The intense was remembering that she killed her. Lauda felt the wrinkle form clearer when she heard it. Ma'dri had killed her. Her gaze lowered again, trying to recall. Yes, it was there. The intense was grief, pain, sorrow... there was also a bit of anger there. But the pain and sorrow represented. Far more powerful than either of the other two feelings she was having. Pain was what she felt physically, sorrow was what followed because Ma'dri had been the one to do it. One she had never thought could... despite what Serva said. What did Serva say? The one had led into the other but she didn't know what it was yet. But whatever had come to her mind, was relevant in that moment somehow.
Lauda saw her sister's face for a moment but no volume came along with it and the memory soon perished. She couldn't separate it yet.
The kiss on her forehead distracted her, surprised her even right now. She blinked and looked ahead. It made the wrinkle smoothen and vanish completely from her forehead. Whatever was in Lauda's mind in that moment, Ma'dri disarmed it with her tenderness. An image of herself as a child, smiling widely as Ma'dri hugged her popped to her mind. She had done well in her studies than, she vaguely remembered. Ma'dri had rewarded her by the hug and her approving look. She felt Ma'dri help her then, lay her back down on the metal. Lauda felt herself wanting to resist it but she didn't, surrendering to what Ma'dri wanted. There was familiarity in that. It felt normal.
She would be left alone for a couple of hours. To rest. In that time, she was to recover and perfection was expected. And be ready for tests. Lauda just blinked quietly as her eyes focused on the ceiling. As soon as she was alone, the feeling of love vanished. She was left to herself, to her mind. And the fog began to slip back over her. Images, sounds, feelings. It all hit her like a freight train and her fingers wrapped firmly to the edges of the metal. She felt like she was going to fall off it if she didn't.
So many people rushed to her mind then. Ma'dri. Pa'tre. Antonio. Serva. There was Serva again, that same image she had moments ago. She could hear her talking now but she couldn't make out what she was saying. Then the images continue. So many faces, so many siblings. Nox. Her darling, troublesome Nox that would never learn. The twins that entered their lives over a happy union of her mother and her step-mother Anna. Alistair. Asteria. Her head twitched slightly, there was so much negative surrounding that one that she didn't want to think about it. Morgaine, her head shook without her consent. The sight of little Nessa made her smile though. The one sibling of Pa'tre that was eager to learn their ways.
Memories of pain hit her. Lauda held on tighter to the side as it rushed to her. Joy followed. Happiness. Babies. Mirus. Mira. Her babies. Little La'Ca as she rushed into her life. Celeste. Lauda didn't even realize it at first but she was smiling like a fool the entire time. Her children brought her smiles. Over and over again.
Blade. She sat up straight then, faster than she thought possible at this point. The image of him hit her fast. Feelings attacked her violently. They were all happy but they had come in too fast. "Blade." A sense of serenity followed. That was odd. Her feet hung to the side as her entire upper body focused inward, her mind trying to understand the last sensation that hit her. Serenity. Her head rose slowly. Serenity. Whatever serenity was, it was not in this body. It was peace. Happiness. Quiet. Love. Lauda had been feeling it this whole time. Until the violence hit her, until she opened her eyes, and she was here, now, adjusting. Her hands rose before her and she looked at them. Turned her palms around and then her eyes darted to her body. That was the foreign part of the equation. Ma'dri had killed her. It hurt and it felt like betrayal but then she was happy. Somewhere. Where somewhere was, she didn't have the slightest idea. But Blade was there. She was at peace. She was alright with Ma'dri had done there. She was happy and together with him. It made everything okay. It didn't matter.
Slowly, she slid off the metal. Her hands instantly grabbed hold of the metal bed she was on, holding on to it for support. How long had it been that she no longer could stand on her two feet? How long as her body been resting? Her chocolate brown eyes looked around the room, founding a large piece of metal staring at her. She was staring at herself through it. Mustering up straight, she took a step and slowly let go. Her balance was barely there. She took another step. And then another, until she was finally in front of an improvised metal. Her face was staring back at her. What sorcery had Ma'dri used to return her face to what it was?
Was it even sorcery? She looked around, it was a lab. Pa'tre had a lab, she was in it once. It didn't look that much different than this. Where was she? Was she even in the Castello di Caos? It didn't look like it. None of this looked familiar. Was she even on Dathomir? She couldn't recognize anything.
She moved again, still shaking, each step unstable. But she didn't fall. And the step didn't scare her as much as the first one. Ma’dri was deeply in love… madly in love. She froze suddenly in her tracks, Serva's voice come through. Suddenly, the words weren't muffled. They were clear as day, as if Serva was here right now, talking to her. Because Winter’s training and darkness drove Ma’dri to want more power and strength so the darkness took hold of her. Ma’dri killed Winter in the most gruesome way then multiply it by thousand... she used the force to keep Winter alive as she was skinned. Her head lowered aain as she tried to put the words together. Yes, Serva had told her once. Told her what Ma'dri had done to someone she loved.
Any one that shared a gene with her. She destroyed millions of people lives… Her hand reached out, grabbing the first thing she could find. Lauda felt herself getting dizzy from the words coming back to her. Her eyes closed as she recalled Serva's face, telling her all this. I’ve seen the destroyed planet and its now just chucks of rocks in space. Winter. Yes, her name was Winter. Ma'dri loved her. Serva was scared what would happen if Ma'dri ever lost Anna. Had she lost Anna? Where was Anna? Was she still alive? Lauda tried to recall more but it didn't come right now. Her other hand reached for the object keeping her from falling. Ma'dri had killed someone she loved, killed her entire family, left no trace of the line existing. Ma'dri had killed her. Why did she kill her? Was it because of Anna? Did she then kill Blade and her children? How was Blade with her there? She didn't recall. It was as if they hadn't spoken. As if they needn't need to speak at all there.
She was dead. She was gone. The process of accepting her own death, even the possibility of the why required some time. Ma'dri had killed her. She could recall now how it had done, the scene was becoming more clear. It wasn't just an image and emotions anymore. She didn't keep her alive or skin her, she just killed her. Whatever the reason, that wasn't as extreme. To her own surprise, she had taken in the memory rather well. Too well. She remembered being more upset about it last time. Now, it had brought questions to her.
But what it bubbled down to her was that she was dead once. And Ma'dri had said earlier the word, the one word that definied her. Perfect. It was a word she was created to be, everything she lived up to be. It was all coming back to her, how important that one word was to her. How it defined her. So... if Ma'dri had killed her... she had failed. She was not perfect. She was imperfect. Her fingers wrapped tighter over the object she was holding. She still didn't know what it was, she didn't really pay attention to it. But her grip became harder and harder and she only paid attention to it once the glass within it shattered, cutting up her fingers in certain places. She pulled her hands away then and looked at them. Bloody, glass was still inside. Slowly, she pulled out the shards one by one. It hurt but her mind was so focused on the word that she hardly noticed the pain. Perfect. She had failed. She had failed and she had died. And yet death was rewarding in its way. And now she was back, death no longer giving her that loving peace, happiness. That was the punishment, wasn't it? Not being with Blade anymore... it was punishment.
She was not perfect. She was dead. She was happy. And now she was no longer there. She was punished properly now. Something was building inside her then, Lauda didn't even realize it first, not until it fully grown within her that she had no control over it. The thoughts just kept repeating in her mind. Imperfect. Dead. Happy. Not happy. punished. Over again. And the feeling just kept building. Lauda hadn't even realized she had tapped into the Force, she was calling on it, she was getting angry. With herself. Not Ma'dri. With herself. She was angry at herself. For her failure. For being ripped out from heaven.
And the Rage built to its maximum. He entire body shook. Imperfect. Dead. Happy. Not Happy. Punished. Imperfect. Dead. Happy. Not Happy. Punished. Imperfect. Dead. Happy. Not Happy. Punished. Over and over again until she finally screamed, her palms curling into heavy fists, the blood spreading through her palms, the pain from the fresh cuts intensifying as well. And her scream amplified by the Force. So much that all that glass in the room broke, shattered, broke, all around her. The lights went out. The sound of all took her by surprise. It broke her connection to the Force instantly. She realized only then what had happened, what she had done. It was the first time in a long time that she had used the Force and she didn't even realize it.
But the realization didn't last long. Imperfect. Dead. Happy. Not Happy. Punished. The thought echoed again. Blade's face flashed before her eyes once again but this time, it pushed those thoughts further down her mind. They were still present, somewhere but his face had been balance at that point. If anyone asked, Lauda would swear he had been right there with her at that point. That somehow, she had called him to her when she tapped into Force and he didn't ignore her call, just as he never would. But that was probably her mind playing tricks on her.
The memories that followed were more ordered, gave her a much calmer reaction. She was somehow centered. Her eyes had closed as she welcomed them all, arranging them in her mind, placing them where they belonged. The rage had vanished completely by that point, the memory of serenity guilding her. She was here. She was back. She had another chance to be perfect. She would be perfect. She was perfect. Not even death could harm that. It was what she was made to be and it was what she would be. Her arms calmed and fall to her sides, her palms unfisted. There was blood on them. But she was balanced now, standing. She didn't fear of falling anymore.
For the remainder of the time, Lauda just stood there in the darkness, letting the memories sink into place. All two hundred years of them. Along with all the feelings that came along with it. Her feelings. Part of who she was. And in it all, Lauda realized that she had forgiven Ma'dri for what she had done. In her mind, that fleeting thought had brought it on, it was her fault, she had done this. But the punishment was another take. A do-over.
@[member="Petra Cavataio"]