Arch-Hegemon of Athys
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Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos
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Codex Denied Athys: The world of the Hegemons
- Thread starter Desmundor Alcademon
- Start date
- Status
Desmundor Alcademon
, hello! Hope you're having a good day so far. Let me start out by saying that I love the detail you've got going here, makes for a nice read. However, there are a good number of things to work out.Image Credit | This field is missing from the template, it should be right above Canon in the OOC Information. I'm also going to ask that you move your image titles and artists up to Image Credit as Links is meant to be used for established threads/characters/locations that relate to the sub.
I also noticed that some of the credits are missing in this section and every image has to be credited in Codex subs, this will also include images found throughout the submission that don't have proper sources. I've listed/linked what I could find below.
- I was unable to find a source for the Guiltythree image. (If you could find/link where you found it, that would be appreciated)
- Imaginarywarhammar post link
- Simon Fetscher image source
- Tu Bui image credit
- Adam Burn "Under Siege" image credit
- Adam Burn "Planetary Raid" image credit
- WDD Staff image credit page
- Bassilicor DeviantArt credit
- Princea DeviantArt credit
- Black Storm image credit
- Great Pestilence page
- Dhefironite Temple source
- Phoa Credit
- Wasteland Marauder source
Please edit your image credit links with the links provided.
Region & Location | Looking at the screenshot you've put on the submission, this is a no go. In the Planet Creation Rules, it says "Custom Planets cannot be added in the empty space outside the visual rings of the Chaos Map. Nothing in the background." We can't have things outside the borders of the Galaxy. Athys can definitely be in Wild Space if you'd like, but not outside of the Galaxy ring.
Major Imports | A few things in this field. Please link Durelium as it's an uncommon material.
Please also expand on what crystals can be found on Athys as there are hundreds of crystals and types of crystals. Be sure to link their wiki pages as well.
I'd also like to clarify by what you mean with hyperspace technology. Are you referring to hyperdrives here or something else?
Major Exports | Please link Chalon.
Unexploited Resources | Please add a link to Guerrerite.
Planetary Features | This needs to be separate from Major Locations. Planetary Features can include things like mountain ranges, oceans, or ruins. Major Locations are more for the places that people can go visit if they choose to RP there. Please separate the two and give details of planetary features that you'd like the reader to know about.
Nexus Size | In reference to the Will of the Ancients, what size is it? Is it planetary? The template is catered towards a single Nexus and so the overarching size would be the best estimate here.
Nexus Effects | In the first sentence, you mention that there are several effects. However, you only list one of the phenomena that can occur. Are there others? Are there effects on visitors? Are there any light side effects that may occur? Any mutually beneficial effects?
You can give me a tag if you have any questions, concerns, or need any clarification on the edits. Otherwise, tag me once you've completed edits!
Desmundor Alcademon
Could I get an update on this? Do you need more time to work on edits? If I don't hear anything back in the next few days, I'll move this to the Archives due to inactivity. If that happens, you can always pull it back to be worked on using the Submission Modification Thread.Arch-Hegemon of Athys
Ylla Caeli'runa apologies. I am currently working on it. Didnt ping as it is not yet finished! Will be having it done within week tops!!
Arch-Hegemon of Athys
Ylla Caeli'runa This is actually done! 
Ready for further judging
Ready for further judgingArch-Hegemon of Athys
Ylla Caeli'runa any updates 0.0 ?
Desmundor Alcademon
Apologies for the long wait here, I've had a busy week as it's leading up to graduation for me. I can get you an update this weekend
Arch-Hegemon of Athys
Ylla Caeli'runa Hope you gonna nail those grades then!! Not to worry I can just abuse the time you take to add more fancy stuff into the planets!! I will keep working on Athys as most issues on Korrithon were copy paste affairs, so as soon as this is done will get the other set!
Hope you get the best and dont worry, Irl comes first! ^_^
Hope you get the best and dont worry, Irl comes first! ^_^
Desmundor Alcademon
, hello again! I've looked over the sub again and there are still some things that need to be corrected before I pass this on for secondary. Some things are from the previous review and others I saw as I read through your new additions.Image Credit | This field is still missing from the template, it should be right above Canon in the OOC Information. I'm also going to ask that you move your image titles and artists up to the new Image Credit field that you'll add in as Links is meant to be used for established threads/characters/companies/locations that relate to the sub.
I don't see a source for the Guiltythree image yet. If you could manage to find/link where you found it, that would be appreciated. If not, please let me know. If that's the case, it will need to be removed/replaced with a different image.
Major Imports | I'd still like to clarify by what you mean with hyperspace technology here. Are you referring to finished hyperdrives/hyperdrive parts here or something else?
Laocon Mountains | The image here is broken, please replace it with a working version.
Nexus Size | Once again, in reference to the Will of the Ancients, what size is it? Is it planetary? The template is catered towards a single Nexus and so the overarching size would be the best estimate here. There can be many Nexuses or pockets of force influence on a planet, but the template accounts for one that has significance to the planet. If the Nexus is planetary, the Accessibility field can be removed.
Nexus Effects - Plague of the Living Dead | What is this point? Is it meant to describe the abominations mentioned in the Life Springs description or is it a separate effect of the Nexus that needs to be fleshed out?
Technology | No change needed here, just a reminder. While everything there is really cool and really nice from a lore aspect, please keep in mind that a single planet/system wouldn't contend with a Major Faction in the size of its production of weaponry or naval capacities. I do also like that you included the drawbacks of the Athysian tech here.
History | I'd really love to see the History fleshed out a bit more here. You have so much amazing lore that you've put into the making of the planet and then the History is smol/abbreviated. What were some major conflicts that caused a shift in the Will of the Ancients? How did Hives come into play? How did your character manage to rule over the Hives? Was there a time when things were crazy unstable and how did the people/overlords handle it? Overall, how did they get to where they are now?
As always, give me a tag if you have questions on anything or if you just wanna let me know that edits are complete.
Arch-Hegemon of Athys
Ylla Caeli'runa
Image Credit |
Major Imports | I'd still like to clarify by what you mean with hyperspace technology here. Are you referring to finished hyperdrives/hyperdrive parts here or something else?
The Athysians are always interested in getting spares and equipment able to be mounted on their ships as their warfleet is literally the pillar of their civilization. Be it engineers for destroyers and gunships, or even crew and technicians who fabricate spares for the ships. Hyperspace technology included all from crewing, all the way to sheer production for spare parts and repair yards.
Already changed to different categories.
Laocon Mountains | The image here is broken, please replace it with a working version.
Weird... It worked for me. Took it down and reploaded just to make sure. Works now?
Nexus Size | Once again, in reference to the Will of the Ancients, what size is it? Is it planetary? The template is catered towards a single Nexus and so the overarching size would be the best estimate here. There can be many Nexuses or pockets of force influence on a planet, but the template accounts for one that has significance to the planet. If the Nexus is planetary, the Accessibility field can be removed.
Fixed to planetary
Nexus Effects - Plague of the Living Dead | What is this point? Is it meant to describe the abominations mentioned in the Life Springs description or is it a separate effect of the Nexus that needs to be fleshed out?
That was me being a noob. Fixed!!!!!
Technology | No change needed here, just a reminder. While everything there is really cool and really nice from a lore aspect, please keep in mind that a single planet/system wouldn't contend with a Major Faction in the size of its production of weaponry or naval capacities. I do also like that you included the drawbacks of the Athysian tech here.
Major Factions have unfair advantage. Athysians can have a whole system, which yes, yields ridicolous volume of resources, being even further funnier by the raiding conducted off world. BUT.... when we speak of major factions... like, a faction ruling over 100 or more worlds... Oh well.... it is to me perverse the level of difference and industrial capability it has. Athysians do have serious industry and can deploy taunting numbers (if they ever get to work together, which is let us say abit hard to accomplish) they will never field enough to be toe to toe with Major Factions, yet. I like projecting their numbers and strength becoming stronger each time i join a major event. On Ilum (Iluminate the Void Junction) you see a basic branch of 2 capital ships and 4 destroyers. Nothing. In the second (Beasts of Babylon Invasion) I fielded a whole army (rather small force for a planetary coalition to be fair)
Now, in the Ninn invasion (Crisis of Faith Invasion) the Athysians fielded 4 capital ships and about 30 other support ships fleet. Against the Ashlan Crusade's fleet (MF) they are about to get owned, alhough they will be pulling a fight. Physically, i cannot claim i can match a MF BLOCKADE FLEET. Not yet. If I get numbers and end up going MF myself, then again, the same rule will apply just in different scale. This is basic logistics, it would be funny to me to claim i can match any Major given each has about a quarter of the galaxy I cannot support so much fuel expenses with mere raids lets be real here xDDD
History | I'd really love to see the History fleshed out a bit more here. You have so much amazing lore that you've put into the making of the planet and then the History is smol/abbreviated. What were some major conflicts that caused a shift in the Will of the Ancients? How did Hives come into play? How did your character manage to rule over the Hives? Was there a time when things were crazy unstable and how did the people/overlords handle it? Overall, how did they get to where they are now?
You oppened a Hellraiser box right there xD you will have it by the end of the day!!!DDDDDD
Image Credit |
- Planet Athys from space (Credit: Jose Mikhail)
Major Imports | I'd still like to clarify by what you mean with hyperspace technology here. Are you referring to finished hyperdrives/hyperdrive parts here or something else?
The Athysians are always interested in getting spares and equipment able to be mounted on their ships as their warfleet is literally the pillar of their civilization. Be it engineers for destroyers and gunships, or even crew and technicians who fabricate spares for the ships. Hyperspace technology included all from crewing, all the way to sheer production for spare parts and repair yards.
Already changed to different categories.
Laocon Mountains | The image here is broken, please replace it with a working version.
Weird... It worked for me. Took it down and reploaded just to make sure. Works now?
Nexus Size | Once again, in reference to the Will of the Ancients, what size is it? Is it planetary? The template is catered towards a single Nexus and so the overarching size would be the best estimate here. There can be many Nexuses or pockets of force influence on a planet, but the template accounts for one that has significance to the planet. If the Nexus is planetary, the Accessibility field can be removed.
Fixed to planetary
Nexus Effects - Plague of the Living Dead | What is this point? Is it meant to describe the abominations mentioned in the Life Springs description or is it a separate effect of the Nexus that needs to be fleshed out?
That was me being a noob. Fixed!!!!!
Technology | No change needed here, just a reminder. While everything there is really cool and really nice from a lore aspect, please keep in mind that a single planet/system wouldn't contend with a Major Faction in the size of its production of weaponry or naval capacities. I do also like that you included the drawbacks of the Athysian tech here.
Major Factions have unfair advantage. Athysians can have a whole system, which yes, yields ridicolous volume of resources, being even further funnier by the raiding conducted off world. BUT.... when we speak of major factions... like, a faction ruling over 100 or more worlds... Oh well.... it is to me perverse the level of difference and industrial capability it has. Athysians do have serious industry and can deploy taunting numbers (if they ever get to work together, which is let us say abit hard to accomplish) they will never field enough to be toe to toe with Major Factions, yet. I like projecting their numbers and strength becoming stronger each time i join a major event. On Ilum (Iluminate the Void Junction) you see a basic branch of 2 capital ships and 4 destroyers. Nothing. In the second (Beasts of Babylon Invasion) I fielded a whole army (rather small force for a planetary coalition to be fair)
Now, in the Ninn invasion (Crisis of Faith Invasion) the Athysians fielded 4 capital ships and about 30 other support ships fleet. Against the Ashlan Crusade's fleet (MF) they are about to get owned, alhough they will be pulling a fight. Physically, i cannot claim i can match a MF BLOCKADE FLEET. Not yet. If I get numbers and end up going MF myself, then again, the same rule will apply just in different scale. This is basic logistics, it would be funny to me to claim i can match any Major given each has about a quarter of the galaxy
I cannot support so much fuel expenses with mere raids lets be real here xDDDHistory | I'd really love to see the History fleshed out a bit more here. You have so much amazing lore that you've put into the making of the planet and then the History is smol/abbreviated. What were some major conflicts that caused a shift in the Will of the Ancients? How did Hives come into play? How did your character manage to rule over the Hives? Was there a time when things were crazy unstable and how did the people/overlords handle it? Overall, how did they get to where they are now?
You oppened a Hellraiser box right there xD you will have it by the end of the day!!!
DDDDDD
Desmundor Alcademon
For some reason, I can't see any of the edits you've made after refreshing a bit. I'm not sure why that is. Could you double check that you published the sub after making the noted edits? On the Tech front, you're all good, we just typically give reminders so people don't go all gung ho and try to raze the Galaxy. Can't wait to see what you roll out on the History, looking forward to it!
Arch-Hegemon of Athys
Ylla Caeli'runa you are set and i reposted the whole page just for safety. Can you see it now?
Desmundor Alcademon
Yes, I can! Looking good, we're getting there. Just two more small things and I can pass this up for secondary review.Image Credit | Please move the image sources in Links up to the Image Credit field.
Nexus | Because the Nexus is planetary, Accessibility under the Force Nexus can be marked as N/A as it's a planet-wide Nexus. It's immediately accessed by going to Athys.
Arch-Hegemon of Athys
Ylla Caeli'runa fixed the nexus part. However, sorry for the noobity, but i fail to understand what u mean by credited images?
I feel stacking all links in a single column would cause unnecessary confusion and wouldnt be a necessity, as they are always linked under their respective image.
Part of me does it out of habbit, from uni, but in general, i am kind of more comfortable linking each link under the source related to it.
Does this relate to the topic? Or is it a whole different remark and im being uuga buuga xD ?
I feel stacking all links in a single column would cause unnecessary confusion and wouldnt be a necessity, as they are always linked under their respective image.
Part of me does it out of habbit, from uni, but in general, i am kind of more comfortable linking each link under the source related to it.
Does this relate to the topic? Or is it a whole different remark and im being uuga buuga xD ?
Desmundor Alcademon
Accessibility is no longer there? You still need it have the field there, but you can put N/A beside it because it doesn't apply to Athys. As for the image credits, the images you have under Links needs to be copy pasted up to the Image Credit field where you have the planet image source under OOC Information
Arch-Hegemon of Athys
Ylla Caeli'runa done and done
Desmundor Alcademon
Thank you very much for your feedback and cooperation through all of the craziness and edits! I'll be passing this on for secondary.
Allyson Locke
|
Srina Talon
APPROVED PENDING SECONDARY
Administrator
Ylla Caeli'runa |
Desmundor Alcademon
Nice work you pair. I can see that this was a rather lengthy undertaking and that a lot of thought has gone into it. A very creative and interesting piece. There are just a few small things. Thank you for your kind patience, however, I would gently remind you that the bumping of submissions is prohibited in the Codex Guidelines. Should you have concerns you can reach out to the Codex Admin (myself) via board PM or DM.
1.) Location: You have a screencap at the top of the submission that shows the location of Athys, however, that should actually be linked in the location section. You have the general region linked - But not the actual map location. You can keep the image at the top if you want but it really should be linked in this section per the template.
2.) There are two broken image links:
If your image links keep breaking try saving them and linking them with an image hosting service like imgur or imgbb. This will keep the links from breaking down over time. If you need help with Image Credits in the future you can also reference this Guide.
That's all - Otherwise, this is solid. Tag me when you're ready for me to take another look.
Desmundor Alcademon
Nice work you pair. I can see that this was a rather lengthy undertaking and that a lot of thought has gone into it. A very creative and interesting piece. There are just a few small things. Thank you for your kind patience, however, I would gently remind you that the bumping of submissions is prohibited in the Codex Guidelines. Should you have concerns you can reach out to the Codex Admin (myself) via board PM or DM.
1.) Location: You have a screencap at the top of the submission that shows the location of Athys, however, that should actually be linked in the location section. You have the general region linked - But not the actual map location. You can keep the image at the top if you want but it really should be linked in this section per the template.
2.) There are two broken image links:
If your image links keep breaking try saving them and linking them with an image hosting service like imgur or imgbb. This will keep the links from breaking down over time. If you need help with Image Credits in the future you can also reference this Guide.
That's all - Otherwise, this is solid. Tag me when you're ready for me to take another look.
Arch-Hegemon of Athys
HEYYY
Srina Talon
! Ready as per below!
Nice work you pair. I can see that this was a rather lengthy undertaking and that a lot of thought has gone into it. A very creative and interesting piece. There are just a few small things. Thank you for your kind patience, however, I would gently remind you that the bumping of submissions is prohibited in the Codex Guidelines. Should you have concerns you can reach out to the Codex Admin (myself) via board PM or DM.
Bumping!? Sorry if i accidentally did so, my intention has never been that. More so, I respect the work and effort the mod team puts into this, which stands as a reason i try having m subs as best as possible before subbing, and not taking a billion remarks to make them visible xD I know your guys pain wouldnt like to be a contributor to it! If I bumped the sub i apologize, although it wasnt with me knowingly doing it!
1) Location
Moved map to location as per remark
2) Broken links
Set.
This remark i have had a hard time as it wasnt breaking for me. downloaded, uploaded, posted. Please advise if fixed!
Srina Talon
! Ready as per below!Nice work you pair. I can see that this was a rather lengthy undertaking and that a lot of thought has gone into it. A very creative and interesting piece. There are just a few small things. Thank you for your kind patience, however, I would gently remind you that the bumping of submissions is prohibited in the Codex Guidelines. Should you have concerns you can reach out to the Codex Admin (myself) via board PM or DM.
Bumping!? Sorry if i accidentally did so, my intention has never been that. More so, I respect the work and effort the mod team puts into this, which stands as a reason i try having m subs as best as possible before subbing, and not taking a billion remarks to make them visible xD I know your guys pain wouldnt like to be a contributor to it! If I bumped the sub i apologize, although it wasnt with me knowingly doing it!
1) Location
Moved map to location as per remark
2) Broken links
Set.
This remark i have had a hard time as it wasnt breaking for me. downloaded, uploaded, posted. Please advise if fixed!
- Status