Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

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Private Anything You Could Do You Can't As Well Anymore


Iris_Sig.png

<Stop.> Confusion. Hurt. Loneliness. Want. Iris didn't hide any of her flurry of emotions. Just watching Kai try to run away was as frustrating as everything.. Well everything! She reached out, gripping his sleeve.

"Please just.. Stop running. Not this time."

Kai Bamarri Kai Bamarri
 
At her tugging on his sleeve, Kai stopped in his tracks. He kept his back turned at first, trying to regain some semblance of composure and dignity.

Yet when he finally looked at her, everything he was feeling was written in his expression. The ghost of electricity still howled in the bones of his face, but it was a human face. Kai had become a real boy, with all the complications and contradictions that entailed.

Iris wasn’t hiding her emotions. He could tell that she still wanted him—in fact, her desire was even stronger than his. It had had time to grow and intensify, while his was just barely beginning to bud.

So why had she rejected him? Did she want to hurt him the same way he had hurt her that night?

<Why?> he asked, pleading rather than demanding. <What do you want from me?>

 

Iris_Sig.png

It would be easy to just accept him now, right? All these emotions building up, in both of them. He wanted to kiss her. She wanted him to. Was there any more logic needed? Yeah. Iris couldn't ignore the haze of colors coming from him. A sad smile took over her features. Not a somber one, but the kind close to tears. She had wanted this, once.

"I don't think either of us are ready for that." He, with all these new emotions he still had to learn. Her, with all the scars brought by everyone she had already been through. "I'm not who I was anymore.. I just.. I can't. Why can't we just be friends again? Eating pizza and talking about being Jedi. Figure out who we are again first and just.. Not rush into anything."
 
"I'm not who I was anymore.. I just.. I can't. Why can't we just be friends again? Eating pizza and talking about being Jedi. Figure out who we are again first and just.. Not rush into anything."

<Because I need something good to come out of abandoning who I used to be.> He already knew that his desires were selfish, but she had asked him why. She deserved an honest answer. <Because so far, it doesn't feel all that different—in fact, it feels a lot worse.>

He suddenly covered his face with his hands, as if he couldn't bear to be seen. The humiliation he felt had much deeper roots—he was terrified, more than anything else, that he had made a huge mistake. That he never should've become human in the first place, that he should've just accepted what he had been made into and learned to live with it. He had lived with it for years already, learning to adapt and overcome his failings. But only now did he realize how truly gifted he had been. To be human was to be less than what he had been in every way except one.

His capacity to love had grown astronomically. It was overwhelming. He felt like he was going to explode unless he found an outlet for it.

You can say I just need to wait and be patient all you want. People are going to die because I won't be strong or fast enough to save them anymore. But if I could just love you, Iris…

Kai wasn't stupid enough to admit out loud that he thought kissing Iris would make everything better. That loving her would be a fair trade. At least it would allow him to sleep at night.

 
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Iris_Sig.png

Iris wasn't even sure what to do at this point. She watched him in silence as he admitted his selfish desires. His wants and fears. If not out loud, then through the colors around him. She didn't know what he was going through, not really. A third, completely different body that he still had no choice in must be something so wrong. Guilt, anger, fear, hopelessness. They stained their shades of grey throughout.

Her hand fell away from him. She wasn't sure what to say or do, still. How was she supposed to? He never did either, now that she thought about it.

At once her hands came back up. Pulling him down, into a hug. If he wanted to hide away, maybe she could at least make it some place warmer than his hands. "I couldn't sit up on my own. After I fell. There was a bar I had to grab to pull myself up with. I'd never felt so helpless. I had to relearn how to walk, run. Fight. I hated it. Hated being alone most of all. It was because of a friend I made it through. I.. I can't be anything more. Not like this, not when I'm still trying to learn.

But I can be your friend, Kai. I can help you while you learn how to run again."

Kai Bamarri Kai Bamarri
 
Kai was stiff at first, afraid he would misinterpret the gesture. But it wasn’t long before he returned Iris’ embrace. The hurricane of his emotions became a gentle rain.

But all was not well. Kai’s doubts and worries had not been laid to rest. He could only put them aside as he nodded his head in pained, begrudging agreement.

<Okay. We'll help each other.>

 

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