Living In Color
Iris blinked. She stayed where she was for a moment before letting her gaze fall again.
<Yeah.>
Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos
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Private Apartment Life Is Boring
- Thread starter Iris Arani
- Start date
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- Tags
- life
Iris blinked. She stayed where she was for a moment before letting her gaze fall again.
<Yeah.>
The Doppelganger
Wait.
<...Oh.>
For someone who complained so frequently about how dense Iris was, Kai was slow to understand. She wasn't just agreeing with him, she meant something entirely different. She meant, presumably, romantic love. What they had been discussing for the past several minutes.
Underneath the flesh he had adopted, he was still a living rock. Not exactly the most romantic sort. He didn't want to hurt her, but...
He didn't know what to say. How could he talk about love with such surety, and yet be incapable of experiencing one of its forms?
It occurred to him that he was afraid. Iris probably was too. She certainly looked the part, quivering and clutching at her amulet. But Kai's fear was of a different kind. Iris was most likely afraid of rejection. Kai was afraid of what might happen if he didn't reject her. The disappointment and heartache that would come from any love story between them made it all seem so terrifying, so uncertain.
He swallowed. <Iris... we can't. It wouldn't work out. I'm not built like a human, I don't think or feel things like a human. You wouldn't be happy with me.>
<...Oh.>
For someone who complained so frequently about how dense Iris was, Kai was slow to understand. She wasn't just agreeing with him, she meant something entirely different. She meant, presumably, romantic love. What they had been discussing for the past several minutes.
Underneath the flesh he had adopted, he was still a living rock. Not exactly the most romantic sort. He didn't want to hurt her, but...
He didn't know what to say. How could he talk about love with such surety, and yet be incapable of experiencing one of its forms?
It occurred to him that he was afraid. Iris probably was too. She certainly looked the part, quivering and clutching at her amulet. But Kai's fear was of a different kind. Iris was most likely afraid of rejection. Kai was afraid of what might happen if he didn't reject her. The disappointment and heartache that would come from any love story between them made it all seem so terrifying, so uncertain.
He swallowed. <Iris... we can't. It wouldn't work out. I'm not built like a human, I don't think or feel things like a human. You wouldn't be happy with me.>
Living In Color
Was she afraid of being rejected? She wasn't sure herself. What was it she was afraid of, most of all? Why was
Kai Bamarri
her weakness? <I know.> Iris was slow on the uptake for a lot of things. Forgot even more. But she understood that much. Kai wasn't human. Wasn't going to feel how humans felt. Yet, was what she feeling really human? She herself wasn't. She never grew up as a human. Up until shortly before meeting him, she'd lived a life that.. Wasn't really a life. She wasn't sad in her answer. If anything, there was relief. Maybe what she was scared of was him trying to appease her like he had Claudia.
<But.. I am happy with you. I bleed like a human. I grow like a human. I wasn't born like you were, but.. I'm not really like them. Being around you makes me happy.> No, there it was. The core of her fear. The weakness. She didn't want to stop being around him.
<I love you. Does that change anything?>
The Doppelganger
Kai had expected her to argue with him, just not like this. He thought it would be more like his fights with Claudia, filled with pleading and bargaining. Putting aside any quibbles over details or fretting over semantics, did her confession really change anything?
<But if it doesn't change anything, what does it mean for us? Just a continuation of the status quo?>
He was beginning to wonder if Iris, who had always seemed as asexual as an amoeba in a convent, had really just announced her undying friendship for Kai, rather than a desire for romance. Especially when he compared her to Claudia, who clearly wanted to stick her tongue down Kai's throat. It looked like Iris just wanted a best friend for life, maybe with a little platonic hand-holding every now and then.
Unless he was completely wrong, and Iris also wanted to stick her tongue down his throat, but was just a whole lot less impatient about it.
<But if it doesn't change anything, what does it mean for us? Just a continuation of the status quo?>
He was beginning to wonder if Iris, who had always seemed as asexual as an amoeba in a convent, had really just announced her undying friendship for Kai, rather than a desire for romance. Especially when he compared her to Claudia, who clearly wanted to stick her tongue down Kai's throat. It looked like Iris just wanted a best friend for life, maybe with a little platonic hand-holding every now and then.
Unless he was completely wrong, and Iris also wanted to stick her tongue down his throat, but was just a whole lot less impatient about it.
Living In Color
<I dunno.> A pure, simple answer. Iris again clutched the amulet to her chest, but this time with a smile. <Maybe it means nothing and we stay as we are. Maybe something does change. I've never loved someone before. I dunno what it means to me or what I might want with it. .. If anything does change, I'll tell you. And if anything changes for you, you tell me?>
Things for her weren't so clear cut as amoeba or constant craving. She was a girl who barely knew how to be someone's friend, let alone something more. <Is it supposed to change things?>
The Doppelganger
Living In Color
The Doppelganger
<Well, usually after a declaration and affirmation of love, there is kissing and copulation.> He tapped his chin. <People get married and have children when they fall in love, too. Though not necessarily in that order, as Master Noble has shown.>
He spread his hands. <Do you want any of that?>
He spread his hands. <Do you want any of that?>
Living In Color
She blinked. Then.. Shrugged. Honestly, she had no idea. <I've never thought about it. I don't know.> Iris's gaze again focused in on
Kai Bamarri
's watching him for a moment. Thinking.<Do you?>
The Doppelganger
Her answer was predictable. Iris was, by her own admission, a blank slate. Devoid of favorites and of desires. Her contentment could be seen as a boon by the Jedi, but Kai had found it frustrating more often than not. He certainly didn't want to be the person who called all the shots, with Iris merely serving as a vessel for the fulfillment of his desires, whatever they might be.
<I don't know either,> he admitted. <So should we just... hold off? Keep things the same as they are now, see what happens?>
<I don't know either,> he admitted. <So should we just... hold off? Keep things the same as they are now, see what happens?>
Living In Color
Hold off? Her brow furrowed. No, it wasn't the answer that had her thinking more.
Kai Bamarri
's frustration. She could see it in the colors. Was her not knowing what she wanted annoying to him? She never thought about it before. There was a lot she never thought about. Yet at the same time, was there a reason to hurry and try to find the answer? She let out a breath, closing her eyes.Thinking was hard.
<Things don't need to change, not yet. Maybe not ever. There's no rush, right?> Then she smiled again. Brighter than before. Not the usual bright smile she had either when she understood something that brought her joy. Something had changed, that much was obvious.
<Maybe if you love me like I love you, something might change, right?>
The Doppelganger
<Yeah...>
He ran a hand through his hair, staring down at the ground. The Doppelganger was fidgeting more, and his face was a little flushed, though in his case his blood was black, so it took on a grayish rather than pinkish hue.
So far he'd managed to hide what he was from her. If nothing changed, he could keep up the charade. He found himself thinking back uncomfortably to that one time on the rooftop, when she had opened her mind to his. He'd nearly fed on her thoughts. Part of him wondered if knowing that might be in store for her in the future would be enough to scare her away.
It brought forth another question, too: would she still feel the same way if she knew all the things he'd kept a secret from her?
<Why do you love me, Iris?>
He ran a hand through his hair, staring down at the ground. The Doppelganger was fidgeting more, and his face was a little flushed, though in his case his blood was black, so it took on a grayish rather than pinkish hue.
So far he'd managed to hide what he was from her. If nothing changed, he could keep up the charade. He found himself thinking back uncomfortably to that one time on the rooftop, when she had opened her mind to his. He'd nearly fed on her thoughts. Part of him wondered if knowing that might be in store for her in the future would be enough to scare her away.
It brought forth another question, too: would she still feel the same way if she knew all the things he'd kept a secret from her?
<Why do you love me, Iris?>
Living In Color
She didn't answer
Kai Bamarri
's question with her voice. As she always said, talking wasn't her strongest point. Instead, she showed him. Memories of him, them together. Him saving her from the Zombie. Her worry when he was reverted to his real form. The rooftop he showed her to. His lecturing on her spray painting the roof when she should be using a canvas. Him showing her how to fight and use the Force. The pirate ship and him trying to keep her calm when he himself was also stuck in a cage. The support he'd been to her when he likely didn't even know it.Then the memories he wouldn't know. How her lessons kept her alive. How not hesitating had her kill someone for the first time and the sorrow that brought, but the life it saved. Not just her own. The influence on her art. How she saw the world around her. Looking through the colors. Wanting to know more, not just about her life and what was happening around her, but him. Her other friends that she never would have made had she not looked deeper.
Finally the amulet. She didn't hide it anymore, instead lowering her hand so he could see his name, etched in the wood by her own hand. He was her weakness. Thinking about him, wanting to be around him. Keeping him safe. It made it hard for her to think clearly. There was no regret in any of the thoughts she shared. Even as the memories of her scars and the pain were shared. Iris hid nothing.
That was her answer. A montage of every important moment he'd been a part of or influenced.
"That's why."