Devil With The Silver Tongue

[Josh Dragovalor]

The Jedi let out a sigh as she broke the contact. Every inch of him inside missed it already, though he wasn't sure the exact reason. Could be a hundred different variables and he didn't want to put the time and work into figuring it out when it would just cause him pain. And there she went, back to the bottle. Was this what he was like when he got too down in the dumps? Just drowned himself in the bottle until it all went away? Making him very self conscious, lady.

Sure, maybe getting stabbed in the chest wasn't a normal part of it. Nor was all the darkness stuff. But what she was feeling now? Certainly normal, to a degree. Hers was worsened by the trauma, though, definitely. But the general concept was the same. And so he tried to apply the same logic.

"What you think will happen and what will happen tend to be very different things, dear" He teased, with a light smile. At least his confidence was coming back a little. After the dreary episode of everything that had happened today, he needed to lighten up a little. Quite frankly, so did she. "You know, instead of distracting yourself with drink, there's HoloTV. Gets your mind off when you start developing a tolerance and the amount you're drinking's not enough" He suggested with a causal shrug that indicated he'd found this out the hard way. "Feel free to kick back. No worries on time. Considering we have Padawans, we probably won't leave until the afternoon tomorrow. We try to ease them in" He spoke as he would get up and stretch out. "I can put on a movie? Get some snacks?"

For his sake along with hers. Seriously. He tried not to say it aloud but he needed to forget too. He pondered for a moment wiping his memories of this trauma entirely, but... He knew it was dangerous and could damage how he handled Jason. Not to mention that somehow he doubted Scherezade would let him touch the memory powers again tonight after the prank he pulled.

[member="Scherezade deWinter"]

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

HoloTV? Sure, she knew about it. She had the equipment to watch it on her ship as well. But she hadn't actually used it like that at any point. All her actions with the holoTV were to find tutorials on things she needed, stuff to learn from. The only time she'd considered watching something like that for entertainment was... Well, with Gerwald. And instead, they had gone to a bar and he got her drunk for the first time in her life. It had been the happy sort of drunk, that included sitting on top of him, teasing him, laughing. And then at the end, she had confessed her feelings for him. She wished... She wished she'd never done that.

And here she was on the ship of a stranger who wasn't really a stranger anymore, someone she had already bedded but could not enjoy it with because her mind had been on Gerwald the entire time, and he was offering her... Entertainment. And food. Her stomach grumbled, agreeing with the latter part of the suggestion. But she didn't want to eat. She didn't want to take care of herself. She wanted... Well, aside for the usual stuff she'd been hashing about for the last sixty posts and about ten threads, she didn't want anything.

"Okay," she replied meekly. Maybe it'd be better to go back to her ship. Stock up. Go float in space for a few months, see what was happening when she got back. Her stomach gurgled again. "I like salty snacks," she added in defeat. Sweets were gross.

[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

He chuckled lightly when she would finally, after a clear bit of deliberation, decide to just sit down and chill, have some snacks, watch a movie and just not be... Well, as miserable, for a little while. Josh would nod his head as he would motion toward where he had a place for HoloVid set up with a couch. It was near the mini bar they'd been using, so it wasn't like it was easy to miss. Good spot too. Near where the food, drinks and -drinks- were kept. Would need to re-decorate a bit when the kid was older though. Couldn't have him getting into the drinks... Root beer wasn't good for him until he was a little older. Kids needed milk and OJ at the age he'd start poking around.

Josh would begin rooting through the fridge, until he found a few drinks. Proper drinks this time. Nothing alcoholic. It'd occurred to him that the both of them were likely dehydrated. He knew he was. She probably was. The buzz had been steadily going away and he was starting to think a little more clearly now. Which meant he could either forget by drinking or forget by distraction. He'd already drank himself nearly sick, to... The latter was going to have to do. Whether he would admit it or not.

Finding something salty, he would set down a plate along with a drink he'd poured for him and her on a table nearby as he would crash on the couch, leaving a bit of room for her best he could since he knew this wasn't exactly a date. With that, he would pull out his datapad and start going through movies as he pondered what to do.

"Any preferences?" He asked. He didn't know yet that she wasn't a movie person.

[member="Scherezade deWinter"]

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

Scherezade stared at the snacks and drinks that were on the table. She'd taken her place on the couch, inching towards the edge. She didn't like to touch people, and while she knew her behavior that night showed quite the opposite of it, she wasn't in the mood for more touching, even of the casual kind. The thought of sitting snuggled on the couch with anyone but Gerwald made the booze inside her want to rise. It was unfair. It was unfair to Josh, it was unfair to herself, but it was what it was, and she wasn't going to do it again just so she could be thinking of Gerwald the entire time. Even if she was doing to do it anymore.

"No," she answered when Josh asked if she had any preferences, "I've never actually seen a holo film before. I just used the station on my ship to find information and tutorials on things."

But while he had brought regular drinks with him to the table, she herself had brought the bottle, and she took a long drink from it again before her hand reached to the salty pretzels. She usually hated things made out of dough as well, but she wasn't about to tell Josh that what she usually ate was fresh meat from a hunt or other meats that she preserved in various ways. She liked her meat and eggs, some cheese, and the rest of what the galaxy had to offer in terms of food didn't really excite her that much.

But she knew what holofilms were, thanks to the memories her grandmother had placed in her head. She went quickly over the various genres.

"Nothing with romance or drama stuff," she quickly added. No. Those were the last things she wanted to see, "and no porn either."

[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sy8wclUmYWA​

Josh nodded quickly as he would start going through the library. He was just going through movies on the HoloNet, not anything he physically owned. Subscription services and all that. He would start moving through them as she would list her demands. "No romance, no drama, hmm... Tough call. Maybe something generically mindless action then, odds are there's a romance or drama sub-plot, but that's par for the course if you don't know what the movie's about... Can definitely find something that doesn't have it as the main genre though. That's no problem-"

The phrase "And no porn" stopped him and he had to fight a snort. "Hey, hey!" He called out toward her. "What do you take me for? We run a PG ship here! No adult movies until the kid's old enough... Maybe not even then."

He was joking, of course... Or was he?

He was a meat lovers himself. Maybe they'd order a meat lovers pizza or something next time? Either way, once the movie was put on, with a "This looks promising" joke thrown in, he would crash back on the couch. A salty pretzel would float off the table, over Scherezade's head and toward him soon after though, and he shot her a cheeky grin when he would catch it with his teeth. He was clearly intentionally being a bit of a goof.

[member="Scherezade deWinter"]

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

She just nodded to whatever his choice was, having no preference herself to what the options even were. It felt wrong. She could feel the wrongness of the scene down to her very souls. This was a first. Sure, her crying, randomly leaning on him, most of the content of their conversations, those had been firsts too. But this... Was a different sort of first. This was one that didn't include looking at Gerwald to see how his eyes lit up for the first time with something. He was supposed to be here and look at her when she was doing this for the first time too.

But she didn't say anything. Josh had offered, she had accepted, and that was that. He wouldn't have forced her hand at it, wouldn't have made her do it against her will. If there were any faults in this, they were hers alone to bear. As always.

Scherezade swatted at the hovering pretzel, and the movie began.

To be frank, she had no idea what it was about. Colors and movements cascaded in front of her eyes, but she wasn't really focused on it, the happenings and the action sequences flying over her head. She reached for the bottle every few minutes, loading the bready salt in her body with even more liquor.

Eventually, her head fell back and her body claimed unconsciousness. Sadly, it only lasted for a few minutes before she jumped awake again. Unaware of her surroundings that time, she drank more from the bottle, and her head fell back again. Actual sleep was not allowed. She was not going to dream. This was going to be a very long night.


[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

He was relaxed, proper. This was the first time in a long while. Still, despite that he had no intention of falling asleep with her here. Not only would it be rude, but there was still always the chance she would kill him. As calm and relaxed as he was, he still had the instincts to keep himself alive. He couldn't remember the plot of the movie though... Probably for the best, it probably wasn't all that good anyway. There was lots of action to keep himself entertained though, even if he had to stop himself from exclaiming aloud how much the hero did that would have realistically gotten them killed. The battlemaster in him was screaming.

He noted her falling asleep a few minutes at a time, but didn't say or do anything. He considered a fairly cruel but funny prank, but didn't do it. This time. Maybe next time. Though the next time she was awake, he would hold out a hand and another pretzel would start flying over her head toward him again. He was just teasing her, of course, since she didn't want to talk.

[member="Scherezade deWinter"]

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

She vaguely remembered flying pretzels.

Somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew this was not a dream. But there were flying pretzels every time she opened her eyes. Each eye opening was accompanied by another drink of the bottle. Her levels of intoxication were not permitted to diminish; she was working so hard to keep them elevated. Her body tried to fight her about it ever inch of the way. It was a battle, or... Or a wager. She'd won all the little wagers and competitions with Gerwald, except for the one that mattered. Perhaps if she had let some of them go, the situation would have ended differently. But for the pretzels, she did nothing. Let them fly, like little piggies.

Eventually, at some point, she shifted. Her head was now on Josh's lap, the side of her face taking in the wrath of his leg. Her nose still protested, her body still rejected, but she was too exhausted to move again. It had been more like an elegant-less fall to her side. Eyes still closed, she lost consciousness again, and had no idea of the movie was still even running.

[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

She had dozed off again, this time with her head on his lap. Letting out a sigh, the Jedi would decide to help her get comfortable at least, lying down fully on the couch and pulling her onto him, letting her rest her head in his chest while he would lie back, giving her body full flexibility of movement in her sleep all that he could, even if it meant he couldn't really move.

Wait, couldn't he have just given her the couch? You know, he hadn't thought of that before... Whoops. And if he'd done that, he could have given her a blanket. Double whoops. Old habits had struck again, and he cursed himself for falling into autopilot again.

Well, nothing he could do now. So he was content to just keep watching TV until he found himself dozing off. His senses would wake him if there was danger. Like it or not, he was paranoid, but his senses were honed. They would keep him alive. Awake or asleep.

Of course, with that sense of tension and paranoia, he didn't sleep long. Give or take an hour or so, and he would find himself conscious again, though kept his eyes closed. His body was sore from sleeping on the couch, and because the body on top of him had caused his arm to go numb.

Remembering his mental suggestion to give her the couch, he would start to ponder how to actually go about doing so. Maybe levitate her gently so as not to wake her?

[member="Scherezade deWinter"]

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

Sleep was bad. Sleep was dangerous. Sleep was but one of the many ways the Darkness could slip through, come back, take her again. She had thought more than once during her waking hours that perhaps that was not such a bad thing considering the Darkness had been the only thing that was honest with her, but when her body was so worn out, when unconscious claimed it, the threat of the Darkness became tangible again. It wasn't much longer after Josh let her sleep on him that her body jolted wide awake. Unlike the previous times, this was not a temporary jump to keep her out of REM and away from the Darkness. This was waking up, being alert, being...

Being miserable and awake.

Scherezade carefully got off the couch, trying not to disturb Josh in his sleep. She took a few steps, finding her boots, and then sat on the floor, getting them back on and making sure the knives she had stashed in them were in place. Next came the hunt for the rest of her weapons. She had no intention of using them against Josh; she merely wanted them all back so that she could leave.

She'd abused her welcome longer than she should have anyway. There was nothing left for her to do here. She had to get back to her ship and then figure out what the next step was.

With a sigh, she grabbed the bottle again. It was almost empty by now.


[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

Well, problem solved he supposed. He kept his eyes closed as she would move off him. He cracked an eye open, hard to see in the darkness now that the show had ended and the holo-vid had shut itself off. He watched as Scherezade would pick up her boots and other clothing, pick up her knives (Which gave him cause for concern but he just kept watching). Eventually, he would sit up, just sitting on the couch and watching her pick up her things

If she would notice him there, he would simply smile and nod his head. If she wanted to leave, that was fine, if she wanted to stick around until it was time for him to pack up and head out, that was cool. Completely up to her. He didn't say a word, he'd said all he needed to. Honestly, he wasn't sure if he'd see her again, but... Well, she did have his number. It was always a possibility.

Though he had no clue if she'd use it.

[member="Scherezade deWinter"]

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

She was still drunk enough to not be aware of Josh watching her as she got dressed and armed again. Every so often she would pause to drink some more, but the bottle was finished before she was, and that made her unhappy. She finished the boots sequence, strapped the last of the knives under her shirt, that she caught him staring.

She frowned, folding her arms across her chest. Was she supposed to say something? Was she meant to do something? She didn't know. She'd never spent so much time on anyone's ship except for those early days with Katrine, when she was practically living on her ship, and even then, she'd had her own room and there wasn't so much space sharing.

"What are you looking at?" she asked, unsure.


[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

He considered his answer a moment, before smiling warmly.

"The most beautiful woman I've seen in some time."

The tease transformed the smile into a cheeky grin, before he would give her an actual answer.

"You're free to stick around until I need to pack up, if you want. Paddies mean we'll be waiting till the noon, and I have no intention of returning to our HQ here. I have nothing left to do on Zeltros and the quarters on my ship are better. Believe it or not, I'm not a normal patron at Zeltros bars and nightclubs, that was a ruse... Shocking, I know" He joked. He couldn't help but throw at least one more joke or two for the road, from the compliment, to the joke about his reason for being on Zeltros.

"But if you're gonna be heading out..." He trailed off as he would hold out a hand. One of the bottles of alcohol would fly from the cabinet and land in his hand. Walking over, he would casually hand it to her. "A bit of a parting gift. Enabling addiction is going to ensure I go to hell, but sometimes we juuuuust need a little something to forget."

[member="Scherezade deWinter"]

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

Scherezade didn't respond to the beautiful woman comment. She wasn't oblivious to her exterior appearance. She was, after all, a deWinter. But there was more to beauty than physical features, and she knew that although the physical features were there, everything else was lacking. This was currently made worse by the constantly exhausted look on her face, the bags under her eyes, the tint of her skin due to all the stuff she was putting her body through in order to make her mind forget, if only for an instant.

Josh said she could stay, that there was until noon and that he was not going to go to the HQ. And then... He gave her a bottle. Sometimes we juuuuust need a little something to forget.

...I remember how you did not run away when I showed you exactly who and what I was, and I remember that when you asked me whether I wanted the man or the wolf, I answered that I wanted yourself and meant all of you. I remember Ryloth, I remember Dathomir, I remember Orcus, I remember Coruscant. I remember breakfasts and lunches and dinners, I remember jokes and heart to heart conversations that took the place of sleep. I remember sleep, in all its forms, with you. I remember how terrified I was when I told you that I loved you...

Scherezade sighed and closed her eyes, forcing the words out of her mind. Only three remained, three that showed the truth of the rest of them. The three that words that she had been tried so hard to change, but with such little luck..

Her fingers wrapped around the neck of the bottle as she sat down again. "I remember everything," she whispered miserably, her eyes closing.

[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

Scherezade was clearly troubled, and he frowned, wondering if it had been his fault. The last thing he wanted to do was cause her more pain. He knew she'd suffered enough. She said she remembered everything. He couldn't help but wonder what that meant.

"Well, like I said, you got me here for awhile" He responded with a casual shrug. "Might be a bit more than the night, but... Who's keeping score, right?" He joked lightly. "If you need to talk, need to iron it out, vent, whatever you gotta do to try and help you at least feel a little better... I'm here, you know?"

Josh would let out a yawn in turn, indicating he hadn't slept as much as he'd like, but he didn't seem to mind. He could always sleep on the trip back. Then again, he'd probably be babysitting.

[member="Scherezade deWinter"]

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

"We've been talking all night," Scherezade pointed out in response to Josh's statement. In truth, it was the most she had talked since the night everything went to poodoo. That night, she had talked and talked, delivered speech after speech, both good and bad. But after that, a scarce handful of words had left her mouth every day, most of them only due to very basic necessity.

"If talking helped, I'd have healed by now," she added, "finished with it all. Glued back even the missing pieces."

But that wasn't how it worked. If it was the way it had worked, she would open her mouth and never stop talking. She would speak and speak and speak until there was no more air in her lungs, until her throat had run dry and hoarse, until every word in every dictionary ever written had been uttered. But there was no use to it. None.

"I don't think there's a way to make things better."


[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

She truly believed that nothing would make it better. That talking had been nothing but a waste of time, and that all they had done was talk. Well, it was nice to know all that he was doing was wasting her time, apparently. Josh let out a sigh in turn, then. Well, wasn't she the peachiest?

"So you're telling me you'll never find it in your heart to even care for another person who's name is not... His or her name?" He would ask. "Never again? No matter who you meet, no matter what you do, what you say, none of that matters as you won't find yourself with friends again? People you care about again? Folks you love again?" He continued.

"Thanks" He added, with a look that almost looked offended, though he was joking a bit on that last part. Still, he shook his head. "I think you'll be okay. In time. It's like I said before. All these things you're feeling, and doing... They're okay. Well, okay, maybe not the whole stabbing people thing, but... Work in progress. Still, I think you're gonna find that after some time away... You're gonna start seeing some things" Josh would admit.

"Ah, first relationship, first relationship..." He began to muse aloud as he would kick back on the couch with one leg over the other, thinking to himself a moment. "Well, after she cheated on me, I was upset, obviously. Oh, I'll never love or trust again, I told myself! Oh, I just wanted the nightmare to end! I didn't want anyone else but her, even if she had wronged me. But gave it a month... Thought back. Had a bit of hindsight. Suddenly, I realized she was emotionally manipulative. As time went on, I realized she constantly had been guilt tripping me maliciously for credits, using our relationship as a crutch to get what she wanted. I realized she rarely ever spoke positive... Just made promises she in the end never ended up keeping. Promises not unlike the ones you've indicated, if I'm to wager a guess. I realized she made me feel... Disposable, I guess. And that this likely hadn't been the first time she'd cheated on me. Signs were there."

He shrugged his shoulders. "Was a cold, hard, bucket of iced reality. But people who cheat, people who do what she did, and what he did... You usually think back eventually and find flaws and other serious problems. Suddenly... You're not as broken up about it. Then someone better comes along and teaches you what a relationship should actually be. Just... Give it time, y'know? I don't think you'll find a cure-all panacea though... The realization's gonna come when you dig deep inside of yourself and think real hard on what the whole thing between you actually was. And it may take time... Might take more than a month."

[member="Scherezade deWinter"]

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

"You don't understand," Scherezade found herself whispering again, "it's not a matter of not finding. It's a matter of not being able to. Even the Darkness told me that I had two people when I entered it, and that I would have none when I leave. I thought it was trying to pry on my fears... I only had Katrine and Gerwald before the Darkness took me a second time. I didn't have anyone else. And then when I got out... When they told me what they had done while I was tying to fight for my life..."

Her voice broke and she was silent again. The Darkness had been right all along. How did that infamous saying go, just because you were paranoid didn't mean they weren't after you? She sighed, opening the bottle Josh had given her, and took a long gulp before offering it to him as well.

"It's not a first relationship. It's the man that I still love, and it's the woman who was my sister, while my twin brother is missing," she said, trying to hold back the tears, "I left them both after that. I wished them a happy life and to die surrounded by fat grandchildren. But the only two people I had, a man and my sister, when both knew I had no one else, when both knew... Knew everything..."

She sighed, taking the bottle back. He'd said earlier that it might take more than a month. A month was a lifetime. She'd only been out of the pebble for six months. She'd gone through enough things in that time span to last other people several life times.

"A month is a forever," she remarked dryly.


[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

"No, you're right, I probably don't understand" Josh would admit. "This whole thing seems to get more topsy turvy the more that I try to piece it together. You've got more baggage than a packed flight. But... It's like I keep telling you. Yeah, the darkness said you would come out with nobody. And you did. But it didn't say that you'd always have nobody, right?"

He took the bottle when offered, taking a long swig before handing it back to her. It was a bit too early to drink, but oh well. Five'o clock was like, twenty hours ago.

"Month can feel like a long time when you're miserable, it's true. But the opposite rings true. When you're happy... Time goes by fast. I've been happy, I've been miserable. Time slogs like a schutta when you're miserable... But two years can go by just like that when you're happy. I wouldn't have even noticed it if I didn't know my kid was turning three soon."

He smiled lightly. "Besides. You have my number, don't you? Unless you already crinkled the thing up, I'll be there for you if you need me" He spoke softly. "You have somebody, Scherezade. I know I'm not much. I know I'm not him. But if you need to keep venting in the future, or just want someone to drink with... I'm always game. We'll find a better movie next time too."

[member="Scherezade deWinter"]

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

"The Darkness said I would be there forever," she said quietly, staring at a random spot in the wall. It was another truth, once you got past the face value. Sure, she was not in that inky blackness now. But she could not really deny that she was free of it. It followed her everywhere, trying to get her back in, constantly whispering in the back of her mind. She wasn't trapped in it. It was growing within her. How long would it take before she really was in it again? A few days? Weeks? Years? Did she even have years? She'd only been out of the first run for a month, she didn't know yet that a few days from her current meeting with Josh she would be there again.

She looked at Josh when he said she had him, even if he wasn't Gerwald. Scherezade shook her head. She wanted to believe it so much. She wanted to run to him and hug him, not as a lover, but as a friend, but she couldn't get her body to budge. She didn't even want to be touched. She wanted friends. She had always longed for that, always. But he couldn't be. Friends were a fantasy concept. Friends gained your trust and then stabbed you in the back when you were at your weakest point.

Scherezade took another long swig from the bottle. She needed to leave. She didn't want to leave. She wanted to go. She couldn't really move.


[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]