A Concerned Touch

[Kairon Rees]

Some of the younger privateers seemed determined to keep the night alive. The music in the mess had been turned up again and again until a pair of stern-looking marines had forced them to turn it back down following some complaints. At one table a rodian smuggler was snoring loudly, his chin resting on his gently heaving chest.

Kairon found himself alone at a table with Mal for this first time in the night. There had been so many introductions to be made, retellings of the battle that had become increasingly distant from Kairon's memory through the night as each version added another embellishment. By next morning it would be the case that the smugglers had stolen every ship in the Final Order fleet whilst flicking the v's out the viewport whilst fleeing.

Whilst he had paced himself, he had a good buzz now. His thoughts pushing their way through the haze slowly before coming together to make something coherent. For the first time that evening he allowed concern to etch itself into his features. The question that had been on his lips all day was finally expressed.

"Mal, are you and your family okay? Sorry, you just seemed really scared before you had to run," he said quietly, even though no one was close enough to listen in.

[member="Malia alfredane"]

 

[Malia Afredane]

Her mind was a blur of new faces, and toasts to their success. Now the evening was winding down, the stragglers heading off and her attention was squarely on him. They were sitting close, chairs touching at a small bistro sized table, with her sitting on his right side away from the burns. She sighed and shook her head at the question. She figured he was going to ask her about that eventually and it might as well be now when her inhibitions about discussing her family were at their lowest.

"I'm fine, Mum's fine. My father took a bullet to the knee but he should be fine, provided he doesn't give me a reason to shoot off his other one."

She could feel the incoming horror, raising a hand to let him know she would clarify the remark. With a very deep breath, she started on a long rambling explanation.

"Look, ok, see, Mum's always told me that my father was some joe from the factory, who used to come round the bar. I never knew his name, nothing. Well turns out, after I got run out of the Navy, he came and found me. He was never a factory worker, he was the son of a mafia boss on Corellia and Mum was an undesirable cocktail waitress that needed to be sent away when he was supposed to marry the daughter of a rival family. So Mum took a lot of cash, and headed to Balmorra and bought the bar and had me. She took the last name of the bistro they used to have dinner at, creepy I know. Anyways, this guy figures out that I'm his daughter and he starts wanting me to come work for the "family" business but I'm not having any of it. He thinks I'm a low life who could be better if I embraced my pedigree. I'm thinking, look, if Mum wasn't good enough for you then, then you aren't good enough for me now. The last time I turned him down, he put a 500,000 credit bounty on Mum, thinking that if he had her, he could twist me into doing his work. Rusty saw the bounty pop up and grabbed Mum before anyone else could. The bounty was for alive, but bounty hunters are prickly on the ambulatory and awake part of alive. When I got that call on Naboo, Rusty had just pulled Mum out of a shootout at her bar and came to get me. We went to confront my father. Rusty turned in Mum for the bounty, I shot his knee out, Rusty killed his thugs and I had a very terse conversation about the next time he thinks about Mum, I will not be aiming for his knee. He doubled the bounty payout, so Mum got her bar fixed and we got a new ship. It's really big and kinda pretty. I named it the Grey Warden. It's not ready yet though."

With a shrug and a comical sigh, she leaned her head on his good shoulder.

"So yeah. Can we talk about something I'm more comfortable with like my gambling addiction or that my childhood friends were alcoholics and pirates?"

[member="Kairon Rees"]

 

[Kairon Rees]

[member="Malia Afredane"]
Kairon's expression went through several emotions as she explained her story. It took the cogs a little while to keep up with her explanation. She seemed to need to get it all out in one breath.

As she leant her head on his shoulder, he gently stroked her back with his good arm and kissed the top of her head. That must have been difficult for her, he knew. He was glad that she trusted him enough to explain it all. Could he say the same? It wasn't that he didn't trust her, but reliving those years...

my childhood friends were alcoholics and pirates?

Kairon stiffened in his chair as she said that, almost certainly enough that she would sense it. It took him a moment to compose himself and reply. "He sounds like a lovely piece of work," he said sarcastically. "Thank you for telling me what happened. You know I meant it when I said it before: you only have to tell me what you want to. So when is the Grey Warden going to be flying? I think the Quin might be in pieces for a while."

 

[Malia Afredane]

She was not nearly as inebriated as he was and when she said pirates, she felt him seize up. Again. This was becoming a thing. She raised her hand, waving away his attempt to move along the conversation.

"When the paperwork is done, we don't have a crew yet. Now you've got this sensitive sweet thing going on where you tell me I don't have to talk about my past but anytime I say the word pirate, you scrunch up and change the subject. You do remember that we met on what was technically a pirating job? It isn't my favorite but it pays the bills. As much as I'd like to be all supportive and tell you that you don't have to talk about it, if you have a problem with me doing pirate jobs and knowing pirates then I'd rather know about it before this goes too far."

Her fingers were intertwined with his, her thumb idly stroking the back of his right hand. She didn't want to look him in the eyes, a little afraid that he might actually be trying to look past the awful parts of her. Like knee capping her father for putting a ridiculously large bounty on her mother in order to blackmail her.

[member="Kairon Rees"]

 

[Kairon Rees]

[member="Malia Afredane"]

“Yeah…yeah…that’s fair,” Kairon said quietly. Several expressions flashed across his features: annoyance, fear, confusion, before finally settling on sadness. He sighed and idly spun the empty glass around on the table with his left hand. Those burns still hurt, but the alcohol left it a hollow echo of the pain.

That was what thinking on his past was most of the time: a hollow echo of the pain. He didn’t like to pick the scab, he certainly hadn’t given a great deal of thought on how to explain it to someone.

“When I was…I used to…” he tried to start a few times and faltered, glad that she seemed to give him a few moments to compose his thoughts.

He turned to her and held her gaze, finally finding a way to start this. “I stole the Quin because I was no longer a part of my family. I didn’t fit in, there was a gulf between us. I wasn’t who they had known, or what they expected of me. I came back to them broken, and they always looked at me with disappointment tinged with regret.

"When I was very young I was on a freight run when we get dropped out of hyperspace. Pirates killed most of the crew, but those who survived were forced to join on. The ship who took us was the Bad Karma, and until around ten years ago they had perhaps the worst reputation in the Galaxy for the atrocities they were responsible for,” Kairon explained slowly. He took a moment to gather his breath, but pressed on before he could stop himself.

“They weren’t the happy rum drinking cartoon pirates you see on holovids, or even professionals. But most ships dumped their cargo as soon as they saw them coming. I had to live in a squalid cargo hold with “the meat”. Desperate men they picked up off the street, or survivors from captured ships. When they latched onto a vessel the real crew would push, kick and even shoot the meat until they charged through the breach. Average casualty rate was around a third every time. No one cared, there was always more meat for the grinder.

“The crew was known for air-locking crew members for fun, teasing them before opening the doors just a centimetre. They were also renowned for the ‘ring of mettle.’ They’d force a junior crewman, or even one of the meat, to fight bare handed to the death with a captured man. The one who survived got to mop up the mess and then a more senior position on the ship,” he said. There was an almost apologetic shrug, and as he spoke again his voice was slightly cracked.

“I had to do things back then that I don’t much like to think on. Sorry,” he said, moisture now welling in his eyes. Should have explained this sober, he thought, so the emotion didn’t come through. He didn’t explain the worst of it. His very darkest memory was the expression of his own crew, not their victims. When the mad bastard of the Bad Karma had elevated Kairon to his second because he saw a streak of something he liked. When the crew had looked at him with that mixture of fear and disgust and he had simply laughed.

“I’d almost gone back to it,” he admitted. “Don’t tell the boy, but it was only because of him stowing away on the Quin. Think he saved me.” From myself, he added silently. So yeah, you might think you’re broken, but you’ve found yourself a whole ‘nother level of messed up.

 

[Malia Afredane]

She knew the Bad Karma. Those sick bastards were the monsters spacers told their kids about. She'd heard about them while she was running Republic supply lines. Mal had no illusions what would have happened if the Bad Karma had ever crossed her route. She got it now though. Kairon was forced into a life of blood and horror that she would never wish on another being and it was the way he had learned to survive.

She reached up and took his face in both hands, stroking his cheek with her thumb and leaned in so that their foreheads touched before she locked eyes with him. Her hair fell around her face and shielded them from the eyes of others. Her voice was soft and gentle.

"Kai, listen to me. I don't give a good god damn about the man you were before we met on Shaddaa. All I care about is the man you are now, with me, with your crew. You are not the monster you think you are, or you wouldn't have cared what happened to Asmus when he stowed away. You wouldn't have cared about the others when the TU had us. You may not be the man your family wants, but it's not their life nor their choice. It's your choice and you choose to be better than what you were given by your past. That makes you a good man. That is what I see, that is what they all see."

 

[Kairon Rees]

[member="Malia Afredane"]
Kairon allowed himself to be pulled in. Everything else in the world had been shut out. There was just the sight of her eyes, and the sound of her voice. The chorus of "No metal in the mettle" that had been reverberating around his head faded. The pained expression on his face softened.

Another burst of different emotions took their hold on him in turn. There was jealousy for a moment. Jealousy that she could pick just the right words when he always seemed to struggle to find the right ones when she was upset. He laughed a tiny laugh to himself at that. Strange places the mind went when one was upset, he mused.

"Thank you," was all he managed to say, the words uttered with every sincerity. Letting out a small sigh, the knot in his chest started to unravel. The drink didn't help, that cocktail of powerful emotions felt like it was pressing down on his brain. No more words came, so he simply gently kissed her lips, before burying his face in her hair and holding her tight.

"Sorry," he managed after a short while. He loosened his hold on her and leant back, putting his face in front of her and smiling. "How did I ever happen to find you?"

 

[Malia Afredane]

"I was looking for a pirate, remember?"

She chuckled, kissing him briefly before she smoothed the hair out of his eyes, tracing the soot marks down his face. She gingerly reached for his burned arm, looking at the bandages and black on his clothes and skin. There was concern for him furrowed in her brow as she tried not to hurt him, examining his wounds.

"How bad are you hurt and how long is the Quin down?"

There was a frightful little hope in the back of her mind but for the moment and the more pressing issue, she wanted to know if he should have been in the infirmary rather than hooting it up with them in the mess.

 

[Kairon Rees]

[member="Malia Afredane"]

"I was looking for a pirate, remember?"

“Hah!” he allowed himself a small chuckle of his own at that. He dutifully allowed his left arm to be moved across the table for her to examine. He privately enjoyed the concerned look on her face, though outwardly he winced at the bandages being manipulated.

"How bad are you hurt and how long is the Quin down?"

“I look worse than I am, she’s worse than she looks,” he explained. “I mostly got a face full of smoke, but got my arm caught in the fire trying to put it out. Probably shouldn’t be drinking though. The Quintessence took a beating. Jammers and sensors need repair, but that’s superficial. The load of the deflector array, the new engines and the sudden spike from the hyperdrive really did a number on the power grid. Alliance said they’d get onto it, but they’ve got a backlog. I reckon she’ll be out a few months. Alliance might be patching her up, but they’re not paying me for lost work,” he said, watching her intently.

“Missed you, you know,” he said with a small smile. “We should find a time to take some time off together,” he added, thinking back on the quiet retreat they had missed.

 

[Malia Afredane]

"I missed you too." She let his arm go, allowing him to position it so that it was comfortable for him, her fingers intertwining with his uninjured hand.

"I didn't want to leave like that. And I've been quietly going nuts wondering when we would see each other again. Although Rusty would probably argue that there was nothing quiet about the last couple weeks."

She glanced at the door, looking to see if Rusty and Gertrude had retired to the Wicked Grace or if has still there. She was considering something but she couldn't make the call alone.

"It would be Rusty's call ultimately, but you and others could come work on the Grey Warden. We're a little slow on getting a crew together and it would help us out in order to get things squared away. By the time we find permanent replacements, the Quin should be ready. If you don't mind seeing my face every damn day for a bit."

That could be the kiss of death to this relationship. Close proximity usually had folks liking Mal with some distance between them. She was rather stubborn and used to doing whatever she wanted.

[member="Kairon Rees"]

 

[Kairon Rees]

"Now that's an interesting idea," he said with a small nod, obviously giving it immediate though. A wry smile appeared for an instant as he considered how long some runs could be and how hard it was to keep oneself entertained at times. There was a flash of concern as he remembered that Jarrick still hadn't talked through his outburst on the Union vessel with her.

Then his thoughts turned to the obvious issue: their relationship. It was still new, still finding it's shape. Looking into her eyes he knew he was still hopelessly lost in infatuation. They said mixing business with pleasure was a bad idea, but the pair had already approached that line from the other direction and crossed it. He desperately wanted to spend more time with her, not wondering when their paths might happen to cross again.

"I should talk it through with the crew, but it makes good sense to keep them working, " he explained in a more formal manner, his words accompanied by a slow nod. "For me," he said, changing his tone and squeezing her hand. "I'd like nothing more than to see you for more than a day or two of stolen time. When's she going to be ready?"

 

[Malia Afredane]

"Probably won't be for a few more days. They are doing the registry paperwork right now. We bought it at auction on Zeltros, my homeplanet is Balmorra and I'm trying to register her on Shaddaa. None of them want to communicate with the other bodies."

There was a devilish spark in her eyes as she bit her lower lip.

"Rusty could take Gracie to Dressel and we could, um.. see more of each other. Have that date on Sullust..."

The implications were pretty obvious, even drenched in alcohol as she leaned forward whispered in his ear, her breath hot on his neck.

"And speaking of more of you, I think I'm ready to retire for the evening if you care to come along?"

[member="Kairon Rees"]

 

[Kairon Rees]

As she mentioned Balmorra once more, his mind wandered back to his last trip there. Several hours sat on the top of the Quin shooting metal parasites off the nacelles had made a dreary trip even worse.

They'd been sat here holdings hands and talking for just a few minutes and already they'd both talked far more about their pasts than he thought either of them were comfortable with. Yet they were both still here, still smiling. To have described that time, which had always been so hard to put into words, felt like taking a weight off his chest. Kairon sighed contently and took a swig of his drink. Could they make this work... forever? He'd not actually imagined his life taking such a turn for a long time.

Pay attention! Some part of his mind that hadn't joined the rest of him on the little sojourn of thought called, drawing his gaze to the mischievous glint in Mal's eye. If that look hadn't been enough, she leant down to his ear and made her intentions abundantly clear. For a moment he wished he hadn't been drinking. Still, he'd almost died fighting for a good cause. Well, two good causes; credits also counted as a good cause in his book. Having a drink had seemed the right thing to do.

"Mmmn," Kairon didn't say anything, but the throaty little noise was enough. His fingers unwrapped from hers, his right arm coming back and around Mal's waist as he leant across her. At first he simply rubbed his cheek against hers affectionately. His hand ran down her side, feeling the curve of her waist meeting her hip. Before finding her lips with his own, his kissed the nape of her neck and playfully flicked the tip of his tongue against her skin once. Hopefully that made his intention for the evening clear. If it didn't he'd whisper it in her ear as they left.

Pulling back, he looked back across the room with bleary eyes, a sign of his inebriation. It was time to leave. "I'm afraid it'll have to be your quarters," he said quietly. "Mine could still be on fire!" There was an awful, awful joke to be made there. Fortunately he still had enough self awareness to realise he couldn't trust himself to deliver it in the appropriate tongue-in-cheek fashion.

 

[Malia Afredane]

Extricating themselves from the Officer's Mess was fairly quick and painless at this point, most everyone else seemed to be winding down and heading off themselves. She slipped her hand in his again as they walked, a little unsteadily back to the hanger where the Wicked Grace was parked. Rusty was thankfully scarce, probably breaking Gertrude down to stow her away in the hold. The Wicked Grace was old, but she was fairly well preserved, although upgrades like Rusty's work bench looked fairly new. The cockpit was completely redone and still pristine for the most part.

She had intended to give him a quick tour, but as they hit the common area near her rack, the space between them diminished and they became rapt by the suppressed desires of the previous couple of weeks. Her room was small, but thankfully uncluttered as she managed to clean it up before they headed to the mess. The bed was just big enough for both and in the span of a few minutes, urges were sated and they drifted to sleep, her tucked into his right side away from the burns.

Mal woke up early, her side aching from sleeping on her arm. She could feel pins and needles in her hand, so she slowly extricated herself from the sleeping Kairon. He had been fairly drunk the night before and she now knew that he tended to snore a little when he was drunk. It was comfortable dark in the room, only the light of the clock illuminating the small quarters. She quietly grabbed some clothes, and dressed while he recovered. He needed the rest. She needed a caf.

She left the ship lights powered off, the corridors dim and silent as she padded over to the small kitchen area and made a pot of caf. The smell started to perk her up and she grabbed a water while she was waiting for it to alleviate the tightness in her temples. She scrounged for the bottle of painkillers and decided she should probably eat something. There were a few things in the fridge so she pulled out the pans quietly and started on bacon and eggs. Once the caf was done, she poured herself a cup and let the caffeine wash over her as she turned her attention back to the bacon popping in the skillet.

[member="Kairon Rees"]

 

[Kairon Rees]

[member="Malia Afredane"]

As Kairon wearily blinked his eyes several sensations returned to him. The skin of his arm was hot and prickly; there was a dull throbbing behind his eyes; his neck and back ached from squeezing into a relatively compact bed with Mal. There was plenty of pain, but there was also bacon. Unfortunately there was also no Mal. She always seemed to be up earlier so that he couldn’t initiate the morning tryst he had in mind.

He groggily slid out of the cot, avoiding catching his head on a metal corner above him. Space was at a premium on freighters, but perhaps if she was going to stay on Sullust for a few nights they could find somewhere with a little more space.

Only his clothes from the night before were available. They smelled of soot, infirmary and alcohol, but he had no choice but the put them back on. Did he know the way to the galley? She had started a quick tour last night and…oh…right. Instead he followed his nose to cross the small freighter.

“Morning!” he called, beaming as he saw the breakfast in the pan. He was about to ask if there was anything for his head, when he realised that not only was there a bottle of something strong from the ship’s medical team, but Mal already had a bottle of something on the counter.

Kissing her gently on the cheek, he helped himself to a cup of caf and cradled it in his hands, leaning against a row of cabinets as she finished the bacon and eggs. Damn but hangovers didn’t get any better with age. You’ve still got eight months til you’re forty, he reminded himself. Eight. Months. Damn, but he really didn’t want to be in his forties.

“So I was thinking,” his said with a thin smile. “You could finish that tour of the Grace? Later I’m going to have to go over and check on the Quin,” he admitted. “Want to come over and have a look around what’s left?”

 

[Malia Afredane]

"Breakfast first."

She grinned doling out a couple servings of eggs and bacon on two plates and grabbing her caf. She slid into the booth seat behind the table with her plate, caf and bottle of painkillers. She downed a couple, a hefty drink of water and dug into her food. There was a simple delight in fatty bacon and buttery eggs when she was hungover from a good night.

She leaned her head on his good shoulder while she quietly munched, looking at the dim surroundings as she had yet to turn on the lights. It wasn't a castle, but Gracie was home.

"I'd like to see the Quin. You were so proud of the mods on her before the mission. We can see the rest of Gracie when we're done eating. It's not much. It'll take like 5 seconds."

 

[Kairon Rees]

He stomach felt much happier after getting some good food down, though he made a note to grab a big glass of water to take around the ship with him. “Thanks a lot, perfect,” he said, as he slid his knife and fork to the centre of his plate. He hoped some of the new components would still be attached to his ship. His good arm wrapped around Mal and he leant his head against hers with a contented sigh. He'd been frequently anxious over the last few weeks. Even Jarrick had kept out from under his feet. Now they were back together and everything was as it was before he felt completely at ease again. Even the constant throbbing pain, both from battle wounds and self-inflicted, couldn't tarnish the feeling too much.

“Going to need to grab a shower some some fresh clothes too,” he added. He looked down at the raw skin on his hand, just outside the edge of the dressing. “Think I need to get this changed at the infirmary after. Got to keep it out of water and not use a sonic,” he explained.

As he sat up straight he winced as a muscle twitched in his neck, before rubbing it with his free hand. “I don't suppose,” he started to ask with a mischievous smile, “that the Warden has any larger cabins?”

[member="Malia Afredane"]

 

[Sinistra]

.

 

[Malia Afredane]

"Well, it's a YZ-2500, so I'm sure the cabins are a little bigger. I know Gracie is a little tight. For a while, it was just me. She seemed huge. Now with 2 people, we sometimes trip over each other. The Warden is gonna take some getting used to. Gracie fits in the cargo hold."

She finished her breakfast and half the remaining bacon on the plate before she cleared them away to the sink and immediately started the washing. Rusty got ornery if she left dishes just hanging around. The chore was a quick one and soon, she was finished and beckoning Kairon to follow her down the hall.

"Well, this is my rack, Rusty's is over there. This is a spare cabin that was converted into Rusty's workbench."

They walked around the curved hallway that opened to a larger space. Some of the components looked original, others were obvious recent upgrades.

"This is engineering. Life support, sublights, hyperdrive."

The hall carried on around in a circle to the loading ramp.

"Here's the cargo bay, landing ramp and back over here..."

She lead him back through the mess but down a smaller corridor to the newly refinished cockpit. She sank down in the pilot's seat with a flourish, the panels and boards around her all new and still gleaming.

"This is where I sit and miss you."

The soft glow of alert lights and consoles cast a rainbow of colors around the room, reflected off the red leather seats bolted to the floor.

 

[Kairon Rees]

[member="Malia Afredane"]

Kairon took note of which components were showing their age as he was given the whistle top tour of Mal's ship. Though a smuggler's ship was always much more than that. He noted the usual crawl spaces that the Corellian's loved to add to their designs. No, used to add to their designs, he corrected himself. Corellian culture ran deep in the smuggler community, and the loss of that whole world would stick in their collective consciousness for many years to come.

He'd already started looking at buttons and readouts on the consoles as she took her seat. When he heard what she said, he turned to look at her, his eyebrows coming up and together. He didn't say anything, but he plonked himself down in the chair beside her and reached for her hand. The view was hardly inspiring, just a blank hangar wall. In his mind he pictured the cerulean swirls of hyperspace he found so calming. That thought led to another time, sat beside Mal watching a holographic light show of astronomical phenomena just moments before their first kiss.

He was smiling...he was sat smiling dumbly at the blank grey bulkhead ahead of them. That was probably bemusing. “Wouldn't mind flying with you for a time, I don't think,” he said earnestly.

After a time he led her across to the hangar he was told the Quin had been set down in. He was surprised as he walked into the hangar, Mal's fingers still intertwined with his own, that there was almost no work going on. He led Mal straight to the cockpit, passing a single Alliance mechanic who explained he was running some diagnostics.

Jarrick was there, looking concerned as he flicked a few switches. It was clear most of the systems were powered down. His expression was grim. The console in front of Kairon's chair had been pulled up, revealing a solidified lump of plastic that had clearly been molten.

“Morning,” Jarrick said. “And morning,” he added seeing Mal. “See that kid out there ‘running diagnostics’, he's all the Alliance can spare until next week,” the veteran said incredulously.

“They said they couldn't spare a team til they got through the GADF fighters,” Kairon admitted. “I'm just going to give Mal a quick tour of what's left, maybe check the power system to the nacelles. How's the boy?” he asked.

“In his room on his own, still not up,” Jarrick said quickly. That was Quintessence code for ‘we don't have to go and track him down, he hasn't left a bemused individual in the galley and scarpered.’

“Hot water?” Kairon asked. He was fortunate enough to have a hot water shower in his room, unlike the sonic in the communal refreshers. Something the last captain had installed.

“Erm… yeah but only emergency lights,” Jarrick replied looking at the console.

“Mind if I grab some fresh clothes?” he asked Mal. He noticed a slight shift in Jarrick's expression. He was a quiet individual, nearly as much as Kairon, but the captain knew he'd been looking for a chance to apologise to Mal since Naboo.