it was felt in reality where the girl was locked under the spell of whatever it was that kept them here in their own little privacy bubble.

"I am a mess." The girl said and kept from ugly crying. "One moment we have this… Moment. The next I can't seem to sit still."

"I— I've never had to deal with this before." She sobbed and tried to wipe away the non-existent tear that she could feel resting against her skin. "Life was easy, and simple. We walked, we ate, we slept, and that was all we did."

"I want to go back to the trip we did to New Cov and the cave there. I want to—"

"I want to feel… In control?"

 

[Valery Noble]

Temple Quarters

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Appearance: Link
Tag: Colette

Valery remained mostly quiet, aware of the emotions that were bleeding into the real world, but not worried about them in the slightest. Throughout the relatively short time she had known Colette, there have been a dispoportionate amount of highs and lows. From an amazing trip to New Cov, to nearly being separated through death, and now a difficult confrontation with reality. It was absolutely no surprise that it would spark more emotional reactions, but Valery would be here to guide her through it all.

"I understand the feeling of wanting to be in control. I'm just like that but it takes a lot of time and experience before you really are. It took me until my 30s before I really felt like my life was steady, and that I was ready to take on anything." She paused for a moment and gently squeezed Colette closer.

"Not that it will take you that long, but even if you feel in control, there will be things that happen that make you feel like you've lost it all. Those are the difficult times in life, but if you're surrounded by the right people and keep moving forward, you'll always get through it in the end."

"I know that you will."

 

[Colette]

Valery Noble

"Argh!" Colette groaned, clearly frustrated about something. "You only just came back, tortured and bruised, and I've made this whole thing about myself."

These emotions were… Strangely insistent. Colette had felt fear and anger before, but not quite this strong. It felt like it bubbled underneath her skin as if each word uttered in her own confusion gave cause for more of it. Despite the joy she felt at being reunited with someone important to her, the anger and fear still won out even when she knew it shouldn't have.

This bout of self-centeredness gave her cause to grit her teeth in frustration.

"I'm being selfish, master." She grunted. "I'm sorry."

"I don't know what is causing it, it's like I can't stop."

 

[Valery Noble]

Temple Quarters

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Appearance: Link
Tag: Colette

"It doesn't bother me," Valery assured her. "If you have a family, close friends, Padawans... life isn't really about yourself anymore. I have kids who heavily rely on me, and by taking on a Padawan, I also take on the responsibility of taking care of them. What happened to me was... horrible, but it doesn't just affect me."

Once again, Valery pulled Colette close and squeezed her against herself for a moment. "I already feel much better just being back with all of you again, and being able to help you feel better too, makes me happy." She smiled warmly and looked far ahead into the distance again, to where Colette's people were.

"I'd be a lot more troubled if you felt like you couldn't talk to me about how you feel."