Private Chasing Stars & Stellar Winds

[Asmus Janes]

A nervous, lopsided smile appeared before he could get it back under control. The waves slapped against the rocks, throwing up a cool spray. It reminded him of the beach. That densely packed set of cherished memories. That sequence of events that had started with a nervous walk along the beach together and ended with Kaile giggling as she tried to tie a strap-on to herself. It seemed a very long time ago now.

"Mostly with me being incredibly charming and sweeping you off your feet if I'm honest," he replied. He glanced over towards Kaile, smile struggling to return.

He let out a sudden breath. One that seemed to loosen his lips and let words tumble out after it.

"Force I missed you. Sometimes I just imagined boring conversations between us, like working out making the dinner. We were quite remote and I had too much time," he apologised with a shrug.

 

[Kaile Vera]

The burst of a half giggle-snort managed to escape Kaile’s lips before she could hold it back at Asmus’ quip of being incredibly charming for the imagined conversations. That twitch that followed at the corner of her mouth would soften and relax once the former Wing Commander sighed out the rest.

Her stride slowed further, the crunch of the pebbles under her feet so loud that it made Kaile think it sounded louder than reality. There was a vulnerability that Kaile read amidst the gold flecked forest of his eyes. A vulnerability that would mirror the the Lorrdian’s own, a kaleidoscopic flurry of emotions swirling within the fathoms dwelling therin.

A quick dart of her lids would cast them to the ground, catching the dusty boots and the haphazard path before them. In seconds, they went flickering towards the sea, catching the white spray of the ocean splash against the rocks meters away.

Her shoulders would rise with a the shuddered deep breath she took, lifting her chest and prompting a subconscious sweep of the palm of her hand over her swelling belly. A faint gust of wind managed to make the leaves and branches of the jungle trees whisper, swaying gently to and fro along with the tendrils of magenta hair that framed Kaile’s face.

Does it matter any more if I hold back what I am really thinking? Of every thought or emotion i felt these past few months? Of how much I missed him as well? Of all the choices amidst the regrets?

The weight of it all just seemed to settle upon Kaile’s shoulders, and her teeth began to worry and gnaw against the flesh of her lower lip.

“I-I missed you too.” that cracked confession was a half choked murmur amidst the waves of the crashing sea. She’d said as much with the coded blog response that had sent over a link to a specific song. Had what she wanted to convey reach him? Had it made sense?

It took some intestinal fortitude to drag her eyes back from the sea and back to Asmus’ face. By now, she’d come to a halt. The cavern where the Solaris lay hidden wasn’t far off now, naught but a few meters, but even the Lorrdian wasn’t able to hide nor stop the subtle nuances of anxious fingers and rocking of her feet.

“Every day.”

 

[Asmus Janes]

Kaile had almost offered him a real smile then. He wasn’t disappointed to hear her hold back a laugh at his words; it was exactly what he had hoped to elicit. It opened a mental door to find that side of Kaile again. Allowed him to step further outside of his own thoughts. There were always layers of defence around Kaile, but they had been stripped back. It must have taken a world of bravery for her to leave herself so exposed.

I should have held her

Replaying the events since she had stopped him beneath her ship that thought stood out. Asmus had hoped that some of the secrets she had held from him would be laid out, or at least no longer be a barrier between them. They had knocked him on his ass and he’d been too wound up in himself to hold her when she might have needed that. The two of them had always communicated far more easily through touch than with words.

Asmus took a step closer, never pulling his gaze away from hers. The lapping waves hissed through shingle just a few meters from where they stood. It was followed by another soft roar as a new wave fell across the receding waterline.

Reaching out, he took her hand into his own. Now he let his eyes fall to look down at her fingers clasped within her own. It felt so utterly surreal. This place, the revelations that had come, finally finding Kaile after all this time and being able to touch her again.

His eyes lifted back up. There was a fire in those forests again. Burning brighter than Kaile would have seen for a very long time.

“You remember when I told you about the edge of the Galaxy? We could go to the end of everything right now. And it would be okay…” his fingers threaded their way between her own. “...because we wouldn’t be alone there. Not ever again.”

 

[Kaile Vera]

There was a widening in Kaile’s blue eyes, a slight flush of awkward alarm flooding over her face as she felt the warmth of Asmus’ hand clasping her own. He was practically less than a foot away, close enough to feel as if he was looming over her, despite the small stretch of centimeters that was their height differences. Her throat gave a bob, and her breath gave a hitch as those long fingers intertwined against her own.

Was it okay to take him at his word? To believe that they could very well go to the end of the ‘verse and leave everything?
Part of her wanted to believe it. Another, well… the Lorrdian had been doing her best to look after Asmus in a distance for so long that even now, after being cut off from the Alliance and being for all intents and purposes, starting a new, it was hard to not consider that there was plenty Asmus would be leaving behind.

When you had years to convince yourself that being alone was the best thing for all parties, it was hard to suddenly shift from that direction.

Anxiety made her fingers give a flutter within Asmus’ grasp, and Kaile lowered her eyes. If she looked in them any longer then she was liable to break there, give into the temptation to throw her arms around him.

“That’s a long ways out,” the woman managed to murmur, the crashing waves nearby almost stifling her words. “Too far out to change ones mind and decide otherwise.”

 

[Asmus Janes]

“There’s been enough winding along the path to get here,” Asmus turned his gaze back up the path, even though they both knew that it wasn’t what he was referring to. “I’ve made up my mind well enough.” And he realised that he had the moment he finished saying those words.

She might have rocked him back into his heels the previous night, but he stood tall now. This wasn’t like the Quintessence, when he had loomed over her with wonder in his eyes and mischief in the corner of his smile. Those secrets had been stripped away, reality had been utterly driven home.

“I don’t care which world or station comes next. I want to come with you.”

 

[Kaile Vera]

At that, Kaile brought her face back up, the blue filter that made her brown eyes blue seeming to shimmer just a little brighter. It was the sting at the corner of her eyes that made the Lorrdian realize they were close to welling up with tears.

“It w-won’t be easy.” her voice began to crack, half of her heart filling with hope while the other half told her to hold her ground. Then again, look at what happened? Taking it all in, the fact that he was here. That he managed to find her regardless of how careful she thought she could be. That wouldn’t have been easy. Asmus would have had to be set in his mind to find her if he had made it this far.

“And w-we can’t ever be who were.” one would think that Kaile was pushing him away, making excuses. But anyone who had a good ear, who could be in touch with what she truly felt, would realize there was more than meets the eye. Her fingers would curl and uncurl, a fine trembling shaking her shoulders. Her feet shuffled in place, and her right hand came to rest on top of her swollen belly. And, of course, the fact that she’d given a bit of a tell --- Kaile had said ‘we,’ not ‘you.’

 

[Asmus Janes]

“We’d always be who are though,” he replied. “A name, a job…” he lips finally remembered the shape of a smile, “...a new hair colour. That’s not changing who we were.”

He knew what she was asking of him. For the first time he knew what he was offering too. All those bold claims in the past suddenly seemed such fragile things, constructed on half truths. Kaile must have thought him a fool so many times, but he thought that perhaps she liked some of the fool he was.

Asmus did what he should have done the night before. Relinquishing his grip on her hand, he grasped both of her shoulders and gentle pulled himself closer. The waves lapped at the shore again, the taste of salt in the air. This was an odd place to make this stand.

He drew her closer until he could feel her weight pressed to his chest. The bump was only slightly in the way. The life they had created together between them.

Asmus was out of things to say.

 

[Kaile Vera]

Could it really be that easy? The thought swept through Kaile’s mind as a growing energetic flutter crept over her chest. Eyes wide, the Lorridan found herself in Asmus’s embrace, strong, lanky arms curving around her, pressing her close. Her round, swollen belly gently rested against Asmus own, and even at this proximity, the woman could feel the pounding of his heart. Or was that hers? Honestly, at this point, it was hard to tell.

A deep shuddering breath went in through her nose, eyes half falling shut as she caught the salt from the nearby sea and the scent that was unique to Asmus himself; just a hint of sweat, skin, and well-worn leather from the seat of his ship. Even the earlier refresher couldn’t quite hide the scent.

Burying her face against his chest, Kaile brought her trembling hands up to rest against the backs of his shoulders. Fingers caught against the fabric and then dug deep, almost as if she couldn’t bear to feel him loosen his hold. As if to prevent him from disappearing.

Part of her was still apprehensive, unsure. Another just wanted to continue sinking against Asmus and not think or dwell about it anymore. Had she been a bit more religious or prone to thinking that the Force or some higher power had a plan, she’d have said that after years of being separated, of crashing and burning together only to be ripped apart, flung out into the black and then slingshotted back into each other’s gravity had to mean something.

They both bore scars and weathered their own storms. Some way or another, always holding back, Kaile especially. That weight of responsibility always seemed to burden her so. Maybe it was their age difference. Or just the different paths they had crossed. Either way, neither were the same pair of drifters when they first met or the SIS agents when they crashed together again months ago.

It was a different time. Different place, yes. But there was a truth to Asmus words that managed to bring tears into Kaile’s eyes, prompting her hide her face against the soft cloth of his shirt anew. Sure, they both had different names, different jobs, and a different hair color, but regardless of what she had told herself for years, it didnt change the way Kaile felt for Asmus. Not once.

After all, she loved him.

She loved him with all her heart.

​

 

[Asmus Janes]

His hands trembled against her shoulders. Despite everything Asmus had said he couldn't quite bring himself to believe. There was always something that came between them.

Sometimes it was an external force. War or all the things that came with it usually. But often it had just been secrets or that their paths hadn't quite lined up. He was tired of trying to think around those problems. He was tired of expecting the next thing that would pull them apart.

Her tears were cool as they soaked through his shirt. Down against his waist pressed the warmth of her bump. For all the darkness their paths had carried them through, that small little life, the result of their union, it was pure. It would be arriving into a broken galaxy fraught with danger.

There were objects bound by gravity that were fated to pass each other by at an incredible speed before spending years drifting slowly apart. It was time, he decided, to break that cycle.

"Kaile," he said. His voice trembled just as much as his hands. Behind them another wave crashed against the rocks. A fine, cool mist washed over them both.

Asmus leaned back and looked down upon her. Time and hair dye didn't change what he saw every time he looked upon her. Asmus had never hidden what he felt.

"Let's… " he said before he faltered. He nodded his head slowly. Tears were streaming down his own face. Asmus was fresh out of fancy stories and clever words. "Let's just make this simple. Just this once. Say you'll give me a chance."

She had barely managed to tell him her truth in the shadow of her ship. Today, in the morning sun, he was exposing her to his.

---

Full charged, Jay was silent in the corner. Powered down, he saved his charge for their foray into the town that had to be made that night. Asmus was sinking into the worn and exceptionally comfortable sofa.

He breathed slowly. He breathed easily. Since that sudden collision when she had boarded his shuttle they hadn't been given time to breathe. The galaxy had been flipped upside down and turn tipped back over just to be sure. They had been caught up in great war games that made their own concerns seem small.

Asmus turned to Kaile slowly. There was a dimple in his cheek from the lopsided smile he wore so effortlessly. That look told Kaile many things. It told her that despite everything they had been through, despite how they had both changed, that he was still the deck hand she had fallen in love with all those years ago. That smile transcended the years, ploughing through every event, every dark day between then and now. It told her that after she had dropped a bulk freighter of revelations onto him the night before that he was finally feeling more at ease with himself. It also gave context to the question that followed. That the idea wasn't entirely born from needed to wash away the salty sea spray from their long walk.


Continued here