Private Apartment Life Is Boring

[Iris Arani]

How long had it been since she started living in this apartment? How many coats of paint covered the living room walls? Well, the later she was unsure of. Briana Sal-Soren made sure she cleaned up the paint so there wasn't some spongy feel to the wall after the fiftieth layer or so. To her credit Iris hadn't done any lasting damage to anything since the first time she accidentally dumped a can of paint on the couch. That took even longer to clean, yeah, but at least it was something to do.

Asides from random strangers coming over to help the two keep up with their training or they went out on their own for missions, there wasn't much to do. Valery Noble was pregnant and in hiding, and the pair of Padawans needed to be too. It also meant she hadn't been to the rooftop since she last saw Arlo Renard . And Claudia. A frown settled on the Padawan's lips as she stared up at the ceiling. Lazily draped over the still stained couch, munching on some candy bar she'd bought earlier.

Today was a lazy day for sure. Though, maybe the walls would look better in blue? Her gaze drifted, readily accepting the new challenge and distraction from thinking about what Claudia and Kai were doing. Paint was better.

 

[Arlo Renard]

Kai swung across the street and landed on the side of the apartment building. Crawling along the wall, he tapped on the glass.

<Hey Iris. Can I come in?>

Iris Arani​

 

[Iris Arani]

Ah man, thinking about Arlo Renard was making her see his colors around. She figured painting would be distracting enough to put him out of her mind an-

<Hey Iris. Can I come in?>

Iris blinked, turning her gaze towards the window. She raised a hand, opening the window with a slight nudge of the Force without a second thought. <.. Uh. Yeah.>

 

[Arlo Renard]

Once she invited him in, Kai slipped through the open window. The dingy little apartment was a location he had known of, but had never been to before. It was where Iris and one other Padawan had been staying during Master Noble's confinement.

Right now Iris was sitting on the couch. Kai eyed the candy she was eating, using the Force to "sneak" a piece from the bag and into his mouth.

<I've been meaning to talk to you,> he began, flopping down next to her. <About what happened at the diner with that Sithspawn, the one who wanted to eat people. You remember? Kyric was with us.> And Kyric had to stop her from killing the Sithspawn.

Iris Arani​

 

[Iris Arani]

Iris stayed pretty much lounged on the couch. Upside-down, legs crossed over the back. Y'know, the comfortable way. She didn't move even as Kai flopped down beside her. Not at first. As he brought up what happened she leaned up and turned so she could sit on the couch. Cross legged.

The other comfortable way.

<When Kyric stopped me from killing them, yeah.> The faint smile that had unknowingly formed with his arrival faded as she stared off. He sought her out, to talk about this. But did she want to?

<I'm glad he was able to stop me.>

 

[Arlo Renard]

<Yeah.> She knew exactly what incident he was referring to, but it was clear she didn't want to discuss the matter. But if they didn't talk about it now, then when?

<You said you let the Force take control. But you didn't want to kill him. And yet, if Kyric hadn't been there, you were about to deal a killing blow.>

He watched her face, looking for... something. He knew not what.

Iris Arani​

 

[Iris Arani]

Iris wasn't sure how to feel or what to say. No, she knew what she was feeling. Frustration. Shame. Her gaze stayed on whatever it was she'd found to stare at. She couldn't even focus on that. "I know." Her voice came out small, soft. She was getting more and more uncomfortable by the second, to the point she hopped up to wander towards the kitchen. Distract herself for a moment to think it through.

<You want anything to drink?>

 

[Arlo Renard]

Kai's gaze followed Iris as she got up and walked away, poised to act. To plead, to reason, whatever it took to get through this.

Before he could find the right words, she asked him if he wanted anything to drink. <Sure,> he replied.

But he got up and crossed over to the kitchen, following her path. He didn't quite corner her, but the angle at which he approached meant she'd be between him and the fridge. He rested a hand against the kitchen counter at her side, leaving only one exit that wasn't closed off by kitchen appliances or his body.

<Iris,> he began. <We need to talk about this. You need to talk about what happened.> He tilted his head, his gaze soft. <You don't need to be afraid.>

Iris Arani​

 

[Iris Arani]

She opened the fridge, taking out a couple cans of the soda Kai had introduced her to one of those days on the roof. The flavor stuck. It was a better memory to think of then the one he wanted her to think about. She turned, only just then noticing Kai had followed her. Iris blinked in surprise, her gaze briefly meeting his.

Only briefly though. She was quick to look off, holding one of the cans for him. The other she used to hide her frown. <I'm not scared. I just.. Don't want to disappoint you.> Her gaze shifted to the counter, only then realizing the amulets Valery had given her were in plain view. One that said 'Uncertainty' and the other with 'Kai Bamarri' scralled over them. She reached out as subtly through the Force as she could to at least flip them over.

<It's not going to happen again.>

 

[Arlo Renard]

<I'm not scared. I just... Don't want to disappoint you.>

<Disappoint me?> He took the can she offered, but didn't open it yet. <Why would I be disappointed?>

He followed her gaze to the amulet, hearing the pieces of wood rattle. She had just used the Force to flip it over. It was a little hard not to notice, but he didn't draw attention to it.

<If it won't happen again, what's the harm in talking about it?> He was trying not to come across as pushy, but it was difficult. His mental "voice" grew gentler. <I want to help you. Whatever it is that's bothering you, whatever caused you to lose yourself, I want us to try and make it better.>

Iris Arani​

 

[Iris Arani]

<Because I-> Well, why would it disappoint Arlo Renard ? She didn't have an answer. Really, she didn't have an answer for much. Conversations weren't her thing. Not like this. Even with Valery Noble she never truly spoke about her problems. Just thought them over and figured it out on her own. Iris popped open her can, taking a sip. A long sip.

<When I let myself go to the Force, I'm efficient. Stronger and faster. But.. When we were captured by the pirates, I let myself go deeper than normal and I nearly killed one of the pirates I'd already beaten. Domxite stopped me, and I thought it was wrong. Then.. You got hurt. I got shot.> She was visibly uncomfortable, still holding the can to her lips to hide behind. Not to hide her face though. The crack like scar from where she'd been shot was visible with the tank top she was wearing. All her scars were, really.

<I didn't want you to get hurt. I didn't want to get hurt. So I let myself go. .. I'm not fighting like that anymore. Master Valery has been teaching me a way to stay in control when I fight. .. I'm not going to use the Force as a crutch again.>

 

[Arlo Renard]

So Iris had been motivated by a fear of pain and injury. It wasn't hard to see why. Unlike Kai's, Iris' flesh couldn't regenerate so easily. Every flare of her nerves was a reminder that this scar could be permanent, or that wound might prove fatal.

<You don't need to worry about me getting hurt,> he said, smiling faintly. <Worry about yourself, sure. But I can handle myself.>

His smile faded as his gaze lowered to the scar over her sternum, visible through her tank top. <That didn't heal very well, did it... I hope it isn't my fault.>

Something else about all this was bothering him. <When you rely upon the Force too much, you lose control?> he asked, raising his eyes to hers.

Iris Arani​

 

[Iris Arani]

<You're not immortal. I'll protect everyone I can.> She shrugged, glancing down towards her scar as he made mention of it. <.. The more I do as a Jedi, the more scars I'm sure I'll get. It's not as bad as it looks, though.> At least it didn't burn anymore. Iris couldn't say the same about the dull ache. Or the nightmares. She didn't make eye contact, she rarely did anyway, but now she wasn't even looking Arlo Renard 's way. Trying to avoid looking at his colors, at least for now.

<Yeah. I'm more just a vessel, I guess. .. I don't like it. I really don't want to hurt people."

 

[Arlo Renard]

<That's the thing, though—if this body is destroyed, I can find a new one to inhabit.> The process was not without its dangers and difficulties, but he spoke the truth. A Bamarri did not die unless they wished to, or unless they couldn't find a vessel to anchor them within three Chaldean days.

Perhaps it wouldn't be so bad a thing to leave this body behind.

Averting her eyes, she compared herself unfavorably to a vessel. He could sense her negative emotions bleeding through her telepathy, feelings of uncertainty, doubt, perhaps even inadequacy. All things he was far too familiar with.

<Why do you think you're a vessel?> he asked, hopping up onto the kitchen counter beside where she stood. He finally opened his can of soda and took a sip.

Iris Arani​

 

[Iris Arani]

<A new body?> Even in telepathy she sounded completely surprised. Come to think of it, what even was Arlo Renard ? She'd never asked, and he didn't seem to want to talk about it, but now the curiosity was obvious.

Though it didn't linger long. Again she turned to her drink, hiding the frown with another sip. <Mm. Not sure.> Was vessel even the right word? Her brow furrowed.

<I want to think and fight for myself. That's all, I guess.>

 

[Arlo Renard]

Kai had tried to tell her what he was, granting her a brief yet vivid glimpse of his inner world. But no doubt some details had been lost in translation.

<I'm a Bamarri. We are born when lightning strikes marble. Our bodies are made from crystal, and very fragile. If they shatter, our spirits can occupy a new body, provided we find one quickly. The longer we go without a physical form to anchor us, the more difficult it is to avoid becoming one with the Force...>

He shrugged his shoulders, letting her figure out the rest. Clearly he no longer possessed a delicate crystalline body.

Her answer to his question was unsure. Kai pursed his lips, sipping more of his soda. <I admit I have my theories. The Force has always distracted you, because of the way you see it. The colors have made you spacey, unaware of your surroundings. Rather than influencing the world around you, you're lost in it, going with the flow. Controlling that might mean seeing the colors less... but you could think and fight for yourself.>

Iris Arani​

 

[Iris Arani]

Bamarri. Right. The memory of the memory being shared came back. The hospital room, too. The ache in her chest came back with it, the scar burning slightly. He could swap bodies, but.. What body did he have now? The darkness she'd felt on that unfortunate trip. The shape changing. The form he reverted to when he was shocked by the floating eye. Maybe she could search it somewhere.

Though, that felt like she'd be going behind Arlo Renard 's back.

Her eyes closed as she sank to the floor, knees to her chest as she hid her face behind them. Kai said everything she wanted to say. In a way that could actually be understood. His theory wasn't wrong, mostly. <I can't control it. Only try to see through them.> Her gaze stayed on the floor, full of frustration. She wanted to explain more. Tell him everything. But she wasn't sure exactly how. That frustration bubbled off of her, into every thought and sent message.

<The more I see through them, the more I see how empty I am. Living here with Bri only makes it more obvious. I don't have a favorite movie, or book. Until recently I didn't have a favorite food. I still don't get how to talk to people, or what I'm feeling. I don't remember my home before I came to the Jedi. An apartment. Maybe like this? The people who lived there helped take care of me but I don't remember their names. Their faces. Not even which colors were theirs.> She raised a hand, pulling one of the charms her way to look over the word on it.

<I dunno who I am, or who I'm supposed to be.>

 

[Arlo Renard]

<Hey, why are you on the floor?> Kai immediately hopped down from the counter and crouched down in front of her. <Don't you know that kitchen floors are even dirtier than bathroom floors? You're nasty.>

He was being playful about it, but seriously.

As for the rest of what she'd said, Kai was eager to offer his help. <Is there stuff you forgot?> he asked. <Like memories? I could try and help you remember, maybe.> But clearly there was more to this problem than simple forgetfulness. Iris had just confessed to sleepwalking through her entire life, so distracted by the colors she had never fully developed as a person.

<Maybe you should take some adderall or something.>

Iris Arani​

 

[Iris Arani]

Iris blinked and glanced up to Arlo Renard , her gaze full of confusion. The floor was dirty? Her gaze shifted to it. The usually paint covered Padawan never really cared about that sort of thing, but should she have? Then the subject changed. Drastically. Iris just shook her head, her gaze turning again to the charm, then back up to Kai. <I don't think there was anything I was paying attention enough to to remember.>

<Maybe you should take some adderall or something.>

<What is adderall?>

 

[Arlo Renard]

<Iris, please, get up off the floor.> He took her arm and tugged on it. <There are germs and stuff that could make you sick, you goofy girl.>

Well, he couldn't help her remember if there was nothing to remember.

<Adderall is a drug they give to people with attention deficit disorders. It helps them focus.>

Iris Arani​